High Anxiety (1977)
[Credits and title music end as Thorndyke exits the airport]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: What a dramatic airport.
Nurse Diesel: Those who are tardy do not get fruit cup.
[attempting to lift a heavy suitcase]
Brophy: I got it. I got it. I got it.
Brophy: I ain't got it.
Dr. Charles Montague: Enjoy yourself, for God's sake! Get your mind off the Wentworth murder... Accident! Accident!
[after an attack by the bellboy]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That kid gets no tip.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Professor Little Old Man.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: "Lillolman". "Lillolman".
Victoria Brisbane: I'm sorry, please forgive me. I'm just *so* close to my menstrual cycle that I could scream!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: You want to x-ray the celery? What do you think we're smuggling dope in the celery? The celery's not for dope. It's for dip!
Victoria Brisbane: Have you seen my father at the Institute? Is he all right?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: He's fine, he's fine. He's coming along just fine. He's very affectionate. He licked me.
Victoria Brisbane: He what?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Well, he thinks he's a dog these days.
Victoria Brisbane: A dog?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: A dog, yes.
Victoria Brisbane: Do you mind if I smoke?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Do you really think this is nessa...?
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Of course it's nessa!
Nurse Diesel: Come to my room right after dinner.
Dr. Charles Montague: No, not tonight. I'm too tired. I think I'll turn in early.
Nurse Diesel: I'll let you wear my underwear.
Dr. Charles Montague: I'll be there.
Dr. Charles Montague: Rate of patient recovery? I'll have that for you in a moment.
[taps on his calculator]
Dr. Charles Montague: Once in a blue moon.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Once in a blue moon. Hmm.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: As I was saying, it came to my attention that just before Dr. Ashley's untimely death, he was planning to make some very big changes here at the institute. Do any of you know specifically what those changes might be?
Dr. Wentworth: Well, for one thing, he wanted to change...
Nurse Diesel: The drapes.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: The drapes?
Nurse Diesel: The drapes. He wanted to change the drapes in the Psychotic Game Room.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: That was the extent of the big change, the... drapes?
Nurse Diesel: Oh, yes. Dr. Ashley felt that color has a great deal to do with the well-being of the emotionally disturbed.
Killer: [on the phone] I don't know what they said; I only know that they met. What do you want me to do, kill 'em? if you want me to kill 'em, I'll kill 'em. I don't have to kill 'em, but I'd like to kill 'em... I killed Ashley Wentworth; another killing or two won't make a difference... It would make me happy... I'd like to kill 'em both... I think it'd be better if I kill 'em both... Well, let me kill just one then... Whichever one you want... Alright, I'll wait. But the minute you say kill 'em, I'll kill 'em. I'll love to kill 'em. It would give me immense pleasure.
Victoria Brisbane: [bursting into Thorndyke's room] Get away from the door!
[begins wheezing as if out of breath]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Who are you?
Victoria Brisbane: Get away from me.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Just a second...
[she cuts him off]
Victoria Brisbane: Be quiet, they'll hear you. Don't move. Go inside. Go to your room.
[they enter the living room]
Victoria Brisbane: The drapes! Close the drapes!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: The drapes. Close the drapes.
[Repeating, to himself]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Close the drapes.
Victoria Brisbane: Close the other one. Get down! Lower! Good. Quick, come here. Get up. Sit down. Not there, here.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Here?
Victoria Brisbane: There.
Victoria Brisbane: Listen, mister, I don't go for this sort of thing.
Victoria Brisbane: How did you, ummmm... get my room number? I am not going to listen to any more of this, I mean, I've had just about enough! What are you wearing? Jeans? You're wearing jeans? I bet they're tight.
Victoria Brisbane: Another one? Listen, Richard, you have got to get a grip on yourself.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [ripping duct tape off Brophy's mouth] Where is Brisbane?
Brophy: They took him to
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Working? Hmm, working. Working is a big word. I'm a consultant. It's a fancy title for a part-time job.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [sets off alarm while going through airport security in disguise carrying a gun] What is this, a game show? What did I win, a Pinto?
Airport Attendant: I'm sorry sir, we're going to have to search you.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Please sir, what did I do? What did I do? What's my crime?
Airport Attendant: You beeped.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: I beeped! I beeped! Take me away! Take me back to Russia! Put me in irons! I beeped! The mad beeper is loose! Take away the beeper! Take me away!
Nurse Diesel: Oh, get off it. I know you better than you know yourself. You live for bondage and discipline!
Dr. Charles Montague: [moaning] Too much bondage. Too much bondage. Not enough discipline!
Nurse Diesel: Ahem!
Dr. Charles Montague: Oh, allow me to introduce Nurse Diesel, my right-hand man, woman.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [after having had a panic attack in Professor Lillolman's office] Thank you, thank you Professor. I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: I know what came over you: High Anxiety. You've still got it!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: It's probably the excitement and tension of taking over this new post. I'm... sure it will pass.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [Leans in close to Thorndyke's face] Bullshit! These things do not let go. High Anxiety can be a very dangerous enemy! If left unchecked, it could cost you your LIFE!
Victoria Brisbane: [Pointing to his nametag] Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke... What does the 'H' stand for?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [Puts his hand over his mouth and indistinctly mumbles something]
Victoria Brisbane: [Not understanding] What?
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [Now speaking clearly] Harpo... My mother loved the Marx Brothers. She saw all their movies. She named me Harpo.
Victoria Brisbane: Harpo? Harpo... I like it. You know, it's very refreshing. I mean, there are certain names that you just don't hear very often these days.
Dr. Charles Montague: We've got to destroy the negative. Give us the negative, Brophy.
Brophy: [Stubbornly defiant] You'll never get it. Never. Never! Do you hear me? You'll never get this! I'd rather DIE first!
Dr. Charles Montague: Norton?
Norton: [Approaches Brophy, pulls out a .45, cocks it, and sticks it up to Brophy's forehead]
Brophy: [Meekly, as he immediately hands over the negative] Here.
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: [Talking to Dr. Thorndyke while Thorndyke is having a panic attack on the stairs] Richard! Richard, listen to me... I have researched your case. I know what is giving you the High Anxiety. I have found the answer. Go back in your mind. Go back. Go back! You are a little baby. Your mother and father are fighting. They are always fighting! They are fighting about YOU!
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [after a childhood flashback reveals the truth to him] I understand now. I understand now! It's not heights I'm afraid of... it's PARENTS!
Dr. Vicktor Lillolman: Ja. Ja! Now climb, you son of a bitch! CLIMB!
[Dr. Thorndyke brushes his teeth]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: [starts off slow] Up and down. Up and down. Side, side, side, side, side. In and out. In and out. Side, side, side, side, side.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Up and down. Up and down. Side, side, side, side, side. In and out. In and out.
[very deliberate for the finish]
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: Side, side, side, side, side.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: And remember, folks. Be good to your parents. They were good to you.
Dr. Richard H. Thorndyke: This is not the man I met at the institute. Something is very... very... wrong.