Memorable quotes for
"Fawlty Towers" (1975) More at IMDbPro »

Sybil Fawlty: [Sybil suggests a way to get rid of Manuel's rat] Perhaps it would be simplest to have him put to S-L-E-E-P.
Basil Fawlty: Who? Him or the rat? I could get a discount if we get them both done.
Manuel: [suspiciously] Spleep?

---

Basil Fawlty: [two guests are speaking to Basil in German] Oh, German. I'm sorry, I thought there was something wrong with you.

---

Basil Fawlty: Polly, what's that smell?
Polly: Flowers, I just got them from the garden.
Basil Fawlty: Well, what are you stinking the place up with those for? What's happened to the plastic ones?
Polly: Being ironed.

---

Basil Fawlty: You'll have to forgive him. He's from Barcelona.

---

Basil Fawlty: Right, well I'll go and have a lie down then. No I won't; I'll go and hit some guests.

---

O'Reilly: The problem with you, Mr. Fawlty, is that you worry too much. You keep it up like this, you'll have a stroke before fifty. Stone dead you'll be.

---

Manuel: [to garden gnome] No Room 16 for you!

---

Basil Fawlty: Where are the pens?
Sybil Fawlty: They're in that box. It says "pens" quite clearly.
Basil Fawlty: Looks more like "Ben's."
Sybil Fawlty: Well, then when Ben comes, you can give it to him.

---

Basil Fawlty: I'll ruin you. You'll never waitress in Torquay again.

---

Basil Fawlty: [indicating Sybil] This, Basil's wife.
[indicating himself]
Basil Fawlty: This, Basil. This, smack on head.
[smacks Manuel on the head]

---

Basil Fawlty: Manuel will show you to your rooms - if you're lucky.

---

Basil Fawlty: It's alright, he's only choking.

---

[Basil has just found out that Kurt has a crush on Manuel]
Basil Fawlty: I knew it. I knew this would happen if we hired a Frenchman.
Polly: He's Greek, Mr. Fawlty.
Basil Fawlty: Greek?
Polly: Of course.
Basil Fawlty: Well that's worse, I mean they invented it.

---

Sybil Fawlty: [on the phone] I know... I know... I know... Oh, I know!
Basil Fawlty: Then why is she telling you?

---

Basil Fawlty: Good night!
[Mr. Leeman doesn't answer]
Basil Fawlty: I said, "Good night!"
Mr. Leeman: Oh, good night!
Basil Fawlty: That didn't hurt, did it?

---

Miss Ursula Tibbs: [Referring to a dead body] He's dead!
Basil Fawlty: Yes it's her husband. She hasn't got over it. Died thirty years ago.

---

Basil Fawlty: Come on out! Rause! Rause! Rause!

---

Sybil Fawlty: Are you still here Basil?
Basil Fawlty: No, I went a few minutes ago dear, but I expect I'll be back shortly.

---

Basil Fawlty: This is typical. Absolutely typical... of the kind of...
[shouting]
Basil Fawlty: ARSE I have to put up with from you people. You ponce in here expecting to be waited on hand and foot, while I'm trying to run a hotel here. Have you any idea of how much there is to do? Do you ever think of that? Of course not, you're all too busy sticking your noses into every corner, poking around for things to complain about, aren't you? Well let me tell you something - this is exactly how Nazi Germany started. A lot of layabouts with nothing better to do than to cause trouble. Well I've had fifteen years of pandering to the likes of you, and I've had enough. I've had it. Come on, pack your bags and get out.

---

Basil Fawlty: [to telephone operator] I've been trying to get through to the speaking clock... Well, it's engaged... Well, it's been engaged for ten minutes. How is this possible? My wife isn't talking to it.

---

Basil Fawlty: Well, of course it's a rat. You have rats in Spain, don't you - or did Franco have them all shot?

---

Basil Fawlty: I'll put an ad in the papers: "Wanted, kind home for enormous savage rodent. Answers to the name of Sybil."

