Cleopatra Jones (1973)
1st Boy on Skates: Oo-we! Man, that's what I call bad!
2nd Boy on Skates: The word bad ain't got nothin' to do with that.
[Raises his fist in the air]
2nd Boy on Skates: Right on, sweet sister!
Crawford: Now, Cleo, don't make anything worse. This isn't exactly your jurisdiction.
Cleopatra Jones: My jurisdiction extends from Ankara, Turkey to Watts Tower, baby.
Doodlebug: It ain't my hair that's botherin' me, it's Mommy! Oh, why she got to go bring Cleopatra back to town for? Man, that broad is 10 miles of bad road!
Cleopatra Jones: It's a nice touch, a white chauffeur, all this. What's next, Doodlebug? Two white iron jockeys on the lawn?
Doodlebug: Look, you startin' to bug me.
Cleopatra Jones: Not half as much as I'm going to, Mister.
Mommy: I told you where! And I told you when. And I told you how to get that bitch! You still blow it!
Gang Member: Oh, Christ, how did I know she was going to come through the bleeding baggage shoot.
Bruce: Mother! Mother, please!
Mommy: Ohhhhh! I'm tired of being a pussycat!
Doodlebug: When Cleopatra gets through with you, you gonna wind up with nothin'!
Mommy: I'll take care of Cleopatra Jones.
Doodlebug: Well let me tell you something. You are no match for that black lady.
Doodlebug: Yeah! I quit! That's right. Finished. Through. Fini. Arrivederci, Mama. Pickle. Plug. Let's split. Oh, by the way, if any of your army tries to mess with any of my army, you gonna wind up with a whole lot of army surplus on your hands. See you around, Super Honkie.
Don Cornelius: This is just a token of our appreciation, compliments of the boss, the man who pays all the bills, your man, my man, everybody's man, Mr. Doodlebug Simpkins.
[Gives Miss Tiffany a dozen yellow roses]
Matthew Johnson: Look, here's a couple of quarters. Why don't you go in there and get us some coffee.
Melvin Johnson: Oh, come on man, give me 15 cents for a donut.
Matthew Johnson: Anything to stop your nagging.
Melvin Johnson: Oh, you jive cheatin' nigga.
Melvin Johnson: Shucks, we're going to be here all night, we might as well get something to eat, cause I'm hungry.
Matthew Johnson: There's a restaurant right over there.
Melvin Johnson: Ah, big brother, I'm financially embarrassed and I got a little case of the shorts, man.
Matthew Johnson: You also have my deepest sympathies, too.
Melvin Johnson: Oh, come on man, you can loan me five dollars, man. I'll give it back to you.
Matthew Johnson: Five bucks? Man, if I had five bucks, I'd be sitting over there in that dirty old movie, watching them dirty old naked women run across that dirty old screen!
Maxwell Woodman: Say, lady, what you got inside that car?
Cleopatra Jones: You mean under the hood?
Maxwell Woodman: No, I mean while you was gone, was a kind of a funny buzzin' inside of it.
Cleopatra Jones: Oh, that's the phone.
Maxwell Woodman: A phone in your car?
Cleopatra Jones: That's right.
Maxwell Woodman: Right on! First phone booth I ever seen with mag wheels.
Melvin Johnson: Hi, I'm the Man from Glad.
Matthew Johnson: And I'm the Avon Lady.
Purdy: I'm comin' through there, boy.
Matthew Johnson: Did i hear the man correctly? Did he call you, Roy?
Crawford: Nothing smells worst than a rotten cop. And you stink!
Sgt. Kert: You got anything to say Purdy?
Purdy: I ain't sayin' nothin' 'til I see a lawyer.
Cleopatra Jones: We're going to find out anyway. So, why don't you tell us who paid you to plant that dope on Jimmy Beekers.
Purdy: I never planted no dope on nobody! And if I did, I wouldn't have to figure to help you or any of your kind.
