Mrs. Upson: Mame, you'll never believe this, but this part of the house used to be an old slave kitchen
[black maid walks in]
Mrs. Upson: Oh there you are Bertha. Bertha, this is Mame Dennis. Bertha is one in a million. We don't know what we'd do without her, do we Claude? She's so nice... most of them are getting so snotty these days.
Vera Charles: I'm thrilled by the style and wit of each jest that you make. It's bracing to me. Trade quips with my bosom buddy. You Woolcott, you Benchley, you snake.
Peter: [after Patrick and Pegeen say he can't go to Siberia with Mame] You know what your problem is mom? You don't Live Live LIVE! Life is a Banquet and most sons of bitches are starving to death!
Young Patrick: Can I slide down the banister?
Mame: Well, why not.
Young Patrick: My father would never let me.
Mame: That's too bad. You must come from a dreadful family.
Young Patrick: I only have one relative in the whole world.
Mame: Oh, really, dear? And who is that?
Young Patrick: You.
Agnes: That's right.
Mame: Who are you?
Agnes: Agnes Gooch.
Mame: That's impossible. You aren't coming until tomorrow. Your telegram clearly said December 1, and this is November 31. And everyone knows that thirty days hath September, April, June, and Nov - . Oh my GOD. I'm your Auntie Mame.
Mrs. Upson: Now we all know about these women things, don't we.Come down here and sit beside me.
[Heavily pregnant Agnes sits down]
Mrs. Upson: Now, what's your name dear?
Mrs. Upson: And what does Mr. Gooch do?
Agnes: Oh, my father passed on.
Mrs. Upson: No no, I meant your husband.
Agnes: I'm a bachelor girl. My baby is going to be a little bas...
Vera: I have an astronomical discovery for you. The man in the moon is a bitch.
Vera Charles: However, in 'Fallen Angel' all of my clothes were done by Chanel! She said to me, 'Cheri' - she always called me Cheri - 'Cheri' she said, clothes not only make the woman, clothes make the world!' Oh she's brilliant! Sell her own mother, but brilliant. The costumes for my new show are so dazzling, that we expect complaints from the orchestra.