Memorable quotes for
The Muppet Movie (1979) More at IMDbPro »

Kermit: [singing] Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection. The Lovers, the Dreamers, and me.

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Kermit: [singing] Life's like a movie, write your own ending...
All Muppets: [singing] Keep believing, keep pretending; we've done just what we've set out to do, thanks to the lovers, the dreamers, and you!

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Kermit: That's pretty dangerous building a road in the middle of the street. I mean, if frogs couldn't hop, I'd be gone with the Schwinn.

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Fozzie: I'm a professional. I've had three performances.

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Fozzie: Oh, I'm so nervous. If I'm not funny, I won't be able to live with myself.
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Well, then you'll have to get another apartment, won't you?

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Fozzie: Ahh, a bear in his natural habitat - a Studebaker.

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Bernie: You, you with the banjo, can you help me? I seem to have lost my sense of direction!
Kermit: Have you tried Hare Krishna?

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[after the Electric Mayhem paint the Studebaker]
Fozzie: I don't know how to thank you guys.
Kermit: I don't know *why* to thank you guys.

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Fozzie: Hey, why don't you join us?
Gonzo: Where are you going?
Fozzie: We're following our dream!
Gonzo: Really? I have a dream, too!
Fozzie: Oh?
Gonzo: But you'll think it's stupid.
Fozzie: No we won't, tell us, tell us!
Gonzo: Well, I want to go to Bombay, India and become a movie star.
Fozzie: You don't go to Bombay to become a movie star! You go where we're going: Hollywood.
Gonzo: Sure, if you want to do it the *easy* way.
Fozzie: [to Kermit] We've picked up a weirdo...

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Rowlf the Dog: It's not often you see a guy that green have the blues that bad.

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Kermit: Where did you learn to drive?
Fozzie: I took a correspondence course.

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[Kermit and the Muppets arrive in Hollywood]
Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, look, it's wonderful. Like a dream come true.
Kermit: Well, don't count your tadpoles until they've hatched, I still have to audition, you know.
Floyd Pepper: Hey, there ain't nothin' to it but to do it!
Lord's Secretary: [closes the door] And where do you think you're going?
Kermit: Oh, hi there. We're here to audition for Lew Lord.
Lord's Secretary: You just can't walk in here off the street you know, especially with all these animals.
Kermit: Animals? Wh-What's wrong with animals?
[Muppets mutter indignantly but indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary: This is a movie studio, not a zoo. Besides...
[sneezes]
Lord's Secretary: ...I'm allergic to animal hair. Now get along all of you.
Kermit: Now wait a second, miss. I may not be one of your fancyy Hollywood frogs, but I deserve a chance and we're going to stay right here in this office until you let us in to see Lew Lord. Aren't we, gang?
[the Muppets shout "Yes" indistinctly]
Lord's Secretary: [on the phone] Security, Miss Tracey. I want to report a...
[the Muppets shake their fur, causing the secretary to sneeze convulsively until she finally opens the office door]

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El Sleezo Patron: Hello, sailor, buy me a drink?
Kermit: Well, you see, I'm not a sailor, I'm a frog.
El Sleezo Patron: Oh, cut the small talk and buy me a drink.
Kermit: I don't even know you.
El Sleezo Tough: Hey. Did you make a move with my girl?
Kermit: No, sir.
El Sleezo Patron: He did too. He touched me.
El Sleezo Tough: Ugh. Wash up, you'll get warts.
Kermit: That's a myth.
El Sleezo Tough: Yeah, but she's my "myth"!
Kermit: No, no, myth, myth!
Myth: Yeth?

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[Professor Max Krassman has just put Kermit in the electronic beanie]
Miss Piggy: [desperate] Please! Please! Not my frog, please!
Max Krassman: Say goodbye to your frog, pig!
Miss Piggy: Why should I?
Max Krassman: Because in 10 seconds, he won't know *you* from kosher bacon.
Miss Piggy: [furious] That does it!

