Janice Benedict: How well did you know her, Alex?
Alex Benedict: Oh, you know.
Janice Benedict: I don't know.
Alex Benedict: Now what is that supposed to mean?
Janice Benedict: You know her phone number by heart.
Alex Benedict: I know a lot of telephone numbers of people I work with by heart.
Lieutenant Columbo: Okay, Doc. Thanks for staying open. I got these peculiar hours...
Dr. Benson: Ah, no sweat. My wife doesn't like music. She watches murder mysteries, so whenever the concert's on, I work late.
Lieutenant Columbo: I can't stand suicide. Murder is bad, but suicide is sadder.
Lieutenant Columbo: [Upset that a beautiful young pianist has apparently committed suicide] A man... the man... a person... somebody. Woman like that's gotta have somebody. Eyes like that! But that's me, I'm paranoic. Every time I see a dead body, I think it's been murdered. Can't imagine anyone murdering themselves... especially a young girl like that... beautiful eyes... but that's me. I'd like to see everyone die of old age.
Audrey: Chopin was a composer. He wrote piano pieces. She named her bird after him.
Lieutenant Columbo: Well listen. Audrey, it's been nice talkin to ya, and I appreciate the advice about the dog.
Audrey: [Looking at the dog] What's his name?
Lieutenant Columbo: Ya know, I don't know the name yet? What do you think about 'Fido'?
Audrey: [sarcastically] Oh, WOW, how'd you ever think of THAT one?
Jenifer Welles: Well, I thought you might be a little angry.
Alex Benedict: How could I be angry looking at you? I just don't like ultimatums, that's all.
Jenifer Welles: I don't like being a secret mistress. It's not my style.
Alex Benedict: I know that. You told me.
Jenifer Welles: Darling, I know you. I know you're not really afraid of hurting Janice. You're just reluctant to lose her mother's backing... and all that money. Don't worry. You're a genius.
Alex Benedict: Yes.
Jenifer Welles: You'll always have everything. You're just a little weak, deep inside, and all you really need is me. And I need you, because I'm the same.
Dr. Benson: [referring to Columbo's dog] Say, how old is he?
Lieutenant Columbo: Kinda hard to say. You see, I just picked him up at the pound. His time was up, if you know what I mean.
Alex Benedict: Now, you're always imagining that I'm... I'm... leaping into beds all over town. I've never done that.
Janice Benedict: Oh, Alex, don't. I know you.
Alex Benedict: Why do all these people feel that they know me?
Lieutenant Columbo: I never got to ask you last night what I wanted to ask ya.
Alex Benedict: Go ahead.
Lieutenant Columbo: Terrific place. Terrific.
Alex Benedict: Thank you. We like it.
Lieutenant Columbo: Can I ask you a personal question?
Alex Benedict: Please.
Lieutenant Columbo: What do you pay in taxes on this place?
Lieutenant Columbo: Anyway, what I was going to ask you is this: How much do you make?
Lieutenant Columbo: I had a thought. Listen to this: what if she didn't commit suicide?
Alex Benedict: Uh, isn't that peculiar? Because that's what I was gonna say. That... That... I was awake almost all night thinking about the same thing.
Lieutenant Columbo: No kidding.
Alex Benedict: Yes... only I rejected the idea.
Lieutenant Columbo: Oh, she could've passed out from the gas. And she coulda fallen off that chair and she could have bumped her head; but, uh... you know, that was a pretty good bump. You know, someone coulda hit her.
Alex Benedict: That's just an assumption on your part.
Lieutenant Columbo: Right. Very difficult to prove.
Alex Benedict: What's matter? Did I scare you?
Jenifer Welles: Well, just for a second I was feeling all the hairs on the back of my neck.
Alex Benedict: That's just sex.
Lizzy Fielding: Alex likes all that glamor, I suppose, but what have actors got to do with music?
Janice Benedict: Mother, they're people, too.
Lizzy Fielding: I doubt it.
Lieutenant Columbo: Listen, I really appreciate your taking the time to chat with me like this. You know, this is a lonely business, and it's nice just to have someone that ya... well, just air out your thoughts with.
Alex Benedict: You know, it's shocking... SHOCKING when you think about suicide, the word. Now, see, I can understand how she might have killed herself, but what possible reason for someone to kill her?
Lieutenant Columbo: [presenting his car to Mike the mechanic] What do you think of this?
Mike Alexander: Have you ever thought of getting a new car?
Lieutenant Columbo: No, you see, I already have two cars. Of course, my wife's car is nothing special. That's just for transportation. You understand.
Mike Alexander: I only work on foreign cars.
Lieutenant Columbo: Oh, it's a foreign car.
Mike Alexander: Oh, I know, but... there are limits, mate, you know?
Paul Rifkin: You're not for real, Lieutenant. The only thing next door is a laundromat.
Lieutenant Columbo: Well, there USED to be a cigar store.
Paul Rifkin: You're not a jazz freak. You made a special trip over here to see me. Why?
Alex Benedict: I'm guilty, you know that. Just for the record, I love you.
Lizzy Fielding: Mr. Rifkin, I am concerned with my orchestra. I have spend twenty-five years making it what it is today and gouging people for money to build the Symphony Association. Aside from my daughter, this is my baby - and if anybody tries to hurt either one of them, he's out! The ax! Anybody!