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"Columbo" Negative Reaction (TV Episode 1974) Poster

(TV Series)

(1974)

Quotes

[Galesko has tied his wife to a chair]

Frances Galesko: Are you trying to frighten me with some new-found masculinity?

Paul Galesko: I have this... "dream", Frances. I'm working, and, uh, there's a phone call, and he says, "Terribly sorry, Mr. Galesko, but... your wife's dead. Unfortunate accident," and then I always wake up, and I want to cry. Because you're still alive, Frances, and I have nothing to face that day, but another 24 hours with a domineering, nagging, suffocating woman who took all the joy out of my life.

[He takes a pistol out of his briefcase]

Frances Galesko: Huh! Paul, don't be a fool! They'll know you did it!

Paul Galesko: I don't think so. Not if everything works.

Frances Galesko: You'll never get away with it!

Paul Galesko: If not... it's a chance I'm gonna take.

Frances Galesko: [pleading] Untie me!

[Galesko shoots her]

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Paul Galesko: [gesturing at Columbo's camera] Lieutenant, may I ask, what's the meaning of that?

Lt. Columbo: You noticed. I'm sorry, sir, I tried to be inconspicuous.

Paul Galesko: Well, you failed, miserably.

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Paul Galesko: Lieutenant, did you want something?

Lt. Columbo: Is there someplace, sir, that you and I could, uh, talk?

Paul Galesko: [irritated] Columbo, you're becoming very annoying, do you know that?

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Paul Galesko: You believe that somehow I'm responsible for my wife's death. Oh, don't deny it, Lieutenant! You're like a little shaggy-haired terrier who's got a grip on my trousers, you won't let go. I can't turn around without you staring up at me with that blank, innocent expression on your face!

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Lt. Columbo: I'll tell ya, if I'm right about this, it's gonna tickle the life outta me!

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Lt. Columbo: [prepares to leave] Well, I'll be running along, sir. Thank you very much for the time.

Paul Galesko: It's all right.

Lt. Columbo: Oh, there's one other thing, sir, uh... it's a bit of a problem...

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[Lt. Columbo is giving driving instructor Mr. Weekly a lift in his car when Mr. Weekly insists he pull over]

Mr. Weekly: Lieutenant Columbo, I'm sure you have a driver's license. It may even have been issued in this state. It may even be valid. But all of these things not withstanding, I'm sure you'll understand why I'm electing to walk the rest of the way.

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Paul Galesko: O-oh, Lieutenant, you're priceless! You're a gem! You're a little flawed, and you're not too bright, but you're one of a kind!

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Lt. Columbo: Were you a witness to what he just did?

Sergeant Hoffman: Yes, Lieutenant.

Lt. Columbo: Were you a witness to what he just did?

Policeman: Yes, sir.

Lt. Columbo: Were you a witness to what he just did?

Second Policeman: Yes, I am, sir.

Paul Galesko: Witness to what?

Sergeant Hoffman: You just incriminated yourself, sir.

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Lt. Columbo: [intrigued by a mirror image photo of the same woman] Maybe I'm nuts but, uh, this is the same photograph, isn't it?

Camera store clerk: Yeah?

Lt. Columbo: Well, I was lookin' at this thing before and, uh... Now in this picture her left arm is bent, but in this picture her right arm is bent. I mean, now she's got two bent arms.

Camera store clerk: Well, you see, that's a reverse negative, Lieutenant. You see, what's originally on the right comes out on the left and what's on the left on the right.

Lt. Columbo: You mean, I could have a picture where I'm on the right and my wife's on the left and we do this reversal and then I would be on the left and my wife would be on the right?

Camera store clerk: Absolutely.

Lt. Columbo: I'll be a monkey's uncle. You learn sum'pin' every day.

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Paul Galesko: Lieutenant, that is not a good picture. The exposure's way too light, the framing is off, everything's way off center, the framing... It's not a good picture, Lieutenant.

Lt. Columbo: You know, you're right.

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[while trying to find a witness at a homeless shelter, a nun mistakes Lt. Columbo for a homeless man]

Sister: [looking at Columbo's raincoat in dismay] Oh, that coat! Tch, tch, tch! That coat, that coat, that coat...! Oh, I'm sure that we can find something nicer for you in the other room. Something maybe a bit warmer? What-what size are you? Do you know?

Lt. Columbo: I think there's a misunderstanding.

Sister: Oh, no, brother. No false pride between friends.

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[Lt. Columbo goes down to the evidence room to follow up on an idea]

Captain Sampson: Columbo! Hey! What are you doing down here in the dungeon?

