Memorable quotes for
Smokey and the Bandit (1977) More at IMDbPro »

Buford T. Justice: Hey boy, where is Sheriff Branford at?
Sheriff Branford: I AM Sheriff Branford.
Buford T. Justice: Oh, pardon me. For some reason you sounded a little taller on radio.

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Buford T. Justice: Give me a diablo sandwich, a Dr. Pepper, and make it quick, I'm in a god-damn hurry.

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Buford T. Justice: [to his son] There's no way, *no* way that you came from *my* loins. Soon as I get home, first thing I'm gonna do is punch yo mamma in da mouth!

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Buford T. Justice: [shouting at a trucker that has sheered a door off of Justice's patrol car] I saw that, you sombitch! You did that on purpose! You're going away till you're gray! I got the evidence!
Buford T. Justice: [speaks to Junior] Put the evidence in the car.
Junior: But Daddy...
Buford T. Justice: Put the *evidence* in the *car*!
[shouting to trucker again]
Buford T. Justice: I'm gonna barbeque yo' ass in molasses!

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Bandit: Well, go girl, go!
Carrie: [She is driving] I'm goin' I'm goin! I got the metal to the petal and the thing to the floor!

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Carrie: I think I just went 10-100.
Bandit: Better than 10-200.
Carrie: [a little flustered] Yes that's true.
[they both laugh]

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Buford T. Justice: If you're gonna hang out in places like this, wear a badge on your didey

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Alabama State Trooper: Did you see that? They went right through our roadblock!
Buford T. Justice: You som'bitches couldn't close an umbrella!

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Bandit: [commenting on Carrie's legs] Cowboys love fat calves.
Carrie: They're not fat!
Bandit: Well, they're bigger then mine.
Carrie: Do we really wanna talk about legs?
Bandit: Well, one of us wants to.
Carrie: Smart ass.

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Junior: [waiting for the "funeral procession] Damn, he had a lot of friends, didn't he?
Buford T. Justice: If they'd a cremated the sum-bitch. I could be kickin' that Mr. Bandit's ass around the moon by now.

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Buford T. Justice: This happens every time one of these floozies starts poontangin' around with those show folk fags.

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[Regarding The Bandit in a hammock]
Big Enos: Son, you're looking at a legend.
Little Enos: I guess a legend and an out-of-work bum look a lot a like, daddy.

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Buford T. Justice: What the hell is the world coming to?

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Branford's Deputy: You know something Sheriff?
Sheriff Branford: What?
Branford's Deputy: If J.W. don't get outta my way I'm gonna pass him.
Sheriff Branford: Where in the woods? Listen I don't care if your dad is the mayor, you wreck this car; it's gonna come out of your pay.
Branford's Deputy: Yeah but Sheriff he's getting away.
Sheriff Branford: Son he's not going anywhere. The Moleberry Bridge has been dismatled for the past 6 months.

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Georgia State Trooper: [during the final chase, the motorcycle cop has landed in a ditch with water] Son, don't you know this ain't Saturday?

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Buford T. Justice: What we're dealing with here is a complete lack of respect for the law.

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Sheriff Branford: The fact that you are a sheriff is not germane to the situation.
Buford T. Justice: The god damn Germans got nothin' to do with it.

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Buford T. Justice: And don't go home, and don't go to eat, and don't play with yourself. It wouldn't look nice on my highway.
[begins to turn away, then returns]
Buford T. Justice: Now, you can THINK about it... but don't do it!

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[after kicking one of the car thieves in the rear]
Buford T. Justice: That's an attention-getter.

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Junior: My hat blew off, daddy.
Buford T. Justice: I hope your goddamn head was in it.

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Buford T. Justice: Nobody, and I mean NOBODY makes Sheriff Buford T. Justice look like a possum's pecker.
Junior: Except for that...
Buford T. Justice: Shut your ass.

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Buford T. Justice: Duck, or you're gonna be talkin' out yo ass!

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Bandit: Oh I love your suits. It must have been a bitch to get a 68 Extra Fat and a 12 Dwarf.

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Carrie: You have a great profile.
Bandit: Yeah, I do, don't I? Especially from the side.
Carrie: Well, at least we agree on something.
Bandit: Yeah. We both like half of my face.

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Buford T. Justice: You sum bitch. You did that on purpose. You're going away 'till you're gray. I got the evidence.

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Bandit: What the hell was that?
Carrie: A left. Or a half a U.

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Bandit: Now, gettin' to Texarkana and back in 28 hours, that's no problem.
Little Enos: It ain't never been done before, hot shit.
Bandit: Watch your language, little lady.

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Little Enos: I think you're just a little bit scared.
Bandit: That's real good psychology. Why don't you say something bad about my mother?
Little Enos: Your momma is so ugly...