---

Sybil Fawlty: You're looking very happy Basil.
Basil Fawlty: Happy? Ah yes, I remember that.

---

Sybil Fawlty: You know what I'll do if I find out that money is yours?
Basil Fawlty: [calling after her] You'd have to sew 'em back on first.

---

Basil Fawlty: Ah, Manuel? There is too much butter on those trays.
Manuel: Que?
Basil Fawlty: [speaking slowly] There is too much butter on those trays.
Manuel: Ah, no senor. No "on those trays"...
[counting the trays]
Manuel: "uno, dos, tres".

---

Basil Fawlty: A satisfied customer. We should have him stuffed.

---

Basil Fawlty: Tie's a bit bright, isn't it, Major?
Major Gowen: What?
Basil Fawlty: For a memorial service?
Major Gowen: Oh, I didn't like the chap.

---

[Basil's car won't start]
Basil Fawlty: START. Start, you vicious bastard. Oh my God. I'm warning you, if you don't start... I'll count to three. 1, 2, 3, right, that does it.
[Gets out]
Basil Fawlty: I'm going to give you a damn good thrashing.

---

Basil Fawlty: Don't mention the war. I mentioned it once, but I think I got away with it all right.

---

[Basil answers the phone which interrupts him hanging a moose head decoration]
Basil Fawlty: [Answers the phone call from his wife] Yes. Fawlty Towers, hello?
[pause]
Basil Fawlty: I was just doing it, you stupid woman. I just put it down, to come here and be reminded by you to do what I'm already doin'. What is the point in reminding me to do what I'm already doing? What is the bloody point? I'm doing it aren't I?
[pause]
Basil Fawlty: Yes, yes, I picked it up... Yes... No, no, I haven't had a chance yet... Yes, I will... Yes... No, I haven't yet, but I will... Yes, yes, yes, I know it is... Yes, I'll try and get it cleared up... Anything else? I mean, would you like the hotel moved a bit to the left?

---

Basil Fawlty: Your *name*, please, could I have your name?
Lord Melbury: Melbury.
[the phone rings; Basil picks it up]
Basil Fawlty: [to Melbury] One second please.
[to phone]
Basil Fawlty: Hello?... Ah, yes Mr O'Reilly, well it's perfectly simple. When I asked you to build me a wall I was rather hoping that instead of just dumping the bricks in a pile you might have found time to cement them together... you know, one on top of another, in the traditional fashion.
[to Melbury, testily]
Basil Fawlty: Could you fill it in, please?
[to phone]
Basil Fawlty: Oh, splendid! Ah, yes, but *when*, Mr O'Reilly?
[to Melbury, who is having difficulty with the register]
Basil Fawlty: there - there!
[to phone]
Basil Fawlty: Yes, but when? Yes, yes... ah!... the flu!
[to Melbury]
Basil Fawlty: *Both* names, please.
[to phone]
Basil Fawlty: Yes, I should have guessed, Mr. O'Reilly that and the potato famine I suppose...
Lord Melbury: I beg your pardon?
Basil Fawlty: Would you put *both* your names, please?...
[to phone]
Basil Fawlty: Well, will you give me a *date*?
Lord Melbury: Er... I only use one.
Basil Fawlty: [with a withering look] You don't have a first name?
Lord Melbury: No, I am *Lord* Melbury, so I simply sign myself "Melbury".
[there is a long, long pause]
Basil Fawlty: [to phone] Go away.
[puts phone down]
Basil Fawlty: ... I'm *so* sorry to have kept you waiting, your lordship... I *do* apologize, *please* forgive me. Now, was there something, is there something, anything, I can do for you? Anything at all?