Mommy: WHAT! That bitch! That god damn black bitch! Ohhhhhh, how dare she mess around with my poppies! My god, everybody in Turkey must be flying and I'll kill her and I will kill her! 30-million dollars up in smoke! God damn her, that trouble-makin' coon!
Eve: Here's some brandy. It will calm your nerves.
Mommy: Oh, thank you, Eve, darling. Mmmm. Ahhhh. You're the only one around here, gives a shit about Mommy. Mmmm. Well, now, as long as she's over there, nothings gonna get through! I want her black ass back here!
Reuben: Damn! No matter how many times I see a Cat go through withdrawal. Its always a heavy trip. That Cat's 15 years old, Cleo. We put this house together and its got to survive. They know we're clean and they still tryin' to run a bull shit game on us. We don't do no dope in the house! Well, if they close us down, who's gonna be here when some Cat's trying to deal with his jones!
Cleopatra Jones: Those guns aren't going to be much help to him.
Reuben: Well, I tell you one thing, Mama. If they want this house, they got to bring somethin' to get somethin'!
Cleopatra Jones: The next time you pull a razor on me, you better shave.
Doodlebug: Hey, how do I look?
Pickle: You look good...
Doodlebug: I don't look good. I look marvelous. It's 'cause I take care of my hair. My hair is like a woman. You treat it good and it treats you good. Ain't that right honey? You hear what I'm saying? Yeah, you got to hold it, caress it, love it. And it will love you right back. And if your hair gets out of line, you take a scissor and say, "Hair, I'm going to cut you."
Snake: Shit! What's wrong with you woman? Why can't you just open a door like a normal person?
Purdy: Listen, Captain, we did find a bag of horse on the Beekers kid. So, we disturbed a few niggers. Ha-ha. Big deal.
Sgt. Kert: Here's the file on those two guys.
Crawford: What two guys?
Sgt. Kert: Oh, the two goons at the airport that tried to hit Cleo.
Crawford: Assault and battery. Dismissed. Extortion. Two counts. Dismissed. Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Armed Robbery. Attempted Rape. Oh, what the hell. Nobody's perfect.
Crawford: I heard about the rumble at the airport. We got a positive ID on the corpse and a couple of maybes on the other two. Are you okay?
Cleopatra Jones: My body's okay.
Crawford: Ha-ha. It's magnificent.
Crawford: Hello, beautiful.
Cleopatra Jones: Hello Lou. Kert.
Crawford: Recognize him?
Cleopatra Jones: That's the cat at the airport. That one too.
Crawford: Baby Tony and a creep named Zap. We'll take care of 'em.
Doodlebug: Then, Mommy go and bust the B&S House, cause all that mess at the airport, make me nervous, make The Man nervous, make this town HOTTER than a FIRECRACKER! Shoot! Well, if she can't run her business better than that, I'm gonna run my own business.
Doodlebug: If Mommy wants trouble, I'm not exactly known as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms.
Doodlebug: Hey Plug, you better remind me to give Nathan a fifty. A little grease will keep his balls in my pocket.
Fireplug: Okay, boss.
Cleopatra Jones: Alright, Matthew, you cover the rear.
Matthew Johnson: Gotcha!
Cleopatra Jones: Melvin, I'm going in the front. You cover.
Melvin Johnson: Right on, baby!
Cleopatra Jones: Hello, Sport. Sorry, I have to break up your little gathering. I'd like to introduce myself. Cleopatra Jones.
Purdy: Well, Wonder Woman. Ha-ha-ha. You silly bitch.
Mommy: Well, you finally decided to pay me a little visit, huh? Well, honey, what do you think of my little love nest?
Cleopatra Jones: Whatever turns you on, baby.
Mommy: Why you sweet Pickaninny. You know what turns me on.
Cleopatra Jones: Games. Like dealing in school yards.
Mommy: Alright, the game is over and I win!