Isn't it interesting how often in these poor science fiction, there is a loose cannon. In this one, it's a commander that is fed up with being given instructions by computers (in this case it's called the WIZ, believe it or not.) He take his crew to an unfriendly planet and gets them embroiled with a robot controlled society. They push a button and destroy the robot. If only people from eons of civilization had decided to push that button. The acting is horrible. I kept trying to recognize the voice of the commander (dubbed, of course), and I realized it sounded like Clayton Moore, the guy who played the Lone Ranger. I know it's not him, but it has that same nasal quality. I did get a kick out of the guys with funny red suits with the little caps. They look like they were created by some sixties fashion designers. It drags and drones on for an hour and a half. There isn't much that happens that is memorable.
18 Reviews
Aimless, absurd, but funny as hell and harmless
mstomaso13 September 2005
I am tempted to mention the fact that The Film "Mission to Mars", directed by Brian DePalma, bears a strong similarity to this film.... there, I've mentioned it! One of the most remarkable things about this film is the fact that "Star Wars: A New Hope" came out in the same year. Despite the title, this film bears no resemblance whatsoever to Star Wars. However, I should note that its own title is completely unrelated to the film as well. There is no war, really. But films without plots are hard to name, so c'est la vie.
This film stars a lot of good looking actors (both male and female), though they are all too thin, just like the script, and the special effects. The technology depicted in the film is reminiscent of the first Star Trek series or even Lost in Space. The special effects are variable. Some are actually fairly decent miniature shots, but then there are a few cardboard cut-out sequences reminiscent of some of Terry Gilliam's animations in Mont Python's Flying Circus. The behavior of the actors is sometimes inexplicable, but the dialog is so bad that you hardly even notice. For example, every time the entire crew of the spaceship is about to die (and this happens a lot), they all stand up and cheers and hug each other when they survive. various subplots are developed and then abandoned (just as well IMO) and, towards the end, it almost seems as if we are going to get a coherent story-line. Maybe they ran out of film? This film is a hoot. I recommend it highly for bad film buffs and MST3K fans. MST3K probably avoided this because it was a too-easy target.
This film stars a lot of good looking actors (both male and female), though they are all too thin, just like the script, and the special effects. The technology depicted in the film is reminiscent of the first Star Trek series or even Lost in Space. The special effects are variable. Some are actually fairly decent miniature shots, but then there are a few cardboard cut-out sequences reminiscent of some of Terry Gilliam's animations in Mont Python's Flying Circus. The behavior of the actors is sometimes inexplicable, but the dialog is so bad that you hardly even notice. For example, every time the entire crew of the spaceship is about to die (and this happens a lot), they all stand up and cheers and hug each other when they survive. various subplots are developed and then abandoned (just as well IMO) and, towards the end, it almost seems as if we are going to get a coherent story-line. Maybe they ran out of film? This film is a hoot. I recommend it highly for bad film buffs and MST3K fans. MST3K probably avoided this because it was a too-easy target.
So BAD, it's good...kinda...well...
Naldoman15 June 2005
I never saw this flick either, but it was obvious it was made in the 70's from all the unisex fashion and day-glow colors. It's included on that 50 Sci-Fi movies DVD set...the transfers are so poor the picture is hideously dark and the audio is terrible weak and muddy.
The saving grace of this film is John Richardson (who starred with Raquel Welch in 1,000,000 Years BC) as the outspoken commander of a long-range spaceship. One of the very few people in this flick that can act, his expressions and serious voicing of cornball dialogue keep it interesting just long enough for the scenery to change.
The story is a convoluted mess involving A.I. hatred, paranoia, arrogance, space war, a destroyed civilization and a megalomaniac machine!!! It's hard to follow from scene to scene as people are not identified, photography is terrible, lighting is dark, and no one seems to think for a minute about what's the smart thing to do.
Think of Star Trek done on a shoestring and that's basically it. It's amazing, but the filmmakers do seem to be trying to make something interesting, and the English voice-dubbers seem to have fun with their cheesy lines. It was hard to sit through, but not a waste of time. Call your pals over and do a MST3000 on it!!!
The saving grace of this film is John Richardson (who starred with Raquel Welch in 1,000,000 Years BC) as the outspoken commander of a long-range spaceship. One of the very few people in this flick that can act, his expressions and serious voicing of cornball dialogue keep it interesting just long enough for the scenery to change.
The story is a convoluted mess involving A.I. hatred, paranoia, arrogance, space war, a destroyed civilization and a megalomaniac machine!!! It's hard to follow from scene to scene as people are not identified, photography is terrible, lighting is dark, and no one seems to think for a minute about what's the smart thing to do.
Think of Star Trek done on a shoestring and that's basically it. It's amazing, but the filmmakers do seem to be trying to make something interesting, and the English voice-dubbers seem to have fun with their cheesy lines. It was hard to sit through, but not a waste of time. Call your pals over and do a MST3000 on it!!!
An embarrassment, even for an Italian sci-fi movie
aschepler215 February 2004
WAR OF THE PLANETS (1977) ½* John Richardson, Yanti Sommer, West Buchanan, Ely King. In this film by Alfonso Brescia (as "Al Bradley"), astronauts land on an alien planet and agree to help its humanoid inhabitants battle a super-computer that has taken over the planet. Even by 1977 standards, the sets, costumes and special effects look badly dated, the dialogue is often incomprehensible and the performances are uniformly languid. The theme of the film--that man shouldn't become too heavily dependent on machines--simply gets lost in the muck. The Italians were never that good at sci-fi, but this movie is truly an embarrassment.
