Mel: I haven't had a real piece of bread in thirty years. If I'd known I would have saved some rolls when I was a kid.
Edna: Why you havin pain's in your chest?
Mel: Because I don't have a job! Because I don't have a suit to wear. Because I'm having a God-damned nervous breakdown and they didn't even leave me with a decent pair of pajamas.
Mel: Sons of bitches! Dirty rotten bastards! You heard me.
[gesture's middle finger]
Mel: I've been here for three hours Harry... so far I got poison ivy, got chewed up by gnats, laid down in manuare, and your dog piddled all over my car... so I haven't really had a lot of time for rural ecstasy.
Mel: Could we turn all of these off, it looks like a night game at Shea Stadium!
Mel: God... God... God... God...
Edna: Can't you sleep?
Mel: If I could sleep would I be laying here calling God at 2:00 in the morning?
Mel: Oh am I gonna get that guy Jacoby! I know exactly what time he comes home.
Mel: If you're a human being, then you reserve the right to complain, to protest. If you give up that right then you cease to exist.
Mel: I don't know either where I am or who I am. I'm disappearing, Edna. I don't need an analyst, I need Lost & Found!
Mel: The vice president in charge of my department used the same paper clip for six months. *Nobody* ever came to work late anymore. They were all afraid if you didn't show up, somebody'd sell your desk!
Harry Edison: You're 113 years old between the two of you, and neither one of you makes any sense.