[Arriving on Earth after overhearing some NASA astronauts]
General Zod: So this is planet Houston.
Lex Luthor: [to Zod and Company, at the half-wrecked White House] ... Hi! Lex Luthor.
[no reaction from the Super Villains]
Lex Luthor: LEX LUTHOR! Possibly you've heard the name? the Greatest Criminal Mind on Earth!
Ursa: I told you this was a puny planet.
[moves menacingly towards Luthor]
Lex Luthor: Whoa whoa whoa wait... why don't you get to know me better?
[Ursa continues moving towards Luthor]
Lex Luthor: WAIT! I can give you anything! The... the... the... the Brass Ring, unlimited freedom to maim and kill! PLUS! Lex Luthor's keen mind, Lex Luthor's savvy, Lex Luthor's school of career guidance...
[Ursa begins crushing his hand]
General Zod: We already have this without you. You cannot bargain with what you don't have.
Lex Luthor: [sucking on his thumb to numb the pain] Oh Great One, what I am bargaining with is what YOU do not have: The Son of Jor-El.
General Zod: The Son of Jor-El?
Lex Luthor: [confused] I just said that.
General Zod: Jor-El? Our jailer?
Lex Luthor: [sarcastically] No, Jor-El the BASEBALL PLAYER...
[Ursa and Non start moving menacingly towards Luthor]
Lex Luthor: Yes, Jor-El your jailer.
General Zod: The Son of Jor-El! On this planet!
Lex Luthor: Perhaps you know him better by his nom de voyage, or the name he travels under: Superman.
General Zod: So THIS is Superman! How do you know of Jor-El?
Lex Luthor: Well, Your Excellency, as I explained earlier: I'm about the best there is.
General Zod: Revenge! We will kill the son of our jailer!
Lex Luthor: REVENGE! Now we're cooking!
General Zod: He flies then?
Lex Luthor: Constantly.
General Zod: He has powers as we do?
Lex Luthor: Certainly. But, oh Magnificent One, he is one, while you are three.
Lex Luthor: Or four, if you count him twice!
General Zod: Come! We will bring him to his knees!
General Zod: Yes, to ME!
Lex Luthor: Wait!
[the Super Villains turn to face Luthor]
Lex Luthor: First you must find him... and Lex Baby is the only one who knows where he is...
General Zod: No! Who else is seeing this?
Reporter: Well, with the satellite link up just about everybody, I mean the whole planet.
General Zod: The whole planet Houston?
Reporter: Earth... The whole planet Earth.
General Zod: [pleased] You may continue.
Reporter: As the extraordinary story continues...
Ursa: [petulantly to Zod] Enough of this! If the whole planet is watching, cannot we show them something more interesting?
Army Major: Throw down your arms and surrender. This is an order!
Ursa: General Zod does not take orders. He gives them.
Ursa: You are master of all you survey.
General Zod: [bored] So I was yesterday. And the day before.
President: [on T.V] This is your President. On behalf of my country and in the name of the other leaders of the world with whom I have today consulted, I hereby abdicate all authority and control over this planet to General Zod. Only by following all his directives will the lives of millions be spared...
President: Superman! Can you hear me? Superman! Where are you...
General Zod: Who is this Superman?
President: You'll find out and when you do-...
General Zod: Come to me, Superman! I defy you! Come and kneel before Zod! Zod!
General Zod: [looking at the Presidential Seal on the floor of the Oval Office] I see you are practiced in worshiping things that fly. Good. Now, rise before Zod.
[the "President" stands up]
General Zod: Kneel before Zod.
[the "President" kneels]
General Zod: You are not the President. No one who leads so many could possibly kneel so quickly.
President: [appears from behind the other men] I'm the man they're protecting. I'm the President. I'll kneel before you, if it will save lives.
General Zod: It will, starting with your own.
Ursa: [walking towards a group of military men] What a backwards planet this must be, where the men wear the ribbons... and the jewelry!
[rips the ribbons off a general's uniform]
President: What I do now, I do for the sake of the people of Earth. But there is one man on this planet who will NEVER kneel before you.
General Zod: Who is this imbecile? Where is he?
