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28 reviews in total

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17 out of 20 people found the following review useful:
It has a subtle genius for failure., 23 July 2000
Author: roarshock from Oregon USA

A strange thing happened the day after I saw Galaxina, back when it was released. The movie is a spoof of sci-fi movies and is full of jokes, puns and sight gags; but I just sat there in the theater and never laughed once. Or, more accurately, I didn't feel the least tickle of amusement. It was more like a string of detached observations of, "Ah, that joke flopped badly." If it had been a live performance, there would have been those crushing dead silences every time the actors paused to allow reactions to their jokes.

The next night, at a party, I was trying describe just how bad the movie really was. This involved, in part, telling several of the jokes. Surprisingly, my listeners laughed at them. I could flatter myself and claim that I'm such a hot comic that I could get laughs even reading the obituaries out loud. But that ain't so. Let's just say that I gave the jokes a mildly competent delivery... and that's what Galaxina didn't do.

Now, a work of genius is indefinable. No matter how much you analyze it, you can never quite pin down why it is so exceptional, while another film - with all the same objective attributes - is merely competent. The same is true of transcendent badness. The world is full of bad movies, with the same objective failures in budget, acting, writing and directing. But Galaxina is loaded with subtle catastrophes. There are nuances that extract the worst possible effect from so many scenes. And I can't quite figure out how it was done. Without this quality Galaxina might actually have ended up acceptably incompetent, a fun cheapo film, and gotten the laughs I did from its jokes.

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14 out of 16 people found the following review useful:
Space Babe, 10 April 2006

Author: iago-6 (scott@cinemademerde.com) from NYC

I got this movie when I saw it for $5 at this booth where this guy was selling a lot of old DVDs from Wal-Mart's defunct DVD rental service. I knew nothing about it, but saw the title, that it was the only film role for Playboy Playmate of the Year Dorothy Stratten, and that it was put out by Rhino, so I hauled off and bought it.

It begins with a rip-off of the Star Wars crawl, which they obviously thought needed to be three long paragraphs in order to be a true parody, because it goes on forever without having much to say. What it does is tell you that this ship is traveling along with Galaxina, who is this robot shaped like a Playboy Playmate who manages this ship. Then there is a LONG shot of the expanse of the ship, also like Star Wars, and the credits go on. The credits go on forever, in fact, pausing every now and then to show Galaxina in her glowly chair (a great image, but one we end up seeing a lot of) and the ship flying through space.

What strikes one right away is how straightfaced this all is. The tone is entirely serious and somber, even when the events of the story are ridiculous, which sets it apart from other space comedies like The Ice Pirates, which I just watched, and whose music offers a clue to the wacky tone throughout. Not here.

Anyway, so we're introduced to our crew, including Sarge, who is first seen doing rows and smoking a cigar. He looks a bit like Jackson Browne. There's another, prettier guy, and Captain Corneilius Butt, who is hilariously introduced at the climax of a 2001-like build-up. They hang out for a bit, with Butt torturing a captive alien for a while, before they encounter a Darth Vader-like alien who engages then in a space fight. There they are, deadlocked and waiting for one ship's shields to fail first, and then all of a sudden it's over with no explanation and they just proceed about their business.

Now, Galaxina, who wears a white outfit that can accurately be described as "form-fitting," cannot speak, and touching her (say when you're reaching round to goose her) delivers an electric shock. Then Captain Butt eats a disgusting space egg and burps up an Alien-type creature which escapes into the ship. Then Sarge declares his love for Galaxina, and endures a painful shock just to embrace her for a moment.

They are then ordered to go fetch the Blue Star, every mention of which cues a burst on the soundtrack like upon the utterance of "Frau Bluerheher" in Young Frankenstein. They will have to go into cryosleep for 27 years to get there, and 27 more to get back, which they are justifiably annoyed about. But all is forgiven when they are offered ONE night of rec leave. What does this say about the priorities of the working classes? So they spend one night in a space brothel where they are entertained by a variety of strange female aliens. This sequence is obviously modeled on the cantina sequence from Star Wars, and features makeup that is comparable to that movie. Then into cryosleep. While in cryosleep the little alien comes out and tries to dethaw Captain Butt, but cannot figure out the code and eventually gives up with a whimper.