The First of Five
Steve_Nyland7 May 2008
Alfosno Brescia's BATTLE OF THE STARS was actually the first of no less that five (5) ultra low budget Italian made grade C movies inspired by the success of STAR WARS in 1977. Which, by the way, is not meant to put them down, but to help classify these odd, offbeat little gems of Italian genre cinema. And by that I mean what might be referred to as "second tier" cinema using basic entertainment formulas to make movies of different genres that existed as sort of pure entertainments. You don't learn anything by watching them (except perhaps how to make a low budget genre film), there are (usually) no greater messages or meanings to be gleaned, and a week later there would be something else just like it there instead.
Starting first with the sword & sandal Peplum films, then graduating to Gothic horror movies, spy thrillers, space operas, spaghetti westerns, WW2 potboilers, urban crime & police films, giant shark mayhem and finally a quick spate of science fiction quickies, all of the films were "inspired by" the success of a major blockbuster that would then be imitated to satisfy the hunger of movie audiences who wanted to see more. So in 1977 the film to emulate was STAR WARS, at least by providing audiences with some threadbare contrivance involving space ships, guys in foil suits, robots, otherworldly dames wearing odd hats or hairdos, laser guns, star fighter dogfights, some sort of semi-robotic alien overlord, and plenty of pseudo-technical mumbo jumbo that would lend some weight to the shenanigans.
Spaghetti western/war potboiler/crime drama director Alfonso Brescia (billed as Al Brady in an attempt to not frighten distributors away from the material) did a marvelous job of making five movies for the price of maybe one medium budget Hollywood hit by reusing the same stock casts of actors, the same costumes, sets, special effects, even the same special effects sequences & basic story lines, and a marvelous cacophony of a couple hours of electronic ambient space music composed & performed by genre favorite Marcello Giombini. The films were all recycled into each other to stretch budgets across a series of paste-up jobs that, on their surface, seemed to offer much of the same visual vocabulary as the George Lucas & Steven Spielberg hits that were dominating the box offices.
The difference is of course what these films say with their vocabulary, which is admittedly far less than what STAR WARS or CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 3RD KIND were able to say, but you have to keep in mind that BATTLE OF THE STARS for instance was filmed over a course of maybe three weeks, with perhaps two more allotted for post-production work. The goals that the movies set out to achieve was far less than Lucas & Spielberg's more lofty ideals. Not because Brescia and his casts/crews were untalented, but because the point was just to string together 90 odd minutes of events that would sell movie tickets, using their talents & guile to stretch their budgets to the absolute limits.
On that plane of consideration the movies are marvelous examples of the human imagination using bits and pieces of nothing to come up with nine hours of entertainment. BATTLE OF THE STARS would be quickly followed by COSMOS: WAR OF THE PLANETS, which would in turn be quickly followed by WAR OF THE ROBOTS, which would in turn be quickly followed by STAR ODYSSEY, and finally the pseudo-pulp porno THE BEAST IN SPACE, the less said about which the better. It's easy to laugh at them but if you understand why the movies look as threadbare as they do it helps one to quantify what they may or may not have achieved.
The most remarkable thing that can be said about them perhaps is that people are STILL watching the things some 30 years after they were tossed haphazardly at audiences. Sadly the surviving elements of the movies still available today leave a lot to be desired, with crummy fullscreen versions formatted for home video and dubiously dubbed into English that do indeed come across as quite silly at times, so it is perhaps to be unfair when judging their collective merits based on what's left, hence my neutral 5/10 score. What I and others admire about them though is how comparatively honest they are about just being quickie entertainments. Sure, the costumes and klunky sets & effects will make sophisticated contemporary audiences gag with laughter or embarrassment, depending on your temperament.
But that's part of the charm of B grade cinema which, once you get down to it, Mr. Lucas was paying homage to with his STAR WARS and Indiana Jones movies. You can't fault art for imitating the life that it is imitating itself, perhaps.
Starting first with the sword & sandal Peplum films, then graduating to Gothic horror movies, spy thrillers, space operas, spaghetti westerns, WW2 potboilers, urban crime & police films, giant shark mayhem and finally a quick spate of science fiction quickies, all of the films were "inspired by" the success of a major blockbuster that would then be imitated to satisfy the hunger of movie audiences who wanted to see more. So in 1977 the film to emulate was STAR WARS, at least by providing audiences with some threadbare contrivance involving space ships, guys in foil suits, robots, otherworldly dames wearing odd hats or hairdos, laser guns, star fighter dogfights, some sort of semi-robotic alien overlord, and plenty of pseudo-technical mumbo jumbo that would lend some weight to the shenanigans.
Spaghetti western/war potboiler/crime drama director Alfonso Brescia (billed as Al Brady in an attempt to not frighten distributors away from the material) did a marvelous job of making five movies for the price of maybe one medium budget Hollywood hit by reusing the same stock casts of actors, the same costumes, sets, special effects, even the same special effects sequences & basic story lines, and a marvelous cacophony of a couple hours of electronic ambient space music composed & performed by genre favorite Marcello Giombini. The films were all recycled into each other to stretch budgets across a series of paste-up jobs that, on their surface, seemed to offer much of the same visual vocabulary as the George Lucas & Steven Spielberg hits that were dominating the box offices.
The difference is of course what these films say with their vocabulary, which is admittedly far less than what STAR WARS or CLOSE ENCOUNTERS OF THE 3RD KIND were able to say, but you have to keep in mind that BATTLE OF THE STARS for instance was filmed over a course of maybe three weeks, with perhaps two more allotted for post-production work. The goals that the movies set out to achieve was far less than Lucas & Spielberg's more lofty ideals. Not because Brescia and his casts/crews were untalented, but because the point was just to string together 90 odd minutes of events that would sell movie tickets, using their talents & guile to stretch their budgets to the absolute limits.