---

[after explaining to everyone about the fire drill moments away]
Basil Fawlty: Splendid, we will have the fire drill which will commence in exactly 30 seconds from now. Thank you.
[Everyone stands still]
Basil Fawlty: What are you doing? Are you just going to stand there?
Mr. Sharp: Well, what do you suggest?
Basil Fawlty: Well, couldn't a few of you go into the bar or dining room... I mean, use your imagination?
Mr. Sharp: Why?
Basil Fawlty: This is supposed to be a fire drill.
Mr. Sharp: There's only a few seconds.
Basil Fawlty: ...Right. Well, obviously if there was a fire you would all be standing down here like this, right here in the lobby. Wouldn't you? I don't know why we bother. We should let you all burn.

---

Basil Fawlty: Coming my little piranha fish.

---

Basil Fawlty: Manuel...
[Basil thwacks him on the forehead with a spoon]
Basil Fawlty: ...You're a waste of space.

---

Basil Fawlty: Manuel, where is the bottle?
Manuel: Qué?
Basil Fawlty: The bottle. Where is it?
Manuel: Oh I take it. I take it, I take it.
Basil Fawlty: Manuel, you're a waste of space.

---

Basil Fawlty: [about Sybil's laugh] Sounds like somebody machine-gunning a seal.

---

Basil Fawlty: Madam, I don't mean to pry, but do you by any chance have a hearing aid?
Mrs. Richards: A what?
Basil Fawlty: A HEARING AID.
Mrs. Richards: Yes, of course.
Basil Fawlty: Would you like me to get it mended?
Mrs. Richards: Mended? It's working perfectly all right.
Basil Fawlty: No, it isn't.
Mrs. Richards: I haven't got it switched on at the moment.
Basil Fawlty: Why not?
Mrs. Richards: The battery runs down.

---

[Basil has had to produce a new menu for the gourmet evening]
Colonel Hall: Duck with Orange; duck with cherries; duck surprise.
Mrs. Hall: What's duck surprise?
Basil Fawlty: Er... that's duck without oranges or cherries.
Colonel Hall: I mean is this all there is - Duck?
Basil Fawlty: Yes... done of course in three extremely different ways.
Colonel Hall: And what do you do if you don't like duck?
Basil Fawlty: Well, if you don't like duck... you're rather stuck.

---

[Raving on about the fire extinguisher that he fired into his own face]
Basil Fawlty: Do you know what that fire extinguisher did? It exploded in my face. I mean, what is the point of a fire extinguisher? It sits there for months, and when you actually have a fire - when you actually need the bloody thing - it blows your head off! I mean, what is happening to this country? It's bloody Wilson!

---

[the Major is in the bar with a rifle, stalking a rat. Basil is behind him, unaware of what the Major is doing]
Basil Fawlty: Can I help you at all Major...?
Major Gowen: Don't move!
[Points the rifle at Basil]
Major Gowen: ...Vermin
[Basil mishears and rolls eyes]
Basil Fawlty: We haven't got any this week, Major.
Major Gowen: Hm?
Basil Fawlty: ...No Germans.

---

[Sybil has asked Basil to get her blue bed-top from the drawers. He picks up a pink top]
Basil Fawlty: This one?
Sybil Fawlty: Is it blue?
Basil Fawlty: Well it's got blue things on it.
Sybil Fawlty: They're flowers, and I didn't ask for the one with the flowers, did I?
Basil Fawlty: No, no, you didn't dear, quite right. No, I just picked that one up to annoy you, actually.

---

[Sybil is wondering why Basil is dancing about the kitchen]
Basil Fawlty: Just my way of getting through the day, dear. The, ah, Samaritans were engaged.

---

[Basil has been distracted from getting drinks for several guests for a very long time]
Mr. Wareing: A GIN AND ORANGE! A LEMON SQUASH! AND A SCOTCH AND WATER PLEASE!

---

Basil Fawlty: Ah, hello Lord Melbury...
[then]
Basil Fawlty: BASTARRRDDD!

