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Willy Wonka & the Chocolate Factory (1971) Poster

Quotes

Willy Wonka: There's no earthly way of knowing/Which direction they are going... There's no knowing where they're rowing...

Mr. Salt: [weakly echoing] Rowing...

Willy Wonka: Or which way the river's flowing... Is it raining, is it snowing?/Is a hurricane a-blowing?

[sharp gasp]

Willy Wonka: Not a speck of light is showing/So the danger must be growing... Are the fires of Hell a-glowing?/Is the grisly Reaper mowing?/Yes! The danger must be growing/'Cause the rowers keep on rowing/

[practically screaming]

Willy Wonka: And they're certainly not showing/Any sign that they are slowing!

[lets out a high-pitched, almost unearthly scream]

Willy Wonka: The suspense is terrible... I hope it'll last.

Mrs. Gloop: Don't just stand there, do something!

Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Help. Police, Murder.

Willy Wonka: Try some more. The strawberries taste like strawberries, and the snozzberries taste like snozzberries.

Veruca Salt: Snozzberries? Who ever heard of a snozzberry?

Willy Wonka: [grabbing Veruca's mouth and pinching it a bit to hold it open] *We* are the music makers... and *we* are the dreamers of dreams.

Willy Wonka: [touching the gobstopper Charlie has just set on his desk] So shines a good deed in a weary world.

Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka?

Willy Wonka: [pointedly ignoring him and Charlie] I am extraordinarily busy, sir.

Grandpa Joe: [tentatively] I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The-the lifetime supply of chocolate, for Charlie. Wh-When does he get it?

Willy Wonka: He doesn't.

Grandpa Joe: Why not?

Willy Wonka: Because he broke the rules.

Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we, Charlie?

[Charlie shakes his head briefly]

Willy Wonka: [springs up from his chair, angrily] Wrong, sir! Wrong! Under section 37B of the contract signed by him, it states quite clearly that all offers shall become null and void if - and you can read it for yourself in this photostatic copy:

[grabs a magnifying glass and reads]

Willy Wonka: I, the undersigned, shall forfeit all rights, privileges, and licenses herein and herein contained, et cetera, et cetera... Fax mentis incendium gloria cultum, et cetera, et cetera... Memo bis punitor delicatum!

[slams the contract copy and the magnifying glass down, continues shouting]

Willy Wonka: It's all there, black and white, clear as crystal! You stole fizzy lifting drinks! You bumped into the ceiling which now has to be washed and sterilized, so you get nothing! You lose! Good day, sir!

[turns back to his work]

Grandpa Joe: [shocked] You're a crook. You're a cheat and a swindler! That's what you are!

[angrily]

Grandpa Joe: How could you do something like this, build up a little boy's hopes and then smash all his dreams to pieces? You're an inhuman monster!

Willy Wonka: [shouts even louder] I said good day!

[turns back to his work again]

Grandpa Joe: Come on, Charlie. Let's get out of here. I'll get even with him if its the last thing I'll ever do. If Slugworth wants a gobstopper, he'll get one.

Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, they won't really be burned in the furnace, will they?

Willy Wonka: Hm... well, I think that furnace is only lit every other day, so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they?

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Willy Wonka: So much time and so little to do. Wait a minute. Strike that. Reverse it. Thank you.

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Willy Wonka: How did you like the chocolate factory, Charlie?

Charlie Bucket: I think it's the most wonderful place in the whole world!

Willy Wonka: I'm very pleased to hear you say that, because I'm giving it to you.

Grandpa Joe: [sounding shocked] You're giving Charlie the...?

Willy Wonka: I can't go on forever, and I don't really want to try. So who can I trust to run the factory when I leave and take care of the Oompa Loompas for me? Not a grown up. A grown up would want to do everything his own way, not mine. So that's why I decided a long time ago that I had to find a child. A very honest, loving child, to whom I could tell all my most precious candy making secrets.

