California Suite (1978)
Hannah Warren: You're worse than a hopeless romantic. You're a hopeful one.
Diana Barrie: What's that green slime you're eating? It looks like a dish out of Oliver Twist.
Sidney Cochran: I'm not sure... I think they run the front lawn through a blender.
Diana Barrie: We should never have come. I never know how to dress in this bloody country. It is so easy to dress in England. You just put on warm clothing.
[getting ready for Oscar ceremony]
Diana Barrie: Say something *nice* to me Sidney! I've been getting ready for this horseshit affair for *three hours!*
Hannah Warren: With Nixon in the White House, good health seemed to be in bad taste.
Hannah Warren: I suppose if Jenny stays she'll grow up to look like that. Blonde hair. Blonde teeth. Blonde life.
Bill Warren: You're not the same woman I left nine years ago.
Hannah Warren: And I have the missing ovaries to prove it!
Sidney Cochran: You drank everything in this state. Try Nevada!
Sidney Cochran: One day when you're an antique I shall vote for you. I promise.
Diana Barrie: Screw the Oscars. Screw the Academy Awards. Screw me, Sidney. Please. Please.
Millie Michaels: How much would you say she is, Marvin? Does she look like a fifty dollar hooker to you?
Marvin Michaels: I don't know... I guess so...
Millie Michaels: What a cheap brother you've got. We spend a HUNDRED AND SEVENTY-FIVE on his lousy kid!
Bill Warren: If we're going to banter like this give me a minute. After nine years I'm a little rusty.
Hannah Warren: Oh, don't worry. You'll pick it right up again. It's like french. See, that's what I'd miss if I ever left New York. The bantering.
Bill Warren: San Francisco's only an hour away. we go up there and banter in emergencies.
Hannah Warren: I never liked San Francisco. I was always afraid I'd fall out of bed and roll down one of those hills.
Bill Warren: Not you, Hannah. You roll up hills.
Hannah Warren: Oh, good. You're bantering; the flight out wasn't a total loss.
Sidney Cochran: Channel 12 just called you the dark horse. They must have seen the dress.
Diana Barrie: You hate it.
Sidney Cochran: How much was it?
Diana Barrie: Nothing, Joe Pickman paid for it.
Sidney Cochran: Then I love it.
Diana Barrie: Damn it I wish you didn't have such good taste.
Diana Barrie: [after he kisses her] Don't close your eyes, Sidney.
Sidney Cochran: I always close my eyes.
Diana Barrie: Not tonight. Look at me tonight. Let it be me tonight.
Diana Barrie: How many gin-and-tonics have you had?
Sidney Cochran: Three gins, one tonic.
Diana Barrie: [admonishingly] Catch up on the tonics. We don't want to be disgusting tonight, do we?
Sidney Cochran: [shouting] I am not an asshole!
Diana Barrie: I've just thrown up on some of the biggest people in Hollywood. Now is no time to be sensitive.
[a two-seater plane is flying over snow-capped mountains]
Harold: For heaven's sake, Wendy - look for an airport. Will you look for the airport?
Diana Barrie: Oh don't make such a fuss. Just put it down on a mountain.
Harold: What do you mean 'just put it down'? I'm lucky I can keep it up. I told you I never flew before.
Diana Barrie: Don't shout at me - I'm a first-class passenger.
Harold: You're a first class lunatic. It's all over Wendy - our relationship has a quarter of a tank to go.
Diana Barrie: Yes, but - you do love me, don't you Harold? I know this is an awkward time to bring it up, but I must know, for our future.
[plane suddenly plummets]
Stewardess: Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen. Welcome aboard Flight 211 to New York and London. Our flying time this afternoon will be four hours and fifty minutes and we'll be cruising at an altitude of 37,000 feet. We'll now be serving you cocktails and beverages and then serving lunch, followed by our film 'No Left Turn' starring James Coburn and Diana Barrie.
Diana Barrie: Oh Christ! Sidney, let's get off. Tell them to let us off this bloody plane.
Sidney Cochran: I am going to bed. We have a 10 a.m. plane to catch in the morning.