President: I wish I knew.
President: Oh God.
General Zod: Zod!
Ursa: [after using heat vision on a snake] Did you see that? Did you see what I did? I have powers beyond reason here!
General Zod: We all have them, my dear.
General Zod: I win. I always win. Is there no one on this planet to even challenge me?
[Clark Kent has been beaten in a fistfight after losing his superpowers]
Clark Kent: Looks like from now on you'll have to have a bodyguard with you.
Lois Lane: I don't want a bodyguard. I want the man I fell in love with.
Clark Kent: I know, Lois. I wish he was here.
Sheriff: Dwayne, you've gotta learn to kick ass if you wanna be a peacemaker.
Lex Luthor: What am I gonna do with you people, huh? I held up my end, I delivered the blue boy. What do I get from my triple threat? "Bow! Yield! Kneel!" That kind of stuff closes out a town.
General Zod: Why do you say this to me when you know I will kill you for it?
Lex Luthor: Kill me? Lex Luthor? Extinguish the greatest criminal flame of our age? Eradicate the only man on Earth with...
Ursa: Kill him!
Lex Luthor: ...Superman's address?
General Zod: Come. The three of us will crush the son of our jailer!
General Zod: [referring to Superman's home] Scruffy. Morbid. A sentimental replica of a planet long since vanished. No style at all!
General Zod: I expect better manners from my guests, Zod.
Lois Lane: Superman, this wasn't my idea...!
General Zod: Accept your destiny, Kal-El. As your father once condemned us, so now do we condemn his misbegotten brat!
Ursa: Come forward. Your General wishes to speak.
General Zod: I am General Zod. Your ruler. Yes, today begins a new order. Your lands, your possessions, your very lives, will gladly be given in tribute to me, General Zod! In return for your obedience you will enjoy my generous protection. In other words you will be allowed to live.
[rips a Generals stars from his shoulder]
General Zod: So you are a General? And who is your superior?
General: I answer only to the President.
General Zod: And he will answer to me! Or all of his cities will end up like this one.
Ursa: [watching an Army helicopter] Look. They need machines to fly.
General Zod: What bravery. Be nice to them, my dear. Blow them a kiss.
Clark Kent: General, would you care to step outside?
General Zod: Come to me, son of Jor-El, kneel before Zod!
Man in crowd 1: He's dead. Superman is dead! He's not coming out.
Man in crowd 2: They've killed Superman! What are we gonna do now?
Man in crowd 3: Let's go get 'em ourselves! C'mon, I know some judo.
Clark Kent: I've never seen garbage eat garbage before.
General Zod: Crude noisemaker.
General Zod: This "super-man" is nothing of the kind; I've discovered his weakness.
General Zod: He cares. He actually cares for these Earth people.
Ursa: Like pets?
General Zod: I suppose.
Ursa: Sentimental idiot!
Otis: How're we gonna get over that wall?
Lex Luthor: How'd we get in here?
Otis: We flew in, doncha remember?
Lex Luthor: That's how we're gonna get out.
Lex Luthor: [to Superman] Guy's a clod. Promises were made, gifts exchanged. I gotta hand it to you, you know. You always told the truth, a guy always knew where he stood with you.
General Zod: [to Superman] And now... finally. Take my hand and swear eternal loyalty to Zod.
Sheriff: [finding General Zod and Company standing on a dirt road, the Sheriff kicks in his car's lights and siren; to Duane] From the look of 'em, I'll bet ten dollars they're from Los Angeles.
[to the Kryptonians]
Sheriff: Hey, you hippies! Get your butts off the road!
General Zod: I like the glow that flashes red like our Krypton sun. But not this irritating noise. Make way.
General Zod: Did you think we would give up our advantage? No. The son of Jor-El will be my slave... forever. Or else, the millions of Earthlings you protect shall pay for your defiance.
Lex Luthor: [Lex arrives] Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
General Zod: We have no more use for this one. Kill him.
Lex Luthor: Me? Lex Luthor? General, you came to me with nothing. I gave you Superman!
General Zod: Silence!
General Zod: Son of Jor-El. We were beginning to think you were a coward.
Superman: I'm not a coward, Zod.
