Carry on Girls (1973)
Hope Springs: It's not her fault she has to wear a falsie.
Sid Fiddler: What do you mean, "a" falsie?
Hope Springs: She's got one bigger than the other.
Sid Fiddler: Is that right?
Hope Springs: No, left.
Connie Philpotts: It's your girls I'm talking about, I've heard them all night long, doors banging ...
Sid Fiddler: Blimey, when you've got young dollies around you have to expect a bit of banging.
Connie Philpotts: Well, I expect you to get them into bed at a reasonable hour.
Sid Fiddler: I promise you, I'll do my very best!
Augusta Prodworthy: And since I am strongly of the opinion that we are already providing more than enough entertainment for visitors, I wish to propose the motion that the provision of more would be detrimental to the good name of the borough.
Sid Fiddler: Knickers!
Mayor Frederick Bumble: Please, Councillor! I should strike that from the minutes, Miss Drew.
Miss Drew: Ah, I beg your pardon, your worship?
Mayor Frederick Bumble: Don't take down 'knickers'.
Sid Fiddler: Chance would be a fine thing, wouldn't it, love?
Mayor Frederick Bumble: Councillor Fiddler, I really must request you moderate your language while in committee.
Augusta Prodworthy: I second that.
Sid Fiddler: I do beg the Committee's pardon, your worship. But all this bleedin' codswollop about mucking up the good name of the borough gets on my wick!
Miss Drew: Should I...?
Mayor Frederick Bumble: No, no!
Connie Philpotts: Hello, Mrs. Dukes, I thought you were going to the cinema.
Mrs. Dukes: I did, but I had to leave. A young man sat next to me and started to make improper suggestions.
Connie Philpotts: Again? Really, you should complain to the manager.
Mrs. Dukes: I can't - he's after me too, you see!
Connie Philpotts: Well, Mrs. Dukes, perhaps you shouldn't make yourself look quite so attractive.
Mrs. Dukes: Oh it's not that, I can't help it. I give out waves, you know.
Connie Philpotts: Really?
Mrs. Dukes: Yes, my late husband used to call it OOMPH!
Connie Philpotts: You and a bunch of beauty queens? It's like asking Dracula to be in charge of a blood bank!
Sid Fiddler: Now, now, wait a minute, that's not true. You know I don't go for beautiful women: I like you.
Connie Philpotts: That does it! Go on! You lecherous so-and-so, go on, GET OUT!
Miss Dawn Brakes: Excuse me, is this the train to the beauty contest?
Peter Potter: Yes, that's right.
Miss Dawn Brakes: Oh good.
Miss Dawn Brakes: Are you coming?
Paula Perkins: Certainly not!
[Miss Dawn Brakes looks Paula Perkins up and down]
Miss Dawn Brakes: Perhaps you're right.
[Looking into the carriage; to Peter]
Miss Dawn Brakes: Are you in this one?
Peter Potter: That's right, I am.
Miss Dawn Brakes: I'll join you then.
Paula Perkins: [Suspiciously] You didn't tell me anything about a beauty contest!
Peter Potter: I think I'd better go!
Ida Downs: What do you want us to wear?
Sid Fiddler: Oh, anything that brings out your best... points Miss...?
Ida Downs: Downs, Ida Downs.
Sid Fiddler: Ah, I bet you come from Beds.
Ida Downs: No - Bristol.
Sid Fiddler: I should have guessed.
Ida Downs: I've got a rather smashing two-piece swimsuit.
Sid Fiddler: Great - just wear one piece of that!
Ida Downs: Will they publish pictures like that?
Larry: Not in my paper!
Ida Downs: Oh! You're a dirty old man!
Admiral: [to Connie] Mrs. Philpotts, I wish to complain. This young woman molested me.
Ida Downs: Well, I like that!
Admiral: Whether you like it or not, my dear, is quite immaterial.
Sid Fiddler: [to Ida] Yes, all right, darling, I'll sort it out.
Admiral: Cheeky little thing! I'd like to put her across my knee.
Connie Philpotts: I'm sure you would, Admiral!
Sid Fiddler: Connie, have you got a room for this young lady please?
Connie Philpotts: Well, of course, Sidney!
[Handing over the key]
Connie Philpotts: I think you'll find this an ideal one.
Sid Fiddler: Thank you, Connie. Hey, just a minute, that's for the broom cupboard.
Connie Philpotts: That's right: where we keep all the scrubbers!
Sid Fiddler: [to a furious Hope] All right, all right, keep your hair on!
[Hands her another key]
Sid Fiddler: Here, go and change in mine. I'll sort it out later.
Hope Springs: Ta. I heard that - does she fancy you or something?
Sid Fiddler: You know how it is, a widow with a place like this, things get on top of her.
Hope Springs: Yeah, I bet they do. Frequently!
Augusta Prodworthy: Is that you, Rosemary?
Augusta Prodworthy: [In reference to the morning newspaper with a picture of Mayor Bumble on the front with his trousers down] Have you seen this?
Rosemary: Yes - bloody disgrace! Still, what can you expect from a man?