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Episode List


Season 5

10 Oct. 1981
The Expedition/Julie's Wedding/The Mongala/Julie's Replacement/The Three R's/The Professor's Wife: Part 1
Julie (Lauren Tewes) prepares to marry her fiancé Tony Selkirk (Anthony Andrews) during a stopover in Sydney, Australia. She asks Vicki (Jill Whelan) to be her bridesmaid; Doc (Bernie Kopell), Gopher (Fred Grandy) and Isaac (Ted Lange) to be her ushers; and Captain Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) to give her away. Award-winning anthropologist Milo Endler (Harry Morgan) and Vivian (Katherine Helmond), his wife of fifteen years, are on their way to a dig in the South Pacific. Milo's disgraced colleague Deke Donner (Jose Ferrer) once embezzled a university's money to bet on the horses at the racetrack. In the South Pacific, Deke plans to present Milo with what could be the find of the century: a ...
10 Oct. 1981
The Expedition/Julie's Wedding/The Mongala/Julie's Replacement/The Three R's/The Professor's Wife: Part 2
Vicki (Jill Whelan) models the bridesmaid's gown she plans to wear for Julie's (Lauren Tewes') wedding, while Isaac (Ted Lange) finds a flaw in the wedding gift that he bought on the crew's behalf. Barbara (Michelle Phillips) feels jealous of Connie (Jenilee Harrison) and Ralph's (Patrick Duffy') relationship and sends him a love letter, which Connie intercepts. Having been captured by Deke (Jose Ferrer) and Milo (Harry Morgan), the Mongala (Patrick Ward) is caged below in the hull of the ship. When Milo finds out some new information about the Mongala, Vivian (Katherine Helmond) issues an ultimatum. Gopher (Fred Grandy) and Doc (Bernie Kopell) continue their pursuit of Julie's replacement, ...
17 Oct. 1981
Two Grapes on the Vine/Aunt Sylvia/Deductible Divorce
The Virgin Islands serve as a backdrop for the Grand Prix Wine-Tasting Competition, whose winner receives a $25,000 prize. Judge Alan Curtis starts a shipboard fling with Marion Blake, without getting to know her well. Julie's Aunt Sylvia Duvall is on the cruise with her friend Betsy Boucher. Their scheme is for Betsy to meet the wine competition's sponsor Elliott Banning, marry him, and become a wealthy bride. But their efforts may be in jeopardy due to Sylvia's well-intentioned bumbling. Also among the judges is snobbish judge Vincent Van Durling, who seems like a ...
24 Oct. 1981
The Incredible Hunk/Isaac, the Marriage Counselor/Jewels & Jim
A guy (Brian Kerwin) whom Julie (Lauren Tewes) booked to entertain the passengers, is a male stripper. He's also a teacher and runs into the head of the PTA (Christopher Norris)) and tries to keep her from seeing him perform. A guy (Flip Wilson), whose wife (Marla Gibbs) just divorced him, comes on board and is suicidal. Isaac (Ted Lange) tries to help by calling his wife but she refuses to talk to him. So Isaac tries to set him up with some girls but then his ex-wife shows up. And the Captain (Gavin MacLeod) recognizes one of the passengers as a known jewel thief (Michael Zaslow). And when another passenger's (Henny Backus) diamond pendant is stolen, the Captain suspects him.
31 Oct. 1981
Country Blues/Daddy's Little Girl/Jackpot
Gopher (Fred Grandy) finds some money and fantasizes how he'll spend it; a folk singer (Florence Henderson) meets an old friend (James Noble), who's now a politician and traveling with a female companion (Carol Lawrence); a father (Mason Adams) and daughter (Randi Oakes) come aboard and she meets a veterinarian (Frank Bonner).
7 Nov. 1981
Chef's Special/Beginning Anew/Kleinschmidt
The head chef (Jay Johnson) is jealous of a new rival chef (Leslie Easterbrook) in the kitchen; a bumbling detective (Bernie Kopell in a dual role) is assigned to protect a client's (Trisha Noble) jewels; two friends (Joan Fontaine and Richard Basehart) reunite.
