Edit
Up in Smoke (1978) Poster

(1978)

Quotes

Pedro: Man, what is in this shit, man?

Man Stoner: Mostly Maui Waui man, but it's got some Labrador in it.

Pedro: What's Labrador?

Man Stoner: It's dog shit.

Pedro: What?

Man Stoner: Yeah, my dog ate my stash, man.

Pedro: Yeah?

Man Stoner: I had it on the table and the little motherfucker ate it, man. Then I had to follow him around with a little baggie for three days, man, before I got it back. Really blew the dog's mind, ya know?

Pedro: You mean we're smokin' dog shit, man?

Man Stoner: Gets ya high, don't it?

[Song, "Rockin' Robin" plays... ]

Man Stoner: I think it's even better than before, you know?

Pedro: Uhhh, I wonder what Great Dane tastes like, man.

8 of 8 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Border Guard: So, how long you've been in Mexico?

Pedro: A week. I mean a day.

Border Guard: Well, which is it? A week or a day?

Pedro: A weekday.

7 of 7 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man: You wanna get high man?

Pedro: Does Howdy Doody got wooden Balls man?

7 of 7 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Pedro: Hey how am I driving, man?

Man Stoner: [looks around] : I think we're parked.

Arnold Stoner: [to wife, off camera] Sweetheart, I'll talk to him.

[to Anthony, "Man", as he makes a fruit smoothie]

Arnold Stoner: Son, your mother and me would like for you to cozy up to the Finkelstein boy. He's a bright kid, and, uh... he's going to military school, and... remember, he was an Eagle Scout...

Mrs. Tempest Stoner: Arnold...

Arnold Stoner: [shouting as wife continues] Will you shut up? We're not going to have a family brawl!

Mrs. Tempest Stoner: ...and a retard!

Arnold Stoner: We've put up with a hell of a lot.

[Anthony starts blender]

Arnold Stoner: Can this wait? Build your goddamn muscles, huh? You know, you could build your muscles picking strawberries. You know, bend and scoop... like the Mexicans.

[Anthony turns off blender and pours contents into tall glass]

Arnold Stoner: Shit, maybe I could get you a job with United Fruit! I got a buddy with United Fruit. Get you started. Start with strawberries, you might work your way up to these goddamn bananas!

[Anthony drinks from glass as his father shouts]

Arnold Stoner: When, boy? When... are you going to get your act together?

[Anthony turns to him and gives a loud belch]

Mrs. Tempest Stoner: [in disgust] Gross!

Arnold Stoner: [rubs his forehead with his hand] Oh, good God Almighty me. I think he's the Antichrist.

[turns to his son]

Arnold Stoner: Anthony, I want to talk to you. Now, listen!

[Anthony walks away and gives an obscene gesture behind his back]

Arnold Stoner: Don't walk away from me when I'm talking to you! You get a goddamn job before sundown...

Mrs. Tempest Stoner: [pointing to Anthony as he walks away] Is that some kind of peace sign?

Arnold Stoner: ...or we're shipping you off to military school with that... goddamn Finkelstein... shit kid!

[turns away in frustration]

Arnold Stoner: Son of a BITCH!

6 of 6 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Arresting Officer: Sir, could I please see your license?

Pedro: Whuut?

Arresting Officer: Your license. Where's your license?

Pedro: It's back there on the bumper, man!

Arresting Officer: No, I mean your DRIVER'S license.

Pedro: Oh yeah, I got the bullshit back here man...

[gets license with great difficulty]

Pedro: Hey I thought'a somethin' really funny, man... Your mother!

[laughs]

Arresting Officer: [after dirty look, of course] Sir, what's your name?

Pedro: uuhhh... Isn't in on the license, man? Yeah, that's it! Pedro De Pacas, man, that's my name...

5 of 5 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: Hey, hey don't take those, man.

Pedro: ...Wha?

Man Stoner: I almost gave you the wrong shit, man.

Pedro: Hey, man, I already took 'em, man.

Man Stoner: [laughing in astonishment] Hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo...

Pedro: Hey, whaddaya mean "ho ho ho ho ho"?

Man Stoner: Oh... HU-WOW, MAN!

Pedro: Hey, what was in that shit, man?

Man Stoner: You just ate the most acid I've ever seen anybody eat in my life!

Pedro: Hey, man, I never had no acid before, man.

Man Stoner: Jeez, I hope you're not busy for about a month...

Pedro: Hey I've seen those guys walking around my neighborhood that took too much acid, man. The one guy, his head's swelled up like a pumpkin...

Man Stoner: [referring to the acid Pedro took] No, that's good acid, man.

Pedro: Another time, there was this guy...

5 of 5 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: [on police radio] Hello, hello, hello, hello, hello, can you hear me?

Clyde - Narc: Hello, headquarters? Hello, headquarters? Come in, headquarters. This is Officer Clive... we are...

Sgt. Stedenko: Use the codename! The codename!

Clyde - Narc: Headquarters, headquarters come in, please. The is Codename Hardhead.

Sgt. Stedenko: Hat! Hardhat! Give me that! Hello, radio dispatch? This is Codename Hardhat, Codename Hardhat, do you read me? Over.

Man Stoner: Was that Lardass?

Sgt. Stedenko: Hardhat! Codename Hardhat! Do you read, radio dispatch?

Man Stoner: Hey, I got somethin' for ya, Lardass!

Sgt. Stedenko: Hardhat! Hard... Hat! Do you understand?

Pedro: Lardass, Lardass!

Sgt. Stedenko: Hardhat! Radio dispatch, do you know who this is?