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El Sleezo Cafe Owner: That's toughest, meanest, *filthiest* pest hole on the face of the earth!
Kermit: Why not complain to the owner?
El Sleezo Cafe Owner: I *am* the owner.

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[when seeing Fozzie perform for the first time]
Kermit: This guy's lost.
Waiter: Maybe he sould try Hare Krishna.
Kermit: Good grief, it's a running gag.

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Fozzie: There was this sailor who was so fat!
Sailor: How fat was he?
Sailor: [breaks bottle and points it towards him threateningly]
Fozzie: [Nervously] Uh, he was so fat that everybody liked him and there was nothing funny about him at all.

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Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, I want you to turn left if you come to a fork in the road.
Fozzie: Yes sir, turn left at the fork in the road.
[drives past a giant fork]
Fozzie: Turn leeeeft!
Kermit: I don't believe that.

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Kermit: [watching Gonzo fly over the fair with a handful of balloons] Gonzo! what are you doing?
Gonzo: About seven knots!

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Sam the Eagle: Kermit, does this film have socially redeeming value?

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Robin the Frog: Uncle Kermit, is this how the Muppets *really* got started?
Kermit: Well, it's sort of approximately how it happened.

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Max Krassman: It is important to remember that you have to hold on to your hat.
Doc Hopper: What for?
Max Krassman: When a German scientist tells you to hold on to your hat, it's not casual conversation. HOLD ON TO YOUR HAT! HAT! HOLD!
[Doc Hoppper grabs his hat brim]
Max Krassman: Good.

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[first lines]
Statler: I'm Statler.
Waldorf: I'm Waldorf. We're here to heckle "The Muppet Movie".
Gate Guard: Gentlemen, that's straight ahead. Private screening room D.
Statler: Private screening?
Waldorf: Yeah, they're afraid to show it in public.
[they laugh as their car proceeds forward]

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Statler: I like the movie fine so far.
Waldorf: It hasn't started yet.
Statler: That's what I like about it.
[they laugh]

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The Swedish Chef: The flim is okee-dokee.
Kermit: Good, roll film.
The Swedish Chef: Flim is rooling!

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Kermit: Patriotic part.
Robin the Frog: Should we stand up?
Kermit: No.

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Fozzie: [after singing "America the Beautiful"] Patriotism swells in the heart of the American bear.

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[the members of The Electric Mayhem are introducing themselves one by one]
Zoot: I'm, uh, uhh...
Floyd Pepper: Zoot. Sax is your axe. Uh-oh, Zoot skipped a groove again.

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[repeated line]
Fozzie: No problem.

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Miss Piggy: [gushing] Ooh, you mad, impetuous fink, it's champagne!
Insolent Waiter: Not exactly. Sparkling Muscatel, one of the finest wines of Idaho.

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[Animal roars and scares Kermit and Fozzie]
Floyd Pepper: Oh, yeah, that's Animal. Show 'em what you do, Animal.
Animal: I want to eat drums!
[chews on a cymbal]
Dr. Teeth: No, no. Beat drums, beat drums!
Animal: [stops chewing] Beat drums! Beat drums!
[Starts beating his head against that same cymbal]
Floyd Pepper: Down, Animal!
Animal: DOWN!
Floyd Pepper: Back!
Animal: BACK!
Floyd Pepper: Sit!
Animal: SIT!

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Kermit: Gee. A Studebaker. Where did you get it?
Fozzie: Oh, my uncle left it to me.
Kermit: Huh, is he dead?
Fozzie: No, he's hibernating.

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Kermit: Miss Piggy, you look beautiful!
Miss Piggy: Thank you!
Kermit: [aside] Hollywood talk.

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Miss Piggy: Kermie, whisper sweet nothings into my ear.
Kermit: Uh... motorcycle cop.
Miss Piggy: "Motorcycle cop" is a sweet nothing?
Kermit: A motorcycle cop is chasing us.

