The Ritz (1976)
Chris: Screw you, honey. Boy, if there's one thing I can't stand it's a queen without a sense of humor. You can die with your secret... miserable piss-elegant fairy.
Gaetano Proclo: Listen, there's something I have to tell you...
Chris: You're not gay?
Gaetano Proclo: [relieved] No!
Chris: What, are you a social worker or something?
Gaetano Proclo: No, but I didn't know that everyone in here was...
Chris: GAY! See? It's not a bad word. You might try using it sometime.
Gaetano Proclo: You mean to tell me that everyone in here is gay?
Chris: God, I hope so. Otherwise I just paid ten dollars to walk around in a towel in front of a bunch of Shriners.
Carmine Vespucci: What's the matter with you? I thought all dicks could whistle.
Chris: Only "Stormy Weather."
Chris: Margaret Dumont! I thought you were dead!
Muscle Bound Patron: There's a reason people like me don't ride the subway. I'm looking right at him.
Chris: Is that supposed to mean me? Screw you, honey. You can die with your secret, piss-elegant fairy! If there's anything I can't stand, it's a queen without a sense of humor.
Gaetano Proclo: We used to have a guy like that back in the army. We called him "Get away from me Claude".
Googie Gomez: I know what's going on in here, with all of you men going "Hee hee hee, boo boo boo, hah hah hah.
Googie Gomez: [singing in a thick accent] "Ebey'tings comin' up rho-ziz, por me and por chu."
Googie Gomez: [In a thick accent] One of dees days ju is going to see de name of Googie Gomez up in lights and you gonna ask to juself,
Googie Gomez: 'Gwas dat her?' An den ju gonna answer to juself,
Googie Gomez: 'Jes, dat gwas her!' Well, let me tell you something, Mister: I gwas ALWAYS her, jus dat nobody knows it!"
Chris: There will be an orgy beginning in room 340 in exactly minutes! Orgy in 340! Four minutes!
Claude Perkins: [to Brick] Hey! What do you need, a brick wall to fall on your head? Resting! It's a euphemism for not interested... Skinny!
Abe Lefkowitz: [announcing Chris's arrival] 340 coming up. That is three-four-oh. She's here, boys!
Gaetano Proclo: A person can catch Athlete's Foot in a place like this!
Duff: You're lucky if that's all you catch.
Gaetano Proclo: My, what unusual pants. They look like cowboy chaps.
Patron In Chaps: [fixing Gaetano with an intense stare and spoken in a rich, deep voice] They are cowboy chaps.
Gaetano Proclo: [nervously] That's what I was thinking. They look like cowboy chaps.
Claude Perkins: [to Carmine] You know Mister, you really know how to break up an act.
Carmine Vespucci: I need some kind of code name.
Chris: [excitedly] Evelyn!
Carmine Vespucci: No. I don't like Evelyn. It sounds too effiminate.
Chris: [in a deep voice] How about Bunny?
Carmine Vespucci: I like it.
Patron With Cigar: Crisco.
Gaetano Proclo: What?
Patron With Cigar: Crisco Oil Party. Room 419. Pass it on.
Gaetano Proclo: Pass what on?
Patron With Cigar: Bring Joey.
Gaetano Proclo: Who's Joey?
Patron With Cigar: You know Joey. Don't bring Chuck. You've got that?
Gaetano Proclo: Crisco Oil Party. Room 419. I can bring Joey but not Chuck.
Patron With Cigar: Check.
Gaetano Proclo: What's the matter with Chuck?
[answer is whispered in his ear]
Gaetano Proclo: [absolutely horrified] Chuck is definitely out!
Patron With Cigar: [walking away] Hey, you won't be disappointed.
Abe Lefkowitz: People like you think the whole world is queer.
Chris: Well, it's lucky for people like you it is.
Abe Lefkowitz: I thought you'd sworn off this place.
Claude Perkins: I thought I had, too.
Abe Lefkowitz: You got homesick for us, right?
Claude Perkins: Well, I didn't have much choice. I've been barred from the Athenium.
Abe Lefkowitz: Come on! No one gets barred from the Athenium.
Claude Perkins: Well, there was this man there...
Abe Lefkowitz: A fat man, right?
Claude Perkins: Fat? He was the Magic Mountain! He threw me into one of my frenzies. I went beserk and kicked his door open, so they threw me out and told me never to come back again. I was willing to pay for it. I just wanted to talk to him. You know how I am.
Claude Perkins: It's good to be back, Abe! I feel strangely optimistic about this evening.
Small Patron: I'd prefer something on three.
Abe Lefkowitz: [mumbling] Yeah, yeah...
Small Patron: [to Gaetano] Did they ever put you on four? It's Siberia up there.
Gaetano Proclo: You're a good man, Abe. I'm gonna have a novena said for you when I get back to Cleveland. What's your last name? Abe what?
Abe Lefkowitz: Lefkowitz.
Gaetano Proclo: I'll still have a novena said for you when I get back.
Chris: You know, I had a novena said for me once. I asked to wake up gorgeous.
Abe Lefkowitz: So, what happened?
Chris: Well look at me!
Gaetano Proclo: [disappointed] You're not Joe Namath!
Chris: It's the lighting.
Claude Perkins: [trying to seduce Gaetano] You'll never guess what I had for dinner tonight, so I'm just going to tell you.
Gaetano Proclo: I beg your pardon?
Claude Perkins: A nice ground-pork meatloaf with mozzarella, mashed potatoes covered with gobs of gravy, carrots floating in butter and chunks of avocado with roquefort dressing. Couldn't you just die?
Gaetano Proclo: [confused] I don't know what I could just.
Claude Perkins: And then for dessert German choclate cake with two scoops of mocha walnut ice cream.
Claude Perkins: [frequent refrain] Jelly Roll, baby! You're my Jelly Roll man!
Googie Gomez: Think of a tropical night. Think of a beetch.
Gaetano Proclo: What bitch?
Abe Lefkowitz: We got nightclub, movies, swimming pool, steam room, massage table, discothèque, bridge, amateur night... and free blood tests every Wednesday.
Chris: As strange as it may seem, no one is going to attack you.
Gaetano Proclo: Someone already has!
Chris: Eh, beginner's luck.
Gaetano Proclo: I don't know what I'm doing!
Chris: Join the club! It's like some strange heterosexual Gypsy curse was put on this place.
Michael Brick: I was born with this voice.
Googie Gomez: So was Yma Sumac!
Claude Perkins: Ya really know how to mess up an act, you know that mister?
Carmine Vespucci: You know what they call people like you?
Claude Perkins: Fashionable.
Vivian Proclo: We OWN this place?
Carmine Vespucci: Papa did a lot of expanding while you were in Cleveland.