---

[the health inspector, Mr. Carnegie is visiting and there is a rat loose in the hotel]
Manuel: Major try to kill Basil!
[Manuels rat is also called Basil]
Sybil Fawlty: Tried to kill BASIL ?
Manuel: No, not Mr. Fawlty, Basil my little...
[Manuel is about to say 'Rat' in front of the health inspector]
Polly: [suddenly] RATATOUILLE!
Mr. Carnegie: Basil the little... what?
Polly: Ratatouille; the chef calls the ratatouille 'Basil', because he puts quite a lot of basil in it.
Manuel: He put Basil in Ratatouille?
Polly: Yes!
Manuel: ARGGGHHHHHHHH!
[Manuel runs off to the kitchen screaming]
Sybil Fawlty: [to Mr. Carnegie] He's from Barcelona.

---

[Basil is distracted from giving two lamb dishes to Mr. and Mrs. Johnston]
Mr. Johnston: Are those lambs ours?
Basil Fawlty: [annoyed voice] Not yet.

---

[Basil is again distracted from giving two lamb dishes to the Johnstons]
Mr. Johnston: EXCUSE ME! There are two lambs here!
Basil Fawlty: I'll have them removed if they're bothering you.

---

[Basil has taken the lamb dishes out of the kitchen to greet Mrs. Hamilton at reception]
Mr. Johnston: [Re: Lamb dishes] Have you finished with those yet?
Basil Fawlty: Oh absolutely. Bon Appétit
[makes rude farting sound]
Mr. Johnston: [to Mrs. Hamilton] I recommend the self-service here. It's excellent.
Basil Fawlty: Your lambs will be getting cold, Mr. Johnston.
Mr. Johnston: *Colder*
Basil Fawlty: If you'd like them warmed up...
Mr. Johnston: Forget it
[he goes back into the dining room]
Basil Fawlty: ...you can get your wife to sit on em'!
Basil Fawlty: [to Mrs. Hamilton] I'm so sorry at the RUBBISH we get in here.

---

[a guest has died and Polly has just knocked out Miss Tibbs]
Basil Fawlty: Oh spiffing. Absolutely spiffing. Well done. Two dead, Twenty-five to go.

---

Basil Fawlty: We have a Spanish porter at the moment, he's from Barcelona. It'd be quicker to train an *ape*!

---

Basil Fawlty: [to Manuel] Stupidissimo! Continental cretin!

---

[Basil has accidentally set off the burglar alarm during the fire drill, guests start walking out of the building thinking it's the fire alarm, but Basil stops them all in the lobby]
Mrs. Wilson: Oh I thought that was the drill.
Basil Fawlty: Yes there is, at twelve o'clock.
Mrs. Wilson: But, it is twelve o'clock.
Basil Fawlty: Well not quite.
[to guests that try to leave]
Basil Fawlty: Excuse me!
Mrs. Wilson: Well, I make it twelve o'clock.
Basil Fawlty: [to guests] Im afraid that wasn't the...
Mrs. Wilson: What time do you make it, Major?
Basil Fawlty: [annoyed] Look...
Major Gowen: Burglars about, I think.
Basil Fawlty: Look, it doesn't matter what time he makes it, it hasn't started yet.
Mrs. Sharp: What?
Basil Fawlty: It hasn't started yet!
Mrs. Sharp: But, that was the bell wasn't it?
Basil Fawlty: No!
Mrs. Wilson: He means the *drill* hasn't started yet.
Mr. Sharp: What drill? We didn't hear a drill.
Basil Fawlty: [trying to explain] No, no no no, look, look - that was the burglar alarm.
Major Gowen: See!
Mrs. Wilson: The burglar alarm?
Basil Fawlty: Yes!
Mrs. Wilson: Are there burglars?
Major Gowen: Evidently!
Basil Fawlty: [increasingly annoyed] No! Look, what's the matter with you all? It's perfectly simple: we have the fire drill when I ring the fire bell- That wasn't the fire bell!
Mr. Sharp: Well, how are we supposed to know that wasn't the fire bell?
Basil Fawlty: Because, it doesn't sound like the fire bell.
All guests at once: It did.
Basil Fawlty: It didn't!

