Secrets of Sweet Sixteen (1973) Poster

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Very weird, sometimes disturbing, but pretty entertaining (and featuring Cristina Lindberg)
lazarillo9 January 2008
The "schulmadchen report" films were a long-running series of 70's German sex comedies where barely legal actresses played barely illegal "schulmadchen" characters in pseudo-documentary, sex-related situations, always involving plenty of nudity and softcore fumblings. These films quickly gave up the documentary pretensions and people-on-the-street interviews in order to focus more exclusively on the sex. This is a particularly strange film though even in the context of this bizarre series.

As other reviewers mentioned, it starts with the near molestation of a small child (definitely NOT a turn-on for most people). Fortunately for both the little girl and the viewers, two older girls come to her rescue, not by calling the police or anything, but by taking all their clothes off and offering to sex-up the creep! The next story is actually kind of a sexy mother-daughter story where a teenage girl overhears her mother setting a romantic rendezvous with a potential lover and plots to stop it (guess how?). The daughter and mother are both very attractive, but the filmmakers again seem to endeavor to turn off the viewer, first with lots of nude footage of overweight and elderly women at a health spa, then with an unpleasantly realistic rape scene. The next two vignettes are just silly (but not necessarily funny) stories of teenage sexual fumblings, one of which features the beautiful Swedish nymph Cristina Lindberg of "Thriller-a Cruel Picture" and "Young Playthings" fame (which, I have to admit, was my main motivation for seeing this movie in the first place). The movie then ends on a ridiculous but pretty funny note with a satanic cult endeavoring, quite unsuccessfully, to find a young virgin to sacrifice in modern-day (as of the 1970's anyway) Germany.

Aside from being in very questionable taste in a few places, this is actually a surprisingly entertaining film. In fact, despite a plethora of attractive young women eschewing both their morals and their clothes, I would not recommend this not so much for the sexual content as for the sheer wacky energy of the whole enterprise. It is pretty sexy I guess in places, despite its appalling lapses of taste, but more than that it is quite a bit of fun (and it has Cristina Lindberg).
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A worthwhile effort
jvanderkammer20 January 2001
Fans of this genre (i.e. 70s European soft-core/nudie stuff) will be happy with this film. Although it begins with an uncharacteristically disturbing (attempted) rape scene, it recovers nicely as two of the heroines dis-robe to keep the bad guy occupied until the police arrive. After that, it's fun & games. A lot of nudity as you would hope and expect, the film is a series of erotic encounters with young and beautiful women (who are DEFINITELY and safely over the age of eighteen, so ignore the title). The particular copy I saw was from a video store and had some obvious edits during a few of the predictable scenes, probably to keep it within an "R" rating for U.S. audiences. Anyways, if you enjoyed those 70s naughty B-features at the drive-in and you happen to come across a copy of this film, it's worth a look.
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Schizo Bavarian cheesecake
Andrew Leavold19 February 2004
Healthy dollops of Bavarian cheesecake from sleazemeister Hofbauer, who practically invented the Schulmadchen (`Sex Report') film in the late 60s. Sex Reports were a staple of grindhouse fare for those requiring their cheesy entertainment disguised as a documentary, framing the softcore shenanigans with a stern moral lesson from a social worker, psychiatrist or other authority figure (I'm still trying to track down Hofbauer's hilariously misguided Girls At The Gynecologist). Secrets... is a product of a more liberal era than the early Sex Reports and tones down the moralizing, though keeps in a running debate between a doctor and a priest. The vignettes range from comic to the bizarre (virgin sacrifice) to the outright repellent (an early episode involving a child molester). Schizo and very strange.
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One episode of extreme political incorrectness
Stefan Kahrs7 May 1999
For the most part, this is a run-of-mill softporno, as so often in German films from this period consisting of a number of episodes around a general 'schoolgirl' theme. What makes it unusual though, and interesting from a 1990's perspective, is one episode of extreme political incorrectness. Erich Padalewski plays a paedophile whose selected victims prove more sexually demanding than he can handle. The briefness of this episode increases the mood of nonchalance which is completely absent from similar contemporary American films like Warfield's Teenage Innocence.
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Secrets of Sweet Sixteen
Michael_Elliott15 January 2010
Secrets of Sweet Sixteen (1973)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Another entry in Germany's long running "report" series, which director Hofbauer was an expert at since he was behind the camera on this as well as countless others in the SCHOOLGIRL REPORT series. I'm really not sure why this one here wasn't in the SCHOOLGIRL REPORT series as this here contains the basic premise. Here we get several "stories" about teens and the troubles they can get into. One deals with a daughter learning of her mother's lover and going to meet him for herself. We have a nerdy boy afraid to have sex so his friend hooks him up with a beautiful girl (Christina Lindberg). Next up is a strange one where a post master believes his delivery man wants his daughter. The final story deals with a group of Satan worshipers needing a virgin for their sect but not being able to find one. If you're a fan of these German sex comedies then I'm sure you'll enjoy this one. It's not quite as good as the entries in the SCHOOLGIRL REPORT series that I've seen but it's certainly better than many others out there. I think the best story is probably the first one as it contains some pretty goofy sequence including constant flashbacks to a women's club where they are trying to lose weight and taking mud baths to stay young. Whatever this had to do with the actual story is beyond me but it does give us a few laughs. The weakest story is probably the one dealing with the dorky guy because there are so many opportunities for laughs but the film never really goes for them. Fans of Lindberg, myself included, will still enjoy the episode just for her. The film gets off to a pretty tasteless start as a pedophile lures a kid away from a school only to be "hypnotized" by a couple girls who hold him until the police arrive. I'm really not sure why this was put in the film but it probably should have been cut (even though this production comedy and director would make a film called 14 AND UNDER).
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Yes it really is that bad
Warning: Spoilers
"Was Schulmädchen verschweigen" or "Secrets of Sweet Sixteen" or "What Schoolgirls Don't Tell" is a West German film from the year 1973, so this one is over 40 years old already and it is an unofficial addition to the famous German Schulmädchen series. It came out around the same time as the fifth film and the title already says that this one is apparently even more controversial than the other films as it shows us stuff that not even school girls like to talk about. This includes many controversial aspects, such as pedophilia, rape, satanic orgies and more. If you know a bit about director Ernst Hofbauer and these Schulmädchen films, then you will know that he tries to make it look shocking and yet educational all the time, but it completely fails from that perspective. The acting and writing, especially the latter, are so bad that I just cannot take this seriously as something other than soft-core porn. And lets be honest. You have to be really really horny to see something in this film in terms of being turned on. Speaking about the plot again, let me give you one example from very early on. A pedophile lures a young girl into his home. Two young women watch this and they go to his place and strip naked to get his attention away from the girl until the police arrives (that they called earlier). The man is seen unconscious the moment police officers enter his apartments and the girls are completely naked. Oh well... I guess this says it all. I was glad this film ended after 75 minutes already. Highly not recommended, it's a mess
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