On that plane of consideration the movies are marvelous examples of the human imagination using bits and pieces of nothing to come up with nine hours of entertainment. BATTLE OF THE STARS would be quickly followed by COSMOS: WAR OF THE PLANETS, which would in turn be quickly followed by WAR OF THE ROBOTS, which would in turn be quickly followed by STAR ODYSSEY, and finally the pseudo-pulp porno THE BEAST IN SPACE, the less said about which the better. It's easy to laugh at them but if you understand why the movies look as threadbare as they do it helps one to quantify what they may or may not have achieved.
The most remarkable thing that can be said about them perhaps is that people are STILL watching the things some 30 years after they were tossed haphazardly at audiences. Sadly the surviving elements of the movies still available today leave a lot to be desired, with crummy fullscreen versions formatted for home video and dubiously dubbed into English that do indeed come across as quite silly at times, so it is perhaps to be unfair when judging their collective merits based on what's left, hence my neutral 5/10 score. What I and others admire about them though is how comparatively honest they are about just being quickie entertainments. Sure, the costumes and klunky sets & effects will make sophisticated contemporary audiences gag with laughter or embarrassment, depending on your temperament.
But that's part of the charm of B grade cinema which, once you get down to it, Mr. Lucas was paying homage to with his STAR WARS and Indiana Jones movies. You can't fault art for imitating the life that it is imitating itself, perhaps.
Space mummies!
ickystay7 September 2007
I get a big kick out of these Brescia space movies so sought out "Battle of the Stars". Most of the comments here, and even the plot outline, seem to be about another lovely Brescia movie called "War of the Planets".
"Battle of the Stars" is about an alien invasion of the earth. The Gonians have used up all their natural resources and are now a dying and decaying species. They arrive in their spaceships with their super computer to take over earth and use our healthy bodies to replace their own. With space mummies, the super computer (same prop from War of the Planets!), and their ability to take the shape of trusted humans, the Gonians need to sabotage the Earth defense system before their entire invasion fleet can land. Defense system designer Mike Layton, his pretty girlfriend/scientist Diane, and a couple helpful Gandymedeans are our only hope!
Five stars for being "out there" and fun!
"Battle of the Stars" is about an alien invasion of the earth. The Gonians have used up all their natural resources and are now a dying and decaying species. They arrive in their spaceships with their super computer to take over earth and use our healthy bodies to replace their own. With space mummies, the super computer (same prop from War of the Planets!), and their ability to take the shape of trusted humans, the Gonians need to sabotage the Earth defense system before their entire invasion fleet can land. Defense system designer Mike Layton, his pretty girlfriend/scientist Diane, and a couple helpful Gandymedeans are our only hope!
Five stars for being "out there" and fun!
Take two aspirin before watching
fasulo12 June 2006
There are Bad sci-fi films, there are Rotten sci-fi films, there are even the Worse sci-fi films. However, this film is in the rock-bottom Bad, Rotten and Worst category. The music and the special effects (nothing more than weird, spiraling colors) give you a headache, and the costume designer committed suicide after completing the crew's uniforms. Humans haven't worn hats like that since the 11th century.
But the film has one saving grace. This takes place in two ridiculous scenes where the commanders back on Earth try to brief the press, all of whom act like they are suppose to portray air-headed journalists. With reporters like these assigned to a BIG STORY, only God knows who is handling national local news. I shudder to think, but then we see their like on TV every night.
The absolute best lines in the movie go to the two commanders who, after trying to convince the reporters that Earth is not in trouble but seeing the reporters rush to their communications devices to tell their editors that the end is near, say to each other:
First commander: "They didn't buy it." Second commander: "No way."
This film is so bad it makes David Bowie's The Man Who Fell To Earth look like a science fiction classic.a
But the film has one saving grace. This takes place in two ridiculous scenes where the commanders back on Earth try to brief the press, all of whom act like they are suppose to portray air-headed journalists. With reporters like these assigned to a BIG STORY, only God knows who is handling national local news. I shudder to think, but then we see their like on TV every night.
The absolute best lines in the movie go to the two commanders who, after trying to convince the reporters that Earth is not in trouble but seeing the reporters rush to their communications devices to tell their editors that the end is near, say to each other:
First commander: "They didn't buy it." Second commander: "No way."
This film is so bad it makes David Bowie's The Man Who Fell To Earth look like a science fiction classic.a
Best. Movie. Evar.
snikrepkire31 May 2006
I laughed. I cried. Then I watched Battle of the Planets or whatever it was called. Seriously. Hilariously bad. This is sort of a spaghetti space western I guess. Extremely low production values -even for a 70s sci-fi flick. Really strange and bad acting complements the nonsensical story. I'm pretty sure that the stars were just white paint splattered on black boards or occasionally white Christmas tree lights. For the space walk scenes it appears that they just turned the camera on its side while people waved their arms around.
I got this movie as part of the 50 Classic Sci-Fi Movies pack available at amazon.com or that deep discount DVD place. I highly recommend getting one or more of those.
I got this movie as part of the 50 Classic Sci-Fi Movies pack available at amazon.com or that deep discount DVD place. I highly recommend getting one or more of those.
Great if you want a boost: Others CAN do worse than I
parcival-126 February 2006
I have a collection of particularly ghastly sci fi thrillers. This is one of them. I couldn't sleep a few nights ago so I've now seen it.