---

Basil Fawlty: So this Finnish floozy is your karate teacher is she?
Terry: Well. It's a sort of karate isn't it?

---

Miss Gatsby: And don't do anything *we* wouldn't do!
Basil Fawlty: Oh, just a little breathing, surely.

---

[Polly, with a piece of cheese, is looking for Basil the Rat under the table]
Polly: Basil. Basil? Cheesies! Basil...
[Basil Fawlty comes up behind her and bumps the table]
Basil Fawlty: Yes?
Polly: Oh, Mr. Fawlty I...
Basil Fawlty: Oh that's for me is it? Thank you.
[eats the cheese]
Polly: Can I get you some more? There's plenty...
Basil Fawlty: He's called Basil is he? Don't play dumb with me, I trusted you. You're responsible for this!

---

[Basil, after finding out about Mr. Hutchinson's real job]
Basil Fawlty: [softly] Spoons hey?
Mr. Hutchinson: What?
Basil Fawlty: SSPTHOONS!

---

Basil Fawlty: Can we get you something else Mr. Hutchinson? A tea cosy for your pepper pot perhaps?

---

[Scolding Polly for not revealing where her eyeglasses were located]
Mrs. Richards: Are you blind? They were on my head all the time! Didn't you see?
Polly: Yes.
Mrs. Richards: Didn't God give you eyes?
Polly: Yes, but I don't use them, because it wears the batteries out.

---

Basil Fawlty: Where's Sybil?
Manuel: ¿Que?
Basil Fawlty: Where's Sybil?
Manuel: Where's... the bill?
Basil Fawlty: No, not a bill! I own the place!

---

German Guest: Can we help you?
Basil Fawlty: Oh, you speak English.
German Guest: Of course.
Basil Fawlty: Ah, wonderful! Vonderbar! Ahh! Please allow me to introduce myself, I am the owner of Fawlty Towers. And may I welcome your war... your war... you all... and hope that your stay will be a happy one. Now, would you like to eat first, or would you like a drink before the war... AHH! Er... trespassers will be tied up with piano wire... SORRY, SORRY!

---

Manuel: Ohh, he hit me on the head.
Major Gowen: No! You hit him on the head. You naughty moose.
German Guest: However did they win?

---

Basil Fawlty: Walnuts! That's a laugh! Easier to find a packet of sliced hippopotamus in suitcase sauce than a walnut in this bloody kitchen!

---

Basil Fawlty: [exasperated with Manuel] Please! Try to understand before one of us dies.

---

Basil Fawlty: [Basil and Manuel are moving the body of a guest who has died] One of the guests has died.
Major Gowen: Ah. Shot, was he?
Basil Fawlty: No, during the night.
Major Gowen: Ah, well, you're off your guard, you see.

---

Basil Fawlty: If you bother me again I shall visit you in the small hours of the night and put a bat up your nightdress.

---

[the phone rings]
Basil Fawlty: [picking up the phone; his wife is at the other end of the line] Hello, Fawlty Towers.
[pause]
Basil Fawlty: [annoyed] Oh, what is it now? Can't you leave me in peace?