Charlie Bucket: So that's why you sent out the golden tickets!

Willy Wonka: That's right. So the factory is yours, Charlie. You can move in immediately.

Grandpa Joe: And me?

Willy Wonka: Absolutely.

Charlie Bucket: But what happens to the rest...?

Willy Wonka: The whole family. I want you to bring them all.

[Willy and Charlie hug]

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Willy Wonka: [into Mr. Salt's ear, singing softly] A little nonsense now and then is relished by the wisest men.

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Mrs. Gloop: [Augustus is now sucked into the suction pipe which takes him to the vertical pipe] He can't swim.

Willy Wonka: There's no better time to learn.

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Willy Wonka: Where is fancy bred, in the heart or in the head?

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Computer Operator: Gentlemen, I know how anxious you've all been during these last few days. But now I think I can safely say that your time and money have been well-spent. We're about to witness the greatest miracle of the machine age. Based on the revolutionary Computonian Law of Probability, this machine will tell us the precise location of the 3 remaining golden tickets.

[he pushes buttons on the machine; the machine prints out a response]

Computer Operator: It says: "I won't tell. That would be cheating."

[he pushes the buttons on the machine again]

Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer that if it will tell me the correct answer, I will gladly share with it the grand prize.

[the machine prints out another response]

Computer Operator: He says: "What would a computer do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?"

[he sighs, then pushes the buttons once again]

Computer Operator: I am now telling the computer exactly what he can do with the lifetime supply of chocolate.

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[last lines]

Willy Wonka: But Charlie, don't forget what happened to the man who suddenly got everything he always wanted.

Charlie Bucket: What happened?

Willy Wonka: He lived happily ever after.

[hugs Charlie]

Willy Wonka: [singing] If you want to view paradise, simply look around and view it. Anything you want to, do it; want to change the world... there's nothing to it.

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Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / Gum chewing's fine when it's once in a while / It stops you from smoking and brightens your smile / But it's repulsive, revolting, and wrong / chewing and chewing all day long / The way that a cow does / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / Given good manners, you will go far / You will live in happiness, too/Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo.

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Mr. Salt: [noticing signs on vats] Wonka. Butterscotch? Buttergin? Got a little something going on the side?

Willy Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker.

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Willy Wonka: If the good Lord had intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates.

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Mr. Turkentine: I've just decided to switch our Friday schedule to Monday, which means that the test we take each Friday on what we learned during the week will now take place on Monday before we've learned it. But since today is Tuesday, it doesn't matter in the slightest. Pencils ready!

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Mr. Turkentine: Of course you don't know. You don't know because only *I* know. If you knew and I didn't know, then you'd be teaching me instead of me teaching you - and for a student to be teaching his teacher is presumptuous and rude. Do I make myself clear?

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Veruca Salt: [singing] I want the world. I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket. It's my bar of chocolate. Give it to me now.

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FBI Agent: Mrs. Curtis, did you hear me? It's your husband's life, or your case of Wonka bars.

Mrs. Curtis: [after a brief pause] How long will they give me to think it over?

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Mrs. Gloop: You boiled him up, I know it.

Willy Wonka: Nil desperandum, my dear lady. Across the desert lies the promised land.

[Mrs. Gloop is led away to the fudge room]

Willy Wonka: Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu. Aufwiedersehen. Gesundheit. Farewell.

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Grandpa Joe: [viewing the Wonka-mobile being fueled] Mr. Wonka? Uh, what's that they're filling it up with?

Willy Wonka: Oh ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubblecola, double cola, double-bubble-burple-cola, and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize what tremendous power there is in one of those things.

Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] Sorry I asked.

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Willy Wonka: Hold your breath, make a wish, count to three.

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Willy Wonka: [making a mysterious formula] Invention, my dear friends, is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple.

Mrs. Teevee: [as Mr. Wonka drinks the formula] That's 105%!

Sam Beauregarde: Any good?

