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Horror Express (1972) Poster

Quotes

Inspector Mirov: The two of you together. That's fine. But what if one of you is the monster?

Dr. Wells: Monster? We're British, you know.

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Dr. Wells: Miss Jones, I shall need your assistance.

Miss Jones: [eyeing Wells' dinner companion] Yes, well at your age I'm not surprised.

Dr. Wells: With an autopsy!

Miss Jones: Oh, well that's different.

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Captain Kazan: Now, anything, anything that moves near that door, kill it!

Dr. Wells: But what if the monk is innocent?

Captain Kazan: Ahhh, we got *lots* of innocent monks!

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Countess Irina: Oh, yes, England. Queen Victoria, crumpets, Shakespeare.

Professor Saxton: I admire Poland, madam. I believe there is a bond between our two countries.

Countess Irina: My husband, the Count Petrovski, says that in the fifteenth century your King Henry betrayed us to the Russians. Hmm?

Professor Saxton: I hope that you and your husband, madam, will accept my profoundest apologies.

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Dr. Wells: Miss Jones, allow me to introduce Professor Alexander Saxton. He dabbles in fossils and bones.

Miss Jones: Glad to meet you, Professor.

Professor Saxton: How do you do?

Dr. Wells: Miss Jones has been assisting me. Bacteriology, excellent technician.

Miss Jones: [laughs] For a woman, he means.

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[after Wells buys his way onto a full train]

Dr. Wells: It's called "squeeze" in China. The Americans call it knowhow.

Professor Saxton: And in Britain, we call it bribery and corruption.

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Dr. Wells: What are you going to astound the scientific world with this time?

Professor Saxton: You'll read about it in the Society's annual report. A remarkable fossil.

Dr. Wells: Fossil? But you've got something live in there, I heard it.

Professor Saxton: You're mistaken!

Dr. Wells: You won't need to feed it then.

Professor Saxton: The occupant hasn't eaten in two million years.

Dr. Wells: That's one way to economize on food bills.

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Yevtushenko: I'm an engineer. A scientist. And this is ordinary chalk. How do you explain it not writing on that crate?

Professor Saxton: Hypnosis! Yoga! These mystics can be terribly convincing. They can even hypnotize themselves.

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[Mirov has opened the crate and found the body of the missing baggage man inside it]

Dr. Wells: Are you telling me that an ape that lived two million years ago got out of that crate, killed the baggage man and put him in there, then locked everything up neat and tidy, and got away?

Professor Saxton: Yes, I am! It's alive, it must be!

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Inspector Mirov: Is it true you're a doctor?

Dr. Wells: Ask me when I've finished my dinner.

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Countess Irina: You're in bad humour because you've lost your box of bones, hmm?

Professor Saxton: That box of bones, madame, could have solved many of the riddles of science. If the theory of evolution is confirmed, if the science of biology is revolutionized, if the very origin of man is determined ...

Countess Irina: I have heard of evolution. It's... it's immoral!

Professor Saxton: It's a fact. And there's no morality in a fact.

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[talking about the creature with Saxton]

Inspector Mirov: You mean it sucked other people's brains?

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Captain Kazan: Tell me, Mirov, what do you know about all the filth that's going on here?

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Captain Kazan: He knows that a horse has four legs. He knows that a murderer has two arms. But still, the devil must be afraid of one honest Cossack.

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[opening narration]

Professor Alexander Saxton: The following report to the Royal Geological Society by the undersigned, Alexander Saxton, is a true and faithful account of events that befell the Society's expedition in Manchuria. As the leader of the expedition, I must accept responsibility for its ending in disaster, but I leave to the judgement of the honorable members of the Society the decision as to where the blame for the catastrophe lies.

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Father Pujardov: Where there is God, there is always a place for the cross. Even on this stone floor, just so. But Satan is evil, and where there is evil, there is no place for the cross.

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Father Pujardov: There's a stink of hell on this train. Even the dog knows it!

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Father Pujardov: You are jesting with her immortal soul!

Count Petrovski: That's why we keep you, Pujardov. Our immortal souls are your concern.

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Father Pujardov: Forgive me, your Excellency. In my concern for the spiritual welfare of the countess, I forgot myself. I will pray for humility.

Count Petrovski: Pray hard, Pujardov. Or you'll find yourself praying for a job, too.

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Inspector Mirov: [regarding Saxton's crate] One man dead, another missing. It's time we opened that box!

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Countess Irina: And what about the baggage man? And that poor thief at the station?

Professor Saxton: What about them?

Countess Irina: They are dead. Was your creature responsible for that?

Professor Saxton: Probably.

Countess Irina: And you don't care?

Professor Saxton: [reflectively] A baggage man, and a thief... You're right madame. I don't care... as much as I should.

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[about the condition of a dead man's brain]

Miss Jones: Smooth as a baby's bottom!

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Father Pujardov: The beast is not dead.

Inspector Mirov: I put four bullets into him.

Father Pujardov: [smiling] You think evil can be killed with bullets? Satan lives. The Unholy One is among us.

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Inspector Mirov: I don't want to panic the passengers.

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Countess Irina: The czar will hear of this. I'll have you sent to Siberia.

Captain Kazan: I am in Siberia!

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Captain Kazan: Peasants! Peasants!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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