[Given a detective's gold badge]
Frank Serpico: What's this for? For bein' an honest cop? Hmm? Or for being stupid enough to get shot in the face? You tell them that they can shove it.
Frank Serpico: The reality is that we do not wash our own laundry - it just gets dirtier.
Leslie Lane: [feeling his gun as she's riding on the back of his motorcycle] What'ya need a gun for?
Frank Serpico: Didya ever hear of Barnum and Bailey?
Leslie Lane: Yeah.
Frank Serpico: Well, I'm their lion tamer.
Frank Serpico: How come all your friends are on their way to bein' someone else?
Frank Serpico: You know what they say, don't you? If you love a man's garden, you gotta love the man!
Frank Serpico: I'm a marked man in this department. For what?
District Attorney Tauber: I've already arranged a transfer for ya'.
Frank Serpico: To where? China?
Barto: How long have you been with the BCI now, Serpico?
Frank Serpico: All my life.
Barto: That's long enough to know how we do things.
Frank Serpico: Barto, it's not just that.
[in a sarcastic tone]
Frank Serpico: You don't like me!
Barto: BCI never had a weirdo cop before.
Frank Serpico: Barto, stop buggin' me!
Insp. Kellogg: [discussing the bribe money while eating lobster] Things like this were common practice in the bad old days. Hard to believe it's still going on.
Tom Keough: Frank, let's face it, who can trust a cop that won't take money?
Rudy Corsaro: [being arrested by Serpico, who's having trouble finding his badge] Where have they been hidin' you, kid?
Frank Serpico: Wouldn't you like to know?
Tom Keough: Now I ain't sayin' who. They just said ya'... ya' couldn't be trusted, you know?
Frank Serpico: 'Cause I don't take money, right?
Tom Keough: Frank, let's face it. Who can trust a cop who don't take money?
Gun shop owner: That gun takes a 14 shot clip. You expecting an army?
Frank Serpico: No. Just a division.
Frank Serpico: You stupid fuck! You didn't know me? You fired without a warning, without a fucking brain in your head? Oh, shit. If I buy one, motherfucker, I ain't buying it from you.
Frank Serpico: [Lombardo has fallen] You okay?
Insp. Lombardo: Yeah... makes me feel like a cop again.
Frank Serpico: I own a sheep dog.
Frank Serpico: Sheep dogs have been in my family... for sixteen generations! Dating back to the Borgias...
Girl: [laughing] Oh, shit!
Frank Serpico: The family crest... is the image of a sheep dog, pissing into a gondola.
Don Rubello: [looking suspiciously at Frank's mouse] What's with the fucking mouse?
Frank Serpico: He's my partner. He sniffs out drugs. You know, I just send him through his little hole, he's gone for a while, and then he comes back with the heroin.
Don Rubello: Oh, yeah, I heard of that.
Frank Serpico: You heard of that? Yeah.
Bob Blair: [to Frank] Who the fuck do you think you are, you son of a bitch? You think you have it bad just because those bastards won't play ball?
Frank Serpico: When I come home, I want to come home to a clean house.
Laurie: Paco, don't take it out on me.
Frank Serpico: I'm not taking it out on you; I just don't wanna have to pick up *shit*!
Laurie: [starts crying]
Cop: [to Frank] All right, you cocksucker. You might get by with that shit in the Bronx, but down here, eight thousand a month is chicken feed. And with that, you don't fuck around. You understand? Good. Now get the fuck out.
Frank Serpico: You know, you're pretty fuckin' weird for a cop.
Bob Blair: Me? What about *you*? You're a fucking hippie!
Desk sergeant: [referring to Serpico's moustache] You look like an asshole with dentures.
Capt. Insp. McClain: Frank, has anyone ever told you that you have a tendency toward self-pity?
Frank Serpico: No, you're the first.
Larry: Leslie is a mindfucker.
Frank Serpico: You gotta be kidding. I didn't know that. What's a mindfucker?
Larry: Well, it's a chick who digs intellectual types and super bright guys.
Frank Serpico: Oh, she's very perceptive.
Lt. Steiger: [Serpico and another cop have just been watching a naked girl out the bathroom window] Hold it, Serpico. What were you two doing?
Frank Serpico: What?
Lt. Steiger: In the shithouse, in the dark! Were you going down on him?
Frank Serpico: What are you talking about?
Lt. Steiger: You gonna tell me you were just doing a little Peeping Tom? You were suckin' his cock, weren't you!
Frank Serpico: Are you crazy?
Lt. Steiger: I'll show you fuckin' crazy. Last week I found a pair of shorts with semen on 'em.
[He pushes open a stall and points]
Lt. Steiger: There!
Frank Serpico: Are you actually accusing me of this?
Frank Serpico: You know that I'm totally isolated in the department. I don't have a friend.
Chief Sidney Green: Oh, don't give me that bullshit about friends. I've been putting cops away for thirty years. My name's an obscenity to every shithouse wall in every precinct in the city.
Frank Serpico: I've observed that, sir.
Chief Sidney Green: Friends! And I fought my way up as a Jew in the department in the days you were supposed to have an uncircumcised shamrock between your legs. I have this nightmare. I'm on 5th Avenue watching the St. Patrick's Day parade and I have a coronary and nine thousand cops march happily over my body.
Kid on the street: You the new bagman? You prick. What happened to Rubello, you son of a bitch?