Willy Wonka: [smacks his lips, then speaks in falsetto] Yes.

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Violet Beauregarde: What is this, a freak out?

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Willy Wonka: Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink - yet.

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Veruca Salt: They're not even trying! They don't want to find it! They're jealous of me!

Mr. Salt: Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder; 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling; 760,000 they've done so far.

Veruca Salt: You promised, Daddy! You promised I'd have it the very first day!

Mrs. Salt: You're going to be very unpopular around here, Henry, if you don't deliver soon.

Mr. Salt: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy.

Veruca Salt: I won't talk to you ever again! You're a mean father, you'll never give me anything I want! And I won't go to school till I have it!

Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the whole world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them! What can I do?

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Willy Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic. So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick.

[to an Oompa Loompa]

Willy Wonka: To the taffy-pulling room. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse. But be extremely careful.

Mrs. Teevee: Uh, T-T-Taffy? Wh-What's he saying?

[Oompa Loompa whispers to Wonka]

Willy Wonka: No, no. I won't hold you responsible.

Willy Wonka: [Mrs. Teavee suddenly passes out] And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say good-bye.

[Mrs. Teevee groans]

Willy Wonka: No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words. Run along now.

[two Oompa Loompas drag the limp Mrs. Teevee out of the room]

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Willy Wonka: [referring to the soda-powered Wonkamobile] Behold the Wonkamobile. A thing of beauty is a joy forever.

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Mr. Salt: Quite a nice little canoe you got there, Wonka.

Willy Wonka: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard, everybody.

Mr. Salt: Ladies first, and that means Veruca.

Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] If she's a lady, I'm a Vermicious Knid.

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Willy Wonka: [after Veruca falls down the chute] She was a bad egg.

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Grandpa Joe: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted.

Charlie Bucket: What's that?

Grandpa Joe: Veruca went first.

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Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / Who do you blame when your kid is a brat / Pampered and spoiled like a Siamese cat / Blaming the kids is a lie and a shame / You know exactly who's to blame? / The mother and the father / Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee dah / If you're not spoiled, then you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-p-dee doo.

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[Charlie and Grandpa Joe are floating in the fizzy lifting room]

[Grandpa Joe does a somersault in midair]

Charlie Bucket: Hey, you did it, Grandpa.

Grandpa Joe: Ohhhh... ohhhh, I think I hit an air pocket.

Charlie Bucket: You can fly to the moon this way.

Grandpa Joe: Let's just fly south for the winter.

Charlie Bucket: Why not? I'm a bird!

Grandpa Joe: I'm a plaaaaaaane!

Charlie Bucket: I'm... going too high!

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Mrs. Gloop: What a disgusting, dirty river!

Mr. Salt: Industrial waste, that. You've ruined your watershed Wonka: it's polluted.

Willy Wonka: It's chocolate.

Veruca Salt: That's chocolate?

Charlie Bucket: That's chocolate!

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Charlie Bucket: [about the Wonkamobile] Is this going to go fast, Grandpa?

Grandpa Joe: It should, Charlie; it's got more gas in it than a politician.

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Mr. Salt: What is this, Wonka? Some kind of funhouse?

Willy Wonka: [glances back at him] Why? Are you having fun?

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Mrs. Gloop: He's gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds.

Willy Wonka: Impossible, my dear lady! That's absurd! Unthinkable!

Mrs. Gloop: Why?

Willy Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room!

Mrs. Gloop: You terrible man!

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Charlie Bucket: [as the Wonkatania is going through the tunnel, to Grandpa Joe] This is kind of strange.

Grandpa Joe: [excitedly] Yes, it's strange, Charlie, but it's fun! Ha-ha!

[they grin at each other]

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Veruca Salt: [singing] I want a party with roomfuls of laughter, / Ten thousand tons of ice cream, / And if I don't get the things I am after, / I'm going to screeeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEAM.

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Violet Beauregarde: Well, they can't be real people.