---

Basil Fawlty: [overseeing dinner, he approaches a table where Mrs. Heath is eating with her son Ronald] Everything all right here?
Mrs. Heath: Well...
Master Heath: [cutting in] I don't like the chips. The chips are awful.
Basil Fawlty: Really? How so?
Master Heath: They're the wrong shape and they're just awful.
Mrs. Heath: Ah, he's very clever... rather highly strung.
Basil Fawlty: [forcing himself to smile] Highly strung... Yes, he should be.
Master Heath: [to Basil] These eggs look like *you* laid them. Haven't you got any *proper* chips?
Basil Fawlty: These *are* proper French-fried potatoes. The chef is Continental.
Master Heath: Couldn't you get an English one?
Mrs. Heath: Why don't you just eat one or two, dear?
Master Heath: Because they're the wrong *shape*.
Basil Fawlty: Oh, my... What shape do you prefer? Mickey Mouse shape? Smarties shape? Amphibious landing-craft shape? Poke-in-the-eye shape?
Master Heath: God, you're dumb.
Basil Fawlty: [gritting his teeth] Is there anything else we can get you, *sonny*?
Master Heath: I'd like some bread and salad cream.
Basil Fawlty: Well, there's the bread, and there's the mayonnaise.
Master Heath: I said *salad cream*, stupid.
Basil Fawlty: We don't *have* any salad cream.
Master Heath: What a *dump*.
Basil Fawlty: ...The chef made that mayonnaise fresh this morning.
Master Heath: That's *puke*, that is.
Basil Fawlty: Well, at least it's *fresh* puke!

---

Mr. Arrad: Excuse me.
Basil Fawlty: Yes?
Mr. Arrad: Look, we've been waiting here for about half an hour now, I mean I gave the waiter our order...
Basil Fawlty: Oh, *him*. He's hopeless, isn't he?
Mr. Arrad: Yes, well I don't wish to complain, but when he does bring something he's got it wrong.
Basil Fawlty: You think I don't know? I mean, you only have to eat here. We have to live with it. I had to pay his fare all the way from Barcelona, but you can't get the staff you see. It's a nightmare.
Mrs. Arrad: You were supposed to be complaining to *him*.

---

Mr. Hutchinson: I thought Boff was the name of a locale... you know the name of a district. That P looks like a B, you see.
Basil Fawlty: No it doesn't.
Mr. Hutchinson: Yes it does, there's a little loop on the bottom of it.
Basil Fawlty: [taking the diagram and showing it to Walt] Excuse me - would you say that was a 'P' or a 'B'?
Mr. Walt: Er...
Basil Fawlty: There, does it say Boff or does it say Poff?
Mr. Walt: Er...
Basil Fawlty: There, There! It's a P isn't it.
Mr. Walt: [unwillingly] I suppose so.
Basil Fawlty: P. Off.
Mr. Walt: I beg your pardon?
Basil Fawlty: P off! not B. off. Whoever heard of a Bost office?

---

Sybil Fawlty: And try and find time to put that moose's head on the wall.
Basil Fawlty: Yes.
Sybil Fawlty: It's been sitting there for two weeks Basil. I don't know why you bought it.
Basil Fawlty: It will give the lobby a certain ambiance, it has a touch of style about it.
Sybil Fawlty: It has a touch of mange about it.
Basil Fawlty: That is not so.
Sybil Fawlty: It's got things living in it Basil, it's nasty.
Basil Fawlty: It is not nasty, it's superb.
Sybil Fawlty: I am not going to argue with you, just get it up out of the way I don't want to snag any more cardis on it.

---

[talking to a nurse]
Basil Fawlty: Why *do* they call you sister? Is it a term of endearment?

---

Sybil Fawlty: Don't shout at me, I've had a difficult morning.
Basil Fawlty: Oh dear, what happened? Did you get entangled in the eiderdown again? Not enough cream in your eclair? Hmm? Or did you have to talk to all your friends for so long that you didn't have time to perm your ears?

---

Sybil Fawlty: [to Mr. O'Reilly, exasperated] I've seen more intelligent creatures than you swimming at the bottom of ponds! I've seen better organised creatures than you running 'round farm yards with their heads cut off!

---

Basil Fawlty: Next contestant, Mrs. Sybil Fawlty from Torquay. Specialist subject - the bleeding obvious.