Pedro: Naw, who is this is?

Sgt. Stedenko: This is Sergeant Stedenko!

Pedro: Oh yeah, you know who this is?

Sgt. Stedenko: No!

Pedro: Bye-bye, Lardass!

5 of 5 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: [Cheech starts toking on the giant joint] Toke, toke it up, man!

Man Stoner: [Cheech starts choking] Kinda grabs ya' by the boo-boo, don't it?

4 of 4 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Pedro: I been smoking since I was born, man, I can smoke anything, man. You know like I smoke that Michoacán, and Acapulco Gold, man. I even smoke that tied stick, you know?

Man Stoner: "Tied stick"?

Pedro: Yeah, you know that stuff that's tied to a stick.

Man Stoner: Ohh, THAI stick.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[stoned cop walks up to the van, where Pedro and Man have been trying to switch who's driving]

Cop: What do you guys want?

Pedro: Nothing.

Cop: Hey, do you mind if I have a, bite of your hot dog?

Pedro: Huh? No man, here, take the whole thing.

[the cop takes a huge bite]

Pedro: Want some fritos?

Cop: [through a mouthful of hot dog] no, this is fine! Thank you! Hey, you fellas have a nice day, okay?

Man Stoner: Hey man, what was that dude's trip? I mean what was he on, man?

Pedro: Man, I don't know but I wish we had some of it!

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[after picking up Man, Pedro guns his car and takes off down the street]

Man Stoner: Ohhh! Ohhh!

Pedro: Hey, how far you goin' man?

Man Stoner: [points to the curb] Hey, right here would be fine, man!

Pedro: What, you're not afraid of a little speed, are ya man?

Man Stoner: Wha, you got some speed, man?

Pedro: Huh? Speed? Oh, no, I don't got no speed man. But you know what I do got? I got a joint man!

Man Stoner: Oh, wow.

Pedro: [gets it out and hands it to Man] Here, light that thing up man, let's get chinese-eyed.

Man Stoner: [eying the joint] Kinda skinny, isn't it?

Pedro: No, it's a heavy duty joint, man.

Pedro: Kinda looks like a toothpick.

Pedro: Naw, it's not a toothpick, man.

Man Stoner: No, it IS a toothpick, man.

[hands it back to Pedro]

Pedro: [looking at it, puzzled] it IS a toothpick!... wait a minute man, I got the shit right here.

[feels around in his pocket]

Pedro: huh... no, that's my dick.

[feels around some more]

Pedro: , okay, here you go, man.

[hands a skinny, curled up joint to Man]

Man Stoner: [looking at a dinky little joint] Jeez, I hope your dick's bigger than this, man.

Pedro: Hey man, you want to get out and walk, man?

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Arnold Stoner: Dear God, almighty me... I think he's the Antichrist.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Unknown: Sgt. Stedenko what are you exactly looking for?

Sgt. Stedenko: Dope, drugs, weed, grass, toot, smack, quackers, uppers, downers, all arounders. You name it we want it!

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Sgt. Stedenko: The only kind of meat a priest could eat on Friday was nun.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Pedro: It's punk rock, Man! We can do that; we can be punks, Man!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[Man has disguised himself as a woman while hitchhiking]

Man Stoner: Hey, man; I'm glad you picked me up, man. I slept in a ditch last night, man, I was about to freeze my balls off, man.

Pedro de Pacas: Man, I didn't even know you had any, I wouldn't of stopped.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: [to Pedro, who is in the throes of panic] HEY! MELLOW OUT, MAN!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Pedro: Don't worry, man. Those aren't narcs, they're Las Emigras; you know, the Immigration Service looking for illegal aliens.

Man Stoner: What's the Immigration Service doing here, man?

Pedro: My cousin needed a ride to his brother's wedding in Tijuana; so he called the Emigras, man. They'll deport the entire wedding party, man. They get a free bus ride across the border and lunch. When the wedding is over, man, they'll just come back across the border.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Curtis: This shit is so bad, it'll put a hump on a camel's back.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Arnold Stoner: You get yourself a job before sundown, or we're shipping you off to military school with that goddam Finklestein shit kid! Son of a bitch!

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: [Discovered, roach on an ashtray] El roacho.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Toyota Kawasaki: This is Toyota Kawasaki here at the Mexican-United States border.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Sgt. Stedenko: Now just how well do you know that freak with the basketball?

Unknown: Which basketball?

Sgt. Stedenko: Which basketball?

1 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: Man my legs hurt.

Pedro: Yeah I bet!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: Yeah, that 'Nam grass will fuck anyone up, man!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Strawberry: Ahhh, look at that man, the great outdoors, huh!

Pedro: Yeah, the great outdoors...

[gives Strawberry a weird look]

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Pedro: [laughing while stoned] Way anchor! How much does it weigh? I don't know, I forgot! pffhhh! Ha ha I saw that in a movie once...!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir, what's your name?

Pedro: Whut? I told you my name, man!

Arresting Officer: [to Man] Sir... what's YOUR name?

Pedro: [to Man] Hey man! The dude wants to know your name, man!

[Man vomits onto the floor of the car]

Pedro: Uuhhh - His name is RAALLLPH, man!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Man Stoner: No, hey man, if we're gonna wear uniforms man, you know let's have everybody wear something different.

Pedro: Yea, that's it. Yea, we want something wear everybody wears something different man, but the same, you know?

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Arnold Stoner: When, boy? When, are you gonna get your act together?

0 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Sgt. Stedenko: Some asshole pissed on my leg!

0 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page