Willy Wonka: Why, of course they're real people.

Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense!

Willy Wonka: No, Oompa Loompas.

The Group: [turning around] Oompa Loompas?

Willy Wonka: From Loompaland.

Mrs. Teevee: Loompaland? There's no such place.

Willy Wonka: Excuse me, dear lady, but...

Mrs. Teevee: Mr. Wonka, I am a teacher of geography.

Willy Wonka: Oh, well, then you know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Nothing but desolate wastes and fierce beasts. And the poor little Oompa Loompas were so small and helpless, they would get gobbled up right and left. A Wangdoodle would eat ten of them for breakfast and think nothing of it. And so, I said, "Come and live with me in peace and safety, away from all the Wangdoodles, and Hornswogglers, and Snozzwangers, and rotten, Vermicious Knids."

Mr. Salt: Snozzwangers? Vermicious Knids? What kind of rubbish is that?

Willy Wonka: I'm sorry, but all questions *must* be submitted in writing. And so, in the greatest of secrecy, I transported the entire population of Oompa Loompas to my factory here.

Veruca Salt: Hey, Daddy, *I* want an Oompa Loompa! I want you to get me an Oompa Loompa right away!

Mr. Salt: All right, Veruca, all right. I'll get you one before the day is out.

Veruca Salt: [whining] I want an Oompa Loompa now!

Violet Beauregarde: Can it, you nit!

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Sam Beauregarde: Violet! You're turning violet, Violet!

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Stanley Kael, Second Newscaster: Four down, one to go, and somewhere out there a lucky person is moving closer and closer to the most sought after prize in history. Though we cannot help but envy whoever he is, and we may feel bitter, but we must remember there are more important things, *many* more important things. Though offhand I cannot think of what they are, but I'm sure there must be something.

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Willy Wonka: Now over here, if you'll follow me, I have something rather special to show you.

Mr. Salt: It's special all right, I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one.

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Reporter: So, ya like the killings, huh?

Mike Teevee: What do you think life's all about?

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Charlie Bucket: [after eating the now-shrunken Wonka bar] It's perfect.

Mrs. Teevee: It's unbelievable!

Grandpa Joe: It's a miracle!

Mike Teevee: It's a TV dinner!

Willy Wonka: It's Wonkavision.

Grandpa Joe: It could change the world!

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Mike Teevee: Look at me, I'm gonna be be the first person in the world to be sent by television!

Mrs. Teevee: Mike, get away from that thing!

Willy Wonka: [unenthusiastically] Stop. Don't. Come back.

Mike Teevee: Lights, camera, *action*!

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[opening lock]

Willy Wonka: Ninety-nine, forty-four, one hundred percent pure. Just through the other door, please.

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Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do / I've got another puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dah dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / What do you get from a glut of TV? / A pain in the neck and an IQ of 3 / Why don't you try simply reading a book? / Or could you just not bear to look? / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no / You'll get no commercials / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you love reading you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee do.

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Grandpa Joe: When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've no right buying tobacco.

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Mrs. Teevee: [as the Wonkatania starts to move] I think I'm going to be seasick!

Willy Wonka: [handing something to Mrs. Teevee] Here, take these.

Mrs. Teevee: What are they?

Willy Wonka: Rainbow drops. Suck them and you can spit in seven different colors!

Violet Beauregarde: [as she digs around in her nostril] Spitting's a dirty habit.

Willy Wonka: I know a worse one.

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Willy Wonka: I don't understand it. The children are dissappearing like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall we press on?

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Willy Wonka: [Dropping an old-fashioned alarm clock into a vat of some sort of candy mixture] Time is a precious thing. Never waste it.

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Veruca Salt: [Introducing herself to Willy Wonka] I'm Veruca Salt.

Willy Wonka: [shaking Veruca's hand] My dear Veruca, what a pleasure! And how pretty you look in that lovely mink coat.

Veruca Salt: [sounding proud] I've got three others at home!