I thank IMDb. Frankly, I was trying to figure out in which language this was originally done. It was apparently Italian. Why does that not surprise me? One must remember that this was completed over a decade after 2001: A Space Odyssey, two decades after the "Star Trek" series. So one might have expected something a bit better. Well, I think they tried to incorporate a few themes from 2001 and Star Trek. But they did so SO badly it's clearly worth watching.
The overall theme I think is that machines can take over. Okay. Well, I think... Add this to your collection of bad films for long night. But, heaven forbid, don't try to take it seriously!
I thank IMDb. Frankly, I was trying to figure out in which language this was originally done. It was apparently Italian. Why does that not surprise me? One must remember that this was completed over a decade after 2001: A Space Odyssey, two decades after the "Star Trek" series. So one might have expected something a bit better. Well, I think they tried to incorporate a few themes from 2001 and Star Trek. But they did so SO badly it's clearly worth watching.
The overall theme I think is that machines can take over. Okay. Well, I think... Add this to your collection of bad films for long night. But, heaven forbid, don't try to take it seriously!
"Prepare yourself for a big surprise."
classicsoncall2 July 2006
Warning: Spoilers
My summary line above is an actual quote from the movie. The surprise of course is whether you ever make it through the entire flick. Let's see - 1977, "Star Wars", and 1977, "Cosmos:War of the Planets". One is a landmark movie that took sci-fi film making into the twenty first century, the other set back the progress of civilization for time immemorial.
My question is - Is this movie about anything at all? It's virtually an endless stream of darkened scenes where crew members of a space ship called 'MK 31' attempt to defeat an alien intelligence that threatens Earth. The alien intelligence actually states to Captain Hamilton (John Richardson) that it will conquer the galaxy when he repairs a bad circuit board. So what does he do - he repairs the bad circuit board!!!!
The only redeeming factor for this mess is the go-go style space suits, all white with a red skull cap and trim that look particularly fine on the good looking female crew members. Other than that, this film goes where no film has gone before, and will stay there by the look of the comments already posted.
Fortunately or not as the case may be, this was the last movie left to view of my fifty DVD sci-fi collection from Mill Creek/Tree Line Films. A bargain at about twenty five bucks, this is the kind of movie that demands a refund, even if it's only fifty cents.
My question is - Is this movie about anything at all? It's virtually an endless stream of darkened scenes where crew members of a space ship called 'MK 31' attempt to defeat an alien intelligence that threatens Earth. The alien intelligence actually states to Captain Hamilton (John Richardson) that it will conquer the galaxy when he repairs a bad circuit board. So what does he do - he repairs the bad circuit board!!!!
The only redeeming factor for this mess is the go-go style space suits, all white with a red skull cap and trim that look particularly fine on the good looking female crew members. Other than that, this film goes where no film has gone before, and will stay there by the look of the comments already posted.
Fortunately or not as the case may be, this was the last movie left to view of my fifty DVD sci-fi collection from Mill Creek/Tree Line Films. A bargain at about twenty five bucks, this is the kind of movie that demands a refund, even if it's only fifty cents.
C-tier tripe fest
r-c-s4 April 2007
Warning: Spoilers
The "space" SFX and sets are not really awful...were it for that, it'd get a 2/3 out of 10. Yet earth location mostly consist of dumps, woods and old concrete buildings, and people (in a supposed advanced space age ) go around riding funky second hand jeeps from the 70s. The alien supercomputer is really a joke, looking like a cheap plastic toy. Acting? Eh...you must be kidding. Soundtrack: remember the noises of late 70s videogames? Well, that's it, plus some stupid hippie song at the beginning telling we're not alone in the space. Tripe, tripe and more tripe. A humanoid alien race succumbing to some dreadful plague decides to invade earth. They have the ability to "colonize" the body of earthlings, and plan to destroy some space defence system a "bada$$ agent" is setting up, involving a network of armed satellites. The story here is very similar to a comedy, lowest budget ripoff of the more famous U.F.O series. One of their ships goes through to earth and chases and counter-chases ensue. Mysterious aliens from Ganymede intervene to help defeating alien invaders. Tripe, tripe fest.
Deliriously funny bad film
Finn-525 July 1999
You've probably never heard of "Cosmos: War of the Planets", and that would be unfortunate. A seriously awful movie that has not gotten it's due, "Cosmos" is an Italian production full of hideous dubbing, hilarious dialog, and day-glo colors. For fans of bad sci-fi, I promise that this film is worth searching for. I want to own it.
Oh my, where to start...
mwford-124 July 2007
Warning: Spoilers
Everyone else pretty much summed this one up perfectly. This REALLY does look like a cheap 60s Italian SciFi movie, so the biggest surprise is that it was done in the late 70s. Wow!
There are so may bad things, but a couple jumped out at me: 1) The bad computer has waited 100s or 1000s of years for someone technically capable of fixing it. It said the local inhabitants where not advanced enough, but guess what, all anyone had to do was remove a circuit board from a storage rack, walk across the room, pull out the bad card and replace it. I think those folks on the planet could have done that and besides, the bad robot created another robot that was all powerful. Couldn't he have done it?! Maybe it wasn't in his union rules. 2) The panicking reporters who, because 2 alien space ships passed by an earth space ship way out in outer space, one of which our spaceship easily blew up, all reported that the end of the earth was imminent falling all over each other to make the report. At least some of the people in the film addressed this unbelievable stupidity...and it happened twice!
One could go on and on. Suffice it to say, this is one of the greatest bad movies ever and anyone who is an MST3K fan owes it to themselves to check this one out. Don't you dare miss it!