Ursa: Let him prove it!
General Zod: Possibly not. It is extremely likely you are merely a fool. Like father, like son.
Superman: Somehow, I just can't hear you, Zod.
General Zod: [Using his heat vision, he breaks off the entire side of a nearby building and catches it with both hands] Then die, as you deserve to!
[He throws it at Superman, who uses his own heat vision to blow the huge projectile apart]
Ursa: [after their carnage on the moon] Strange, I tore those metal fibers like paper. And what HE did... was amazing! Something is happening...
General Zod: Yes, to all of us. The closer we come to an atmosphere with only one sun, a yellow sun, the more our molecular density gives us unlimited powers.
Ursa: [pointing to Earth] They come from there, a place called Houston.
General Zod: Then we will go there to rule. FINALLY, to rule.
[turning to Ursa]
General Zod: And you, will shall everything you wish.
Ursa: Men! To kill!
General Zod: And I will lead!
General Zod: [picking up the stunned astronaut] What sort of fragile life-form is this...?
Reporter: [watching the villains] I haven't seen the likes of this since Superman.
President: [referring to Mount Rushmore] Thousands of hours to build, and they defaced it in seconds. Imagine what they'll do to the world if we resist!
Ursa: What an undemanding male this Superman must be.
Lois Lane: Yeah, and you could use a tuck here and there yourself, sister.
General Zod: [as somebody pulls a gun on him] These humans are beginning to bore me.
Eve Teschmacher: [as she and Lex Luthor explore Superman's Fortress of Solitude] ... Frankly, I think this place is a bit boring. I mean, it's all WHITE! Why doesn't this Superman guy put up some nice posters here... Maybe some bullfighting stuff, or a pool table...!
Lois Lane: [on herself being the only person in the world to know Superman's secret identity, to Clark] ... I didn't sleep a wink last night. Do you know what it's like to hear birds singing at dawn, after you've just spend the whole night crying...? Don't you know this is KILLING me? Have you any idea what it's like... to have you come in here every day, and not be able to talk normally to you, or show how I feel about you, or speak to anybody else about you... Hell, I don't even know what to CALL you!
Lex Luthor: [as he's strolling through the half-demolished Daily Planet, in the wake of General Zod's minions; to himself] ... Even with all this accumulated knowledge, when will these dummies learn to use a DOOR KNOB?
Lex Luthor: Howdy, folks! You should see the White House; they'll be cleaning it for months.
General Zod: [just before using heat vision on Metropolis] I'll draw his fire... with some of my own.
Lara: If you intend to live your life with a mortal, you must live *as* a mortal.
Eve Teschmacher: [offscreen from a balloon] Psst.
Lex Luthor: Did you do "psst?"
Otis: No, but I wish I had before we left.
Eve Teschmacher: Psst.
Lex Luthor: Not that "psst", *that* "psst."
Eve Teschmacher: Psst.
Lex Luthor: Psst.
Lex Luthor: Don't go "psst" when I go "psst".
Lex Luthor: Get out there and find it.
Otis: Okay. What am I looking for?
Lex Luthor: You'll know it when you see it.
Otis: Oh. Psst.
Willie: Please, Mister.
Ursa: He's a General.
Willie: Please, Mister General! Please let my daddy down!
J.J.: Hey sweet thing, set them buns down here!
Ursa: [she sits and holds out her arm] Let's just hold hands.
J.J.: [he takes her hand] Let me know if this tickles.
[she throws him, breaking the table]
J.J.: I think my arm's broken.
Boog: Girl or no girl, you're gonna spit teeth. Get up!
[Zod flings him through the bar wall into the dirt road, right in front of Willie and the Sheriff]
Superman: [after admitting to Lois that he's Superman] We'd better talk.
Lois Lane: I'm in love with you.
Superman: We'd really better talk.
General Zod: [after rampaging through the Daily Planet, Zod thinks he has found Superman. He holds Jimmy way up by the collar] ... *This* is the son of Jor-El?
Jimmy Olsen: No, but I'll bet *you're* the son of a...!