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Mrs. Teevee: [as the Wonkatania begins its journey through the tunnel] I think I'm going to be sick!

[an image of a chicken getting its head chopped off flashes on the tunnel wall]

Mrs. Teevee: Now I AM going to be sick!

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Tinker: Up the airy mountain, down the rushy glen, we daren't go a hunting, for fear of little men. You see, nobody ever goes in... and nobody ever comes out.

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Oompa Loompas: Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / I've got a perfect puzzle for you / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dee / If you are wise you'll listen to me / What do you get when you guzzle down sweets? / Eating as much as an elephant eats / What are you at getting terribly fat? / What do you think will come of that?/I don't like the look of it / Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee dah / If you're not greedy, you will go far / You will live in happiness, too / Like the Oompa Loompa doo-pa-dee doo / Doo-pa-dee doo.

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Willy Wonka: It's a musical lock.

[begins playing Mozart's 'Marriage Of Figaro']

Mrs. Teevee: Rachmaninoff.

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Sam Beauregarde: Don't talk to me about contracts, Wonka, I use them myself. They're strictly for suckers.

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Willy Wonka: Don't you know what this is?

Violet Beauregarde: By gum, it's gum.

Willy Wonka: [happily, but sarcastically] Wrong! It's the most amazing, fabulous, sensational gum in the whole world.

Violet Beauregarde: What's so fab about it?

Willy Wonka: This little piece of gum is a three-course dinner.

Mr. Salt: Bull.

Willy Wonka: No, roast beef. But I haven't got it quite right yet.

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Willy Wonka: It happens every time, they all become blueberries.

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Willy Wonka: Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous. So don't be alarmed. As soon as your outer vestments are at hand, we'll begin.

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[Wonka walks down the hall which gets shorter as it goes on in the skewed perspective room]

Charlie Bucket: Hey, the room is getting smaller.

Mrs. Teevee: No, it's not. *He's* getting *bigger*!

Mr. Salt: He's at it again!

Mike Teevee: Where's the chocolate?

Sam Beauregarde: I doubt if there is any.

Mr. Salt: I doubt if any of us will get out of here alive.

Willy Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what nobody is sure about.

Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door!

Mr. Salt: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka. No one can get through there!

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Willy Wonka: [singing] There is no life I know to compare with pure imagination. Living there, you'll be free if you truly wish to be.

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Sam Beauregarde: [yelling] I'm getting even with you for this, Wonka, if it's the last thing I ever do!

[mutters in pity]

Sam Beauregarde: I've got a blueberry for a daughter...

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Augustus Gloop: I feel very sorry for Wonka. It's gonna cost him a fortune in fudge.

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Willy Wonka: No other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall.

[gently whispering in Mr. Salt's ear]

Willy Wonka: But it's the only way if you want it just right.

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Charlie Bucket: Hey Grandpa, what was that we just went through?

Willy Wonka: Hsaw Aknow.

Mrs. Teevee: Is that Japanese?

Willy Wonka: No, that's Wonka wash, spelled backwards. That's it, ladies and gentlemen, the journey's over!

Grandpa Joe: Finest bath I ever had!

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[Willy Wonka and the group are still on the boat and are at the hallway outside the inventing room]

Willy Wonka: We're there.

Mrs. Teevee: Where?

Willy Wonka: Here. A small step for mankind, but a giant step for us. All ashore!

Mr. Beauregarde: Let me off this crate!

Mike Teevee: Now why don't they show stuff like that on T.V.?

Mrs. Teevee: I don't know.

Mr. Salt: What a nightmare.

Veruca Salt: Daddy, I do not want a boat like this.

[Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe read a sign]

Charlie Bucket: Dairy cream...

Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream...

Charlie Bucket: Coffee cream...

Grandpa Joe: Vanilla cream...

Charlie Bucket and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?

Willy Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihre aufmerksamkeit

[My friends (masters), please give me your attention]

Willy Wonka: .