There are so may bad things, but a couple jumped out at me: 1) The bad computer has waited 100s or 1000s of years for someone technically capable of fixing it. It said the local inhabitants where not advanced enough, but guess what, all anyone had to do was remove a circuit board from a storage rack, walk across the room, pull out the bad card and replace it. I think those folks on the planet could have done that and besides, the bad robot created another robot that was all powerful. Couldn't he have done it?! Maybe it wasn't in his union rules. 2) The panicking reporters who, because 2 alien space ships passed by an earth space ship way out in outer space, one of which our spaceship easily blew up, all reported that the end of the earth was imminent falling all over each other to make the report. At least some of the people in the film addressed this unbelievable stupidity...and it happened twice!
One could go on and on. Suffice it to say, this is one of the greatest bad movies ever and anyone who is an MST3K fan owes it to themselves to check this one out. Don't you dare miss it!
The Bad computer will have a destruct button, "probably red"
junk-monkey7 September 2004
In a future where all decisions are made by a giant supercomputer called "The WIZ" (I kid you not) and military men wear weird little miniskirts, renegade space captain Mike Leighton is sent on a routine mission. His ship is attacked by two alien ships. On orders from Earth he lands on the alien's planet which seems at first to be deserted - don't they always? - one by one his crew men are attacked and killed by a mysterious force (actually it's only one crew man - this film is THAT cheap).
The captain and his party are lured into a mysterious cave where they meet the "degenerate" remnants of the former inhabitants. The leader of the natives informs them that that once his people once ruled the planet till the machines they built took over. Leighton agrees to help destroy the machine brain that rules the planet (I'm making this all sound a lot more coherent and structured than it actually is). They return to the ship and consult their on-board computer who tells them the Bad computer will have a destruct button, "probably red" (I wish I was making this up). The captain and another crew member confront the Deep Thought like supercomputer and are instructed by it to replace one of its circuit boards, the only thing stopping it from dominating the galaxy. They do so and spot a red button. They press the red button. The computer explodes. The planet starts to explode (as they do) with the usual stock footage of volcanoes tinted nice reddish colours. The crew make their escape taking with them 2 crew members we know have been attacked and left for dead by the evil supercomputers robot henchthing. Big Mistake! Big mistake! Within minutes one of them is wandering around frothing at the mouth killing people as his face falls off - our hero soon puts a stop to that by jettisoning him into outer space but there is one final twist to come!... and you'll just have to watch the movie to find that out.
I was amazed to discover this film was made as late as 1977. It looks like a 1960 film. It is truly awful. The music is dreadful - almost random. At one point, when we first see the Bad computer, they actually use Bach's Toccatta and fugue in D minor!. The dubbing is hilarious and I guess the dubbed script must have been written by the Italians because the English is so tortured and twisted to make it fit the lip sync that it, at times, makes no sense at all. Even more amazingly when there is no need to lip sync, like when the natives talk to the Captain telepathically or the computers talk, the English is just as bad.
Surrealy Awful
The captain and his party are lured into a mysterious cave where they meet the "degenerate" remnants of the former inhabitants. The leader of the natives informs them that that once his people once ruled the planet till the machines they built took over. Leighton agrees to help destroy the machine brain that rules the planet (I'm making this all sound a lot more coherent and structured than it actually is). They return to the ship and consult their on-board computer who tells them the Bad computer will have a destruct button, "probably red" (I wish I was making this up). The captain and another crew member confront the Deep Thought like supercomputer and are instructed by it to replace one of its circuit boards, the only thing stopping it from dominating the galaxy. They do so and spot a red button. They press the red button. The computer explodes. The planet starts to explode (as they do) with the usual stock footage of volcanoes tinted nice reddish colours. The crew make their escape taking with them 2 crew members we know have been attacked and left for dead by the evil supercomputers robot henchthing. Big Mistake! Big mistake! Within minutes one of them is wandering around frothing at the mouth killing people as his face falls off - our hero soon puts a stop to that by jettisoning him into outer space but there is one final twist to come!... and you'll just have to watch the movie to find that out.
I was amazed to discover this film was made as late as 1977. It looks like a 1960 film. It is truly awful. The music is dreadful - almost random. At one point, when we first see the Bad computer, they actually use Bach's Toccatta and fugue in D minor!. The dubbing is hilarious and I guess the dubbed script must have been written by the Italians because the English is so tortured and twisted to make it fit the lip sync that it, at times, makes no sense at all. Even more amazingly when there is no need to lip sync, like when the natives talk to the Captain telepathically or the computers talk, the English is just as bad.