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Kermit: What's happening?
Floyd Pepper: At the moment, *we're* what's happenin'.

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Rowlf the Dog: Oh. Broken heart, right?
Kermit: [sadly] Does it show?
Rowlf the Dog: Listen, when you've been tickling the ivories as long as I have, you've seen a broken heart for every drop of rain, a shattered dream for every falling star.
Kermit: Exactly. She just walked out on me.
Rowlf the Dog: Ah, typical. That's why I live alone.
Kermit: You do, huh?
Rowlf the Dog: You bet. I finish work, I go home, read a book, have a couple of beers, take myself for a walk, and go to bed.
Kermit: Nice and simple.
Rowlf the Dog: Stay away from women. That's my motto.
Kermit: But I can't.
Rowlf the Dog: Neither can I. And that's my trouble.

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Rowlf the Dog: [singing] You can't live with 'em, you can't live without 'em. / There's something irresistible-ish about 'em. / We grin and bear it 'cause the nights are long. / I hope that something better comes along.

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Statler: Well, how do you like the film?
Waldorf: I've seen detergents leave a better film than this.

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Kermit: It's too bad the dancing girls are on vacation. This crowd's getting ugly.
Fozzie: If you think this crowd's ugly, you should see the dancing girls.

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Bernie: If you ever come out west to Hollywood, look me up: Bernie, the agent.
Kermit: Hey, listen, Bernie the Agent, why don't you say "hello" to Arnie the alligator?

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Mad Man Mooney: Jack, get rid of this heap. Come out here!
Sweetums: What? What?
Mad Man Mooney: That's my jack.
Kermit: Oh, hi Jack!
Sweetums: Jack not name! Jack job!
Mad Man Mooney: [whispering] How many times have I told you not to talk to the customers?

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Doc Hopper: Listen, we're a small business but we've expanded. Expanded! Just like you frogs expand. Don't you frogs expand?
[puffs his cheeks]
Kermit: That's a myth.
Doc Hopper: What?
Kermit: Myth! Myth!
Myth: Yeth?
Kermit: Huh?
[same with Fozzie]
Kermit: [to Fozzie]
Kermit: C'mon, bear, burn rubber!

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Kermit: Hey, Fozzie, look up ahead there.
Fozzie: What is that?
Kermit: Maybe we should offer him a ride?
Fozzie: I don't know. He's pretty big.
Fozzie: [to Big Bird] Hey there! Wanna lift?
Big Bird: Oh, no thanks. I'm on my way to New York City to try to break into public television.
Fozzie: Oh. Good luck.

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[after Fozzie speeds off from the TV shop]
Doc Hopper: Max! Follow that frog!
[Max drives off leaving Doc Hopper behind]
Doc Hopper: [screaming] Max!
[Max stops and reverses the car]
Doc Hopper: Follow that frog with *me* in the car!

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Fozzie: [walking into the church and seeing the Electric Mayheim] They don't look like Presbyterians to me.

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Dr. Teeth: [reading the screenplay] "Interior. Church. Day. Fozzie: 'They don't look like Presbyterians to me.'"

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[repeated line]
Fozzie: Wacka, wacka.

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Animal: [yelling through microphone] *Testing!* Ah-ha-ha-ha.

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Miss Piggy: Oh Kermie, you were so courageous, so magnificent!
Kermit: Gee, I don't know what to say.
Fozzie: Say the bear was magnificent. After all, I did the driving.
Gonzo: And I took a hundred-foot belly flop onto a moving car!
Miss Piggy: Yes, but Kermit assumed the awesome responsibility of command!
Kermit: Gee.
Fozzie: Oh, brother.