Lois Lane: [cutting him off] *Jimmy!*
Superman: [at the Fortress of Solitude; whispering to Luthor] Try and get them all into this molecule chamber. It takes away their powers, see... and turns them into ordinary human beings. Now if you could...
Superman: Shh, shh!
Lex Luthor: [pauses] General, don't go in there. It's a trap.
Superman: Luthor, you poisonous snake!
Lex Luthor: That's a molecule chamber. It turns people like you into people like me.
General Zod: [nods] You've done well, Lex Luthor.
Lex Luthor: [pointing] The crystal there activates the mechanism.
General Zod: Lex Luthor, ruler of Australia... activate the machine.
[Non grabs Luthor and flies him up to the control panel]
General Zod: Why do you say this to me, when you know that I will kill you for it?
Krypton guard: Alert, alert, alert.
Superman: Good afternoon, Mr. President. Sorry I've been away so long. I won't let you down again.
Lois Lane: Once a girl's seen Superman in action, Niagara Falls kind of leaves you cold. You know what I mean?
Perry White: [upon Clark entering his office] Kent, I need a story to run with the page three sidebard. Get me everything you can on this terrorist group.
Clark Kent: Right!
[is about to leave but stops]
Clark Kent: Uh, sorry. T... terrorists?
Perry White: Get your head out of the closet, Kent! Where've you been for the past twelve hours?
Clark Kent: Home.
Perry White: Well, don't you watch television?
Clark Kent: Frankly, Mr. White, I really don't enjoy television. Too much violence. I was just reading Dickens.
Jimmy Olsen: [races in] Mr. Kent! A gang of terrorists seized the Eiffel Tower! In Paris!
Perry White: He knows where the Eiffel Tower is, Olson!
Perry White: You do, don't you Kent?
Clark Kent: Yes, sir.
Clark Kent: Has anybody been hurt?
Jimmy Olsen: Well, so far the hostages are unharmed.
Clark Kent: The hostages?
Jimmy Olsen: Yeah! Tourists! About twenty of them!
Perry White: Yeah, but that's just petty stuff. These guys claim that if the French government doesn't meet their demands, they've got a hydrogen bomb ready to level Paris.
Clark Kent: Well, geez Mr. White. That's t... terrible!
Perry White: That's why they call them "terrorists," Kent.
[Eve Teschmacher & Luthor are in a balloon over the arctic, after escaping the penetentiary & leaving Otis behind]
Eve Teschmacher: Lex, how could you do that to Otis?
Lex Luthor: What else is ballast for?
Clark Kent: [Sees that General Zod has taken over the world] Here? When?
Diner Owner: When? Where the hell have you been? On a Desert Island?
Clark Kent: [returning from the bathroom, Clark discovers that his seat next to Lois has been taken] Excuse me sir, you're sitting in my seat.
Rocky: [referring to the bathroom Clark just exited] You're seat's in there, four eyes.
Clark Kent: Somebody ought to teach you some manners, sir.
Rocky: Oh, yeah? Well, let me know when he comes in.
Perry White: If Paris is going to go kablooie I want my best reporter right in the middle of it... No offense, Kent. You're good, but Lois Lane's better.
Clark Kent: It's not that; I mean, isn't that awfully dangerous for her?
Perry White: That goes with the territory, Kent. Relax; if I know Lois Lane, she'll not only come back with a Pulitzer Prize story, but a one-on-one interview with the hydrogen bomb titled "What Makes Me Tick."
Controller #1: [unaware that Zod and Company have just wiped out the entire Artemis 2-crew] ... What did Nate say a minute ago? He saw a girl?
Controller #2: I thought he said "curl."
Controller #1: What's a curl?
Controller #2: Isn't that what the old Cape Cannaveral guys called a comet with an east-west trajectory?
Controller #1: How would I know? I was in high school back then.
Controller #2: You look old for your age... Well, it looks like your run-of-the-mill, high-frequency electrical interference.
Controller #1: All right...
[to the other controllers]
Controller #1: ... Which one of you guys is using the hair-dryer?
woman 1 at Niagra Falls: [after Superman catches the boy that fell over the railing] Oh what a nice man!
woman 2 at Niagra Falls: Of course, He's Jewish you know.