14 Nov. 1981
The Lady from Laramie/Vicki Swings/Phantom Bride
An earthy woman (Nancy Dussault) comes between a socialite (Marti Stevens) and her escort (Cesare Danova); psychic researchers (Juliet Mills and Buddy Hackett) search for a ghost aboard the ship; Vicki (Jill Whelan) meets an older boy (Patrick Labyorteaux) traveling alone.
21 Nov. 1981
Farnsworth's Fling/Three in a Bed/I Remember Helen/Merrill, Melanie & Melanesia/Gopher Farnsworth Smith: Part 1
The crew is in Australia to work on one of the cruise line's ships based there. And a wealthy man named Fransworth (Lloyd Bridges) has decided to invite his whole family for a reunion. But, in actuality, he wants to see who, among them, he should keep in his will. And among them is his niece, Marcia (Jessica Walters), who is not exactly fond of him, because she believes that, because of him, her father became penniless. And she brings along a friend, Jessica (Linda Evans), who has a knack of getting wealthy men to marry her, for the purpose of getting him to marry her, so that she could get what Marcia ...
28 Nov. 1981
Love, Honor, and Obey/Gladys and Agnes/Radioactive Isaac
A couple (Jerry Stiller and Anne Meara) plan to renew their marriage vows aboard the ship; a tooth filling interferes with Isaac's (Ted Lange) romantic pursuits with his girlfriend (Berlinda Tolbert) and he also has a rival from a male passenger (Darrow Igus); two sisters (Audra Lindley and Marion Ross) take the cruise together and one sister (Lindley) develops a relationship with another passenger (Bernard Fox).
5 Dec. 1981
He's My Brother/Zeke and Zelda/Teach Me Tonight
Two stowaways (Milton Berle and Martha Raye) pretend to be another couple and they start charging things, not knowing that the crew members, who approve of the charges, will have to pay for items they charge but don't pay for. A woman (Susan Richardson) meets the author (Daryl Anderson) of a book she's reading. And Doc's (Bernie Kopell) brother (Jack Bannon) and sister-in-law (Elaine Joyce) come aboard and his brother has a lot of pent-up resentment against him.
12 Dec. 1981
Take a Letter, Vicki/The Floating Bridge Game/The Joy of Celibacy
Vicki (Jill Whelan) feels unneeded on the ship and begs Captain Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) to give her a job, so he "hires" her as his personal secretary. But she gets carried away with enthusiasm and prompts the crew to make her workload a little less enjoyable. Three members (Rose Marie, Jan Clayton and Lucille Benson) of a floating bridge game get annoyed when their new fourth member, Shirley Simpson (Nanette Fabray), meets dentist Frank Leonhardt (Robert Alda) on the cruise and decides she would rather get to know him better than play bridge. Emotionally cold Linda Trent (Carlene Watkins) turns down all possible male suitors in no uncertain terms. So fellow ...
2 Jan. 1982
Doc Take the Fifth/Safety Last/A Business Affair
Doc arrives back from holidays and introduces his new wife of a couple of hours to the crew. Don Adams is a Safety Investigator on holidays but finds danger around every corner on board the ship. The president of a financial group comes aboard to talk his female VP out of resigning due to untrue rumors about them having an affair.
9 Jan. 1982
Good Neighbors/Captain's Portrait/Familiar Faces
Two passengers (Arlene Golonka and Sonny Shroyer) meet during the boarding and although attracted to one another, they find they live at the same address and the lady has a rule about dating someone who lives in her own apartment building. The Captain (Gavin MacLeod) is to greet a famous female artist (Lee Meriwether) aboard, who has been commissioned by the ship line to paint his portrait. A romance begins and the artist decides to paint an unconventional portrait of the captain, naked, and from memory. When a couple (Mary Beth McDonough and Dean Butler) on their honeymoon come aboard, an older passenger (Henry Jones) vaguely recognizes the younger man's face,...