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Fozzie: Hello, I'd like an ice cream.
Ice Cream Vendor: What do you want? Chocolate, vanilla, coffee, peach, fudge, rum, banana?
Fozzie: Honey.
Ice Cream Vendor: Honey? I beg your pardon, I hardly know you.
Fozzie: Ah! But seriously, I'd like a honey ice cream cone for me, and a dragonfly ripple for my friend the frog.
Ice Cream Vendor: OK.
[handing him the ice creams]
Ice Cream Vendor: One honey cone for the bear.
Fozzie: Yeah.
Ice Cream Vendor: And one dragonfly ripple for the frog.
Fozzie: Yucha.
Ice Cream Vendor: Don't get 'em mixed up.
Fozzie: Gotcha.

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Fozzie: Kermit, where are we?
Kermit: [Looking at a map] Well, let's see. We're just traveling down this little black line here, and uh, just crossed that little red line over here.
Fozzie: [after taking his eyes off the road to focus on the map] Look, why don't we just take that little blue line, huh?
Kermit: We can't take that. That's a river.
Fozzie: Oh. I knew that.
Kermit: Yeah sure.
Fozzie: Well, listen Kermit, why don't we just go and...
Kermit: [Cutting him off] Fozzie? Uh, Fozzie?
Fozzie: Yeah?
Kermit: Who's driving?

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Kermit: [after Fozzie parks the car in front of a church and turns it off] Boy, it feels like we've been driving for days!
Fozzie: [Still upbeat] Funny, yet I'm still wide awake!
Kermit: Yup. Me too.
[Two seconds later Fozzie's head falls back, and he immediately starts snoring. Kermit jumps at that, then shrugs]
Kermit: Me too.
[Drops his head back and settles in himself]

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Dr. Teeth: [to Crazy Hairy] You know, I hear this movie's dynamite.
[Crazy Hairy blows up a chair]

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Kermit: Frankly, Miss Piggy, I don't give a hoot.

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Kermit: [navigating in the Studebaker] Bear left.
Fozzie: Right, frog.

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Doc Hopper: Hey frog! That's the second time! Max, I've done my best with that frog, now it's time to do my worst. Open the door.
Max: No! YOU open the door!
Doc Hopper: What?
Max: I'm through, Doc. The frog is right. You're asking him to do something terrible. I can't be a part of it. It's a moral decision and I'll stand by it.
Doc Hopper: I'll double your percentage.
Max: I'll open the door.

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Floyd Pepper: What in the name of Fats Waller is that?
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: A four foot prune!

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Dr. Teeth: [on reading the muppet movie script] This is a narrative of very heavy-duty proportions.

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Kermit: [asks the waiter to taste the wine for him am Miss Piggy] Will you taste it for us, please?
Insolent Waiter: [tastes the wine, makes a face and spits it out] Ooh! Ah... Excellent - choice.
Kermit: [to Miss Piggy] Should be, for ninety-five cents.
Miss Piggy: [impressed] Ooooh!

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Doc Hopper: No frog's gonna make a monkey out of me!

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Kermit: Go ahead and kill me.
Doc Hopper: Alright boys. Kill him.

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Kermit: That's enough of that, Harry!

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Kermit: [Movie stops after burning in projector lamp] Hey, what happened?
The Swedish Chef: [In projector booth, covered in film] Gersh gurndy morn-dee burn-dee, burn-dee, flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip-flip.

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Doc Hopper: [pointing to a billboard showing a bucket of "Doc Hopper's French Fried Frog Legs"] Isn't that splendid? Just splendid! Just take a look at it.
Kermit: All I can see are millions of frogs with tiny crutches.

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Doc Hopper: This is Snake Walker. Tell 'em what you do, Snake.
Frog Killer: [removes his sunglasses] Kill frogs.

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Kermit: [to audience] I hope you appreciate that I'm doing all my own stunts.

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Crazy Harry: Crazy Harry plays with electricity! AH-HA-HA-HA-HA!

