Black Christmas (1974)
Billy: [to Barb, on the phone; sombre] I'm going to kill you.
Barb: Oh, why don't you go find a wall socket and stick your tongue in it. That'll give you a charge.
Sergeant Nash: [after Sergeant Nash calls the sorority house] Who is this?
Jess: It's Jess.
Sergeant Nash: Ah, Ms. Bradford, eh, this is Sergeant Nash. Are you the only one in the house?
Jess: No. Phyl and Barb are upstairs asleep. Why?
Sergeant Nash: All right. Now, I want you to do exactly what I tell you without asking any questions, okay?
[Jess tries to ask something]
Sergeant Nash: No, no, no... no questions. Now, just put the phone back on the hook, walk to the front door and leave the house.
Jess: What's wrong?
Sergeant Nash: Please, Ms. Bradford, please just do as I tell you.
Jess: Okay. I'll get Phyl and Barb.
Sergeant Nash: No, no, no! Don't do that, Jess... Jess, the caller is in the house. The calls are coming from the house!
Lt. Fuller: [hands Nash a form] What's this?
Sergeant Nash: Oh, that's the number of the sorority house.
Lt. Fuller: Fellatio?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah, it's a new exchange: FE.
Lt. Fuller: [suppressing a laugh] A new exchange?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah, Fellatio. One of the girls that was in this afternoon gave it to me.
Lt. Fuller: [sarcastically] She gave it to you?
Sergeant Nash: Yeah.
Lt. Fuller: Nash, I don't think you could pick your nose without written instructions.
[takes the form and walks back to his desk]
Sergeant Nash: [thinks for a moment] I know. It's something dirty, ain't it?
Sergeant Nash: [Jess has managed to keep the caller on the line for almost a full two minutes, allowing the phone company to trace the call] Uh, Lt. Fuller?
Lt. Fuller: Yeah, Nash, what is it?
Sergeant Nash: The phone company's on the other line, sir. They say they got a trace on this one.
Lt. Fuller: Yeah, let's have it!
Sergeant Nash: He says the calls are coming from #6 Belmont Street.
Lt. Fuller: For Christ's sakes, Nash, you got it wrong. That's where the calls are going into.
Sergeant Nash: That's where they're coming from too, sir.
Lt. Fuller: [pause] Oh, shit...
Mrs. Mac: These broads would hump the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get up there!
[upon seeing that Mrs. Mac is coming inside the house]
Barb: Speaking of professional virgins, here we have the Queen of Vaudeville circa 1891.
Mr. Harrison: I didn't send my daughter in here to be drinking and picking up the boys.
Clare: [about the obscene phone call] Could that really be just one person?
Barb: No, Clare, it's the Mormon Tabernacle Choir making their annual obscene phone call.
Billy: [quietly singing] Little baby bunting/Daddy's went a-hunting/Gonna fetch a rabbit skin to wrap his baby Agnes in.
Mrs. Mac: [looking at a hideous nightgown gift the sorority girls have given her] Jesus, I wouldn't wear this to have my liver out!
Barb: [on phone] You're a real gold-plated whore, mother, you know that?
Barb: Did you know, this is a very little known fact, but... did you know that there's a certain species of turtle that... there's a certain species of turtle that can screw for three days without stopping. You don't believe me, do you? Well, I-I mean, how could I make something like that up?
Mrs. Mac: Ah, Barb, dear, ah, I-I-I-ah...
Barb: No, really! They just... three days, 24 hours a day, wha-voom! Wha-voom! Wha-voom! Can you believe that, three days? I'm lucky if I get three minutes! Do you know how I know this? Because I went down to the zoo and I watched them. It was very boring. Well actually, um, I, uh, didn't stay for the whole three days, I went over and I watched the zebras, because they only take thirty seconds! Premature ejaculation!
Barb: I think the little buggers schnockered, son of a bitch.
Chris: Nash, you stupid son of a bitch; you've got a big goddamn mouth!
Mrs. Mac: [singing as she packs her suitcase] Alligators come through the gate, but goodbye leg if ya get away late! Lollies love to pop!
Sergeant Nash: Bernie? Call the doc.
Farmer: I'm not letting no son of a bitch trespass on my land in the middle of the night! I don't care what kind of a uniform he has!
Lt. Fuller: What the hell's going on here?
Cop #1: He fired on a police officer.
Farmer: You goddamn right! I'll do it again, too. The bastard was tresspassing!
Sergeant Nash: Hogan got an ass full of birdshot.
Cop #2: Yeah, I'm gonna make the son of a bitch pick every one of 'em out with his teeth.
Farmer: The next time you're gonna get the gun up your ass! Sideways!
Billy: [to Barb, on the phone] I'll stick my tongue up your pretty pussy!
Mrs. Mac: [on her nightgown gift] Well, thank you, girls. It's lovely really...
Mrs. Mac: Got about as much use for this as I do a chastity belt.
[after the mysterious caller hangs up]
Clare: I really don't think you should provoke somebody like that, Barb.
Barb: Oh listen, this guy is minor league. In the city, I get two of those a day.
Clare: Well, maybe. But you know that town girl was raped a couple of weeks ago.
Barb: Darling, you can't rape a townie.
Sergeant Nash: Excuse me? Could you give me the number at the sorority house? Please?
Barb: Yeah, sure. It's, ah... Fellatio 20880. Fellatio. It's a new exchange, FE.
Sergeant Nash: That's a new one on me. How do you spell it?
Barb: Capital F, E, little L, L-A, T-I-O.
Sergeant Nash: Thanks.
Barb: Don't mention it.
Barb: [to Sergeant Nash] You know, for a public servant I think your attitude really sucks!