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"Columbo" The Conspirators (TV Episode 1978) Poster

(TV Series)

(1978)

Quotes

Lt. Columbo: There once was an old man from Lyme who married three wives at a time. When asked "Why a third?" he replied, "One's absurd, and two of 'em, sir, is a crime."

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Lt. Columbo: A rare old bird is the pelican. His bill holds more than his belly can. He can take in his beak enough food for a week. I'm damned if I know how the hell he can!

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Joe Devlin: [to Columbo] Japan sends televisions. Ireland sends whiskey. D'you care for a nip?

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Lt. Columbo: There once was a fella named Finnegan, who escaped from a jail so to sin again. He broke laws by the dozen, even stole from his cousin, so the jail he broke outta he's in again.

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[final line]

Lt. Columbo: This far, and no farther!

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Joe Devlin: Justice for the many. Justice for the free. Let each man be paid in full. That's just enough for me.

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Joe Devlin: Here's to friendship, ripe and long. Here's to voices raised in song. Here's to a long and thirsty night. Here's to the stuff that makes it right.

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Joe Devlin: The limerick is furtive and mean. You must keep her in close quarantine, Or she sneaks to the slums, And promptly becomes, Disorderly, drunk and obscene.

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Joe Devlin: You see, at a very early age I decided to be me own master and the servant of no one, and that left two promising possibilities: either to be a king or a poet. Now, as Ireland had her fill of kings, I clearly saw I had to educate meself to a way of words, so I took to drink immediately, fell in love at every opportunity, and avoided the schoolroom like the plague. I advise you to do the same.

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Lt. Columbo: There's just one more thing, sir!

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Lt. Columbo: [Shocked at the high price of a book] $55 for a book? I could have my car fixed for that.

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Lt. Columbo: I couldn't resist trying your pinball machine. I guess I tried a little too hard, but that's an old problem with me, sir. The way I keep steering and pushing and pulling at things, someday the whole sky is gonna light up, and it's gonna say "tilt," and that's gonna be the end of the world.

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Joe Devlin: Politics makes liars of us all, Lieutenant.

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Joe Devlin: Do you know these lines, Lieutenant? They're by Lewis Carroll: "You can charge me with murder, or want of sense - we are all of us weak at times - but the slightest approach to a false pretense was never among my crimes."

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Joe Devlin: A famous Irish philosopher named Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel once wrote that the essence of tragedy isn't the conflicts between right and wrong - it's the conflicts of right and right.

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Joe Devlin: We execute traitors, Mr. Pauley. Didn't you know that?

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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