Laverne & Shirley (1976–1983)
Shirley Feeney: Laverne, I'm telling you, flying is safer than driving! Nobody has ever crashed into a cloud!
Laverne De Fazio: Yeah well nobody ever fell 40,000 feet from a DeSoto either.
Shirley Feeney: Laverne! The only kinda parties we've ever been to are bring your own!
Laverne De Fazio: I like bringin' my own... then I know what I'm gettin'.
Shirley Feeney: Laverne...
Laverne De Fazio: Hmm?
Shirley Feeney: I just thought of something awful.
Laverne De Fazio: What?
Shirley Feeney: Some day, God willing, I'm gonna be a mother. And if my daughter comes to me and says, Mama, I want to go to this bachelor party and come outta this cake... what can I tell her?
Laverne De Fazio: A lot more than most mothers!
Squiggy: I woulda worn my tuxedo but my polo pony ate it!
Laverne De Fazio: Ahhhh! I just said bet your buns to a nun!
Rosie Greenbaum: Shirley, is that the sexiest thing you have to wear?
Shirley Feeney: Is there something wrong with this?
Rosie Greenbaum: Shirley, Shirley, ya gotta advertise a little! Put the goods in the window! That's what Big Rosie does.
Laverne De Fazio: Oh yeah? I always thought ya put 'em right out on the street.
Shirley Feeney: What did you call that woman again?
Laverne De Fazio: Banana-face.
Shirley Feeney: People do not like to be called fruit!
Rosie Greenbaum: Usually, Mr. Gunther, it's the bimbo with the bucks!
Squiggy: Can we borrow your sheets?
Laverne De Fazio: Oh God, no.
Shirley Feeney: Why do you wanna borrow our sheets?
Squiggy: Well, we have a couple of gorgeous chickaroonies coming over tonight for dinner and crackers, and we kind of like to get to first base with them.
Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: We figure some clean sheets will bring 'em over the old goal line.
Laverne De Fazio: What's the matter with your own sheets?
Squiggy: They're hard.
[Laverne and Shirley show shocked and disgusted reactions]
Shirley Feeney, Laverne De Fazio: [first lines in opening sequence, in the style of a jump-rope or hopscotch chant] One, two, three, four! Five, six, seven, eight! Schlemiel! Shlimazl! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!
Carmine Ragusa: I once met Eddie Fisher!
Shirley Feeney: Oh really? And just what was his excuse for breaking poor Debbie's heart?
Carmine Ragusa: I don't really know. I gave him the towel, he gave me the quarter and that was it!
Squiggy: Hey, what's with all the tropical flora?
Leonard 'Lenny' Kosnowski: Didn't you used to date her?
Squiggy: Nah, that was Teresa DeFluca.
Laverne De Fazio: [reading outloud the poem Shirley wrote in her yearbook] To Laverne: If in heaven we don't meet, hand in hand we'll bear the heat. And if it ever gets too hot, Pepsi Cola hits the spot.
Laverne De Fazio: Are all those girls in those films really naked?
Arthur 'Fonzie' Fonzarelli: No, some of them wear socks!