Diana Barrie: 10 a.m. is the morning. That is redundant, you A.H.
Sidney Cochran: Oh, do you think I don't know what you're saying? I *can* spell, you know.
Diana Barrie: Not without moving your lips, you can't.
Diana Barrie: [on the Academy Awards] Why do they have these things so early? I mean, no woman can look good at 5 o'clock in the afternoon. Except, possibly Tatum O'Neal.
Hannah Warren: When you haven't seen your ex-husband in nine years, your eyes have to... adjust.
Hannah Warren: You look so... what is the word?
Bill Warren: Happy.
Hannah Warren: [ignores his reply] Casual.
Hannah Warren: Fit? You think I look fit? You awful shit, I look gorgeous!
Hannah Warren: You drive everywhere, do you?
Bill Warren: Everywhere.
Hannah Warren: Even to your car?
Bill Warren: And I gave up analysis.
Hannah Warren: I heard that. Why did you quit?
Bill Warren: I went sane.
Bill Warren: Mate-wise? Mate-wise I'm seeing a very nice girl.
Hannah Warren: Are you? Seeing her to where?
Bill Warren: Jenny is our daughter. Ours.
Hannah Warren: Maybe. We'll see. They've been a little slow with the blood tests.
Hannah Warren: Your friend is a size too small for me.
[inspects bathing suit]
Hannah Warren: How does she fit you?
Bill Warren: Do you really think she has that devious a mind?
Hannah Warren: Of course - she's my daughter.
Diana Barrie: They will think that we are still mad for each other after twelve years.
Sidney Cochran: Oh, I thought we were. I keep forgetting.
Diana Barrie: What do you do with your afternoon... Sidney?
Sidney Cochran: In London? I don't think we have afternoon.
Diana Barrie: [angrily] I'm not asking you - I'm threatening you, you crud!
Sidney Cochran: Now I'm definitely not going to tell you.
Diana Barrie: [sincerely] I'm sorry - I take it back Sidney, you're not a crud!
Sidney Cochran: Am I still an asshole?
Diana Barrie: Definitely!
Diana Barrie: I look like I was hit by a fully-loaded, guided tour bus.
Diana Barrie: There is never anything personal between us, is there? Or is that going too personal?
Sidney Cochran: The only think you don't do in your dressing room is dress.
Sidney Cochran: I don't follow other people's films. I barely follow yours.
Millie Michaels: I've never seen you so sex-crazed in the morning!
Marvin Michaels: I never realized that it was the morning.
Marvin Michaels: Do you know who that is?
Millie Michaels: Yes, it's our hooker. Do you think I would ride with strangers?
Bill Warren: This is a new color for you: vulnerable.
Hannah Warren: Well, take a picture of it, 'cause you're not going to see it again.
[Marvin is in town for his nephew's bar mitzvah. His brother has set him up with a hooker, who is in his bed, unconscious, when Marvin's wife, Millie, arrives. Marvin tries desperately to keep her from seeing the hooker, but finally gives in to the inevitable]
Marvin Michaels: Millie... I want you to turn around. But please - no matter what you see - don't say anything for ten seconds.
[Millie turns. She sees the unconscious hooker]
Millie Michaels: One... two... I'm praying, Marvin. I'm praying very hard the maid came in here to do your room, got dizzy, and fainted from overwork. I'm praying to God the maids in this hotel wear pajamas.
[during an argument after the awards]
Diana Barrie: Faggot.
Sidney Cochran: Oh, good. I thought you'd never ask.
Diana Barrie: I found the people at the Oscars singularly unattractive, didn't you? I noticed a general decline in facelifts and hair transplants. Must be the economy, don't you think?
Hannah Warren: I'm out of cigarettes. I can't be expected to give up my daughter and cigarettes in the same day.
Diana Barrie: If there's one thing i can't stand it's a bi-sexual homosexual. Or is it the other way 'round?
Sidney Cochran: It works either way.
Diana Barrie: I look as if I've been hit by a bus! A fully loaded, guided tour bus!