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Last of the Summer Wine (TV Series 1973– ) Poster

Quotes

[Foggy is trying to get Howard in shape by leaping small walls]

Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: It's people like you who make this country so rich in idiots.

[repeated line: to Glenda, when she asks a naive question]

Edie Pegden: Drink your coffee.

[final line of the last-ever episode]

Norman Clegg: Have I locked the door?

Howard: I bet they think we're up to something.

Marina: The thought does cross your mind.

Howard: I want you to know. I'd never do anything to compromise your reputation.

Marina: Not on a bicycle. I can see that.

Nora Batty: [angily] What are *you* doing, peering round corners?

Compo: Sssssh. Not so loud. There's a man assaulting a woman.

Nora Batty: [terrified] Where? Do something about it!

Compo: I can't.

Nora Batty: Why ever not?

Compo: [cheekily] He's not started yet!

[Compo tries to grope Nora]

[the boys are climbing a hill that provides a spectacular view of the surrounding countryside]

Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: Every time I come up here, the spirit soars! You can't help thinking what a wonderful place it would be to set up a machine gun! Give me a small squad of hand-picked men and I could defend this place indefinitely!

Norman Clegg: How long have you been a nature lover, Foggy?

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[Compo has just hugged Nora Batty]

Compo: Doesn't tha feel anything?

Nora Batty: [puzzled] Like what?

Compo: Attraction. Physical attraction.

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Nora Batty: Nora, tell me. What does tha see?

[Compo parades in front of Nora]

Nora Batty: I see you've got another hole in them trousers.

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Ivy: You *do* realise you'll be representing your country.

Sid: No problem.

Ivy: We haven't been at war with France for ages. I suppose it had to end some time.

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Ros: I was always saved from something serious by my tendency to giggle.

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Marina: I must warn you - I'm only available for the next twenty-four hours.

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[Nora Batty gives Compo a clip round the ear]

Compo: [indignantly] What was that for?

Nora Batty: That's before you start.

Compo: Eh, you're a bit touchy this morning.

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Compo: [cheekily] Why don't you take a day off?

Nora Batty: [icily] Why don't you take one on.

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[Compo has just died]

Truly: Are we going to see him?

Norman Clegg: I can see him, fooling about, hands in his pockets, dragging his wellies.

Truly: Are we going to see him before they close the lid.

Norman Clegg: Oh, I'm not so sure about that.

Truly: You'll be sorry. Besides, how often do you get to see something for nothing these days?

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[at Compo's funeral, as "The Last Post" plays in the background, Clegg releases a pigeon called Gladys, with a harmonica strapped to its wings, in memory of Compo]

Norman Clegg: Mind how you go, Gladys. Best of luck from all us pigeons.

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Auntie Wainwright: You don't think I've *always* been a grasping old woman.

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[talking about Howard]

Pearl: He's in search of the silent bicycle. It's when they're quiet you know they're up to something.

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Edie Pegden: Wesley! Get yerself in here!

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Ivy: Anyway, you're allowed to be stupid at seventeen.

Pearl: You were never seventeen. You were forty when you were born.

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Howard: [paranoid] I must have enemies.

Pearl: [ominously] There's me, for a start.

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Entwistle: Do you know what I like about this? Very little.

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[Wally can't pronounce the letter R]

Wally Batty: I'm wready. Yes, I'm wready.

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Smiler: There was anger. I've got more personality now.

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Alvin: I keep acting like someone who's trying to hide a woman in the house.

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Billy Hardcastle: I only joined to do Robin Hood.

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Howard: [to Marina] I'd love us to stop and just explore more.

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Ivy: You can't just go digging in like a lunatic with that screwdriver.

Sid: Well pass me something sharper - like your tongue!

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Compo: [plaintively] I've neglected her.

Norman Clegg: Sounds reasonable to me. If *I* had Nora Batty, *I'd* neglect her too.

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Marina: Are you sure it's safe, Howard?

Howard: I wouldn't bring you anywhere where you weren't safe, love.

Marina: Well, you needn't go as far as that.

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Compo: Norm, does tha think me magnetism could be slipping?

Norman Clegg: Don't ask me. I was a total failure at romance.

Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: But you were married.

Norman Clegg: That's what did it!

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Blamire: Now you wait here. It's not only me City and Guilds, it's the social chasm between us.

Compo: Hey, shurrup! Give us a fag and I'll give you a sniff of me socks!

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Compo: It's just an ordinary dart.

Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: It's not an ordinary dart. It's very far from being an ordinary dart. I've prepared it with something to make the creature sleep. Don't worry - I've seen the natives do this in the jungle.

Norman Clegg: Yeah, but they've got poisons growing in the jungle. What have you got?

Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: The trained soldier learns to make do with whatever's available. You have to use whatever comes to hand.

Compo: All right. What is it tha soaks the darts in that's gonna put it to sleep.

Walter "Foggy" Dewhurst: Well, if you must know, it's Horlicks.

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Compo: Why d'you think it is they won't let me go?

Truly: You've *been* shot at. Now it's somebody else's turn.

Compo: It's because they're ashamed of me. Because I'm scruffy.

Norman Clegg: I wouldn't say "scruffy". Would you say "scruffy"?

Truly: Yes, I'd say "scruffy".

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Norman Clegg: Life's easier when the light of passion goes out.

Compo: When did yours go out?

Norman Clegg: Oh, I must have been all of twenty-three.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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