While the guys are in cryosleep Galaxina, who has fallen in love with Sarge, teaches herself to speak and makes her body warm and soft. Upon thawing him out she offers herself to him, saying that she'll make his every wish her command. Then she is kidnapped by space bikers who are going to sacrifice her to the god "Har Lee David Son," when she is rescued, they get the blue star, the end.

Somewhere in here is a funny commercial that says "Do you have a drinking problem? Then come on down to Happy Hour Spirits! We've got all the booze you need!" So, what of it? It's obviously a highly silly thing (that wears out its welcome after an hour—why do all movies HAVE to be at least 90 minutes?), but what's strange is that the tone throughout is sort of spacey and somber, which makes all the supposedly funny scenes and wackiness have a strange kind of hypnotic sadness and loneliness. That's the most notable thing about this movie (well, I guess aside from Stratten), but it's not really enough to make watching it worthwhile.

And what of Stratten? She is pretty and has a great body, showcased throughout, but it seems odd for a movie which seems to exist mostly to highlight her and her charms, that she remains fully covered throughout and doesn't really even do much that's outwardly sexy. Huh. Stratten is the subject of Bob Fosse's Star 80, which is now comfortably ensconced in my rental list.

There is an easter egg where you can click on the spaceship in the middle of the menu, leading you to "alien audition footage," which is really three pieces of primitive computer animation. The most convincing explanation is that some guy who worked on the DVD had these student projects in computer animation, and couldn't bear to see them just thrown out.

That's about it. Not really worth seeking out (unless you want to oogle Stratten), but not really painful to sit through. Another one of those strange oddities (and odd it definitely is) that was made… for some reason that remains unclear.

-- Hey, check out Cinema de Merde, my website devoted to bad and cheesy movies. You can get the url from my email address above...

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14 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
It's not that bad, 21 November 2004

Author: Sic Coyote from Staffs, England

I bought this for £1 on DVD and it got left on my shelf for AGES till I decided to unwrap it and watch it in an effort to get through all the unwatched films in my collection.

The movie didn't start out that promising it and not that funny. You could see the jokes were there but most just didn't work (although I did find anything that came out of Sam Wo's mouth quite funny), as the film gets on the jokes do get better and it's just something you have to get into.

This film is probably best left to those who can stand(or do I mean enjoy) the work of Empire pictures as this will give you an idea of the kind of stuff to expect.

It's not a laugh riot, it's not a classic, but there are some very funny lines in there and interesting visuals. But ultimately I guess it could have been a lot better. I think it may grow on me after a few watches and maybe I could convince some of my friends to watch it too. 4/10

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15 out of 20 people found the following review useful:
Give Gal a chance, 13 March 2005

Author: nixed from United Kingdom

I first saw this film when I was very young, so my judgement may be clouded by youthful rose-tinted glasses ... but what the hell, I like this flick. Call me inane, puerile, sophomoric, or just plain stupid, but I laughed (and STILL do!) whenever the soundtrack does that DOO-WAH whenever the Blue Star (I'm gracing it with caps) is mentioned. I beg anyone who likes this film to seek out the budget UK PAL region 0 DVD release of this film, as it features the full uncut (and indeed this film WAS shorn of some 10 minutes of non-essential footage in some prints, including the Rhino DVD), which to boot is presented in full 2.35:1 widescreen in a jaw-droppingly pristine transfer - for my money it was gleaned from the original negative. If not, YOU explain why it looks like it was shot yesterday. Compared to more recent DTV sci-fi parodies, Galaxina holds up well and deserves a re-appraisal... but see the uncut widescreen version first!

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15 out of 24 people found the following review useful:
If you ever wondered..., 31 December 2006

Author: JoeB131 from United States

... what a porn movie would look like if you took out the sex and just left in the bad dialog, cheap sets and bad acting, you would have Galaxina.

This film came out when the Original Star Wars proved there was a market for Science Fiction. This in turn lead to some gems such as Alien and a revitalized Star Trek. Unfortunately, it also led to some bad movies, and this was obviously one of them. (I say obviously, because I hadn't even heard of this film until a few days ago.I missed it when it came out in 1980.)

Here's the underlying problem. Dorothy Stratton couldn't act, so for most of the movie, they didn't even let her try. I understand her tragic death has given this film an undeserved cult status, but for the life of me I can't understand why.

