Quotes
Lady Claire Gurney: How do you know you're God?
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Simple. When I pray to Him, I find I am talking to myself.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: If I had only known then who I was now.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I take your word for it; I put on my glasses because I feel cold.
Share thisSir Charles: It's out of the question!
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Who asked you a question? Did you ask him a question? Nobody asked a question, so I'll ask a question: Who's the head of the Gurney household?
Sir Charles: You are, Jack.
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Then don't let me hear you answering unasked questions again!
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: For what I am about to receive, may I make myself truly thankful.
Share thisDr. Herder: His lordship is a paranoid schizophrenic.
Sir Charles: Paranoid schizophrenic? But he's a Gurney!
Dr. Herder: Then he's a paranoid schizophrenic Gurney who believes he's God.
Sir Charles: But we've always been Church of England!
Share thisDr. Herder: He can't forget being rejected by his mother and father at the age of 11. They sent him away, alone, into a primitive community of licensed bullies and pederasts.
Sir Charles: You mean he went to public school.
Dr. Herder: Exactly.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I was only trying to do what's expected me. I recall as a sign of normalcy in our circle to slaughter anything that moves.
Share thisDr. Herder: To love goodness is to love God. To love God is to love the 14th Earl of Gurney.
Share thisSir Charles: What about Jack?
Dr. Herder: Remember he's suffering from delusions of grandeur. In reality he's an earl, an English aristocrat, a member of the ruling class. Naturally, he's come to believe there's only one person grander than that: the Lord God Almighty Himself.
Sir Charles: Are you English?
Dr. Herder: No.
Sir Charles: [slowly] Ah.
Share this13th Earl of Gurney: Englishmen like to hear the truth about themselves.
Share thisMrs. Piggot-Jones: [screams as she sees Jack's giant cross] Oh! What is it?
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: A watusi walking stick! Big people, the watusi!
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I can't marry a second time.
Lady Claire Gurney: You're already married?
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: August 28, in the year of me, 1964.
Share thisSir Charles: Come, doctor, you said he needed a harsh dose of reality. Well, you can't get a harder dose of the stuff than marriage.
Share this13th Earl of Gurney: A judge can't be unreasonable, so how can he be a lover?
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Surely you pray for love and understanding?
Lady Claire Gurney: Every night...
Lady Claire Gurney: [glancing pointedly at her husband] ... without success.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Your job's done, Herr Doctor. I'm adjusted. I brush my teeth twice daily and smile.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [to Grace] I take thee, Marguerite, called Grace Shelley because she doesn't speak French, to be my wedded wife.
Share thisSir Charles: [exasperated, after meeting Jack] Oh, my God!
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [ducking back into the room after hearing Charles] Yes?
Share thisMcKyle: I'm the high-voltage Messiah, the electric Christ, the AC/DC god.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I stand outside myself, watching myself watching myself. I smile, I smile, I smile.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Behaviour which would be considered insanity in a tradesman is looked upon as mild eccentricity in a lord.
Share thisLady Claire Gurney: How dare you bring that woman here!
Sir Charles: You should be very grateful to Miss Shelley.
Lady Claire Gurney: Grace Shelley is your mistress.
Sir Charles: Miss Shelley is just a hard working girl.
Lady Claire Gurney: On her back!
Share thisMcKyle: [to Jack] I didn't travel twenty million miles through galactic space to bandy words with a poxy moon-looney who thinks he's me! Away, or you'll be dropped!
Share thisLady Claire Gurney: That's very clever, but ah is it true?
Dr. Herder: Don't come to me for the truth only explanation.
Share this[first lines]
Toastmaster: My Lords. Gentlemen. Pray silence for Ralph Douglas Christopher Alexander Gurney, the thirteenth Earl of Gurney.
13th Earl of Gurney: The aim of the Society of Saint George is to keep Gurney a memory of England. We were once the rulers of the greatest empire the world has ever known. Ruled not by superior force or skill, but by sheer presence.
Share thisLady Claire Gurney: How did it happen? How did you come to be in this state?
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Like every prophet I saw visions, I heard voices, I ran. The voices of Saint Frances, Socrates, General Gordon, and Timothy Leary, they all told me I was God. It was Sunday, August the 5th, at 3:32.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Join me for a constitutional before lunch, Mr. Tucker.
[to others]
Jack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Enjoy yourselves while I'm gone. Have sex.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: If only I knew then who I am now.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Not here in the garden. Last time I was kissed in a garden it turned out rather awful.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: [about competing lunatic] You're trying to split my mind with his tongue.
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: Sometimes God turns His back on His people and breaks wind. And the stench clouds the globe!
Share thisJack Arnold Alexander Tancred Gurney, 14th Earl of Gurney: I must learn to keep my mouth shut, bowels open, and never interfere.
Share this