My boy, you don't know how important it is for a magician to have the right kind of workshop.
You gonna build a house?
A platform, properly stationed with regard to the magnetic poles, from which to launch forth my evil missile! With lumber by Wyman Brothers.
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Definitely one of the strangest 70's horror films I've encountered thus far, and believe you me, that is saying a lot! Right from the first moment, when a guy comes walking up to the camera from out of the rain and addresses the audience saying: "My name is Simon I am a magician", you already know this won't become an ordinary type of witchcraft movie, but a bizarrely experimental independently produced fable with blackly comical aspects and a ludicrous script. Simon is quite an engaging fella He lives in the sewers, drivels wildly about his liaison with the Gods and a whole bunch of other stuff that doesn't make one iota of sense and he's in control of a malignant red chemical ball that kills people. He also talks to trees, describes himself as irresistible and disrespectfully interrupts gatherings of other and supposedly treacherous religious cults in the middle of their holiest of rites. How can you not like a guy like that, especially if Andrew Pine - who's a veteran B-movie actor - depicts him? Unfortunately, however, Pine's tongue-in-cheek performance is the only truly terrific element of the entire film and it's sadly not enough to save it from the inevitable eventual descent into boredom. The movie doesn't have an actual plot. It's merely just a series of wacky adventures out of the life of a magician. Simon seduces the daughter of a hateful district attorney, demonstrates his magic capacities to a few non-believers, becomes the idol of a bunch of dope-selling hippies and eventually becomes punished by the Gods for his haughtiness. There are a number of things going on, but nothing really consequent or involving. Initially, I and surely many other people with me was expecting the Simon character to be a truly malicious and relentless self-acclaimed occult deity, kind of like the figure Charles Manson that was headliner news around that time. Instead, Simon practices a more or less "white" type of magic and that is automatically less appealing to bloodthirsty horror fans. There's nothing truly horrific or even remotely unsettling going on in this movie, apart from a whole lot of talking about witchcraft and a little bit of tacky laser & light show effects. I am aware of the fact "Simon, King of the Witches" gradually built up a tremendous cult reputation throughout the years and, solely based on the opening 15 minutes I presumed this was entirely justified, but I can't help admitting my viewing experience ended with disappointment.
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