|Index||10 reviews in total|
I know this movie is bad. I know I shouldn't like it. But there's
something about it that holds my attention when it plays. Something in
crude simplicity compels me forward to the end. It happens every time I
watch it. I don't know what it is.
Guru (odd name for an orthodox priest) is a bit hammy but not overly so. Carl delivers his lines in one of the oddest intonations I've heard. He later appeared as Detective Eric Dorsey, a minor character on the Barney Miller show. Olga, who apparently is a vampire (?), can't seem to speak her lines fast enough. Pay attention or you'll miss 'em! Igor is fun to watch, as is the cute girl (Nadja) in the attic who befriends him.
Watch for the modern claw hammer, the modern scissors, the steel bars on the windows, and the prisoner wearing corduroy pants!
I just went on Google Video to watch this, one of a double feature presented on Torgo's Drive-In (the other feature being I Drink Your Blood which I have yet to see). At 56 minutes, I found this Andy Milligan-directed horror movie fascinating with the constant pounding score and Dragnet-like stilted dialogue abounding throughout. Having said that, I actually found the story pretty entertaining and I found myself partially caring for the sympathetic characters. Many of the gore scenes, while very amateurish, were also fun to watch in a can-you-believe-their-doing-this way. And having a hunchback that sometimes speaks clearly was also a hoot! So on that note, I'm recommending Guru, the Mad Monk to bad movie buffs everywhere. P.S. On Torgo's Drive-In, this movie was preceded by some ads for the concession stand and previews of Carnival of Blood, The Thing with Two Heads, and Teenage Mother. Oh, and the print I saw had the synchronization off by several seconds.
Thank God I had the chance to see this thing! Did you understand how I felt
watching CARNIVAL OF BLOOD? Well, you ain't seen nothing yet! If you're one
of the few lucky ones to read this message, prepare yourself to witness the
greatest cinematic catastrophe mankind will ever encounter since Neil
Armstrong landed on the moon! Before you start blabbing to your friends and
loved ones that PLAN 9 FROM OUTER SPACE is the worst movie ever made, tell
them GURU THE MAD MONK is the most horrifying movie that ever existed! And
I'm not talking about the things that go bump in the night! No, I'm talking
about how experienced film producers with a college education would make
such a BAD piece of cinematic trash for the whole world to see! At 57
minutes, Andy Milligan and friends created a rush job in getting this movie
released to the local drive-ins in hopes of earning quick revenues. A bunch
of poorly trained actors and a ludicrously atrocious script explains why.
Things don't get any worse in Badmovieland!
Get a barf bag, NOW!!! You'll be glad you did!
Some of the highlights in GURU THE MAD MONK are light years beyond deliriousness. You won't believe the possibilities of the human senses! They include:
***A bishop standing on Guru's cape and ripping it! You can actually hear the sound of it!
***Olga, who stutters in her sentences and can't make up her mind on what to say!
***A villager who gets executed in a small pair of corduroys!
***The opening movie title made up of magnetic toy lettering!
And much, much, MUCH more!
Watch GURU THE MAD MONK all the way through for the first time without stopping and I'll guarantee you've survived a one-way ticket to Drive-In Hell with minor first-degree burns! I strongly recommend this one for viewers with bad taste and who are die-hard collectors of obscure cinema.
Lord have mercy!!!!
One of the most spectacular period pieces ever made, lavish costumes, at sets, or shall I say set. Beautiful color and sound, a sight to see. 1485 never looked better. Superb acting, and dialog. Neil Flanagan gives an Oscar worth performance as father Guru. Jacqueline Webb as Olga was super evil, it scared the pants off me, and I don't scare easy. I felt bad for Igor, I knew he really did not want to be a bad guy, but he felt father Guru was his only friend, so he listened to everything he said. This film deserves to play at film festivals all over. The late Andy Milligan was a genius. I hope this gets re released with special features including a featurette and commentary.
