Three Army buddies reunite with their former sergeant Harry Beluski, who talks of nothing but the Army. When they tire of listening to him reminisce about the old days, they introduce him to an attractive widow named Rose who works on the cruise line as a steward. Gopher poses as Julie's lover to fend off the unwanted advances of his abrasive former fraternity brother Rick Martin, but then a real spark appears between them. Single Gwen Hutchins romances fellow passenger Dennis Grant but fears that he won't react well when he hears that she is pregnant.
Air Force Major Ross Latham, his passive wife Nara, and an aggressive old girl friend are on a cruise at the same time. Two brothers share the honeymoon suite. Texas oil magnate Mason Fleers takes the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders aboard to impress several of his clients, including Mideastern Prince Hasssan who thinks that one of the cheerleaders is a permanent gift for him.
A famous movie star disguises herself as her own secretary in order to enjoy some privacy. Julie contemplates marrying a wealthy bachelor, who is entering the steeplechase. Isaac and Gopher sneak a horse on board to enter the upcoming race. Paul Willis lies to his wife about the reason for their cruise, leading her to seek company elsewhere.
Two sets of parents (Terry Moore and Troy Donahue and Farley Granger and Joan Lorring) try to romantically match up their children, together. The children (Lorenzo Lamas and Melissa Sue Anderson) are fed up with them pushing them together, that they decide to do something about it. But, their plan blows up in their faces. A single mother (Susan Howard) is looking for a single guy, but will only date someone whom her baby likes. And Isaac's (Ted Lange) aunt and uncle (Isabel Sanford and Mel Stewart) come on board and her aunt, who fancies herself an actress, performs and Isaac asks the chew to praise her and, in doing so, she decides to pursue it, which means she will leave her husband.
A kleptomaniac meets a psychiatrist who tries to help her but when they fall for each other, the psychiatrist keeps his distance. A television star comes on board and Vicki who adores him expects him to be like his character but is not. And the Captain's brother comes on the cruise to introduce the woman he is going to marry to the Captain. But a woman whom he was involved with follows and tries to woo him back to her and he finds it hard to resist her.
Carl and Violet Hooper's 40th anniversary cruise goes sour after he learns that her investments have been so successful that he could have retired from his job years earlier. Sally Walker endeavors to attract her neglectful husband Hank's attention by claiming that Doc made a pass at her during an examination. A man sneaks on the cruise because he doesn't believe that his girlfriend's travel partner is her brother; he then convinces a neighboring passenger to let him stay in her cabin by claiming to be with the CIA.
A young woman falls in love without knowing that her health is in danger. April becomes a nanny to TV sportscaster Ty Younger's kids. A loan shark sends one of his men to collect a debt, but complications arise.
Doc Bricker (Bernie Kopell) is excited to see his old medical school chum (James MacKrell), but when the old friend has to skip the trip, he asks Doc to look after his wife (Jill St. John) and the wife is very interested in getting to know Doc better; a very ordinary-looking guy (Ron Palillo) is actually the world's greatest lover; and a woman (Dorian Lopinto) either has a twin or a secret past.
Isaac courts a talent scout with his singing skills. A former All-American football player has a romance with Julie. Glenn Dobson's wife forces him to take the cruise in order to help him conquer his fear of water.
Charo returns as April Lopez. Television sportscaster Ty Younger and his new fiancée can't leave his children and their "ninny" April behind them when they set sail. A college football player develops a crush on his friend's mother. A college friend of Gopher's tries to be one thing for the boss and another for the boss' daughter, all the while not realizing they are father and daughter.
A man (Dick Martin) in the middle of a divorce traveling with his mistress is convinced his wife is spying on him; a blind woman (Leslie Uggams) fends off a would-be suitor; nudist sunbather causes problems for the crew, especially Gopher.
Isaac's uncle (Demond Wilson), who has not exactly been an upstanding guy, comes on board. And, a government agent (Robert Ginty) tells the Captain that he is following Isaac's uncle, who he thinks is involved in something that's not exactly legal. A member of the crew (Larry Breeding) is attracted to a passenger (Kyle Aletter) but her mother (Lee Meriwether, Kyle Aletter's real-life mother) is hoping that her daughter can snag a wealthy man. So, he borrows another passenger (Steve Doubet)'s clothes and pretends to be a man of means. And a guy from Doc's hometown ('Randy Powell'), whom he helped send to medical school so that their hometown ...