Scorchy (1976) User Reviews

Moderately entertaining action trash.

[Hey_Sweden · 6/10 · 3 January 2015]

Watchable enough vehicle for starlet Connie Stevens in which she plays Jackie Parker, an undercover detective determined to bust a dope smuggling ring. Among the sordid characters surrounding her are Philip (Cesare Danova) and Claudia Bianco (Marlene Schmidt, the directors' wife), and creepy goons Carl (William Smith) and Nicky (John Davis Chandler).

Unfortunately, this viewer should disclose the fact that he watched the edited for TV version. Therefore, some of the apparently best stuff is nowhere to be seen. That would have added a little spice to what is a mostly unremarkable effort from writer / producer / director Howard Avedis, a busy filmmaker during the 1970s. However, two amusingly protracted chase scenes, one with Stevens going after Smith and one with her pursuing Danova, do make this worth a glance on a slow night. There's some very mild gore; one memorable sex scene ends with a guy getting harpooned in the back.

Connie is passably charming in the main role, even if she doesn't make the most convincing cop in the world. It's up to her excellent supporting cast to do the heavy lifting. Danova is solid, but it's the always reliable, veteran screen villains Smith and Chandler who are the most fun to watch. Norman Burton plays Connies' boss; also appearing are Joyce Jameson, and stuntman Nick Dimitri (in a rare substantial acting role). Actor Greg Evigan makes his film debut playing likable stud Alan.

This viewer must say that he did dig that unexpected and rather abrupt ending.

EDIT: I've since seen the R-rated version on Blu-ray, and while the T & A in this version is appreciable, there's not really enough of it to make a big difference. Still, the movie remains fairly entertaining.

Six out of 10.

A guilty pleasure for the ages

[JohnSeal · 5/10 · 29 March 2000]

This bizarre crime drama stars Connie Stevens as undercover narc Jackie Parker, out to bust the junk smuggling ring commanded by Cesare Danova. There's tons of action: shoot 'em ups, outrageous chase sequences, Connie taking a shower...but the best part of the movie is watching Connie chase the bad guys in what appear to be her pajamas. Add in the fact that the film bears no relation to its odd title, and you have a late night classic.

Mitchell w/ Makeup

[skullislandsurferdotcom · 6/10 · 10 May 2010]

Here we have a woman with layers.

Sexy, sultry Connie Stevens can daylight as a cop and moonlight as a drug-smuggler as she thwarts an operation entailing heroin hidden in antiques imported from Greece to America, that is, when she's not swimming naked or bedding down Greg Evigan she's kicking ass and taking names: like Ceaser Danova, providing the top villain spot... although its William Smith as the menacing henchman she really contends with: especially during an incredible chase where, on a city street, she just happens upon a dune buggy with keys inside.

Stevens is perfectly cast here; she's got all the juice to make this lemon shine. But despite the badness, this flick, like our heroine, really has it all: including a techno soundtrack that was either re-dubbed years later during the Miami Vice craze or, for better or worse, is very ahead of its time.

And after a steamy sex scene turned deadly, Connie provides a screaming-pig's squeal that'd make Bill McKinney proud.

Scorchy is not scorching

[gridoon2024 · 4/10 · 3 March 2019]

Even in the 1970s, movies were still reluctant to portray a female cop as a "Dirty Harriet". Connie Stevens is game, and there are two (count 'em) well-shot & fairly original chase sequences, but in general the action is sparse, the story is confusing, and the supporting cast is poor. *1/2 out of 4.

Costumes for Miss Connie Stevens...by Pleasure Dome Boutique of Hollywood

[pmullinsj · 15 April 2004]

That gives you an idea of this textbook American International Picture with a lot of heroin in valuable objets d'art and many vehicle chases,as well as some on foot, with some very good, some inept beyond belief.

Bill Smith in his 'Falconetti' period is the main reason to watch this: when he runs criminally away, darting here, darting there, it's so gracefully tigerlike it looks like surfing or serious dance.

There is some wonderful footage of Seattle cityscapes in a long chase in which Connie changes from a taxi to a hot rod and Bill gets off the train to get in a beautiful orange Pontiac Bonneville, and later--aided by one of those conveniently passing trains--manages to get a motorbike whose owner he kills in that just-for-the-hell-of-it way that started happening in the early 70's; and so we get a little nice nostalgia for his fabulous biker flicks. This he takes right on into Puget Sound, but Connie just pulls up--then, inexplicably, jumps into the water as if to catch him now by swimming--with all of her clothes, including a full-length coat, still on. As the scene dissolves, she hadn't swam very far, and momentarily is back in her apartment, holding far less of the wet clothes she had been wearing, but still wearing the coat (which looks dry by now) and an orange scarf over her head, whose hair looks dry by now.

