[Durk takes Columbo to his men's club for tea and a bite to eat. A server appears with a cart of food]
Columbo: When you said tea, I was afraid we were going to get nothing but those tiny sandwiches. This is terrific.
George, Steward at Supt. Durk's Club: Why do you think we keep the ladies out, sir?
[Columbo is nonplussed]
Lillian Stanhope: You are a reporter?
Columbo: Oh, no, ma'am, no. Oh, no, I'm terribly sorry. No, my name is Columbo. I'm just a visiting fireman.
Sir Roger Haversham: Today I finally realize, after all my years as a producer, I... I've simply been taken - taken by a ham and a tart.
Columbo: [hearing Big Ben chime and checking his watch] Boy, that's terrific. Thing that old, it's only a minute slow.
Det. Chief Supt. William Durk: Really. We must put another penny on the governor.
Constable: Mr. Tanner, he was properly disturbed finding the master expired, and before breakfast and all; so, I stayed around to help see to the removal of the remains. Uh, just took His Lordship off, they did, to... to have him properly coffined for public mourning, uh, considering his station.
Columbo: What is he saying?
Det. Chief Supt. William Durk: His Lordship died... of some sort of accident.
Det. Chief Supt. William Durk: Uh, the lieutenant's here from Los Angeles for a few days. He's observing our latest techniques at the Yard.
Tanner: How interesting. Let's hope some of it "rubs off," as they say.
Columbo: Oh, thank you very much. I certainly hope so.
Lillian Stanhope: I've always wanted to be in a horror film.
Nicholas Frame: Well, you certainly qualify.
Lillian Stanhope: Thanks.
Columbo: There HAS to be an explanation.
Det. Chief Supt. William Durk: Oh, come, come, come, come. Don't be so distressed. At least it's been amusing chasing an American wild goose for a change, eh?