Mrs. Teevee: That's not French.

Willy Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik.

[You have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the most secret room of my factory]

Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this.

Willy Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room

[Ladies and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room]

Willy Wonka: . Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling.

Grandpa Joe: No telling what?

Willy Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his false teeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing!

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Veruca Salt: I wanted to be the first to find a Golden Ticket, Daddy!

Mr. Salt: I know, angel. We're doing the best we can. I've got every girl in the place to start hunting for you.

Veruca Salt: All right, where is it? Why haven't they found it?

Mr. Salt: Veruca, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time!

Veruca Salt: I want it now! What's the matter with those twerps down there?

Mr. Salt: For five days now, the entire flipping factory's been on the job. They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday. They've been shelling flaming chocolate bars from dawn till dusk!

Veruca Salt: Make them work nights!

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Mr. Salt: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose?

Willy Wonka: They're not for sale.

Mr. Salt: Name your price.

Willy Wonka: She can't have one.

Veruca Salt: Who says I can't?

Mr. Salt: The man with the funny hat.

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Willy Wonka: [singing] In springtime, the only pretty ring time, birds sing hey ding... a-ding, a-ding, sweet lovers love... the spring.

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Willy Wonka: Well, well, well, two naughty, *nasty* little children gone. Three good, sweet little children left.

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Mr. Turkentine: Charlie Bucket, how many did you open?

Charlie Bucket: Two.

Mr. Turkentine: That's easy. 200 is twice 100...

Charlie Bucket: Not 200, just two.

Mr. Turkentine: Two? What do you mean you only opened two?

Charlie Bucket: I don't care very much for chocolate.

Mr. Turkentine: Well, I can't figure out just two! So let's pretend you opened 200. Now, if you opened 200 Wonka bars, apart from being dreadfully sick, you'd have used up 20% of 1,000, which is 15% half over again, 10%...

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[Mr. Wonka puts a pair of football cleats into a vat]

Mr. Salt: What's that for?

Willy Wonka: Gives it a little kick.

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Grandpa Joe: Good morning. Look at the sun.

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Mike Teevee: Where are you taking me?

[as Mrs. Teavee inserts him into her purse]

Mike Teevee: I don't wanna go in there...!

Mrs. Teevee: Be quiet.

Mike Teevee: Hey, let me out, it's dark in here. Come on, Mom, I want to be on TV. Let me out, Mom, or I'll gnaw my way out. I'm warning you, Mom, there's a nail file in here. If you don't let me out, I'll smear your lipstick all over everything.

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[Willy Wonka greets Charlie and Grandpa Joe at the gates of the WONKA factory]

Willy Wonka: And who is this gentleman?

Charlie Bucket: My grandfather, Grandpa Joe.

Willy Wonka: [vigorously shaking Grandpa Joe's hand] Delighted to meet you, sir. Overjoyed, enraptured, entranced. Are we ready? Yes, good. In we go.

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Charlie Bucket: [referring to Augustus' being stuck in the pipe] He'll never get out.

Grandpa Joe: Yes, he will, Charlie. Watch. Remember when you once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun?

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Mr. Turkentine: You, Winkelmann, come here. What's happening?

Winkelmann: Mr. Wonka's opening his factory, he's gonna to let people in.

Mr. Turkentine: You sure?

Winkelmann: It's on the radio. He's giving truckloads of chocolate away.

Mr. Turkentine: Class dismissed.

[Mr. Turkentine starts to put on his coat]

Winkelmann: No, no, it's only for five people.

Mr. Turkentine: [dismayed] Class undismissed.

[Mr. Turkentine starts to take off his coat]

Winkelmann: He sent out five Golden Tickets, and the people who find them will win the big prize.

Mr. Turkentine: Where's he hidden the tickets?

Winkelmann: Inside five Wonka bars. You've got to buy Wonka bars to find them.

Mr. Turkentine: Class re-dismissed.

