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The Ritz (1976) Poster

(1976)

Quotes

Chris: Screw you, honey. Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand it's a queen without a sense of humor. You can die with your secret... miserable piss-elegant fairy.

Gaetano Proclo: Listen, there's something I have to tell you...

Chris: You're not gay?

Gaetano Proclo: [relieved] No!

Chris: What, are you a social worker or something?

Gaetano Proclo: No, but I didn't know that everyone in here was...

Chris: GAY! See? It's not a bad word. You might try using it sometime.

Gaetano Proclo: You mean to tell me that everyone in here is gay?

Chris: God, I hope so. Otherwise I just paid ten dollars to walk around in a towel in front of a bunch of Shriners.

Carmine Vespucci: What's the matter with you? I thought all dicks could whistle.

Chris: Only "Stormy Weather."

Chris: Margaret Dumont! I thought you were dead!

Muscle Bound Patron: There's a reason people like me don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at him.

Chris: Is that supposed to mean me? Screw you, honey. You can die with your secret, piss-elegant fairy! If there's anything I can't stand, it's a queen without a sense of humor.

Gaetano Proclo: We used to have a guy like that back in the army. We called him "Get away from me Claude".

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Googie Gomez: I know what's going on in here, with all of you men going "Hee hee hee, boo boo boo, hah hah hah.

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Googie Gomez: [singing in a thick accent] "Ebey'tings comin' up rho-ziz, por me and por chu."

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Googie Gomez: [In a thick accent] One of dees days ju is going to see de name of Googie Gomez up in lights and you gonna ask to juself,

[gasps]

Googie Gomez: 'Gwas dat her?' An den ju gonna answer to juself,

[gasps]

Googie Gomez: 'Jes, dat gwas her!' Well, let me tell you something, Mister: I gwas ALWAYS her, jus dat nobody knows it!"

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Chris: [to Carmine] Dumb and dizzy, that's me, Darling.

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Chris: There will be an orgy beginning in room 340 in exactly minutes! Orgy in 340! Four minutes!

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Michael Brick: See something you like, Buddy?

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Claude Perkins: [to Brick] Hey! What do you need, a brick wall to fall on your head? Resting! It's a euphemism for not interested... Skinny!

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Abe Lefkowitz: [announcing Chris's arrival] 340 coming up. That is three-four-oh. She's here, boys!

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Gaetano Proclo: A person can catch Athlete's Foot in a place like this!

Duff: You're lucky if that's all you catch.

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Gaetano Proclo: My, what unusual pants. They look like cowboy chaps.

Patron In Chaps: [fixing Gaetano with an intense stare and spoken in a rich, deep voice] They are cowboy chaps.

Gaetano Proclo: [nervously] That's what I was thinking. They look like cowboy chaps.

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Claude Perkins: [to Carmine] You know Mister, you really know how to break up an act.

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Carmine Vespucci: I need some kind of code name.

Chris: [excitedly] Evelyn!

Carmine Vespucci: No. I don't like Evelyn. It sounds too effiminate.

Chris: [in a deep voice] How about Bunny?

Carmine Vespucci: I like it.

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Patron With Cigar: Crisco.

Gaetano Proclo: What?

Patron With Cigar: Crisco Oil Party. Room 419. Pass it on.

Gaetano Proclo: Pass what on?

Patron With Cigar: Bring Joey.

Gaetano Proclo: Who's Joey?

Patron With Cigar: You know Joey. Don't bring Chuck. You've got that?

Gaetano Proclo: Crisco Oil Party. Room 419. I can bring Joey but not Chuck.

Patron With Cigar: Check.

Gaetano Proclo: What's the matter with Chuck?

[answer is whispered in his ear]

Gaetano Proclo: [absolutely horrified] Chuck is definitely out!

Patron With Cigar: [walking away] Hey, you won't be disappointed.

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Abe Lefkowitz: People like you think the whole world is queer.

Chris: Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.

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Abe Lefkowitz: I thought you'd sworn off this place.

Claude Perkins: I thought I had, too.

Abe Lefkowitz: You got homesick for us, right?

Claude Perkins: Well, I didn't have much choice. I've been barred from the Athenium.

Abe Lefkowitz: Come on! No one gets barred from the Athenium.

Claude Perkins: Well, there was this man there...

Abe Lefkowitz: A fat man, right?

Claude Perkins: Fat? He was the Magic Mountain! He threw me into one of my frenzies. I went beserk and kicked his door open, so they threw me out and told me never to come back again. I was willing to pay for it. I just wanted to talk to him. You know how I am.

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Claude Perkins: It's good to be back, Abe! I feel strangely optimistic about this evening.

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Small Patron: I'd prefer something on three.

Abe Lefkowitz: [mumbling] Yeah, yeah...

Small Patron: [to Gaetano] Did they ever put you on four? It's Siberia up there.

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Gaetano Proclo: You're a good man, Abe. I'm gonna have a novena said for you when I get back to Cleveland. What's your last name? Abe what?

Abe Lefkowitz: Lefkowitz.

Gaetano Proclo: I'll still have a novena said for you when I get back.

[Gaetano leaves]

Chris: You know, I had a novena said for me once. I asked to wake up gorgeous.

Abe Lefkowitz: So, what happened?

Chris: Well look at me!

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Gaetano Proclo: [disappointed] You're not Joe Namath!

Chris: It's the lighting.

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Claude Perkins: [trying to seduce Gaetano] You'll never guess what I had for dinner tonight, so I'm just going to tell you.

Gaetano Proclo: I beg your pardon?

Claude Perkins: A nice ground-pork meatloaf with mozzarella, mashed potatoes covered with gobs of gravy, carrots floating in butter and chunks of avocado with roquefort dressing. Couldn't you just die?

Gaetano Proclo: [confused] I don't know what I could just.

Claude Perkins: And then for dessert German choclate cake with two scoops of mocha walnut ice cream.

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Claude Perkins: [frequent refrain] Jelly Roll, baby! You're my Jelly Roll man!

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Googie Gomez: Think of a tropical night. Think of a beetch.

Gaetano Proclo: What bitch?

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Old Man Vespucci: [his dying words] Get Proclo!

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Abe Lefkowitz: We got nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discothèque, bridge, amateur night... and free blood tests every Wednesday.

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Chris: As strange as it may seem, no one is going to attack you.

Gaetano Proclo: Someone already has!

Chris: Eh, beginner's luck.

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Gaetano Proclo: I don't know what I'm doing!

Chris: Join the club! It's like some strange heterosexual Gypsy curse was put on this place.

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Michael Brick: I was born with this voice.

Googie Gomez: So was Yma Sumac!

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Claude Perkins: Ya really know how to mess up an act, you know that mister?

Carmine Vespucci: You know what they call people like you?

Claude Perkins: Fashionable.

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Vivian Proclo: We OWN this place?

Carmine Vespucci: Papa did a lot of expanding while you were in Cleveland.

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Chris: Into the steamroom, girls.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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