*** This review may contain spoilers ***
1480: Cruel, evil, haughty schizophrenic holy man Guru (a deliciously over the top performance by Neil Flanagan) resides on the remote island of Mortavia. Guru gets his sadistic jollies out of killing and maiming thieves, voyeurs, witches and various other sinners. Crazed lesbian vampire lady Olga (the seriously strange Jaqueline Webb) and meek, whimpering one-eyed hunchback Igor (an uproariously geeky turn by Jack Spencer) assist Guru with his heinous misdeeds. Meanwhile, kindly jailer Carl (the extremely fey Paul Lieber) tries to save condemned fair maiden Nadja (pretty blonde Judith Israel) from Guru's foul clutches. Legendary Do-It-Yourself dimestore indie Staten Island schlockmeister Andy Milligan really outdoes himself with this astonishingly awful, yet often amusing and oddly entertaining period Gothic horror atrocity. The drippy'n'droning stock film library score, ratty, ugly, scratched-up cinematography (Andy gleefully indulges in his ghastly penchant for drab static master shots to an appalling degree), the outrageously tasteless plot, ripely hammy eye-rolling histrionic acting from a game no-name cast (many of whom talk with heavy New York accents), cynical misanthropic sensibility, cheesy gore, the hysterical bloodbath conclusion, and the gut-busting abundant anachronisms (one villager is clearly wearing corduroy pants!) all ensure that this spectacularly shoddy swill is absolutely sidesplitting from stinky start to fumbled finish. A positively jaw-dropping celluloid abomination.
Father Guru (Neil Flanagan) works at the Lost Souls Church on the
island of Mortavia, where prisoners are sent to be tortured or
executed. As well as being mad (Guru has heated schizophrenic arguments
with himself a la Gollum in The Lord of the Rings), the monk is also
thoroughly bad, delighting in the pain and misery of others, selling
the prisoners' corpses for medical experiments, and providing human
blood to vampire witch Olga (Jaqueline Webb) for use in her potions.
When a young woman, Nadja (Judith Israel), is sent to the prison, having been wrongly been found guilty of murdering her infant, head jailer Carl (Paul Lieber), who is in love with the girl, makes a deal with Guru that sees him indebted to the monk for three months.
A title screen made from alphabet fridge magnets, numerous anachronistic goofs, performers fumbling their lines but carrying on regardless, woeful gore effects (severed hands and heads courtesy of shop mannequins): Guru, the Mad Monk is par for the course for an Andy Milligan production. Amateurish and inept on almost every level and incredibly boring to boot, it's a real challenge to sit through, even for seasoned fans of z-grade schlock. I rate Guru a pitiful 2/10, the film narrowly avoiding the lowest possible score for featuring a one-eyed hunchback named Igor (so cheesy, it's worth an extra point).
GURU, THE MAD MONK is a no-budget Z-grade horror flick from schlock
maestro Andy Milligan. Everything about this film is awful,
particularly the production values: there's never a sense of this being
a real movie, just a couple of actors inside an old church playing
If Milligan's direction is dull and amateurish, his writing is even worse. The "film" charts the misadventures of the titular monk, played by the extraordinarily wooden Neil Flanagan. Guru's crimes include betraying those he's close to and torturing innocent people in a series of shoddy gore sequences that'll have you laughing instead of wincing thanks to their ineptness.
The acting is terrible across the board, the dialogue is stilted beyond belief, and no effort has been made to bring any part of the screenplay to life. Attempts to depict a medieval tableau are ruined by the all-too-obvious mistakes and screw-ups, like characters using a modern pair of scissors and a heroine wearing fake eyelashes - who knew they were invented hundreds of years back?! In my favourite "bad" scene, two characters converse with a motorbike sitting behind them. How did Milligan not notice? My feelings are that he did, and he just didn't care - a real filmmaker he isn't.
And not because this is good film! No, this movie is so incredibly awful you have to see it! There are too many mistakes for me to recount here, so you'll have to see the film for yourself! While nothing compares to the badness of "Pod People", this movie comes close! A definite must see!
This is a B-film period piece that is much better that it's given
credit for. I don't understand harsh criticism against this movie -
it's not the greatest film of it's type but it's much better than it's
rating and criticism.
We have Father Guru - a monk that is, well, mad. He seems to have a split personality and has lost all of his faith. He relies on Olga, a vampire witch, and Igor, a hunchback that resembles Quasimodo, to help him with most all things - especially in exploiting the church and a God he no longer believes in.
This costumes and sets are great - it's wonderful. The acting is not all that bad - better than I expected. Directing & cinematography is fine. The story is interesting.
Give this one a try if you like vampires, witches, madmen, hunchbacks, monks and medieval themed films.
Guru the Mad Monk (1970)
BOMB (out of 4)
Another film from the infamous Andy Milligan. Guru is the monk at a local prison where prisoners are beaten, executed and so on. Blah, blah, blah. The entire film runs 56-minutes and I was wanting to hit the FF button each and every single minute. The film is horribly made with horrible acting, horrible directing and everything else is equally horrible. Milligan has the reputation of being one of the worst directors ever and I'd certainly have to agree with that. The movies has no pacing and really doesn't have anything going for it.
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