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Augustus Gloop: [urgently] Let me in, I'm starving!

Willy Wonka: Now, don't get excited. Don't lose your head, Augustus. We don't want anybody to lose that.

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Mike Teevee: Boy, what a great show.

Mrs. Teevee: I serve all his TV dinners right here. He's never even been to the table.

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Mike Teevee: Wait till I get a real one. Colt 45. Pop won't let me have one yet, will ya, Pop?

Mr. Teevee: Not till you're 12, son.

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Charlie Bucket: [to Grandpa Joe, after opening the Wonka bar they think has the last Golden Ticket in it] You know... I'll bet those Golden Tickets make the chocolate taste terrible.

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Sam Beauregarde: What business are you in, Salt?

Mr. Salt: Nuts.

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Violet Beauregarde: Well, I'm a gum chewer, normally. But when I heard about these ticket things of Wonka's, I laid off the gum and switched to candy bars, instead. Now, of course, I'm right back on gum. I chew it all day, except at mealtimes when I stick it behind my ear.

Mrs. Beauregarde: Violet...

Violet Beauregarde: Cool it, Mother!

[showing her gum to the audience]

Violet Beauregarde: Now, this little piece of gum here is one I've been chewing on for three months solid, and that's a world record. It's beaten the record held by my best friend, Miss Cornelia Prince Medal. And, WAS she mad.

[puts the gum back in her mouth and continues chewing, then waves]

Violet Beauregarde: Hi, Cornelia. How are ya, sweetie?

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[after Mike appears on the screen]

Grandpa Joe: Our little group is getting smaller by the minute.

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Mrs. Gloop: Help, Mr. Wonka, help! I'm getting squashed. Save me!

Willy Wonka: Is it my soul that calls upon my name?

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Mrs. Teevee: I assume there's an accident indemnity clause.

Willy Wonka: Never between friends.

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Willy Wonka: [as Violet snatches the gum from his hand] Oh! I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't.

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Willy Wonka: 'Round the world and home again, that's the sailor's way.

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Willy Wonka: This is the great glass Wonkavator.

Grandpa Joe: It's an elevator.

Willy Wonka: No, it's a Wonkavator. An elevator can only go up and down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways, and slantways, and longways, and backways...

Charlie Bucket: And frontways?

Willy Wonka: ...and squareways, and front ways, and any other ways that you can think of. It can take you to any room in the whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of these buttons. Just press a button, and *zing*! You're off. And up until now, I've pressed them all... except one.

[gestures to a button near the top of the Wonkavator]

Willy Wonka: This one. Go ahead, Charlie.

Charlie Bucket: Me?

[Willy Wonka nods as Charlie presses the button]

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[first lines]

Bill, candy store owner: All right, all right, all right, what's it going to be? A Triple Cream Cup for Christopher. A Sizzler for June Marie. And listen!

[the children fall silent]

Bill, candy store owner: Wonka's got a new one today.

Children: What is it?

Bill, candy store owner: This is called a Scrumpdiddlyumptious Bar.

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Charlie Bucket: [as Violet blows up into a blueberry] Why won't she listen to Mr. Wonka?

Grandpa Joe: Because, Charlie, she's a nitwit.

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Veruca Salt: [after Willy gives an Everlasting Gobstopper to each of the kids] Hey, she's got two! I want another one!

Violet Beauregarde: [showing her Gobstopper to Veruca] Stop squawking, you twit!

Willy Wonka: [making it clear he's not going to stand for the girls' bickering] Everybody has had ONE, and ONE is enough for anybody. Now come along.

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Willy Wonka: I take very good care of my guests.

Sam Beauregarde: Yeah, you took real good care of that August kid.

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Augustus Gloop: [drinking from the chocolate river] Mm, this stuff is terrific.

Charlie Bucket: Grandpa, look at Augustus!

Grandpa Joe: Don't worry, he can't drink it all.