Surrealy Awful
An involuntarily comic space-opera
Henry-1725 January 2013
Warning: Spoilers
In the 21st Century. After six months, the spacecraft MK 31 commanded by Captain Hamilton is on the return flight to Earth, having successfully carried out a special space mission. When the on-board computer receives strange radio signals, the crew pays no attention at first. But from earth comes the order to investigate the signals. Reluctantly, Captain Hamilton obeys the instructions from earth-base. Suddenly, the MK 31 is attacked by alien spaceships with laser weapons. Hamilton loses control of the ship and it rushes toward a planet on which it will be smashed to pieces. Miraculously the dive is stopped at the last moment: "The spaceship is sustained by an anti-gravitational force of unknown origin", reports the on-board computer. Once the crew has overcome the initial shock, a landing party is assembled to investigate the planet, which has an Earth-like atmosphere. Here, however, they are soon attacked by a giant robot, who kills several astronauts with his energy weapon. Hamilton and the rest of the crew discover a large stone gate, which turns out to be a kind of transmitter. As they walk through it, they are transported into a cave from which the mysterious radio signals are coming. As they investigate the cave, they are captured by humanoid aliens. The leader of the aliens, who are actually peacefully minded towards mankind, recounts what has happened to his race. In their highly developed civilization, intelligent computer and machines played an important role in daily life. One day there was a "Rise of the Machines", which ended in a nuclear disaster. Humans evolved back into an "animal state" and retreated back into the caves beneath the planet. From the machines, a supercomputer emerged, who still terrorizes the aliens and whose aim is to conquer the universe. However, in a collaborative effort the humans and the aliens succeed in destroying the computer. This triggered a massive explosion that leads to a chain reaction which will destroy the entire planet, and with it the race of the aliens. At the last second, the MK 31 spacecraft launched back into space, leaving the bursting planet behind. But one of the aliens could be rescued and taken on board. On the flight back to Earth, the liberated, evil power of the supercomputer takes possession of one of the crew members, who transforms into a kind of zombie. He attacks the last survivor of the alien race and kills him. BATTAGLIE NEGLI SPAZI STELLARI is one of five low-budget sci-fi films that the late Italian director Alfonso Brescia staged in one go in the years 1977 and 1978, in response to the immense success of STAR WARS. For all movies he used the same, slightly modified sets and costumes, the same optical effects and animated sequences and the actors are largely the same in all the films, with only some different actors in the main parts. Of course, the technicians behind the scenes are largely identical for all the films. This extremely low-cost production method allowed Brescia to stage five films for the price of one, so to speak. The other four movies of this quintet are: ANNO ZERO - GUERRA NELLO SPAZIO (77), SETTE UOMINI D'ORO NELLO SPAZIO (78), LA GUERRA DEI ROBOT (78) and LA BESTIA NELLO SPAZIO (78). That such an approach, however, can not produce high-caliber films is obvious. And therefore, BATTAGLIE NEGLI SPAZI STELLARI is an involuntarily comic space-opera, with protagonists in funny outfits, cheap special effects, an oblique synth soundtrack and silly dialogs. The actors were put in light gray "pajamas", with extra wide belts and red inserts, a red cap, which extends up to the ears and gray boots. Simply chic! The humanoid aliens in turn are bald, have a bluish metallic skin and pointy ears a la "Mr.Spock". The set design as a whole looks at least quite expensive. Because of the idea to use the sets for four more films, the producers have probably invested a little more money into it. It seems, that the art director was allowed to let his imagination loose, because the sets are almost overloaded with a plethora of wild flashing and flickering lights, consoles and screens. On the other hand, in case of the tools the astronauts are using, it looks as if probably the red pencil again was used, and so the set decorator has had to shop at the nearest hardware store (metal detector) or the store for auto parts (hazard warning lamp). As luck would have it (for the producers at least), the surface of the alien planet is almost entirely blurred in darkness, and as the viewer does not see much anyway, the producers thought it was not necessary to evoke the illusion of an alien world. Saved money again! The already mentioned electronic music is a mix of classic elements (Bach) and noisy synthesizer sounds in the style of Raymond Scott and his "Soothing Sounds for Baby." The story of the film makes little sense, and something like suspense does not even arise. The dialog, however, are sometimes quite funny, for example when one of the astronauts exclaims indignantly, "Hey, how does that guy know our language?". In another scene, a male astronaut and a female astronaut practicing "Cosmic Love", for which they sit side by side on a bed, connected to a "virtual sex machine" and have sex with each other without even get in touch. Bleak outlook!
Spectacularly bad
sashazur20 September 2004
Where to begin? The clothes all look like they're from a 30's sci fi film, even though this was made in the 70s. The dubbing is terrible. The plot is almost totally incoherent; it centers around a hothead space captain who believes that he can make better decisions than computers, and therefore is always getting into trouble (though in this film, he's probably right considering that the main computer is called "The Wiz", no kidding!). The characters actions often don't make any sense, like one scene where two crew members die, but everyone else is happy for no good reason. The evil giant robot looks like something they made on purpose to make people laugh, but you're supposed to think it's scary. Throughout everything, the deadly earnest and serious tone of the acting and story just makes the whole experience more surreal and more funny. My favorite scenes: destroying the giant robot/computer, and the space command guys dealing with the reporters. This film is worth seeing with a bunch of friends, with or without any substances that may enhance one's sense of humor!
PLAN 9 GOT Nothing ON THIS
sciencefaction3d25 October 2004
Warning: Spoilers
***SPOILER ALERT*****
hhhhhmmmmmm,
it's so hard to describe the sheer genius of this epic space-opera...but i must push forward.
every single element of every single scene is spot-on for lunacy. the first time i saw this, i thought i was dreaming it'cause it was too awesome to be true. first, the dialogue is untouchable. you can't do this on purpose. it sounds like they put it on dice and had the actors spit it out and then read it. it's mind boggling (i've sampled so much of this movie in my music, i should just have showings of it instead of participating). every word is beautiful nonsense. i thought i'd pee my draws when the captain, in an effort to calm his crew, suggests that the computer might be drunk. awesome. it's like pulp fiction in that you can close your eyes and just listen to the dialogue.
but that would leave out... second, the sets and the ships, though cheap and ridiculous still sell the point. they look like they're in space. it would be boring if you could spot the sets, but no...this is its own universe (except maybe the shadow that gets cast on space when one guy spacewalks). third, the plot!!!!!!!!!!!
