Edit
Maude (TV Series 1972–1978) Poster

(1972–1978)

Quotes

Florida Evans: [on Maude's new facelift] You may be looking at a brand new face, but you'll still be hearing the same old mouth.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Salesman: I'm hoping to get accepted in one of the big eastern universities.

Maude Findlay: Well before you think about college, you should learn to read. That sign says 'No Solicitors'.

3 of 3 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: When he says wife, he means possession.

Walter Findlay: So what, Maude? You told me a hundred times you want to be possessed.

Maude Findlay: Walter Findlay, I never said that standing up and you know it.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: Walter, if you don't want my daughter and my only grandchild living here with us just tell me.

Walter Findlay: And...?

Maude Findlay: And I'll rip your heart out.

2 of 2 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Dr. Arthur Harmon: No offense Maudie, but I wouldn't touch you with a ten-foot pole.

Maude Findlay: No offense Arthur, but that's the only way you'd EVER touch me.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: Francie, this is Florida. My dear, dear friend, probably the best friend I have in the whole world.

Florida Evans: I'm the maid.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Walter Findlay: People communicate only when they are being themselves. One does not get through to someone by being something other than what one is.

Maude Findlay: That's a lovely speech, Walter, very lovely. Remind me when we have time, to record it on tape so I can accidentally erase it.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Walter Findlay: Maude. Sit.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: [Answering the phone] Hello? No, this is not Mr. Findlay. This is Mrs. Findlay. Mr. Findlay has a mustache.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: [to Walter] You know your red tie makes you look like Dan Rather... Of course, your paisley tie makes you look like Morley Safer. I think it's safer to look like Rather - unless you'd rather look like Safer.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: [Holding up her high school cheerleading sweater, which has an "M" on the front] I can remember when the "M" covered my whole chest.

Walter Findlay: Now, you have enough room to spell out "MASSACHUSETTS INSTITUTE OF TECHNOLOGY".

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

[repeated line]

Maude Findlay: God'll get you for that, Walter.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Walter Findlay: [after giving Walter an uncooked chicken after an argument] That chicken is frozen.

Maude Findlay: You think that's frozen, wait and see what you get in bed tonight.

1 of 1 found this interesting Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: Florida, if we wanted Geraldine we'd get Flip Wilson.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Walter Findlay: I finally got him to stop.

Maude Findlay: Gently, I hope.

Walter Findlay: Of course. I told him to shut the hell up.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Vivian Harmon: [after Walter has a heart attack, he pretends that he is feeble so Maude will feel sorry for him. He attempts to do some knitting] Arthur, what about S-E-X?"

Maude Findlay: SEX? Vivian, he can hardly K-N-I-T.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: If you don't get back at all, we'll understand.

Dr. Arthur Harmon: I know that, Maudie, that's why i'm coming back if it kills me.

Maude Findlay: On those terms, I'll accept.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: [referring to Carol's ample bosom] To think I bought you your first training bra. Look how you've broken training.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: [Maude catches Walter with another woman] Walter, you son of a bitch.

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Walter Findlay: [arguing with Maude because she agrees the housekeeper should keep her maiden name after she's married] Well, if you feel that way, why didn't you keep your maiden name when we got married?

Maude Findlay: Because by the time we got married I couldn't remember it!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

Maude Findlay: [at a party where they all dress as their favorite year] Mrs. Naugatuck, what was your favorite year?

Mrs. Nell Naugatuck: Well, I don't know what my favorite year is, but I can tell you my least favorite. 1492.

Maude Findlay: 1492? Why 1492?

Mrs. Nell Naugatuck: Because if Columbus hadn't discovered this flipping country, I wouldn't be working here tonight!

Is this interesting? Interesting? | Share this
Share this: Facebook  |  Twitter  |  Permalink

See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

Contribute to This Page