Memorable quotes for
"Open All Hours" (1976) More at IMDbPro »

Mr Wilkinson: It's a great burden, Granville. Being holier than everybody else. But I enjoy it.
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Mr Wilkinson: Next time you feel desperate for an egg, lad, pause, and remember where it's come from. The world's full of nasty places, Granville.
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Mr Wilkinson: I'll have two dozen ounces of liquorice torpedoes. They'll take your mind away from eggs.
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Mrs Featherstone: I'm not a religious woman, but I find if you say no to everything you can hardly tell the difference.
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Mrs Blewitt: I wouldn't give tuppence for his kidneys. How much is your boiled ham?
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Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: What are your meringues like?
Arkwright: I'm not telling you till after we're married.
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Mrs Blewitt: So. You're going to Parslow's funeral.
Arkwright: Yes. Even though it's very unlikely that he'll ever come to mine.
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Arkwright: Don't just crit there siticizing!
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Granville: [exasperated at Arkwright's tight-fistedness] You're not going to live forever you know.
Arkwright: I'm goin' to have a d-damn good try, aren't you?
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Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: She has a face like a fit.
Arkwright: Aye, but what it would fit, I'll never know. It is like her facial muscles don't know the meaning of the word "teamwork".
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Arkwright: D'ya know what you need? A good walloping.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, yeah and who's gonna give it to me?
Arkwright: I? I? I am.
Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: Oh, three of you.
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Arkwright: Oh, you wound me sometimes, Granville!
Granville: How?
Arkwright: That time I sat on your bicycle clip springs to mind.
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Granville: The nurse will be watching!
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Granville: [about to put a note in the shop till] Do you reckon they can stitch fingers back on these days?
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Arkwright: I want a w-w-word with you.
Granville: That's three words.
Arkwright: That girl of Grimshaw's.
Granville: Big Edna?
Arkwright: Have you been kn-kn-knocking
Granville: I have only admired her from a distance.
Arkwright: Let me finish. Have you been kn-kn-knocking coppers off her weekly order?
Granville: You do the same for Mrs Featherstone.
Arkwright: Not without putting them back somewhere else.
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Arkwright: Scotch broth? That's very exotic. I'm afraid I don't have any in small tins. Only large tins.
Mavis: Oh.
Arkwright: I can't cut it in half Mavis. It all f-flops out. Tell you what. I'll sell you a large tin but I'll only charge you for two small tins.
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Arkwright: Oh, so we're giving flowers to the milkwoman's boyfriend now?
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Granville: You won't let me buy firelighters. You say they're too expensive.
Arkwright: They are in this damn shop. I'm not paying these prices! Get round the Co-op and buy some.
[pause]
Arkwright: Go and open a packet.
Granville: [leaves the room, to return a few seconds later] Not if they're going to count as my birthday present.
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Nurse Gladys Emmanuel: My God! There's nothing frightens you more than a furtive grocer.
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Mrs Featherstone: [Granville has just walked into Mrs. Featherstone] Not even my husband used to get that close.
Arkwright: [to Granville] Dear God! Where did you catch her?
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Arkwright: You look all sinister and Hungarian.
Granville: Hungarians don't look like this.
Arkwright: Badly-dressed Hungarians do.
Granville: I look like an idiot.
Arkwright: Yes.
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Arkwright: I hate that scrunching sound errand boys make when you have to stand on them.
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Mrs. Parslow: I'll have a large washing-up liquid.
Arkwright: I think I'll join you.
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Granville: Well, there's a great day for discoveries. My mother was the fisherman's friend and I've got a bottom half called Hugo.
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Arkwright: Well done! And you certainly have been.
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Granville: Look at the time! Quarter to nine and I'm held here in the clutches of my wicked uncle.
Arkwright: Your uncle is going to be wicked across the road, clutching something else entirely.
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Granville: I've got the blood of poets and lovers in my veins.
Arkwright: [as Granville leaves] Yes. And at least one electrician.
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Milk Round Supervisor: Seriously, have you thought about a drawbridge?
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Arkwright: G-Granville? How do you spell p-p-p-p-pepper? Is it six p's or seven?
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[repeated line]
Arkwright: Granville, fetch your cloth!
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Mavis: I don't know whether to take a tin of luncheon meat.
Arkwright: Is it on your list?
Mavis: Yes...
[Arkwright goes half-way round the shop to fetch a tin of luncheon meat and comes back with it]
Mavis: ...But I crossed it out.
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