And to think that all these garments, but part of all she owned in the film, came from Pleasure Dome Boutique of Hollywood...

This cannot have been synonymous with Frederick's, already an established name, although perhaps Marlene Schmidt had some of those kinds of items when she was primping in her soft-porn-style apartment...

Connie also sometimes screams like a real street feline, the kind that has fights in alleys, a most remarkable horrible snarling sound.

She'd played the Marilyn Monroe character in 'The Sex Symbol'. She would do better to portray Mary Hart of "Entertainment Tonight," even if she is older than the subject, as she is temperamentally suited for this role (not yet projected, alas.)

There is a far too explicit-looking scene of Connie making love with her boyfriend who is then shot in the back by Smith through the window with a spear.

This was a pioneering moment in the new coitus interruptus styles: Having made a clean break with the past, we were on our way to a most thoroughly unbrave new world.

Scorched Attempt

[Chase_Witherspoon · 3/10 · 13 January 2010]

Connie Stevens is a pert, buxom Hollywood B-grade starlet, custom built for the exploitation genre, but even this film is beneath her talents. She plays a 'Police Woman' type undercover agent trying to crack a narcotics ring operating between Rome and California. Known for her promiscuous behaviour and unconventional tactics, she's highly effective although often castigated for her entrapments. Embedded, she's recruited by a drug dealer's wife to act as courier for a cartel, but things go awry. She's on her way to solving the mystery when she seduces the drug dealer's young brother-in-law for information - alas, he expires before he can 'give it to her'. And so begins a sordid path of lurid seduction and retributions.

Director Avedis had made a few mild exploitation attempts ("The Specialist", "The Teacher"), prior to this effort, but his level of skill hasn't improved. Stevens is vivacious and professional while dependable Smith makes a particularly nasty villain - in one scene, he knocks a motorcyclist from his mount, backtracks on the stolen bike, kicks the stricken rider in the head, then shoots him point blank for his troubles. Crooner Evigan in his film debut is out of his depth in this genre (and as evidenced by his future filmography), while Burton is solid as a stereotypical police chief passively reigning in his star performer's excesses.

Notwithstanding the banal dialogue, amateurish cinematography and laboured narrative, "Scorchy" has all the hallmarks of a bona fide sexploitation picture, and therefore, should've been far more entertaining fare. Unfortunately, the low T&A quotient limits that appeal, which in a film titled "Scorchy" is a major liability. Scorchy is clearly a misnomer - it's just laboriously tepid.

She's a polyester-clad Fed with frosted hair...

[moonspinner55 · 2/10 · 28 August 2004]

Bargain-basement claptrap has female narcotics agent in Seattle about to blow the whistle on international heroin ring. Two well-directed action sequences (one involving a speed-buggy, the other a helicopter) saves this tacky flick from turkey status. Connie Stevens tries hard, but her girlish voice hasn't caught up with her body (most often she sounds like she's trying to be coquettish). Her hair is a marvel though: frosted wings that do most of her acting for her. Masochists will revel in one sequence which typifies the rest: as Connie's lover is grinding away, he is murdered and Stevens, realizing there's a dead man on top of her, opens her mouth as wide as she can and screams like Fay Wray; the killer comes into the room, hauls off and slaps Screaming Connie across the face like a cheap whore. It's almost as jaw-dropping as the Statement-Making finale, which is so self-important it goes beyond cheap laughs. * from ****

Bad Movie

[eddy-love · 2/10 · 25 April 2013]

I remember seeing this movie when it first came out. I got in free because the friend I went with knew the manager of the theater. At least I didn't waste any money. This movie was bad. I remember at least three nude scenes with Connie Stevens. There was the shower scene while her date waited on her. Then her swimming in the canal behind her home. She dove in, looked around and when no one was around, she takes off her bikini. Then her making love with the date. I also remember her being extremely foul mouthed in this one. The only reason I can think of for her making this movie was to try to change her image from a squeaky clean beach girl to someone who she really was not. I think after Scorchy, she made some movies but most of them were teen oriented movies with little objectionable material. I think Scorchy backfired on her and sunk her career. She has made many movies that were way better than this thing and that is not saying much.

Connie Stevens in a dune buggy

[BandSAboutMovies · 5/10 · 30 October 2020]

"She's killed a man, been shot at, and made love twice already this evening...and the evening isn't over yet!"

I mean, how am I not going to watch this movie after all that?