---

Basil Fawlty: [to Polly] Oh, it's my fault is it? I thought it was your fault for falling asleep or Manuel's fault for not waking you, and all the while it was * my* fault. Oh, it's so obvious now I've seen the light! Well, I must be punished then, mustn't I?
[spanking himself]
Basil Fawlty: You naughty boy!

---

Basil Fawlty: Don't be alarmed, it's only my wife laughing.

---

Basil Fawlty: Do you remember when we were first *manacled* together? We used to laugh quite a lot.
Sybil Fawlty: Yes, but not at the same time, Basil.

---

Sybil Fawlty: [to a customer who has just given Basil a tip for a horse race] Basil doesn't bet on the horses anymore,
[to Basil]
Sybil Fawlty: do you?
Basil Fawlty: No, that particular avenue of pleasure has been closed off.
Sybil Fawlty: And we don't want it opened up again, do we?
Basil Fawlty: No, you don't dear.

---

Basil Fawlty: I wish you'd help a bit, you're always refurbishing yourself.

---

Basil Fawlty: I would find it easier to cope with some of the cretins who come here, my little nest of vipers, if I had a smidgen of cooperation from you.
Sybil Fawlty: Cooperation? That's a laugh. The day you cooperate you'll be in a wooden box, I've never heard such rudeness.

---

Polly: [Basil is raving at Polly about the remodeling fiasco] Well, it isn't my fault! He was supposed to wake me!
Basil Fawlty: Who was supposed to wake you?
Polly: [pause] It *is* my fault.
Basil Fawlty: [shouts] Manuel! I knew it!

---

Basil Fawlty: [to Sybil, while having dinner] Why don't you have another vat of wine, dear?

---

Basil Fawlty: Manuel, go and get me a hammer
Manuel: Que?
Basil Fawlty: A... hammer
Manuel: Ahhhhh, a hammer sandwich!
Basil Fawlty: Oh, must we go through this every time? A hammer.
Manuel: You want to see my hamster?
Basil Fawlty: No, not your hamster. How could I knock a nail in with a hamster? Well... I could try, couldn't I?
[walks away]
Basil Fawlty: Get a hhhammer and hhhit you on the hhhead with it.

---

Basil Fawlty: [into phone] Hello, Fawlty titties.

---

Basil Fawlty: Did you ever see that film "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Major Gowen: "How To Murder Your Wife"?
Basil Fawlty: Yes, awfully good. I saw it six times.

---

Basil Fawlty: [chasing after Sir Richard Morris, who is leaving] Where are you going? Where are you going?
Sir Richard Morris: We're leaving!
Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't - please stay - you'll like it here.
Sir Richard Morris: I've never been to such a place in my life!
[they drive off]
Basil Fawlty: [yelling after them] You snobs! You stupid... stuck-up... half-witted... upper-class piles of... pus!

---

Manuel: Hello, men!
O'Reilly Workman # 1: Good day.
Manuel: You are men.
O'Reilly Workman # 1: What?
Manuel: You are the men!
O'Reilly Workman # 1: You tryin' to be funny?
Manuel: You are men with Orelly! You Orelly men!
O'Reilly Workman # 1: What does that mean?
Manuel: You Orelly!
O'Reilly Workman # 1: [angry] You watch it!
Manuel: Where Orelly?
O'Reilly Workman # 2: He means O'Reilly.

---

Mrs. Hamilton: How long have you been married?
Sybil Fawlty: Oh, since 1485.

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Basil Fawlty: Manuel... my wife informs me that you're... depressed. Let me tell you something. Depression is a very bad thing. It's like a virus. If you don't stamp on it, it spreads throughout the mind, and then one day you wake up in the morning and you... you can't face life any more!
Sybil Fawlty: And then you open a hotel.

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Sybil Fawlty: [Basil has been listening to classical music in the office instead of typing the lunch menu] If you hadn't been sitting around all morning listening to that racket, you could have been finished by now.
Basil Fawlty: "That racket?" That was *Brahms*!
[shouts]
Basil Fawlty: Brahms's third racket!

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