7 out of 17 people found the following review useful:
Die! And don't come back!, 1 December 2009
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Author:
dunmore_ego from Los Angeles, California
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
They call this movie a classic. They also call director George A.
Romero a legend. Lots of things become famous for the wrong reasons.
Carrie Prejean is famous and she's a bubbled-headed, big-titted bigot;
Jon and Kate are famous and they're the world's most despicable
parents; Rush Limbaugh is famous and he's a bubble-headed, big-titted
bigot.
DAWN OF THE DEAD is supposedly a great film. I really tried to see what
made it so. I took all the right drugs and bribed all the right
congressmen. I psychoanalyzed it until the blood rushed to my little
green brain and made jelly beans... but there is no excuse for DAWN OF
THE DEAD to exist. Like its subject matter, it is a stinking corpse -
yet it still walks.
Made as a kind of follow up to his bad zombie movie of a decade
earlier, NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD (1968), DAWN is actually worse. Ten
years, the man learns nothing!
Romero: "I always used to say that I'd rather have 100 bad shots than
ten that are beautiful." Well, you got it.
In DAWN, a zombie epidemic causes four people to join forces and hole
up in a shopping mall to fight off the zombies and then eke out a
secluded existence with the mall's resources; Philadelphia SWAT guys,
Peter (Ken Foree) and Roger (Scott H. Reiniger), TV reporter Francine
(Gaylen Ross) and her chopper pilot boyfriend Stephen (David Emge).
How do we tell the difference between the zombies and the actors? Oh
yeah, the zombies are the ones acting.
Every scene illustrates the embarrassing failure of this movie's
credibility, but I need only describe one: Francine stands five feet
away from Stephen, who grapples with a zombie. He shouts at her to run
- but there's a zombie fifty feet away, shambling slowly toward her
blocking her path. It's fifty feet away. In an open field. Shambling so
fast it might reach her by Christmas next year. She "indicates" that
she's worried. Because Stephen is grappling with that zombie five feet
away and she can't help him because she's a woman and stuff. Closeup of
Francine worried. Cutaway to zombie fifty feet away, shambling,
blocking her path; in a 360-degree open field, the horror is that she
only has 359 degrees to thread the needle and escape from that zombie.
She tries to help her man by watching him intently, but that doesn't
work, so she tries to indicate some more that she's faced with a
conundrum of how to dodge the zombie fifty feet away - oh, hang on,
it's forty-nine feet away now. The terror is so unbearable, it's
bearable.
Stephen overcomes his zombie and grabs Francine's arm to drags her to
safety. She is, after all, blond, and can't be expected to escape from
zombies without tripping, screaming irritatingly or getting killed in
her bra and panties.
Here's the punchline, folks: as soon as bad actor Stephen gets dork
Francine to safety - she starts bitching about equal rights in making
decisions! BOING! To prove her equality with the male gender, when
zombies break in, Francine stands and screams irritatingly until a man
has to come over and kill them for her.
Peter, the big black SWAT guy, explains the zombie holocaust: his
granddad was a priest in Trinidad who used to say, "When there's no
more room in hell, the dead will walk the Earth." So coming from a
priest, it MUST be true. No matter that priests should have the lowest
credibility on Earth for subscribing to supernatural idiocy in the
first place as if it was truth... So there's no more room in hell, huh?
I guess that proves how piggish the human race is - we've filled it up
with ourselves. Guess God was too weak for the devil after all, huh?...
DAWN OF THE DEAD is an embarrassment to fans of good movie-making and
to horror movie fans. The fact that people laud it as some kind of
benchmark is more a testament to the sheep mentality of all you humans
who are going to fill up hell than the quality of the movie.
Again with the excuses: "It was good for its day." What's that supposed
to mean, when other people in other films were ACTING in 1978? People
in GREASE, and TAXI DRIVER, THE BOYS FROM BRAZIL, THE DEER HUNTER... Or
what about horror movies of "its day": THE OMEN in 1976, THE EXORCIST
in 1973.
Just when we think the movie can't get any worse, bikers arrive at the
mall, led by Tom Savini. And - impossibly - the movie gets stupider!
The zombies are not the subject any more, as the bikers fool with them,
throw custard pies at them, kick them over, chop off their limbs, etc.
So Stephen starts shooting at the bikers for availing themselves of all
the mall resources that up till now, only Stephen and his pals were
stealing.
I read some outlandish commentary on DAWN that proposed Romero was
trying to illustrate the difference between stealing for necessity (our
heroes) and stealing for fun (the bikers) - but, besides the fact that
the bikers are also stealing for necessity (in a society that has
alienated them through disparity of wealth), Romero was not making any
such commentary. He was merely trying to kick out the jams after
planting our heroes in a rut of super delicious ultra boredom.
The deaths of some of our heroes are funnier than their misbegotten
acting performances could ever be. But that's okay, cos they come back
to life anyway, cos hell is full, so even if they are shot and killed
again, they still have to come back, see...
--Review by Poffy The Cucumber (for Poffy's Movie Mania).
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