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|Index||74 reviews in total|
Never released in Australia, and we get every terrible film, I am now, in 2007, quivering with delight. My new DVD copy of THE APPLE arrived today and I gleefully shoved it into the player.... and it did not disappoint. More ghastly than I could have wished for, THE APPLE made in 1979 as the monstrously mashed together mix of TOMMY and ROCKY HORROR and PHANTOM OF THE PARADISE and LOGANS RUN and FARENHEIT 451 and HAIR...with CANT STOP THE MUSIC campiness, the XANADU dancers, and ZIGGY STARDUST eyeshadow, frosted wavy hair and lyrics poached from the first 8 bars of quite a few Beatles songs as 'new' songs (as another comment noted: ended up sounding like jingles from deodorant commercials) THE APPLE is a film you must see, the make everyone you know see while you watch their reactions. It is more fantastic to own than ELECTRIC BOOGALOO or LAMBADA or SALSA put together! And I own all those too! THE APPLE is more berserk than all those film mentioned above, ground into fluorescent dust-chalk and blended with glitter and then swallowed... and the result the next day is what I saw on DVD. Made in an unfinished shopping mall in East Germany by mad Israeli mogul Mehaheim Golan from the famed Cannon Films shed, THE APPLE is c colossal collision of Eurovision and a projectile vomit. Read all the other comments, including the media ones... and then realize we are being kind to this film. It is deliciously worse than everything you will read. As Lina Lamont said in Singin in the rain:" I liked it!"... the irony in 2007 being that MGM sold that wonderful musical to Warners and now represent THE APPLE instead.
Probably made as a "please God, let what happened to ROCKY HORROR
happen to us!", project, THE APPLE is so audacious, so over the top, so
totally awful that it is simply wonderful. The songs are cheesy, the
acting horrendous, the costumes nightmarish, the concept bizarre etc.,
etc., but when all those negatives are put together, the result is a
positively guilty pleasure to top all guilty pleasures. Please, someone,
release a letterboxed DVD of this film so that all its rocky horrors
squeezed onto the small screen can be seen in all their garish terrible/wonderfulness.......
Here's a godawful "futuristic" musical from 1980 that takes place in 1994
(which gives you an idea of just how campy it is), about an evil record
executive debauching a naive couple from (no kidding) Moose Jaw, Canada.
There's some kind of religious allegory here and there throughout the
plot, and the songs must be heard to be believed. (One is a basically
unveiled ode to the orgasm, which makes me wonder how the movie got a PG
THE APPLE is CAN'T STOP THE MUSIC (the music-world milieu) meets ROCKY HORROR (innocent couple corrupted by bizarre characters), and it liberally "borrows" scenes from everything from BEYOND THE VALLEY OF THE DOLLS to HAIR. And, oh my, the costumes. I wouldn't know where to begin describing them, so all I'll say is that camel-toe was apparently stylish for both men and women at one time.
Which is all another way of saying that THE APPLE is the newest camp classic that I must add to my collection, and I thank Showtime Beyond for unearthing this craptastic pop masterpiece. (A widescreen DVD would be nice, though.)