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Floyd Pepper: [about the Insta-Grow pills] What else do these pills make big?
Dr. Bunsen Honeydew: Oh, they'll work on anything, but the effect is, sadly, temporary.
Beaker: Sadly temporary.

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Doc Hopper: Remember, Max, we're looking for a frog and a bear in a tan Studebaker.
Max: [sarcastically] Gee, Doc, all I can see is a frog and a bear in a *rainbow*-colored Studebaker...

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Rowlf the Dog: OK everybody, stay in focus.

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Dr. Teeth: It's the man with the badge, the PO-lice, the cops, the fuzz, the P-I-...
Miss Piggy: Don't you dare!
Dr. Teeth: I wouldn't think of it.

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El Sleezo Pianist: And now, filling in for the vacationing El Sleezo Dancing Girls, the funny, furry, fabulous - Fozzie Bear!

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Charlie McCarthy: [to the audience] You're not gonna believe who the winner is, folks.
Edgar Bergen: Oh, come now, Charlie, it's their movie.
Charlie McCarthy: Oh, so it is, yes.

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Gonzo: All right, Camilla, I'll get you a balloon, but *you* have to pick the color: red or green?
Balloon Vendor: Can I give you a word of advice?
Gonzo: What?
Balloon Vendor: Why not take both?
[smiles encouragingly]
Gonzo: [gasps] What a wild idea!
Balloon Vendor: Yeah, a beautiful chicken like that deserves two balloons.
Gonzo: You're right.
Balloon Vendor: I have guys come in all the time. Sometimes, they'll get a buncha balloons for their girls, and they go gaga for it.
Gonzo: Gaga? I'll take the whole bunch!
Camilla: Gaga! Gaga!

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Beauty Contest Compere: And here she is folks, this year's Miss Bogen County, Misssss... Piggy!

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Floyd Pepper: We am, is, are, and be, they whom as are known as: The Electric Mayhem!

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Dr. Teeth: Golden teeth and golden tones, welcome to my presence.

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Dr. Teeth: Too true. Too true. It is indeed a problem for us to 'probosculate' upon. But it seems to me the frog and the bear are temporarily out of service.

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Animal: Irritated! Irritated!
Kermit: Don't worry, Animal, your big scene is coming up.
Floyd Pepper: Yeah, just be cool and eat another seat cushion.
Animal: Seat cushion!
[rips off some upholstery and stuffing at the corner of his chair and eats it]

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Kermit: I didn't promise anybody anything. What do I know about Hollywood, anyway? Just a dream I got from sitting through too many double features.
Kermit's Conscience: So why did you leave the swamp in the first place?
Kermit: 'Cause some agent fella said I had talent. He probably says that to everybody.
Kermit's Conscience: On the other hand, if you hadn't left the swamp, you'd be feeling pretty miserable anyhow.
Kermit: Yeah. But then it would just be me feeling miserable. Now I got a lady pig, and a bear and a chicken, a dog, a thing, whatever Gonzo is. He's a little like a turkey.
Kermit's Conscience: [Kermit's Conscience is sitting on a rock behind him] Mmm - Yeah. A little like a turkey, but not much.
Kermit: No I guess not. Anyhow, I brought them all out here to the middle of nowhere, and it's all my fault.
Kermit's Conscience: Still, whether you promised them something or not, you gotta remember - they wanted to come.
Kermit: But... that's because they believed in me.
Kermit's Conscience: No, they believed in the dream.
Kermit: Well, so do I but...
Kermit's Conscience: You do?
Kermit: Yeah! Of course I do.
Kermit's Conscience: Well then?
Kermit: Well then... I guess I was wrong when I said I never promised anyone. I promised me.

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Kermit: That's Piggy!
Fozzie: Yes, I know!
Rowlf the Dog: Hey, you do think we should help her with her bags?
Fozzie: Aah, no.
[Everyone]
Fozzie: no, nah, un uh.

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Rowlf the Dog: ha ha!

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