Narrator: In the worlds before Monkey, primal chaos reigned. Heaven sought order, but the phoenix can fly only when its feathers are grown. The four worlds formed again and yet again, as endless aeons wheeled and passed. Time and the pure essences of Heaven, the moisture of the Earth, the powers of the Sun and the Moon all worked upon a certain rock old as creation, and it magically became fertile. That first egg was named Thought. Tatagatha Buddha, the father Buddha said "With our thoughts, we make the world." Elemental forces caused the egg to hatch. From it then came a stone monkey... The nature of Monkey was irrepressible!
[opening theme song]
Chorus: Born from an egg on a mountaintop / The funkiest monkey that ever rocked / He knew every magic trick under the sun / To tease the gods and everyone, and have some fun / Monkey magic, Monkey magic! Monkey magic, Monkey magic! Monkey magic, Monkey magic! Monkey magic, Monkey magic!
Narrator: The wicked go to hells, the good go to heavens and the pure neither live nor even die... but those hit on the head tend to fall unconscious.
Monkey: [after finding out that Buddha was female] I always thought Buddha was a fella!
Narrator: When what is indestructible meets what is irresistable, the female all too often wins.