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Foul Play (1978) Poster

(1978)

Quotes

[Ethel and Elsie are playing Scrabble. Ethel has just put down the letters "-ucker", to which Elsie has added "muther-"]

Ethel: Wait, Elsie. I think you're wrong. I think you spell that word with a hyphen.

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Tony Carlson: I think we got off on the wrong foot.

Gloria Mundy: Yes, and it seems to be in your mouth.

Tony Carlson: OK, I deserve that. Listen, it's Gloria, right? You're a really nice girl and I'm a nice guy, and you're very pretty with or without cleavage, and what do you say... would you like to take a shower?

Gloria Mundy: I don't pick up strange men.

Tony Carlson: Well, that's your problem.

Gloria Mundy: So why don't you try it?

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Sandy: [repeated several times during the car chase] Far out!

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Tony Carlson: I play Detective. You play Lady In Distress.

Gloria Mundy: Hey, wait a minute. It's *my* ass they're after.

Tony Carlson: I'm sorry. You're right. That was a stupid, glib, chauvinist remark and I apologize. It *is* your ass they're after, and it's my job to see to it that... I get there first.

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[giving Gloria a rape alarm, a can of MACE and a knuckleduster]

Stella: Take these. Without them, you are a walking light-bulb... waiting to be screwed.

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Bob Scott: Beware of the dwarf.

Gloria Mundy: Gee Scotty, I don't think there is a dwarf in this movie.

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Tony Carlson: What do you say to a bottle of wine and a couple of steaks?

Gloria Mundy: Well, you could start by saying, "Hello".

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Tony Carlson: Want a joint? You know what they say, cops have the best dope.

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Tony Carlson: [to Gloria] That's right, honey. You've attacked an innocent dwarf.

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Tony Carlson: Gloria, just sit back and enjoy the fire. I'm pouring you a nice, warm, albino martini. Here you go, drink this, then it's off to bed.

Gloria Mundy: You should have been a doctor.

Tony Carlson: Okay, we'll play whatever you like.

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Gloria Mundy: He told me all about Monica.

Tony Carlson: Monica?

Gloria Mundy: Yes, Monica.

[reads from note clipped to Tony's refrigerator]

Gloria Mundy: "Darling, you are all out of milk and cottage cheese. I will pick them up in the morning. Love, Monica."

Tony Carlson: Oh, Monica. She's my cleaning lady. She comes in twice a week and really cleans the decks.

Gloria Mundy: Uh-huh. Trims the sails?

Tony Carlson: Blows the pipes.

Gloria Mundy: Will we be expecting her today at all?

Tony Carlson: No, we won't be seeing her any more. You see, Monica drowned this morning.

Gloria Mundy: Oh, really? Just like that.

Tony Carlson: Yeah. It was really sad but we both saw it coming.

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Gloria Mundy: [trying to explain the car chase] Kojak - Bang bang?

Japanese man: Ah, Kojak - Bang bang!

[breaks into laughter]

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Gloria Mundy: Do you have any binoculars?

Stanley Tibbits: What's that? Binoculars. Are you into that, too? Me, as well. I read about it in Penthouse. Just a second.

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Stanley Tibbits: Here it is, my own little beaver trap.

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Gloria Mundy: Take me home.

Stanley Tibbits: What?

Gloria Mundy: Take me home, please.

Stanley Tibbits: Uh, sure. Um... my place or-or, yours?

Gloria Mundy: Which is closer?

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Mr. Hennessey: Like that man told you in the movies last night, beware of the midgets. They're taking over the world.

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[after whipping Delia Darrow in a fight and stuffing her into a piano]

Mr. Hennessey: [panting] She was one tough old mama!

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Delia Darrow: Whitey Jackson? Is he the football player that wears the pantyhose on TV?

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Delia Darrow: We were attacked, laughed at, and finally imprisoned. But it was there, in those hellholes, where the mind is bound and the spirit is shackled, that we realized that the single most effective way to bring about radical change is the historically proven path of violence.

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Stella: Nobody's gonna mess with Stella unless Stella wants to be messed.

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Fergie: Oh, ho, I'll tell ya, I've been on some dumb calls in my time, but this one tops 'em all. Where did you meet this ding dong anyway? Hey, what's all that stuff about having her for lunch down at the station house tomorrow? You're not even supposed to be riding around with me.

Tony Carlson: It's fate, Fergie. It's kismet.

Fergie: Kismet, my ass. Listen, this girl is weird, Tony...

Tony Carlson: Yeah, yeah, yeah, but she's got the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen.

Fergie: Hey, they're blue. And behind those blue eyes is a fruitcake with a homicidal umbrella.

Tony Carlson: [excitedly] Wait a minute.

Fergie: What?

Tony Carlson: [grabbing Fergie's face and looking into his eyes] You're the one with the prettiest green eyes I've ever seen.

Fergie: You cut that out. I hate it when you do that. Don't do that anymore, all right?

Tony Carlson: Let's go, beautiful.

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Stella: Suppose that guy attacked you instead of pulling that weird stunt in the theater, huh? What would you have done?

Gloria Mundy: I would have hit him with my umbrella.

Stella: Talk about ancient! Really, honey, you've got to drag yourself into the Seventies! You've got to get some merchandise!

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Stella: Gloria, sweetheart, we live in a violent society. Weirdos all around. Get them before they get you.

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Theatre Manager: Sylvia. Where ya going, honey?

Sylvia: Look, I'm sorry, Harry. Intermission's in twenty minutes. And I gotta go warm up the ah, wienies.

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Fergie: Well, what was he after?

Gloria Mundy: He wanted the cigarettes.

Fergie: He was after a cigarette?

Gloria Mundy: Oh no, he wanted the whole pack.

Fergie: Man, talk about greedy.

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Delia Darrow: [Delia returns to the study and slams the door behind her, looking livid] Well fellas, now the shit has really hit the fan!

[Camera pans to each thug: Whitey, Stiltskin, and Turk]

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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