Same Time, Next Year (1978)
Doris: [after kissing George] Wanna fuck?
Doris: You didn't understand the question?
George: You know what the worst part of this is? While I'm thinking all of this... I have the most fantastic hard-on
Doris: [after nearly getting caught by the in-keeper] Oh, good, he didn't ask about the girdle.
Doris: The girdle!
George: [looks down, notices her girdle poking out of his pocket] Oh, great! Now he probably thinks I'm a homo!
George: We'd been to a party and we had a few drinks. So we went to bed and we started making love. And nothing happened. I mean for me. I mean, I... I couldn't... well, you get the picture.
George: I mean it was no big deal. I mean we laughed about it. And then about a half hour later, just as I was going to sleep, Helen turned to me and said, "It's funny. When I married a CPA, I always taught that it would be his eyes that would go first."
George: I can't remember the name of your favorite perfume; I've racked my brain and I can't remember it.
Doris: That's funny, it's My Sin.
George: Dorothy, in the first place I want you to know that what happened last night was the most beautiful, wonderful, crazy thing that's ever happened to me and I'll never forget it or you.
Doris: My name is Doris.
George: Your name is Doris?
George: But, I've been calling you Dorothy all night.
Doris: I know.
George: When I touched you just now, I started to get excited. What kind of a pervert am I? Staring at a 200 pound pregnant woman, and I'm getting hot!
Doris: Well, I'll tell you something. That is about the nicest thing that anybody's said to me in months.
George: Doris, what the hell is the matter?
Doris: If memory serves me correctly, I just had a labor pain.
George: You can't have. It must be indigestion.
Doris: No, there's a difference. Indigestion doesn't make you eyes bug out.
George: I told you I was a married man with two children.
Doris: You're not?
George: I'm a married man with three children... I thought it would make me seem less married. All right, I didn't think it through, all right? There's been like a lead weight inside me all morning. I mean, denying little Debbie like that!
George: All right, I didn't think it through.
George: Why do you have to look so *luminous*? I mean, it'd make things so much easier if you woke up with puffy eyes and blotchy skin like everyone else.
Doris: Guess God thought chubby thighs were enough.
Doris: Well, I just overheard him talking to some of the guys, and he said that his... his time in the army were the best years of his life.
George: What's wrong with that? Lot of guys feel that way about the service.
Doris: Harry was in the army for 4 years and 3 of them were spent in the Japanese prison camp!
George: We went to London. As we were checking into the hotel, there was a man in formal coat and striped pants standing in the front entrance of the hotel. Helen handed him her suitcase and breezed on into the lobby. The man followed her in and very politely explained that not only he didn't work in the hotel but that he was the Danish ambassador. And without batting an eye, Helen said "Well, that's marvelous. Maybe you can tell us the good places to eat in Copenhagen." And he did!
Doris: George, how come you're wearing your robe and pajamas in the afternoon?
George: I'm rehearsing a Noël Coward play.
Doris: You go around like an open nerve saying, "Oh, yes, I'm cheating... but look how guilty I feel! So, I must really be a nice guy." Then... then to top it all, you have the incredible arrogance of thinking you're the only person in the world with a conscience! That doesn't make you a nice guy, George! You know what that makes you? A horse's ass!
Doris: You know that's a sign of age, don't you?
Doris: When you start worrying about the declining morality of the young.
George: You always could see through me, couldn't you?
Doris: But that's okay, because... I've always loved what I've seen.
Doris: See, I got pregnant when I was just 18. So I've never really had any time to just think. You know, I mean about... well, what I think about. Never mind. I don't know what I am trying to say. Some times I think I am crazy.
Doris: Well, OK, like take my life. Now, We live in a 2-bedroom duplex in downtown Oakland and we have a 1948 Studebaker, a blond three-piece dinette set, Motorola TV, we go bowling at least once a week, I mean, what more could anyone ask for?
Doris: You know, I can really talk to you. It's just amazing. I find myself saying things to you that I didn't even know I thought. I noticed that yesterday right after we met in the restaurant.
George: We had instant rapport. Did you notice that too?
Doris: No. But I know we really hit it off.
George: Did you know we've made love 113 times?
George: I figured that out on my Bowmar calculator.
Doris: Do you have any pictures?
Doris: Pictures of your kids.
George: Well, yeah, but I don't think this the the time or place...
Doris: Come on, come on. If you show me yours I will show you mine.
George: Okay, I'm back, goddamn it.
Doris: What about Connie?
George: Connie is 87 years old.
George: Look, I wanted you to marry me and I figured if you thought somebody else wanted me, I'd stand a better chance. Okay, maybe I didn't think things through. I was desperate, okay? Look, I don't even wanna discuss it. I'm back, and I'm gonna keep coming back every year until our bones are too brittle to risk contact.
George: When It comes to life, I've got a brown thumb.
Doris: What do you mean?
George: I mean that nothing I ever do turns out right. Look, first time... first time I had sex I was 18 years old. We were in the back seat of a parked 1938 Dodge sedan. Right in the middle of it, we were rear-ended.
Doris: Oh, and you didn't have any insurance?
George: No. That's not exactly what I mean. I mean, look... take last night. Do you know what the radio was playing while we were making love? "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."
George: So, that's gonna be our song.
Doris: Is it?
George: No. I mean, other people would have gotten "Be My Love" or "Some Enchanted Evening". Me, I get; "If I Knew You Were Coming I'd Have Baked A Cake."