23 Jan. 1982
I Don't Play Anymore/Gopher's Roomate/Crazy for You
Gopher (Fred Grandy) thinks he knows a female passenger (Mackenzie Phillips) but just can't remember from where. When she reveals how they know each other, it shocks him. A man (Dick Shawn), who feigned being mentally ill so that he could get his full pension, is being followed by a woman (Joanna Cassidy) who tasked with proving he's faking. A concert pianist (James MacArthur), who has stopped playing because he has arthritis in his hands, is being pestered by some fans (Pat McCormick and Joyce Jameson) to play. Initially, he refuses but, upon meeting one of the ship's staff (Donna Pescow) who needs an operation, he agrees to give a performance.
30 Jan. 1982
Green, But Not Jolly/Past Perfect Love/Instant Family
A fellow (Bert Convy) believes he was married to a woman (Tanya Roberts) in a past life; Julie decides to change her hairstyle, which results in a shade of green; a high school coach (John Phillip Law) is attracted to a woman (Lynda Day George) with a hyperactive son (Corey Feldman).
6 Feb. 1982
The Return of the Captain's Lady/Love Ain't Illegal/The Irresistible Man
An old flame (Pat Crowley) of the Captain's (Gavin MacLeod) returns for a cruise. As the captain prepares to propose, Doc (Bernie Kopell) and Isaac (Ted Lange) discovers some news, which will cause the Captain some distress. Two business partners (Dick Martin and Robert Mandan) and their secretary (Phyllis Davis) are on the cruise to celebrate winning a large contract. One partner (Martin) is not as honest as he seems and tries to use his secretary's love for him to cover his underhanded tricks. In an attempt to get the attention of a woman (Lydia Cornell) he cares for, a passenger (Linwood Boomer) reports that he had been sexually attacked by an unknown female passenger in a...
13 Feb. 1982
His Girls Friday/A Wife for Wilfred/The Girl Who Stood Still
A businessman (Dick Van Patten) takes his prissy secretary (Rue McClanahan) on a business trip. When he meets a dizzy blonde (Judy Landers), his problem is how does he get his secretary to quit, so he can hire the blonde. Wilfred (Tom Smothers) offers the crew $10,000 if they can find him a pretty wife. He's soon surrounded by five beautiful women, all fighting for his attention, and the crew trying to win a quick ten grand. When the crew find out Wilfred lied about paying the money so he can meet girls, the crew get the flower shop girl (Connie Stevens) to pretend to be his wife. Two childhood sweethearts, separated since school, ...
20 Feb. 1982
New York, A.C./Live It Up/All's Fair in Love and War
Three divorced men (Edd Byrnes, Fabian, Bobby Sherman) swear off serious relationships; a married man's girlfriend gives him an ultimatum.
27 Feb. 1982
The Musical/My Ex-Mom/The Show Must Go On/The Pest/My Aunt, the Worrier: Part 1
The crew surprises Captain Stubing with the news that they are putting on a musical revue as entertainment for the passengers, with a script co-written by Gopher and Isaac. Gopher's mother Ros, Julie's Aunt Sylvia, Isaac's mother Millie, and Adam's former mother-in-law Connie Carruthers are all planning to take part but also expecting to star in it. The Captain publicly declines to play the lead role in it, but privately fantasizes about being in it and even practices for it. Also aboard are film star Victor Moncrief, who retired from show business ten years earlier, ...
27 Feb. 1982
The Musical/My Ex-Mom/The Show Must Go On/The Pest/My Aunt, the Worrier: Part 2
Lionel Bigelow promises Millie Washington that he will give Isaac an executive position if Millie will marry him. Doc's former in-laws try to help him reconcile with Gopher. An anonymous stranger has found out about Victor Moncrief's financial troubles and paid for his passage on the cruise. Julie's Aunt Sylvia continues trying to reach her missing husband, as Ros, Connie, Millie, and Sylvia all continue to squabble among themselves.
6 Mar. 1982
Pride of the Pacific/The Viking's Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You: Part 1
The Klondike Carnival Cruise Competition serves as the backdrop for this cruise, pitting Merrill Stubing's Pacific Princess crew against his stern humorless arch-rival Captain Gunner Norquist and the Sun Princess crew in a series of competitive events beginning in Vancouver, British Columbia and ending in Ketchikan, Alaska. Gunner's son Trig has just graduated from navigation school and been assigned to Merrill Stubing, which enrages Gunner Norquist and intensifies a longtime rivalry between the two captains. Gunner spent 25 years in Merrill's shadow and is now both ...