Man, American-International kept putting out awesome movies late into the 1970's, with this Howard Avedis written, produced and directed caper (made back when he was still Hikmet Avedis). If you're looking for more Avedis goodness (Goovedis?), I'd recommend The Teacher, Dr. Minx, The Fifth Floor, They're Playing With Fire and the awesome Mortuary.

Jackie Parker (Connie Stevens!) is a cop by day and a drug smuggler by night, when she isn't hooking up with Greg Evigan. She's after drug dealer Philip Bianco (Ceaser Danova) and has to deal with the awesome William Smith as Carl, one of the henchmen, who leads her on a chase through the streets of Seattle that involves a dune buggy, a vehicle which seems quite out of place in the City of Flowers.

At some point in the 1980's when this was released on VHS, the original Igor Kantor-supervised soundtrack was replaced with a Miami Vice inspired score, which is completely out of this world great.

Stevens had a clean image before this movie, so it must have been shocking to see her bed guys and suggest that her elder boss get some fellatio to improve his mood. It's like this movie has the dialogue of an adult film without any of the actual penetration!

Actually, the only penetration is when Carl attacks Scorchy while she's scoring with a guy, entering her Lake City home to shoot the guy in the ass cheek with a harpoon as if this was an Emerald City version of A Bay of Blood.

Man, I live in Pittsburgh and the movies that the world knows my hometown for all involve zombies, which is certainly an awesome thing, but if I were from Seattle, I would be quite honestly inordinately proud of having Scorchy made there. It's a near-perfect drive-in movie and ends James Bond style with a barrage of cops descending on the drug dealer's house and people being shotgun blasted left and right.

I wish Avendis made twenty sequels to this movie.

Not just so bad it's good, this is so bad it's _spectacular_.

[steve.schonberger · 6/10 · 27 June 2017]

As a first point, don't settle for the television edit of this film, which for many years was the only way to see it. Find the restored re-release version. Much of the fun was left out of the television edit, and can only be seen in the restoration.

Although the film credits a police technical adviser, the script doesn't seem to have paid much attention to him. When plausibility comes into conflict with wild plot twists or spectacle, plausibility rarely wins. But the writer- director is considerably better as a director; the scenes flow well, and the action scenes are always either thrilling or hilariously over the top.

The acting is a mix, and sometimes it's hard to tell a badly-acted scene with one where an actor couldn't overcome the writing. But when a scene is unconvincing, it's not bland, it's funny.

A lot about the film is pretty weak, but the spectacle of the chase scenes adds a lot to the quality of the film- making. Judging it on its merits as a police thriller, it's merely a "5", fair. But the film's entertainment value is much higher than that, not just for the chase scenes, but for the laugh value of the film in scenes where it goes wrong. So for fun it's a "9", excellent.

Finally, I live in the Seattle area. The film is full of Seattle scenery, vintage 1976. Picking out scenes of Seattle, and marveling at the changes in the city over four decades, is a special pleasure for anyone familiar with Seattle.

• - -

Here's a spoiler-rich summary of the film's events (from memory, with help on character name from AFI):

The film begins with Carl, a hardened killer, disguised as a priest, bumping off a drug courier and traveling from Rome to Seattle with ten kilos of heroin hidden inside a fake ancient sculpture, a favorite McGuffin in 1970s crime films. Also aboard the plane is police detective Jackie Parker (Connie Stevens, who the movie poster calls "Scorchy"), who is trying to track the drugs and bust the smugglers. Other police meet Jackie at the airport, and each trails one of the suspects. The sculpture goes to Mary, an (apparently not too discerning) art collector. The dead courier's boss, Philip, learning of his man's demise, decides that Jackie (who, under cover as a private pilot, had befriended his wife Claudia) would be a perfect substitute courier.

Jackie and the smuggling bosses visit Mary to retrieve the sculpture to deliver it to a restoration specialist, who is actually the Carl, to restore the statue by removing the drugs under Jackie's supervision. Carl shoots an assistant who is no longer useful, and flees, with Jackie in pursuit in an appropriated dune buggy.

Thus begins the main spectacle of the film: a well-orchestrated, many-vehicle chase scene with some impressive stunts. When faced with a choice between plausibility and spectacle, the film chooses spectacle. When faced with a choice between strong-arm robbery and homicide, Carl chooses murder. The chase concludes with a motorcycle jump toward a Washington State Ferry.

A few scenes later, smugglers press Jackie into flying the drugs to the San Juan Islands. Her plane isn't ready for a while, so she has a romantic interlude at her Lake Union home (a property so expensive that a real cop probably couldn't even afford to rent it for a weekend). The romance is violently interrupted by Carl and his goon Nick, who make off with the heroin.