Proudly taking its place next to "Can't Stop the Music", "Xanadu", "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" and other breathtakingly bad musicals is this rapturously awful piece of celluloid punishment. This one tops all of the aforementioned flicks in the heinousness department because the others, at least, contain some modicum of memorable and, even good, music! Released in 1980, this film is set in the far-flung future of 1994. Music (and apparently most everything!) is controlled by a huge conglomerate called BIM. During a World Music Festival, Stewart and Gilmour, two young, folksy types, pit their sappy love ballad against the over-the-top, synthetic music of Kennedy and Love. They come close to winning the competition, but the evil head of BIM (Sheybal) rigs it so that they lose. Realizing their potential, however, he attempts to sign them to a record deal. Stewart foolishly gives in while Gilmour stands his ground. Once he sees what the money, drugs and sexual excesses are doing to her, he attempts to break her away from BIM. The rather basic plot line takes its cues from The Bible, but is souped up with Rocky Horror Show-style hair, make-up and costuming topped off with ludicrous production design and some of the most dreadful, ear-assaulting production numbers ever to be captured on film. The story is slight to begin with, but is barely allowed to play out in between the endless, increasingly-bad songs. The numbers include a trip into hell, a plethora of couples writhing and posing on beds, a thoroughly zany enforced-exercise sequence and several tacky onstage concert sequences. Fans seem to be split on which songs they like or hate more...the disco-esquire BIM songs or the love ballads cranked out by Gilmour. None of the songs in the film are particularly memorable though, even if one can't get the imagery that goes with them out of one's head! It is astonishing that Stewart could actually carve out some type of career after this. Her fresh face and amiable persona somehow won out. She actually enjoyed a fairly healthy TV and movie resume in the wake of this film. Gilmour dropped off the face of the earth entirely, apparently. His singing isn't all that bad and he had a sexy body (shown off to good advantage at several stages of the movie) but he could not act at all and occasionally resembles Will Farrell! Kennedy and Love were also virtually obliterated by this turkey. Love was quite awful, but Kennedy actually appeared to have a certain amount of talent and presence and it's a shame she was sunk before she even got started. Sheybal had a long career as a character actor and he always strikes a distinctive note, but his singing here is disastrous. Ackland pops up briefly near the end and also can't sing, but manages to provide a little presence in a dual role. The film makers believed that 1994 would bring huge gas-guzzling cars with pointy ends and lots of paraphernalia attached, but aerodynamics actually won the day. However, their insight into the way the music business has evolved isn't all that far off the mark! Useful as a party-enhancing laugh machine. Look high and low, far and wide, but it is unlikely that a more splendiferously hideous film will be found.
Words cannot express the joy I get whenever I sit down to see THE APPLE. I first experienced it in the best way possible, at an all-night movie marathon with a group of film fanatics. Everything about this film is so grossly over-the-top and gaudy that you just have to marvel that it was ever produced, much less released. I don't want to give anything away, but it is best described as Faust covered in glitter. The music is bad, the acting is worse and the direction is out the window. It's glorious! The lyrics to the songs, though earnest, are so clichéd that they illicit unintentional giggles with every line. The leading man is supposedly from Moosejaw, Canada but mysteriously sports a German accent. The height of future transportation is apparently a station wagon with extra lights attached. You can tell that Golan/Globus (yes, them) thought they were making a sincere statement about the power of love to conquer evil, as there was seemingly a decent budget on the film. Most of the musical numbers are large, crowded affairs and dancers don't come cheap. In summary, any film that features God coming down from the sky in a Heavenly Cadillac is okay by me!
I was stationed with the USAF in West Berlin when this was filmed. (There are W. Berlin landmarks in the film, even though it's supposed to be New York.) My husband was an aspiring actor and always showed up at auditions when something was being filmed. He got a part as a newspaper reporter and general all-round extra, and I got a part as an extra, too. In fact, many of the extras in this movie are service members stationed in Berlin (this was before the Wall fell, so there were Brit soldiers stationed there as well, thus explaining many of the Brit accents). We had an apartment, so some of the dancers came over to hang out and chat, to escape the hotel rooms, Finola Hughes being one of them, as well as Catherine Mary Stuart (my husband REALLY enjoyed escorting her around the base!). One of the dancers, named Dave, said the filming of the hell scene was just "magical." The costumes were pretty cheesey and poorly made; my husband probably still has the silver baseball cap he wore as a reporter and the silver epaulets... It was a lot of fun to be a part of and I'd love to have a copy of it (when I saw it on TV several years ago, I couldn't find myself in the crowd scenes!). It was great reading other comments about this movie -- I didn't think anyone else in the world knew about it!
A sure contender for worst film of the century, "The Apple" isn't just bad, it is insufferable. Set in futuristic 1994, this musical is basically a lame excuse for some very bad actors (except Catherine Mary Stewart in her feature film debut!) to dress in really campy outfits and sing really, REALLY bad songs. The whole mess looks like a bad outtake from "The Rocky Horror Picture Show." The story: Two innocents enter a worldwide songwriting contest. The couple is unaware that the "Star Search"-type global broadcast has been rigged by the evil Mr. Boogaloo, a man who wants to take over the world with his "Bim" music. Don't ask. In short, THIS MOVIE SUCKS. You have been warned. When we ran this awful film at the Paramount Theater (now the El Capitan) in Hollywood in November, 1980, the film's distributor, Cannon Films, gave us souvenir soundtrack albums to give out to the first 1,000 customers on their way in. After the first show we had to stop giving the records out because the few customers that paid to see this disaster started throwing their 12" vinyl LPs at the movie screen during the film. No rips in the screen, just big dents, thank goodness. We then tried to hand the records out after the screenings, but most people refused to take them. In the end, we had cases and cases of the albums left over, which Cannon Films retrieved a year later to ship to some unsuspecting theaters in Israel.