Clearly, the movie tried to Spoof Star Wars, Star Trek and Aliens, but they clearly don't understand than when you spoof something, it has to be FUNNY! This movie wasn't, or at least, the comic timing on jokes that could have been funny weren't. Science Fiction is ripe for parody, as Spaceballs and Galaxy Quest proved. This movie, however, did it poorly.

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9 out of 14 people found the following review useful:
GALAXINA (William Sachs, 1980) *1/2, 13 April 2007

Author: MARIO GAUCI (marrod@melita.com) from Naxxar, Malta

I have yet to watch STARCRASH (1979) - that notoriously cheesy Italian take on STAR WARS (1977) - but it can't be much worse than this misbegotten piece of junk which, suffice it to say, makes Mel Brooks' so-so SPACEBALLS (1987) look like a veritable work of art! In fact, the main reason why GALAXINA is remembered at all nowadays is because of the tragic fate which befell its leading lady - Playboy centerfold Dorothy Stratten who was killed by her insanely jealous estranged husband - before the film had even had its official premiere!

Although Statten (who subsequently had two biopics made about her wherein she was portrayed by Jamie Lee Curtis and Mariel Hemingway) plays the title role, for the first half of the film she is reduced to being propped up in a chair ostensibly driving a spaceship on a 27-year journey to some planet or other; in fact, Galaxina is an all-purpose android who also serves the wacky crew their snacks, gets them all hot under the collar and even goes scouting for the Blue Star (cue choral music) once they land! Having said that, Statten certainly looks luminous in her white attire and, even if her role hardly demands much exertion of any acting talent she might possess, it's not exactly demeaning either.

Still, it's ironic that for a film which bears her name, she is overshadowed by the campy and would-be zany antics of her fellow crew members, especially the annoying Captain Cornelius Butt (which gives you the idea of the level of comedy on display here), a long-eared, wing-sporting colored guy, a pot-smoking, proverb-quoting old Chinaman and, best of all (relatively speaking) a foul-mouthed, rock-eating, hairy alien creature they hold prisoner. The villain of the piece is a metal-clad non-entity who does, however, have the best laugh in the film when, upon hearing the choral music following his every mention of the Blue Star, exclaims, "What is this s**t?" There is little point in listing the sci-fi classics which are mauled by this stinker in its ludicrous attempts at spoofing the genre since they are not only lame but obvious; incredibly enough, a chest-busting but ultimately benign alien is apparently played by diminutive Hollywood veteran, Angelo Rossitto!

For what it's worth, then, the scenes shot on the planet they visit (which looks more like a Western set than a planetary landscape) have a yellowish, sun-like hue and its inhabitants are 'human gourmets' (delicacies on their menu include Skin and Tonic, Scotsman on the Rocks, Thigh Pies, Baked Alaskan, etc), not to mention a motorcycle gang who serve their own particular deity (the Harley Davidson) and when our heroes escape on the back of it, they dare not shoot at them for fear of hitting their "Lord". God(awful) indeed...

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7 out of 11 people found the following review useful:
Dorothy is the only reason to see this unfunny sci-fi spoof, 28 September 2000

Author: theeht from ny, ny

Dorothy Stratten is the only reason to watch this unfunny sci-fi spoof, and her appearance is a disappointment. Though she has the title role, her screentime is limited, and she only speaks a few lines of dialogue. If you're not a Stratten fan, pass this one up.

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12 out of 21 people found the following review useful:
It's not that bad, 14 November 2004

Author: Martin-Zacherl from England, Germany

Come on guys, Galaxina is not that bad. I got it as a present from a friend who knows about my interest in let's say 'not so commercially successful flicks'. A DVD for one pound sterling seemed to qualify for that category. So we watched it together and I have to say I was the only one who admitted loving Galaxina. Okay, it's not the funniest movie ever made; however I made me (and the others) laugh. Not always when it was probably intended...

To put it in a nutshell, I have seen much worse movies, and after all Galaxina isn't taking itself seriously either. It's worth reading about Dorothy Stratten, (Galaxina) and her fate here on IMDb or the web.

So, give it a chance!

