Fritz the Cat (1972)
[Arriving back at his dorm room, where his roomates ignore him]
Fritz: Hello men... everybody all busy studyin' for their goddamn exams and all? Hey Fuz, how'd it go with that Dee Dee chick, huh? She's got some bod' you have to admit... ol' Charlene isn't bad either... like, wow! Heinz, you swine, ol' buddy pig, ya groove behind Alvina and get some kicks tonight, huh?
[Scene fades into black]
Fritz: Bastards... you'd think the goddamn exams was the be-all end-all of existence... the cosmic life-force or somethin'. Can't even say a few decent words to a guy... th' bastards... What a bore... take some bennies an' stay up all night with your face stuck in a bunch of books an' your thumbs up your ass... Yes... yes... I remember the time when it was all very inspiring and enlightening... all this history and literature and sociology shit... You think learning is a really big thing an' you become this big fuckin' intellectual and sit around tryin' ta out-intellectual all the other big fuckin' intellectuals... you spend years and years with your nose buried in these goddamn tomes while out there the world is passin' you by... and all the stuff to see and all th' kicks an' girls are all out there... an' ME, a writer ad a poet who should be havin' adventures an' experiencing all the diversities and paradoxes and ironies of life and passin' over all the roads of the world and digging all the cities and towns and rives and oceans... and making all them chicks!
[Imagines naked woman]
Fritz: As a writer and poet it is my duty to get out there and dig the world... to swing with the whole friggin' scene while there's still time!
Fritz: My farting around days are over! From this day on I shall live every day as if yit were my last! Yes! Yes! I must do it! No more the dreary boring classes, the dismal lectures, the sitting around bullshitting with pretentious fat-assed hippies, no more the books, the spoutings of a bunch of old farts who think they know the whole goddamn score!
Fritz: Oh God! What have I done? I've set all my notes and books and stuff on fire and now I can't study for my exams... I'll flunk out and my folks'll be pissed off as hell... I'll get a blanket... the blanket's on fire. We'd better call the fire department.
[We see the roof of Fritz's dorm on fire]
Fritz: Hey, hey, hey, Look at this big fucking gun!
[shoots the toilet]
Fritz: I killed the john! I killed the john!
Fritz: I've been up and down the four corners of this big old world. I've seen it all and I've done it all. I've fought many a good man, and I've laid many a good woman.
Winston#1: Why does a great actor like James Earl Jones always have to play black men?
Fritz: [to Schwartz from inside a garbage can] Good evening madam
Winston (Schwartz): Fritz thank God I've found you!
Fritz: Come in and join me Winston my love, it's not very clean looking but it's cozy as a bitch!
Winston (Schwartz): Fritz come out of there, will you please?
Fritz: To hell I say with the fuzz combing the city looking for me!, hey has my picture appeared on tv yet?, have they broadcast the alarm?, have they offered a reward for information leading to my arrest?
Winston (Schwartz): [interrupting him] Don't be so mellow-dramatic you and your illusions of of grandeur,I'm not getting in that filthy, grimy garbage can with you!
Fritz: Ok go fuck yourself!
[in a Synagogue]
Pig Cop #1: You're not supposed to dance, Ralph, 'cause you're not Jewish!
Lizard: I'm gonna ride that horse!
Pig Cop #1: Now, you have the deeper voice so on three, you yell "Open the fucking door". Now, you've got to use the word "fucking" because it makes you sound tough.
Harriet: You know what you guys are... you're a bunch of fuckin nazi fags.
[the car breaks down; and Fritz gets out to inspect it - he opens the trunk first]
Fritz: No, I knew that - the engine's not here, it's in the back...
[goes to look at the engine]
Winston (Schwartz): What's wrong, Fritz?
Fritz: Well, it's all very complicated Winston, ah, I think it's got the piston rod stuck in the drive shaft... either that or the carburator's rusted out... or something.
Crow: [effeminate] I ain't no jive ass black nigger, honey. Who do you think I am? Geraldine?
Narrator: Hey, yeah - the 1960s? Happy times, heavy times.
Duke: You think being a crow is a big motherfucking ball? All you cats the same, man! You don't know where it is, and you don't have somebody to tell you where it is. You have to be where it is to find out what's happening!
Fritz: I know about the race problem - I've studied the race problem!
Duke: You don't know nothing about the race problem! You've got to be a crow to know about the race problem!
[Fritz points to the two pigs]
Fritz: There's the one who keeps the bosses in power! He's the one who's holding you down!
Pig Cop #1: Who, me?
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): You!
Pig Cop #1: No, no, not me, YOU!
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): Not me, YOU!
Pig Cop #1: Fuck you!
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): You first!
[attempting to keep a group of crows from tearing him and the other pig cop to pieces]
Ralph: Would you like to see a picture of my kids?
Fritz: [yelling at various cops as they chase after him] We shall overcome!
Fritz: You're a motherfucking bitch!
Winston (Schwartz): I see the hard facts of life! I am realistic, something you're incapable of! You'd be better off with one of those stupid little morons like Charlene who you could just sleep with and throw away when you're done! You can't cope with a mature woman!
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): Let me call 'em free birds!
Pig Cop #1: What's a "free bird"?
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): A free bird's a degenerate! Didn't you know that?
Pig Cop #1: A free bird's a degenerate?
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): Didn't you have no bringing up?
Pig Cop #1: I got bar mitzvahed.
[in a Synagogue; referring to the Rabbis]
Ralph (Pig Cop #2): They all got long hair. They all got long clothes. Must be a hippie church!
Pig Cop #1: Eh, poor cat. He was a - he was a kind a tough kid at that, wudden he?
Newscaster: We interrupt the Israeli-Arab war for this special announcement! The President, after conferring with Israeli Prime Minister Golda Meir, has agreed to send more arms to Israel - based on the return of New York city and Los Angeles to the United States.