6 Mar. 1982
Pride of the Pacific/The Viking's Son/Separate Vacations/The Experiment/Getting to Know You: Part 2
Ellen and Jesse are beginning to get annoyed with each other and to find the cruise monotonous. Having been beaten during the games in Vancouver, Merrill Stubing's competitive spirit kicks in and he becomes as tough as Gunner Norquist is, upsetting Vicki and relentlessly driving his crew to physical exertion. Harry Meachum romances Britta the masseuse, who tells him Gunner Norquist hired professional athletes to rig the games. When Merrill hears this, he bears down even harder until Vicki persuades him to join the competition personally and race against Gunner on dog ...
20 Mar. 1982
Isaac Gets Physical/She Brought Her Mother Along/Cold Feet
A nurse (Shirley Hemphill) comes on board to give the crew their company physical but Isaac tries to avoid her, because there's a congenital condition in his family that he fears could jeopardize his job, and the nurse is also attracted to him. A young woman (Connie Needham), who's dating an older man (Gene Barry), brings her mother (Betsy Palmer) to meet him. And when she does, she discovers that he's her old boyfriend. And Julie's (Lauren Tewes) cousin (Richard Dean Anderson) comes on board with his fiancée (Linda Blair) and tells Julie he wants to dump his fiancée because she's "nice", "very nice".
27 Mar. 1982
Burl of My Dreams/Meet the Author/Rhymes, Riddles, and Romance
A publisher (Jared Martin), trying to sign up a famous author (Alan Hale Jr.), becomes involved w/the author's niece (Georgia Engel); 2 passengers (Joanna Pettet and Paul Williams) hunt for treasure; Vicki's friend (Rad Daly) comes aboard.
10 Apr. 1982
Pal-I-Mony-O-Mine/Does Father Know Best?/An 'A' for Gopher
A doctor is uncomfortable when his companion is too friendly with his ex-lover; Gopher pines after his H.S. teacher; father and son pick up girls.
1 May 1982
April in Boston/Saving Grace/Breaks of Life
April Lopez (Charo) is back again, this time as a Spanish tutor to Bradford York (David Hedison), the proper headmaster of a New England boys' boarding school. Brad was widowed four years earlier and wouldn't approve of her chanteuse habits, which may go on display when the planner/entertainer cancels and Stubing (Gavin MacLeod) presses Julie (Lauren Tewes) to find a replacement. Lonely widow Grace Bostwick (Jane Powell) plans to throw herself overboard, but a white-suited man named Gabriel (Hugh O'Brian) claims to be her guardian angel and may be able to stop her. After ten years of marriage, newly-divorced George and Gwen Finley (Gene Rayburn...
8 May 1982
A Dress to Remember
This story follows a dress and how it affects three people. First a model who's trying out a new diet program, who is suppose to wear it to show how much weight she lost and it's been designed to fit her after losing the weight. She's starving and she meets a guy who unknown to her is the former partner of the doctor whose diet she's following. He gets her to try his program which has her eating candy bars among other things. And a woman who sells flowers on the dock, freaks out because the daughter she hasn't seen for 20 years comes on board to see her. She tells the...
15 May 1982
Mothers Don't Do That/Marrying for Money/Substitute Lover
Gopher (Fred Grandy) and Isaac (Ted Lange) think that young Lola Trout (Caren Kaye) has married her wealthy older husband Orville (Arte Johnson) for his money and that she may be trying to get rid of him, so that she can inherit it. Divorced Marian Healy (Eva Gabor) meets her long-absent son Danny (Brad Savage) and wants to try to reconnect with him but, after he reads her diary, he wants to get away from her. Julie's (Lauren Tewes) high school friend Bert Brodie (Eddie Mekka) is taken with fellow passenger Marla Bennett (Audrey Landers) and pretends to be the pen pal, whom she plans to meet on-board.

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See also

Episode Cast | Rated Episodes (by date / vote)| TV Schedule

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