Martin

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3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
Galaxina, 26 November 2009

Author: Scarecrow-88 from United States

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

Daffy sci-fi spoof, from director William Sachs(The Incredible Melting Man), has a space crew commissioned to find a blue crystal, dueling with a villainous mechanical creature also desiring it. The film's titular character is played by Dorothy Stratton, hired it seems based on her sexiness(..she does look mighty fine in her tight space suit)alone for she remains rather "robotic"(..written as a robot allows her to look great without worry of delivering a meaningful performance)throughout. Stephen Macht is a crew member in love with Galaxina, but is not allowed to touch her due to programming wiring her to shock anyone who makes contact. Soon, however, somehow Galaxina finds a way to feel an emotional attachment to him, and while the crew are in suspended animation for decades due to their ship's inability to hyper-jump through space as other more superior travel vessels, readjusting her programing so she can develop more intimacy with the man she loves.

Sachs' film homages Kubrick's 2001 by featuring almost exclusively classical composers' works as the score to Galaxina. You get spirited homages to Star Wars as Sachs' film features an alien western bar where humans are on the menu, and an intergalactic brothel(..oh, Sachs, you sly devil, you!)where weary travelers can unwind. The budget for the ship interiors, costumes, and special effects involving the space vessels are quite small. There are lots of ugly rubber-suited creatures(..including a rock-eating monster with piranha teeth kept prisoner in the ship for swallowing the Queen's jewels)and ghastly make-up effects on the faces of many humans portraying alien humanoids. While not always hitting the mark, Sachs provides enough for fans of popular sci-fi films of the time(..including an inspired homage to Alien)to keep his audience entertained.

Avery Schreiber is the captain of the ship, with James D Hinton as Macht's sidekick, wearing a cowboy hat and a soiled Dodgers jersey. The planet of Altar, where the blue crystal is located, is a place where the worst of the galaxies retreat, including a gang of leather hoods who worship a Harley Davidson motorcycle as it's god, and plenty of ghoulish alien monsters. Other crew members under Captain Cornelius Butt(Schreidber)include Lionel Mark Smith as Maurice, with pointy ears and bat-like wings, and Tad Horino, as a pipe-smoking china-man always offering words of wisdom rejected by his peers..they are the ones with the responsibility of the ship's engineering, keeping the rust bucket up and running. I think this is the kind of flick to watch on those dead afternoons when nothing's happening and you want to waste 80 minutes. Stratton is mighty nice to gaze upon for 80 minutes, as well.

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3 out of 4 people found the following review useful:
An amusingly goofy sci-fi spoof, 31 January 2007

Author: Woodyanders (Woodyanders@aol.com) from The Last New Jersey Drive-In on the Left

*** This review may contain spoilers ***

In the 31st century the wacky crew of the police cruiser the Infinity -- zany Captain Cornelius Butt (a delightfully daffy Avery Schreiber), macho, cigar-chewing Sergeant Thor (solid Stepen Macht), gung-ho cowboy pilot Buzz (affable James David Hinton), sexy servant robot Galaxina (a charming performance by gorgeously voluptuous 1980 "Playboy" Playmate of the Year Dorothy Stratten), funky black winged alien Maurice (lively Lionel Mark Smith) and laid-back wizened Oriental Sam Wo (mellow Tad Horino) -- are assigned to retrieve the powerful mystical gem the Blue Star before the dastardly Darth Vader-like villain Ordric (sonorously voiced with rip-snorting aplomb by Percy Rodrigeuz) gets his evil hands on it. Writer/director William Sachs pokes enjoyably broad fun at a slew of popular science fiction movies and TV shows which include "ALIEN," "Star Trek," and "Star Wars," tossing in equally goony parodies of 60's biker flicks and spaghetti Westerns for good measure. Among the comic highlights are a grouchy foul-mouthed rock-eating monster, a visit to a wild interstellar brothel (Marilyn Joi pops up in a bit part as a winged girl prostitute), a nasty alien bar with various human delicacies on the menu, a biker gang that worships the motorcycle Harley Davidson as if it was a god, an Old West-style showdown between Ordric and Galaxina, an angelic choir singing on the soundtrack whenever the Blue Star gets mentioned, and Angelo Rossitto as a cute reptilian dwarf creature. Dean Cundey's handsome, polished cinematography, the surprisingly excellent special effects, the engagingly breezy throwaway tone, and the lush orchestral classical music score are all on the money fine and impressive as well. An amiably silly hoot.

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