Jackie gives Philip and Claudia an update, and somehow everyone converges on the home of someone named Suzi. Lots of people start shooting and another big chase ensues. With the aid of a listening device, Jackie learns that the drugs are headed to a mansion owned by kingpin "Big Boy".

Police stake out Big Boy's mansion, and Big Boy arrives by helicopter. A giant shootout ensues, and both the cops and the crooks demonstrate remarkable tactical incompetence. As villains start getting away, Jackie sets out in pursuit of Philip in a police helicopter that had arrived during the shootout. They face off at Gasworks Park, she catches him, he shoots her with her own gun, and he kills him with her back-up gun.

An epic stinker

[pepe4u22 · 1/10 · 27 August 2005]

I had the misfortune of watching this movie that I picked up as a throw-in at a garage sale. I should have left it. The premise of the movie is believe it or not Connie Stevens as a crime fighter. Connie Stevens is totally miscast and totally unbelievable. Connie was only believable when she was taking off her clothes or making out with her boyfriend when she had to do acting well I have seen more range chili dipping wedge shots at my local golf range. When she tried to do action scenes running or handling weapons I was looking for her beautician and stylist to come and help her. When she handled a gun I was waiting for her to shoot herself in the foot. If this was a black comedy or a satire on action movie I may have given it a 3. Since the lowest rating is a one this is what I gave it. This is a movie that starlets make when they reach that certain age (Ms. Stevens in reality was never really a star any particular stature unless you look at who she married.) The movie did show her true range when she had her clothes off unfortunately since her voice and when she tried to act tough I literally had to pause the movie since I was laughing too hard. I only recommend this if you are truly wanting a step on the bizarre side.

And the Oscar goes to...

[kowalski_91 · 9/10 · 19 July 2007]

...Definitely not this flick. But having said that, this is one of the true examples of grindhouse at its finest. Connie Stevens plays Sgt. Jackie Parker, who likes to screw and screw around, more than she likes to do her job. But when she isn't getting her chimney swept, she does a pretty good job at being a cop. Her latest case involves a couple of international junk smugglers, transporting the goods through unsuspecting tourists. That's the who; now the how (they call me Busta-- Busta Rhymes): inside of "priceless" antiques, the junk is smuggled. So when the customer receives his or her fartifact, Philip (Connie's latest case) takes the purchase to be "cleaned," when in fact, the dope is simply extracted.

Anyway, Connie (when she's not modeling her newest "assets" in the lake or in the shower) manages to orchestrate the perfect plan. Because she's managed to acquire the friendship of Philip and his wife, he uses HER to smuggle his latest shipment of heroin when his regular guy falls ill. This works out perfectly, because she now knows the junk's every move.

After a lengthy (which is good, VERY good) chase involving a bike, a dune buggy, a train and a helicopter, Connie pops a cap in Philip's crown, and the credits roll.

The flick's one and only sex scene winds up with Connie's partner getting a harpoon in the back, while Philip's foes (who try to make out with the junk) tie up miss Stevens and leave her for dead.

Anyway, the reason I came across this gem is because it was on the Drive-In Network (Expresvu channel 333), and bought a 16mm print of it a few days later because it was THAT entertaining.

So if you come across it either on tape or (if it's even in existence) DVD, I HIGHLY recommend checking it out.

NINE hairy thumbs up.

Entertaining slice of prime 70's drive-in schlock

[Woodyanders · 8/10 · 29 January 2014]

Spunky undercover narcotics officer Jackie (a winningly perky performance by Connie Stevens) goes out of her way to take down a drug-smuggling ring run by the nefarious Philip Bianco (smoothly essayed with gusto to spare by Cesare Danova). Writer/director Howard Avedis tells the enjoyably goofy story at a snappy pace and maintains an engaging breezy tone throughout. The sturdy cast of reliable pros helps a whole lot: The immortal Big Bill Smith hits it out of the ballpark once again with his supremely nasty portrayal of the vicious Carl Henrich, Norman Burton grouches it up with crusty aplomb as the huffy Chief Frank O'Brien, John Davis Chandler excels in one of his trademark slimy creep roles, and Greg Evigan contributes a likable turn as amiable hunk Alan. Connie's vivacious personality and bubbly charm keeps the picture humming (and Connie even bares her beautifully bountiful boobs as well!). The ineptly staged action scenes and occasional clumsy use of strenuous slow motion provide a wealth of unintentional belly laughs. The surprise bummer ending packs a wicked punch. The energetic groovy score hits the right-on swinging spot. Good trashy fun.