Such Good Friends (1971)
Richard Messinger: How about my wife's pair? Fantastic, aren't they? I think they're the best looking ones here.
Julie Messinger: Richard, you are drunk and silly!
Doria Perkins: He's right! They're really beautiful! Are they very old?
Julie Messinger: *Pardon*?
Richard Messinger: Oh, forgive my wife. She's blind drunk! Honey, she wants to know if the *earrings* are very old.
Julie Messinger: Oh! No, I just bought them. Thank you.
Richard Messinger: What is that?
Julie Messinger: What?
Richard Messinger: There is something *alive* in your blouse!
Julie Messinger: Oh, Richard. Are they really that noticeable?
Richard Messinger: Noticeable? They are leaping out in the air and chinning themselves.
Julie Messinger: Richard, I can't go up there. Everyone's going to notice them.
Richard Messinger: Don't be ridiculous! The guest list includes Norman Mailer, Bernard Kalman and Saul Bellow. You'd have to be stark naked and bald to get a second look!
Julie Messinger: Take a good look, Richard. This is what I am. Do you still want me for your wife?
Nurse: [taking notes for a prospective blood donor] Have you ever had hepatitis?
Molly Hastings: No.
Nurse: Have you ever had venereal disease?
Molly Hastings: Well... how would you classify syphilis?
Nurse: I'd classify it as a venereal disease.
Molly Hastings: Oh... you know I think I did have hepatitis.
Shakespeare Theatre in the Park: [talking to a musician for a Shakespeare production] The sitar is... it's interesting. But can you tell me what a sitar has to do with a play set in Denmark?
Julie Messinger: What do you mean you can't find anything to replace Richard's blood? What are you giving him in its place? Tomato soup?
Julie Messinger: A man goes into the hospital to have a mole removed and lapses into a coma. What happens when you come here for something serious? Do you develop a mole?
Richard Messinger: Nobody listens to a woman. They'd just think you were making it with me.
Julie Messinger: Hey, you've gone soft! You bought the hamsters.
Richard Messinger: No, I have not gone soft. I just want to be sure that if I die, I will generate enough guilt in my kids to drive them into analysis.
Julie Messinger: [door bell rings] Darlene, answer the door!
[bell rings again]
Julie Messinger: Darlene, the door!
[bell rings again]
Julie Messinger: Darlene, the door! Oy, why did they abolish slavery?
Darlene: [peaking her head in the door] Your brasierre is showing, Mrs. Messinger!
Bernard Kalman: [haughtily, in a loin cloth at a New York rooftop party] You liked my novel? I was surprised when it sold. I didn't write it for that. Anyway, I've been elected head of this new cultural committee. I flew to Washington last week. I didn't want to go, God knows... but the position has given me a sense of freedom. I can, at last, approach the President and say, point blank..."How 'bout a little nukie?" I will have performed a valuable service for this troubled nation. Shall we dance, madame?
Pedicurist: The feet are very underrated. People never pay much attention to their feet. I think it's very important to keep them in tip-top shape.
Richard Messinger: [Julie Messinger dreams her husband] I didn't want to tell you this... I don't know quite how but... honey, I strayed because you have lousy feet!
Julie Messinger: [looking at a nude photo of herself] Amazing! I bear a very striking resemblance to a nude woman!
Mrs. Wallman: [at the wedding gown store] Richard, really! Most husbands don't have the time let alone the interest to do this.
Richard Messinger: That's because most husbands don't intend to dress up in their wife's clothes. Take it, we'll look wonderful in it.
Richard Messinger: Richard Messinger, the bestselling author of a famous children's novel, editor of a beloved New York picture magazine. Rich in comparison with the poor. Brilliant in comparison with the moderately intelligent. Happy in comparison with the glum. Dead at the tender age of 30 only after being put into comparison with the living!
Julie Messinger: And those foolish people in the ghettos think they have problems!
Julie Messinger: Richard, "horny" isn't even the word to describe what I feel right now. I just thought it would... I just thought it would be nice.
Richard Messinger: Honey, a gift isn't a gift just because you decide to give it. You could give someone a grand piano. They would appreciate the gesture, but couldn't accept it because...
Julie Messinger: ...because he couldn't play the piano?
Richard Messinger: No. Because... his apartment is too small. You're upset now, aren't you?
Julie Messinger: No, I'm not. I just don't know what I'm gonna do with my grand piano.
Richard Messinger: [cuddling up to her] I love you, honey!
[pushes her away]
Richard Messinger: Now, get on your side of the bed... and let a man with only a few more hours to live get some sleep!
Dr. Bleiweiss: [yelling at an unconscious man] Mr. Messinger! Mr. Messinger! MR. MESSINGER! Dr. Spector, I'm not having much luck. Why don't you give it a try...
Dr. Timmy Spector: Certainly... RICHARD! RICHARD! RICHARD!
Julie Messinger: Jesus, is this what you do to someone in intensive care? Scream at him until he wakes up?
Dr. Bleiweiss: We do anything and everything in intensive care that might help, Mrs. Messinger.
Julie Messinger: [giving it a whirl] RICHARD! RICHARD!
Julie Messinger: [after reading her husband's little black book, to herself] Well, Richard! You've really have screwed us all, haven't you?
Nurse: Are you here to give blood or are you the caterer?
Nurse: Have you ever had venereal disease?
Aunt Harriet: No, I've never even been in the tropics!
Cal Whiting: Richard, it's not my fault you can't eat because of your surgery. I've made everything you like. The least you can do is to stick around and see what you're missing. I've slaved making this meal!
Richard Messinger: [reading an ad in his magazine] What is this? The Third World Film Festival? A great Libyan classic? This has to be some sort of joke.
Barney Halsted: Richard, let's not go through fifteen minutes of jokes about the Third World Film Festival.
Richard Messinger: Well, I'm just bewildered. Why are all these countries black or Oriental... and where are Sweden and Denmark?
Barney Halsted: Sweden and Denmark are not uncommited nations. All countries with a predominantly black population are uncomitted. All countries with a predominantly white population are A-OK. That's how we know which countries to invade.
Julie Messinger: [talking to her unconscious husband] Richard, c'mon, wake up. It was a good joke at first, but now it's starting to wear thin. Listen, look at me, you prick, or so help me I'm going to divorce you!
Dr. Timmy Spector: Okay, now that we have your signature, we can start to assault Richard's gallbladder.
Cal Whiting: How do you beat the shit out of a guy who's been screwing your girlfriend for a year and then goes into a hepatic coma?
Julie Messinger: I guess you do what you did, Cal. You beat the shit out of his wife!
Julie Messinger: We have never been particularly Jewish. We've never been particularly anything... except well-groomed.
Dr. Timmy Spector: I don't like rodents. I was the only one in my science class who enjoyed seeing mice die. Not out of malice, you understand, but because, to me, it meant one less mouse in the world.
Dr. Timmy Spector: So, would you like to complete your day by having sex with a physician?
Julie Messinger: Certainly. Do you mind parking on the street?
Dr. Timmy Spector: I'm sorry, but if you don't have a garage, it's out of the question.
Julie Messinger: Damn it!
Julie Messinger: How do I look?
Dr. Timmy Spector: Julie, he's unconscious!
Julie Messinger: I know, but I wanna look nice.