the computer sends them to check out this unstable planet, on the way a man is wounded by acid that contacts his suit (?) and the reason is never explained why he went outside the ship anyway. they land on the planet, discover a race of green bald-people ("my voice is words that enter the mind!")who are bullied by a giant robot that's so slow you'd have to be sleeping to get caught. the robot's controlled by a giant computer that is helpless, yet threatens the captain to put it back together. he does, even after it explains that it will conquer the galaxy upon doing so. it laughs maniacally, they hit it with a rock and set off a chain reaction that destroys the planet (whose people would have been better off without the help), but rescue one green guy, who walks around proudly in their uniform while they laugh at him (apparently he doesn't mind that his entire race is dead). in the clincher, a man is possessed by the computer AND goes on a killing spree. everyone wimps out except for the green guy who fights him vigorously until they blast him AND the possessed guy out into space, thus wiping out the last of the alien race. this is followed by much celebration and a twist ending that shyamalan himself would be proud of.
DO NOT MISS THIS FILM. it's cheap by itself or in one of those boxes with 50 other sci/fi classics you never wanted to see. a must for any sci/fi fan or any fan of bad movies period. i can't fully express my love of this film, but i can say that everyone i talk into seeing it, buys it the next day...it's that great. ****1/2 (as a p.s. to this love letter, i'd like to thank this and WAR OF THE ROBOTS for inspiring my band THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE to exist in the first place.)
hhhhhmmmmmm,
it's so hard to describe the sheer genius of this epic space-opera...but i must push forward.
every single element of every single scene is spot-on for lunacy. the first time i saw this, i thought i was dreaming it'cause it was too awesome to be true. first, the dialogue is untouchable. you can't do this on purpose. it sounds like they put it on dice and had the actors spit it out and then read it. it's mind boggling (i've sampled so much of this movie in my music, i should just have showings of it instead of participating). every word is beautiful nonsense. i thought i'd pee my draws when the captain, in an effort to calm his crew, suggests that the computer might be drunk. awesome. it's like pulp fiction in that you can close your eyes and just listen to the dialogue.
but that would leave out... second, the sets and the ships, though cheap and ridiculous still sell the point. they look like they're in space. it would be boring if you could spot the sets, but no...this is its own universe (except maybe the shadow that gets cast on space when one guy spacewalks). third, the plot!!!!!!!!!!!
the computer sends them to check out this unstable planet, on the way a man is wounded by acid that contacts his suit (?) and the reason is never explained why he went outside the ship anyway. they land on the planet, discover a race of green bald-people ("my voice is words that enter the mind!")who are bullied by a giant robot that's so slow you'd have to be sleeping to get caught. the robot's controlled by a giant computer that is helpless, yet threatens the captain to put it back together. he does, even after it explains that it will conquer the galaxy upon doing so. it laughs maniacally, they hit it with a rock and set off a chain reaction that destroys the planet (whose people would have been better off without the help), but rescue one green guy, who walks around proudly in their uniform while they laugh at him (apparently he doesn't mind that his entire race is dead). in the clincher, a man is possessed by the computer AND goes on a killing spree. everyone wimps out except for the green guy who fights him vigorously until they blast him AND the possessed guy out into space, thus wiping out the last of the alien race. this is followed by much celebration and a twist ending that shyamalan himself would be proud of.
DO NOT MISS THIS FILM. it's cheap by itself or in one of those boxes with 50 other sci/fi classics you never wanted to see. a must for any sci/fi fan or any fan of bad movies period. i can't fully express my love of this film, but i can say that everyone i talk into seeing it, buys it the next day...it's that great. ****1/2 (as a p.s. to this love letter, i'd like to thank this and WAR OF THE ROBOTS for inspiring my band THE DOOMSDAY DEVICE to exist in the first place.)
Star Wars, Italian style Part II
rdfranciscritic25 January 2023
If Alien (1980) is my "ten stars" and Doomsday Machine (1972) is my "zero stars," then Cosmos: War of the Planets -- as result of it being ever-so-slightly more competently made than Doomsday Machine -- should be "one star," but I pushed it to "two stars" for the nostalgia value. However, regardless of my youthful, UHF-TV softspot, make no mistake: Cosmos -- produced and released quickly in 1977 to cash in on Star Wars -- is an absolute mess across the disciplines of directing, cinematography, editing, costuming, and effects. Thus, as for the next four films in the series (? !), all are one-star efforts: and this one is NOT a retitle of Cosmos: War of the Planets, as oft-critically opined.
Oh, yes. After Cosmos: War of the Planets, Alfonzo Brescia returned with his "Empire Strikes Back" (aka, Part II) in the form of Battaglie negli spazi stellar (aka Battle in Interstellar Space), but it was given a new, stateside title because it sounds suspiciously like "Battlestar Galactica." And since that was Glen Larson's cheap-jack Lucas rip, that makes this a Star Wars rip twice removed.
You never heard of or seen this second film (out of the five, total) because Al's "Star Wars II" suffered from poor theatrical distribution and a weak reissue via home video and TV syndication (unlike the debut film, Cosmos: War of the Planets, which streams on Smart TV platforms in 2023!). Then, with all the alternate titling that plagues European films as they're distributed to the international markets, spacesploitation buffs believed the almost-impossible-to-find Battle of the Stars was Cosmos -- with a new title. It's not helping when the main cast of familiar Italian actors of John Richardson (he's "Capt. Fred Hamilton" in Cosmos; "Capt. Mike Leyton," here), Gianno Garko, Malisa Longo, Antonio Sabato, West Buchanan, and Yanti Somer -- with most of their supporting cast -- appear in the subsequent films of the "series" as different characters (well, they're the same character-types, but with different names), adding to the continuity confusion.