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Carrie: I think I'm in love with your belt buckle.

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Carrie: Don't you ever take off that stupid hat?
Bandit: I take my hat off for one thing, one thing only.
Carrie: Oh...
[beat]
Carrie: Take your hat off.
[Bandit looks stunned]
Carrie: I mean, If you want to...
Bandit: I want to.

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Buford T. Justice: Just keep your eye out for that Mr. Bandit bastard!

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Buford T. Justice: [shouting out of a restaurant to Junior waiting in the car] You want something?
Junior: Hushpuppies, Daddy!
Buford T. Justice: We got no time for that crap!
[mutters under his breath]
Buford T. Justice: Dumb sumbitch...

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[last lines]
Junior: [running after Sheriff Justice's car] Daddy! Wait! Who's gonna hold your hat?

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Cledus Snow: Whoa!
[to Bandit over the CB]
Cledus Snow: I just passed another Kojak with a Kodak, this place is crawling with bears, where the hell are you?

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Bandit: Snowman, you got your ears on?
Cledus Snow: You lucky devil, you got him! Where the hell are you?

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Cledus Snow: [whistles]
[hears a police motorcycle siren]
Cledus Snow: Oh, no! Hey, Bandit, Hey, Bandit, listen to this!
Cledus Snow: [siren blares out of Bandit's CB] You know who that is? That's Mr. Evil Knievel. He snuck in my back door, son, when I wasn't lookin'. You better flip-flop back here and gimme' a hand, son, or we gonna be in a heap of trouble. Please roger that transmission!
Bandit: Hold on to Fred, son! Here comes the cavalry!

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Cledus Snow: [Buford's car runs in front of Cledus' truck]
[to bandit over the CB]
Cledus Snow: Hoss, you ain't gonna believe this, but that cray sombitch just tried to drive right up under my truck!

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Bandit: You must be in a hell of a hurry, huh, Sheriff?
Buford T. Justice: You bet your ass on that, boy.

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Carrie: Actually, my heaviest relationship was with an acid-rock singer... named Robert Crumly. We were together, oh, eight-and-a-half days. God, I really thought that was it.
Bandit: And?
Carrie: One day, I came home and found him in the shower... with a girl... and her mother!
Bandit: Well, at least he kept it in the family.

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Bandit: Cledus, get the money.
Cledus Snow: Yeah, how 'bout the money?
Little Enos: How 'bout double or nothin'?
Cledus Snow: How 'bout forgettin' it?
Bandit: Wait a minute. What about double or nothin'?
Little Enos: You run up to Boston, and bring back some clam chowder for me and my daddy.
Carrie: You're on.
Bandit: Uh, you're on.
Big Enos: In 18 hours?
Bandit: You're still on.
Cledus Snow: WHAT? You're *crazy*! And I'm *divorced*!

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[Communicating through the C.B. radio]
Bandit: Sheriff, uh, Buford T. Justice, please.
Buford T. Justice: Who there?
Bandit: This is Bandit Darville talkin'.
Buford T. Justice: Where are you, you sombitch?
Bandit: Before I tell you where I am, Sheriff, there's just one thing I wanna say. You must be part coon dog, 'cause I've been chased by the best of them, and son, you make 'em look like they're all runnin' in slow motion. I just wanna say that.
Buford T. Justice: Well, thank you, Mr. Bandit. And as the pursuer, may I say you're the goddamnedest pursuee I've ever pursued. Now that the mutual bullshit is over, WHERE ARE YOU, YOU SOMBITCH?

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Bandit: What do you think they do for excitement in this town?
Cledus Snow: Probably sit around and watch the cars rust.

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Cledus Snow: Besides, I can't go with you. I got to go to Conyers in the morning and pick up a load of manure.
Bandit: Um, shitty job.

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Cledus Snow: Atlanta to Texarkana and back in twenty eight hours? That ain't never been done before.
Bandit: That's cause *we* ain't never done it.
Cledus Snow: Suppose we don't make it?
Bandit: Hey, we ain't never not made it before, have we?

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Bandit: New car. Gotta have a new car to block for the truck.
[watches as Little Enos begins counting out money]
Bandit: Speedy car.
[watches as Little Enos counts out more money]
Bandit: Speedier than that.
Little Enos: [mumbling] I'd like to kick his ass just once.