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Mrs. Teevee: [while waiting for Mike to appear on the screen] Why is it taking so long?

Charlie Bucket: A million pieces take a long time to put together.

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Veruca Salt: Daddy, I want a boat like this. A beautiful paddle boat is what I want.

Grandpa Joe: [to Charlie] What she wants is a good kick in the pants!

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Willy Wonka: And almost everything you'll see is eatable, edible. I mean, you can eat almost everything.

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Willy Wonka: The Egg-dicator can tell the difference between a good egg and a bad egg. If it's a good egg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the world. But if it's a bad egg, down the chute.

Grandpa Joe: [whispering to Charlie] It's an educated Egg-dicator.

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Willy Wonka: [Showing off his geese that lay golden eggs] They're laying overtime right now, for Easter.

Mike Teevee: But Easter's over!

Willy Wonka: [clapping a hand over Mike's mouth] Ssshhh!

[quietly]

Willy Wonka: They don't know that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year.

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Mr. Salt: Where is she going?

Willy Wonka: Where all the other bad eggs go, down the garbage chute.

Mr. Salt: [laughs] Oh, the garbage chute. Where does it lead to?

Willy Wonka: To the furnace.

Mr. Salt: [laughs] The furnace! She'll be sizzled like a sausage.

Willy Wonka: No, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube.

Mr. Salt: Inside the...

[he starts suddenly in shock and runs]

Mr. Salt: Hold on! Veruca! Sweetheart! Daddy's coming!

[dives down the chute]

Willy Wonka: There'll to be a lot of garbage today.

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Mr. Salt: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka?

Willy Wonka: With your buoyancy, sir, rest assured.

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Veruca Salt: [to Mr. Salt] I want to go in! Don't you dare stop me!

Mr. Salt: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart.

Veruca Salt: [to Violet] Give me that pen!

[Veruca grabs the pen from Violet]

Veruca Salt: [to Mr. Salt] You're always making things difficult.

[signs the contract]

Willy Wonka: [admiringly] Nicely handled, Veruca! Now there's a girl who knows where she's going.

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Willy Wonka: [In the Wonkavator] Faster, faster; if we don't pick up enough speed, we'll never get through!

Charlie Bucket: Get through what?

Willy Wonka: Aha!

Grandpa Joe: You mean we're going...?

Willy Wonka: Up and out!

Grandpa Joe: But this roof is made of glass! It'll shatter into a thousand pieces! We'll be cut to ribbons!

Willy Wonka: Probably.

[Charlie begins to look nervous]

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Willy Wonka: [telling the group about Everlasting Gobstoppers] You can suck them and suck them and suck them and they'll never get any smaller. Never!

[pauses, then speaks softly, almost to himself]

Willy Wonka: At least I don't think they do. A few more tests.

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Willy Wonka: [revving the motor of the soft-drink powered Wonkamobile] Swifter than eagles! Stronger than lions!

[the Wonkamobile spurts foam at him]

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Mrs. Teevee: [while the group is in the tiny, cramped hallway] Somebody's touching me!

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Mrs. Teevee: [after getting covered in foam on the Wonkamobile] I'm sending you the cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka!

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Mr. Beauregarde: Violet, what are you doing now? You're blowing up!

Violet Beauregarde: I feel funny!

Grandpa Joe: I'm not surprised.

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Willy Wonka: [showing the group the gum machine] Now over here, if you'll follow me, we have something rather special.

Mr. Salt: It's special, all right. I only hope my Veruca doesn't want one!

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Charlie Bucket: [Takes loaf of bread from his knapsack and holds it up for everyone to see] How 'bout this?

Mrs. Bucket: Charlie, where'd you get that?

Grandpa Joe: What difference does it make where he got it? Point is he got it.

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Charlie Bucket: Mr. Wonka, what'll happen to the other kids? Augustus, Veruca?

Willy Wonka: My dear boy, I promise you they'll be quite all right. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them.

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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