Jack: It's a full moon...
David: And stick to the road. Oops.
Jack: I vote we go back to the Slaughtered Lamb.
David: I will not be threatened by a walking meat loaf!
[trying to get arrested in Trafalgar Square]
David: Queen Elizabeth is a man! Prince Charles is a faggot! Winston Churchill was full of shit! Shakespeare's French!
Jack: Listen to me!
David: [crying] Nurse!
Jack: The undead surround me. Have you ever talked to a corpse? It's boring! I'm lonely! Kill yourself, David, before you kill others.
[David continues crying]
Jack: Please don't cry.
Jack: Now, I'm really sorry to be upsetting you, but I have to warn you.
David: Warn me?
Jack: We were attacked by a werewolf.
David: [putting his hands over his ears] I'm not listening to this!
Jack: On the moors, we were attacked by a lycanthrope, a werewolf. I was murdered, an unnatural death, and now I walk the earth in limbo until the werewolf's curse is lifted.
David: Shut up!
Jack: The wolf's bloodline must be severed; the last remaining werewolf must be destroyed. It's you, David.
[Appearing for the first time as the undead]
Jack: Can I have a piece of toast?
[still discussing how David can kill himself in order to lift the curse]
Harry Berman: A gun is good.
Judith Browns: You just put the gun to your forehead and pull the trigger.
Gerald Bringsley: If you put it in your mouth, then you'd be sure not to miss.
David: Thank you, you're all so thoughtful.
Jack: Did you hear that?
David: I heard that.
Jack: What was it?
David: Could be a lot of things.
David: A coyote.
Jack: There aren't any coyotes in England.
David: The Hound of the Baskervilles.
Jack: Pecos Bill.
Jack: Heathcliff didn't howl!
David: No, but he was on the moors.
David: [while transforming] I didn't mean to call you a meat loaf, Jack!
David: I'm a werewolf.
Alex: Are you alright?
David: I don't know, I'll let you know the next full moon.
Jack: David, you are hurting my feelings!
David: Hurting your feelings? Has it occurred to you that it might be unsettling to see you arise from the grave to visit me?
David: How could there have been witnesses? It was so dark. We were running, and I fell and Jack went to help me up, and this thing came from nowhere. I don't know what they're talking about.
Alex: Benjamin, have you ever been severely beaten about the face and neck?
Jack: There is nothing mediocre about Debbie Klein's body.
Jack: [describing his funeral] Debbie Klein cried a lot. So, so, you know what she does? She's soooo grief-stricken, she runs to find solace in Mark Levine's bed.
David: Mark... Levine?
Jack: An asshole! Life mocks me even in death!
Sean's Wife: [looking out the window as the werewolf kills two people] Sean, I think there are some hooligans in the park again.
Taxi Driver: Puts you in mind of the days of the old demon barber of Fleet Street, don't it?
Taxi Driver: The murders.
David: What murders?
Taxi Driver: Haven't you heard? Last night... six of 'em. All in different parts of the city, all mutilated. He must be a real right maniac, this fella.
Mr. Collins: These dumb ass kids. They never appreciate what you do for them.
David: I'm going to the police. Jack was right.
Alex: Jack is dead!
David: Jack is dead and six people are dead. There's gonna be a full moon tonight. I'm going to the cops.
Alex: David, please be rational. Let's go to Dr. Hirsch.
David: Yeah, be rational, sure. I'm a fucking werewolf, for Christ's sake!
Jack: [to the truck driver] You have very beautiful sheep.
Truck Driver: That way is Proctor, and over here is the moors. I go this way.
Jack: Thanks for the ride, sir. You have lovely sheep.
Truck Driver: Boys, keep off the moors, stick to the roads. The best to ya...
David: Thanks again.
[then to the sheep]
David: We'll miss you.
David: Bye girls...
Gerald Bringsley: [accusing David of his murder] Whereas I am a victim of your carnivorous lunar activities.
Hospital Porter: Don't ask me, I'm just an orderly. I push things around.
Chess Player: There was this airplane over the Atlantic on its way to New York. It was full of men from the United Nations. So halfway over the ocean the engines run low on petrol so they have to lighten the plane. So they heave out all the baggage, but it's still too heavy. So they chuck out the seats, but it's still too heavy! Finally this Froggy steps up and shouts "Viva la France" and leaps out. Then an Englishman steps up and shouts 'God save the Queen!' and leaps out. But the plane is still too heavy. So the Yank delegate from Texas steps up, shouts, 'Remember the Alamo!' and chucks out the Mexican.