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Bandit: [walks up the steps to Cletus's house, where his wife, whose hair is in huge curlers, is standing in the doorway] Well, well, well, hello, Beautiful.
[she stares at him with a stern look on her face]
Bandit: How about 'Gorgeous?'
Waynette Snow: You can't have him.
Bandit: Well, obviously, *you* can.
[indicates the gaggle of kids]
Bandit: What are you tryin' to do, start another race?
[pushes past her and into the house]
Waynette Snow: Look, you got Cledus in jail once! Leave us alone!
One of the Snow kids: [climbs on Bandit's back] Hi, Uncle Bandit!
Waynette Snow: He ain't your damned uncle!
[steps on the dog, who whimpers]
Waynette Snow: One of you damned kids, get this dog out of here!
[Bandit keeps walking toward the bedroom, where Cletus is sleeping]
Waynette Snow: Dammit, Bandit, *look at me!*
Bandit: [stops and turns wearily] I find it hard to look at you, Waynette, very hard. Especially when you've got those things in your hair. Makes me think you're listening to a radio station in Savannah.

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[Bandit has just used a broken bridge to jump a river]
Carrie: That was great! I want to jump something else! I want to jump a car, or a house, anything!
Bandit: [still shaking] Then jump me!

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Georgia State Trooper: [during the final chase, the motorcycle cop has landed in a ditch with water] Son, don't you know this ain't saturday?

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Cledus Snow: Bandit, what are we gonna do about all this beer we took?
Bandit: [running to his car] Leave them a note and tell them to send the bill to Big Enos Burdette.
Cledus Snow: [writing a note] Send bill to Big Enos Burdette; B, B-r, B-u-r...
[sees Bandit take off]
Cledus Snow: Hell, I got to go!
[leaves without finishing note]

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Carrie: Would a cop taking a leak on the side of the road interest you?
Bandit: [looking] Yes it would... He was taking a 10-100
Carrie: Better than a 10-*2*00
[both laugh]

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Cledus Snow: I don't think my dog bit you, mister. 'Cause Fred definately DON'T like grease!

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Bandit: Sheriff... do the letters F.O mean anything to you?
Buford T. Justice: [putting C.B down] Sma't Alec!

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Bandit: You chasin' somebody Sheriff? Somebody chasin' you?
Buford T. Justice: Nobody's chasin' me, boy!

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Bandit: For the good old American lifestyle: For the money, for the glory, and for the fun... mostly for the money.

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Buford T. Justice: One shit at a time!

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Buford T. Justice: Do what I say you pile a' monkey nuts!

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Cledus Snow: You can't drive a fork lift.
Bandit: I can drive any forkin' thing around.

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Buford T. Justice: Breaker, breaker for the Bandit.
Bandit: Come on back, breaker.
Buford T. Justice: You got trouble comin'. Big trouble.
Bandit: Well, what's your handle son and what's your 20?
Buford T. Justice: My handle is Smokey Bear and I'm tail grabbin' your ass right now!

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Cledus Snow: [over CB about Carrie's dress] Hey, is she wearing a
[pause]
Cledus Snow: *wedding dress*?
Bandit: [Carrie throws dress out of the car since she has changed into jeans and a shirt] She was.
Cledus Snow: What's she wearing now? Come back. Hey, you got peanut butter or somethin' in your ears? Tell me what that girl's got on. Her mind!
[laughs Earthily]
Cledus Snow: 10-4.

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Cledus Snow: Hey Bandit. Me an' Fred got a question.
Bandit: What you an' Fred want?
Cledus Snow: How come we's doin' this?
Bandit: Why d'you ask?
Cledus Snow: Well they said it ain't never been done before.
Bandit: W'hell thats the reason, son.
Cledus Snow: [shrugs] That's good with Fred.
Bandit: [laughing] Ten-four

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Cledus Snow: [to Fred, his hound] He about as crazy as you are ugly!

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Bandit: Hold on, Now just wait a minute - why do you need all that beer for?
Little Enos: Because he's thirsty, dummy!

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Big Enos: Twenty to one I break the son of a bitch this time.
Little Enos: Gimme five-hundred on the Bandit.

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Little Beaver, Lady Truck Driver: Hey Bandit! This is Little Beaver... Put your foot to the floor, we got your backdoor and I'm clear!

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Mr. B, Tanker Truck Driver: Is this Bandit? This is Mr B., gearjammin' this rollin' refinery. You got a smokey?
Mr. B, Tanker Truck Driver: Come ahead, Bandit. We'll slip you into the rockin' chair, play a little hide-and-seek.
Mr. B, Tanker Truck Driver: The welcome mat is out, and you're comin' home.

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Big Enos: Any fool who would paint his truck like this would show up at a minister's funeral dressed in feathers.

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Junior: Daddy, the top came off!
Buford T. Justice: No shit!

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Carrie: [after being given the handle of "Frog" by Bandit] Why?
Bandit: Because you're always hopping around. And kinda you're cute, like a frog. And I wanna jump ya.

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Cledus Snow: Sum'bitch must've sneaked through my backdoor when I wasn't lookin'.

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