Butterflies Are Free (1972)
Jill: I'm auditioning for a part in a new play with a little theatre group called The Cosmic Workshop. It's about this girl who gets all hung up when she marries a homosexual. Originally he was an alcoholic, but homosexuals are very in now in movies and books and plays, so they changed it.
Jill: Are you homosexual?
Don Baker: No, just blind.
Don Baker: Mother, you have to laugh sometime, or people will think you're a lesbian.
Mrs. Baker: [interrogating Jill about being divorced] How long were you married?
Jill: Six days.
Mrs. Baker: And on the seventh day you rested?
Jill: No, I split.
Mrs. Baker: [trying to make Don come home] If you insist on staying here, I will not support you.
[Don goes to the phone]
Mrs. Baker: What're you doing?
Don Baker: Calling The Chronicle. What a story! 'Florence Baker Refuses to Help the Handicapped!'
Mrs. Baker: Donnie, I'm serious.
Don Baker: Oh, well, then I'll call the New York Times.
Mrs. Baker: What are you going to do for money? The little you saved must be gone now.
Don Baker: I can always walk along the streets with a tin cup.
Mrs. Baker: Now you're embarrassing me.
Don Baker: Oh, no, I'll stay away from Saks.
Jill: [talking about auditioning for the play naked] I don't think anyone could call me a prude.
Mrs. Baker: [mock outrage] I'd like to see them try!
Jill: Well, at first I hated the idea of getting completely undressed, but there were, like, twenty or thirty actors all around me, all naked, and I was the only one with clothes on! How would you feel?
Mrs. Baker: Warm, all over.
Mrs. Baker: [talking about Ralph's play] I do not intend to pay money to see nudity, obscenity and degeneracy.
Ralph: Mrs. Baker, these things are all a part of life.
Mrs. Baker: I know, Mr. Santori. So is diarrhea, but I wouldn't classify it as entertainment.
Jill: She never had syphilis. I'm surprised she had you.
Jill: Boy, I thought I was sloppy!
Don Baker: What do you mean?
Jill: Well, unless you know something I don't. Like, ashes are good for the table. Is that why you keep dropping them on there?
Don Baker: Have you moved the ashtray?
Jill: It's right here, what're ya blind?
Don Baker: Yes.
Jill: What do you mean, yes?
Don Baker: I mean, yes, I'm blind.
Don Baker: [phone rings] I'm fine, thank you. How are you? It's warm here. How is it in Hillsborough? Well, it's warm here too.
[picks up phone]
Don Baker: Hello, Mother.
Mrs. Baker: [on the other end] How did you know?
Don Baker: When you call, the phone doesn't ring. It says 'M is for the million things she gave me. O is for... ' I forgot what O is for.
Mrs. Baker: You seem to have forgotten a lot of things lately. How are you feeling?
Don Baker: I'm fine, thank you. How are you?
Mrs. Baker: Very well. How's the weather?
Don Baker: It's warm here. How is it in Hillsborough?
Mrs. Baker: Warm.
Don Baker: Well, it's warm here too.
Mrs. Baker: [looking around Don's apartment] Where did this furniture come from?
Don Baker: Some of it came with the apartment, the rest I picked up at a junk shop.
Mrs. Baker: Well, don't tell me which is which, let me guess.
Mrs. Baker: And what is that on your head?
Don Baker: [wearing the hat he bought with Jill] French foreign legion cap.
Mrs. Baker: Oh, have you enlisted?
Don Baker: No, I was drafted.
Mrs. Baker: [Jill says she has to go to an audition] Then you're an actress?
Jill: Well, yeah.
Mrs. Baker: Might I have seen you in anything, besides your underwear?
Jill: Um, not unless you went to Beverly Hills High School. I was in The Mikado. I played Yum-Yum.
Mrs. Baker: [laughing] Yes, I'm sure you did.
Don Baker: [when Jill says she's moving in with Ralph] Tell me, Jill, with Ralph, is it like the Fourth of July and like Christmas?
Jill: Not exactly. He has a kind of... strength. With him it's more like Labor Day.
Don Baker: Well hate me! Or love me! But don't leave because I'm blind... and don't stay because I'm blind.
Jill: I don't have anything, but it manages to wind up all over the place. hmm. I'm afraid I'm a slob.
Don Baker: Shh... i'm counting so I don't step in the picnic on the way back!
Don Baker: I don't want you talking to my friends when i'm not around.
Mrs. Baker: I'll make a note of that.
Jill: [Arguing to Mrs. Baker] You're always dwelling on the negative. Always what he needs, never what he wants. Always what he can't do, never what he can. What about his music? Have you heard the songs he wrote? I'll bet you didn't even know he could write songs. Well, you might be dead right about me. I'm not the ideal girl for Don. But I know one thing: neither are you! And if I'm going to tell anybody to go home, it's gonna be you, Mrs. Baker! You go home!
Don Baker: [sings] I knew the day you met me, I could love you if you'd let me, Though you touched my cheek and said how easy you'd forget me. You said: butterflies are free, and so are we.
Don Baker: [to mod shopkeeper, after picking out some clothes] Do you have any dirty books?
Roy Stratton: [startled] No.
Don Baker: Aww, too bad: that's the only thing they don't publish in Braille.
Jill: Is blindness hereditary?
Don Baker: I never heard that.
Jill: Can your father see?
Don Baker: I doubt it. He's been dead for six years. Up till then he didn't have any trouble though.
[Don and Mrs. Baker are arguing over his decision to support himself as a singer]
Mrs. Baker: May I ask how you arrived at this brilliant decision?
Don Baker: It was elementary, my dear mother - by the process of elimination. I made a lengthy list of all the things I couldn't do... like commercial pilot. I don't think TWA would be too thrilled to have me fly their planes... nor United... nor Pan Am. Photographer? A definite out, along with ball player and cab driver. Matador didn't strike me as too promising. I half-considered becoming an eye doctor, but that would just be a case of the blind leading the blind.