Private Danny Baker has a big problem, and it's attached to his face. After he is caught trying to AWOL, Hawkeye calls in his friend Major Stanley "Stosh" Robbins, a plastic surgeon to help the private. When Frank and Margaret catch wind of the unauthorized operation, it is up to Hawkeye, Trapper, and Radar to prevent the majors from getting in the way.
A decorated GI confides to Hawkeye that he was beaten by his own unit for being gay but Frank Burns is outraged when he finds out from another source and tries to have the soldier dishonorably discharged.
Margaret talks marriage to Frank while Hawkeye tries to trick him into a phony stock investment , Klinger tries to convince Col. Blake that a 'death in the family' letter came for him (Klinger) in the mail bag, and a drunk Trapper tries to go AWOL to be with his family.
When the cryptic Col. Flagg starts snooping around the 4077, he draws in the interest of another intelligence agent named Pratt, a friend of Trapper's. When chaos reigns as Flagg and Pratt try to outsmart and one up each other, Hawkeye and Trapper decide it is time to teach them both a lesson.
A visiting general, appearing to be more eccentric than the usual army brass and a stickler for regulations, tries to move the camp closer to the front and court martial Hawkeye before they discover that he's completely loony.
Hawkeye and Trapper are planning to leave for Tokyo when an unusual offer comes in to swap P.O.W. patients between the Chinese and the 4077th. After much debate, Henry agrees to send Hawkeye, Trapper, Frank, Radar, and Klinger into enemy territory.
Several wild events happen during a nice spring day in Korea. First, a marine who Hawkeye performs surgery on feels beholden to him. Next, Radar falls for a nurse who's main interest is poetry. Then Klinger receives a letter from his girl Laverne who agrees to marry him. Finally, a young soldier in a catatonic state and with no tags wanders into post-op with a strange fixation for a kitten.
Henry suspects his wife is having an affair, Hawkeye searches for presidents' faces to try to win a pony and Father Mulcahy officiates at a Jewish Bris with the help of a rabbi on a faraway aircraft carrier.
After a run-in with Major Houlihan, Henry is not altogether unhappy when the nurses are evacuated due to a possible enemy attack but soon finds out with rest of the camp just how much the nurses mean to the unit.
Hawkeye records a letter to his Dad, detailing the exploits of a mad Turkish soldier, the loss of a Luxembourg Lieutenant's corpse, and a lieutenant's strong-arm tactics to obtain medical care for a comrade.