Regardless, it's not the same film.
Battle of the Stars is an entirely "new" film that cannibalizes Cosmos for stock footage -- and all the costumes and sets return. As is the case with most "sequels" (Alien vs. Aliens and Mad Max vs. The Road Warrior being the exceptions to the rule), Battle is a just remake/reimage of Cosmos -- with a little script tweak: Instead of Earthlings traveling to the planet-home of the evil computer, this time: the rogue planet (or was it an asteroid; don't care) without-an-orbit-and-upset-sentient-being running it comes to Earth (from the orbit of Ganymed, Jupiter's moon) -- which was the plot of Margheriti's Battle of the Planets from his '60s "Gamma One" series. Hey, er, uh, what happened to the ship with its computer, "The Wiz," possessed by the alien computer in Cosmos '77? Is that cleared up in Part III? Nope, that plotline is done and gone.
Look, as someone who has seen Cosmos: War of the Planets a few times (oh, the nostalgia of stupid youth): there is no "sport fishing on Earth" scene and there's no androgynous, platinum blonde 12-year-old alien decked out in a silver chain mail spacesuit helping the Earthlings with an ersatz Marksman-H training remote Jedi-ball. But there is in Battle of the Stars.
So, yeah, it's the same effect shots, same sets, same actors, even the same situations (that 2001-inspired space station repair, again, and that sentient alien computer set, again). But it's a different film. It's not up for debate: it's two different film, space ace.
Other inept, Italian-made "Star Wars" films to enjoy are The Humanoid, Star Crash, and the even-more inept than Cosmos: Escape from Galaxy III, aka Star Crash II. So, when it comes to Italian space epics, go to the master: Mario Bava and his late '60s delight (that Alien borrowed a LOT from), Planet of the Vampires -- that rates "ten stars" (in 1960s years; in 2023-years, it nets "eight stars"). If you look under "Critic Reviews" and search for "B&S About Movies," I offer a deeper examination of all five films in Alfonzo Brescia "Star Wars" series -- but opted to post a special "User Review" to call out this film that, again, many junk sci-fi fans didn't know existed, because they thought it was a repack-retitle of Cosmos.
Oh, yes. After Cosmos: War of the Planets, Alfonzo Brescia returned with his "Empire Strikes Back" (aka, Part II) in the form of Battaglie negli spazi stellar (aka Battle in Interstellar Space), but it was given a new, stateside title because it sounds suspiciously like "Battlestar Galactica." And since that was Glen Larson's cheap-jack Lucas rip, that makes this a Star Wars rip twice removed.
You never heard of or seen this second film (out of the five, total) because Al's "Star Wars II" suffered from poor theatrical distribution and a weak reissue via home video and TV syndication (unlike the debut film, Cosmos: War of the Planets, which streams on Smart TV platforms in 2023!). Then, with all the alternate titling that plagues European films as they're distributed to the international markets, spacesploitation buffs believed the almost-impossible-to-find Battle of the Stars was Cosmos -- with a new title. It's not helping when the main cast of familiar Italian actors of John Richardson (he's "Capt. Fred Hamilton" in Cosmos; "Capt. Mike Leyton," here), Gianno Garko, Malisa Longo, Antonio Sabato, West Buchanan, and Yanti Somer -- with most of their supporting cast -- appear in the subsequent films of the "series" as different characters (well, they're the same character-types, but with different names), adding to the continuity confusion.
Regardless, it's not the same film.
Battle of the Stars is an entirely "new" film that cannibalizes Cosmos for stock footage -- and all the costumes and sets return. As is the case with most "sequels" (Alien vs. Aliens and Mad Max vs. The Road Warrior being the exceptions to the rule), Battle is a just remake/reimage of Cosmos -- with a little script tweak: Instead of Earthlings traveling to the planet-home of the evil computer, this time: the rogue planet (or was it an asteroid; don't care) without-an-orbit-and-upset-sentient-being running it comes to Earth (from the orbit of Ganymed, Jupiter's moon) -- which was the plot of Margheriti's Battle of the Planets from his '60s "Gamma One" series. Hey, er, uh, what happened to the ship with its computer, "The Wiz," possessed by the alien computer in Cosmos '77? Is that cleared up in Part III? Nope, that plotline is done and gone.
Look, as someone who has seen Cosmos: War of the Planets a few times (oh, the nostalgia of stupid youth): there is no "sport fishing on Earth" scene and there's no androgynous, platinum blonde 12-year-old alien decked out in a silver chain mail spacesuit helping the Earthlings with an ersatz Marksman-H training remote Jedi-ball. But there is in Battle of the Stars.
So, yeah, it's the same effect shots, same sets, same actors, even the same situations (that 2001-inspired space station repair, again, and that sentient alien computer set, again). But it's a different film. It's not up for debate: it's two different film, space ace.
Other inept, Italian-made "Star Wars" films to enjoy are The Humanoid, Star Crash, and the even-more inept than Cosmos: Escape from Galaxy III, aka Star Crash II. So, when it comes to Italian space epics, go to the master: Mario Bava and his late '60s delight (that Alien borrowed a LOT from), Planet of the Vampires -- that rates "ten stars" (in 1960s years; in 2023-years, it nets "eight stars"). If you look under "Critic Reviews" and search for "B&S About Movies," I offer a deeper examination of all five films in Alfonzo Brescia "Star Wars" series -- but opted to post a special "User Review" to call out this film that, again, many junk sci-fi fans didn't know existed, because they thought it was a repack-retitle of Cosmos.
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