Lt. Columbo: How ya doing, Captain. Well, I was just checking out a few things: the Galesko kidnapping.

Captain Sampson: Galesko? I thought that case was closed.

Lt. Columbo: Well, you know me, Captain. Just, uh, tying up some loose ends.

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Lt. Columbo: Well, look, I won't hold you up any longer. I want to apologize again if I caused any disturbance.

Paul Galesko: All right, Lieutenant.

Lt. Columbo: Ah, one more thing, sir. I almost forgot. One more thing that I wanted to check on. Uh, probably not important... um...

Lt. Columbo: [to Galesko's driver] Could you excuse us?

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Captain Sampson: Columbo, why... why are you wasting your time with this?

Lt. Columbo: Because it bothers me, and I couldn't sleep, and, uh, I kept thinking about it!

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[Paul Galesko enjoys a successful showing of his work with his assistant and his publisher]

Ray: Ooh, ooh, ooh, and, and, uh, talking about books, that funny little man came by my office again yesterday.

Paul Galesko: What man?

Ray: Oh, you know, the uh, policeman.

Paul Galesko: Bombarded you with questions, I suppose, huh?

Ray: Oh, yeah. Yeah, but he bought one of your volumes, so it wasn't a complete waste of time, eh?

Lorna McGrath: You know, he did take quite an interest in your work the other day.

Ray: Mm-hm.

Paul Galesko: [spots Columbo at a distance] And today as well.

Lorna McGrath: Hm?

Lt. Columbo: Mr. Galesko, sir!

Ray: Ah, good afternoon, Lieutenant.

Lt. Columbo: [to Paul] I've been looking all over for you, sir.

Paul Galesko: [exasperated] You have.

Lt. Columbo: Yes, uh, I hope I'm not interrupting...

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Lt. Columbo: I know I've been a pest. I'm just trying to do my job. I won't bother you anymore.

Paul Galesko: Oh, I hope you mean that, Lieutenant. For your sake and for mine.

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Lt. Columbo: Excuse me, Mr. Galesko, I hate to trouble you...

Paul Galesko: Columbo, what are you doing here?

Lt. Columbo: If I'm interrupting anything, you just tell me...

Paul Galesko: No, of course not.

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Lt. Columbo: I think I'm crazy.

Lt. Columbo: [writing note] Why didn't he rent car sooner?

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Lt. Columbo: [cutting up a newspaper] Just one minute, sir. I'm looking for a K.

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Frances Galesko: If this is some sort of a joke, must I remind you that you have no sense of humor. And you never had, none at all?

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Lt. Columbo: What is this, beef stew?

Thomas Dolan: That is the prevailing theory.

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Paul Galesko: Well, Lieutenant, that man was blind drunk. He didn't know WHAT he heard.

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Sister: [to Columbo in the soup kitchen as she encourages him to have some stew] An empty stomach is the Devil's playground.

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Sergeant Hoffman: [to Columbo] Everybody makes mistakes. That's why the jails are all filled up.

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Lt. Columbo: There's one other thing, sir, ah...

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Mr. Weekly: It's called defensive driving.

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Lt. Columbo: You know what bothers me?

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Paul Galesko: You don't think so, huh, Lieutenant?

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Lt. Columbo: I wouldn't do that.

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Lt. Columbo: You see this newspaper? This is the same edition of the newspaper that the letters and words for the ransom note were cut out of. I'm trying to reconstruct that note.

Paul Galesko: You need any help with your spelling, lieutenant?

Lt. Columbo: I'll tell you what the problem is. We found this newspaper in the motel room. It was sprawled over a chair. It was left there, even though the maid said that she cleaned up the room.

Paul Galesko: Yes, I told you. She probably lied.

Lt. Columbo: That's the problem, sir. You see this terrible mess I'm making? There's just no way to cut up this paper and paste together this note without making a mess. I know. I tried it last night, my wife and I.

Paul Galesko: Columbo, what's your point?

Lt. Columbo: My point is this: if the maid forgot to clean up the room, then why didn't we find little bits and pieces of paper somewhere? You see the problem? If she did clean up the room, then everything gets thrown out. All the bits and pieces of paper gets thrown out and the newspaper gets out. If she doesn't clean up the room, then these scraps of paper, they have to be somewhere. You can see the contradiction.

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Paul Galesko: If... if I hadn't taken that camera. You were counting on that. You didn't accidentally reverse that film, you did that deliberately.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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