In this age of putrid merchandised crap like Britney, boybands and
IDOL, it's refreshing to see what America would have looked and sounded
in 1994 if a truly fabulous madman like Boogalow was in
The look of this film is shiny and bright, it's loud and disturbing, it's sometimes hard to watch...but I'd also hard to look away. All the holographic triangles...the multi-colored hair...the "futuristic" baby strollers, drinking glasses, automobiles...this is the America that we were promised in 1980 and somehow we were sadly deprived of.
My favorite sequences are Bibi & Alphie's "rain" duet; Pandi's big "sex" number, Bibi & Pandi's "morning after" duet and of course, Mr. Topps' arrival...I just love how "god" basically tells Boogalow and the audience that the hippies were right...that peace, love and living in caves (without television) is the true road to salvation.
I like to describe this movie as LOGAN'S RUN meets HAIR, but it's more like everything good and bad about the 70s all in one big sloppy package. Speaking of packages, could George Gilmour's Alphie have any tighter pants?
I'll cast my vote for "Speed" as our new American anthem, screw "Gold Bless the USA"...
"Do the BIM!"
Vapid (largely due to the male lead's inability to act - not surprisingly, this was his only film), bizarre fantasy-musical-allegory. It gets points for its sheer audacity and the effort that was put into it - it was probably made on a relatively low budget, yet it manages to create a world of its own; apparently it was filmed in Germany, but it seems to be taking place on another universe altogether. For some reason, it reminded me of "Zardoz" (yes, and "Logan's Run" too): these movies are so bizarre that they belong in a league of their own, beyond "good" and "bad". Best song: "If you know how to be a ma-ster". (**)
Kudos to this German production by Golan/Globus. Who else could have
conceived of a Sci-fi/Disco/Musical/Religious epic? Unlike Ed Wood's
flicks (such as Plan 9, Glen or Glenda and Bride of the Monster), this
movie proves that an embarrassingly silly and awful picture does NOT
need to be made on a shoestring budget! Horrible costumes and extremely
silly sets cost big bucks!
While some of the actors do actually sing reasonably well, Vladek Sheybal and Ray Shell's singing (among many others) are straight from the "Paint Your Wagon" school of movie-making which states that "just because some actors have NO discernible singing ability does not mean they cannot sing in a musical". I assume based on the banality of the music and lyrics that the same philosophy was also employed. In fact, the same could be said about the acting, sets and directing and choreography (e.g., the great song and dance number in Hell midway through the movie). It's as if Golan/Globus said "let's find as many UNTALENTED people as possible and get them together to make a movie--it will be a real HOOT!".
So, if I hated this movie so much and found it abounding in ineptness, why am I writing this review? My wife tells me I am a masochist and about awful movies, I think she's right. I love to watch wretched movies.
The Apple is not an annoying bad movie (such as ANYTHING involving Pauley Shore), a cheap schlocky bad movie (SANTA CLAUS CONQUERS THE MARTIANS or ROBOT MONSTER), a disgusting bad movie (any movie involving groups of semi-brain-dead teens being stalked by a hockey masked sociopath) or a boringly bad movie (THE CONQUERER). Instead, like such notorious greats like THE TRIAL OF BILLY JACK, this movie seems to try VERY hard and yet fail on almost every level. This is definitely the case with THE APPLE--it tries so very hard but utterly misses the mark each and every time!
In summation, I call all lovers of dreck to tune in to THE APPLE. And, I am happy to say, it is NOW available on DVD!!! This makes this is an absolute MUST SEE! I must warn you, however, that although the songs are really bad, you may find yourself singing them again and again in your head. For me, I kept hearing the "Do the BIM" song over and over...and even now I do as I write this!
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