Chip Roberts: Now they got a big faggot to go along with all those little faggots.
Mike Engelberg: Hey Kelly can we make another stop?
Kelly Leak: Engelberg can't you just...
Mike Engelberg: Look it happens I can't control things like this...
Tanner Boyle: Jews, Spics, Niggers and a Wop that throws airballs.
Kelly Leak: The team's in trouble back at the hotel.
Mike Leak: How can you get in trouble at a hotel?
Kelly Leak: You don't know the Bears.
Mike Leak: LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY! LET THEM PLAY!...
Mike Engelberg: [after a huge fight between Carmen and Tanner, Engelberg is on the phone with KFC] Hey, what do you mean biscuits and coleslaw are extra?
Carmen Ronzonni: By way of introduction, I'm what you call your basic versatile ball-thrower.
Kelly Leak: Hey how about you guys wanna play that game in Texas? Well if you really wanna play, well all chicken shits go home.
Kelly Leak: Remember when you asked me if I wouldn't of... stopped by if we didn't need a coach? Well I was wrong, I would've.
Mike Engelberg: Couldn't you throw it a little harder please? They're hitting every one you throw!
Mike Engelberg: [entire Bears team singing] Won't your mother be disgusted when she finds her son is busted, footprint on the dashboard upside down, yee haw! Won't she scream in your ear when she finds you with that beer, grinin' and a stumblin all around yee haw!
Carmen Ronzonni: Engelberg, you and me gotta communicate, you know? We need signs. So, one finger means fastball, two curveball, three slider, four knuckler, five sinker, six changeup, seven screwball, and eight dipsy-doodle. And if you just want something like an intentional walk, just call out "intentional walk." Nobody gives a shit about that kind of thing.
[pats Engelberg on the chest with his glove]
Carmen Ronzonni: Have a good game.
Mike Leak: Listen it's been a long time...
Kelly Leak: It's been eight years. You know why I know that? You know why I know it's been eight years? Because on the day left you gave me this little blue bicycle, I was five years old, some little punk kid, and you have me the bike thinking that if I accepted the gift, I'd accept a deal, well you were wrong! I didn't except that bicycle, it's eight years old, it's untouched and it's still in my basement...