Evil Roy Slade (1972 TV Movie)
John Astin: Evil Roy Slade
Quotes
-
Betsy Potter : Let's try some arithmetic. If you had six apples and your neighbor took three apples, what would you have?
Evil Roy Slade : A dead neighbor and all six apples.
-
Doctor Delp : It's part of a science called "phrenology".
Evil Roy Slade : What's "science"?
-
Betsy Potter : I love you, Roy.
Evil Roy Slade : Nobody's ever said that to me before.
Aggie Potter : Move, buzzard breath!
Evil Roy Slade : THAT'S been said to me before.
-
Flossie : [Roy is breaking up the gang] Roy, you aren't going to leave me alone are you? I love you.
Evil Roy Slade : [pause] Alright, who wants Flossie?
-
Evil Roy Slade : You know what nice is? Suppose there was a whole herd of dead cattle, dropped dead on the field, just for you. That's what nice is.'
-
Evil Roy Slade : I ain't giving up. I've worked hard, it took me years to work my way to the bottom.
-
Evil Roy Slade : Take that big fiddle out from between your legs. There are ladies present.
Cellist : But sir...
Evil Roy Slade : I don't want no trouble, you just tuck it up under your chin like a fiddle's 'sposed to be played... now!
[pulls gun]
Cellist : Yes sir. Right now sir.
[trying to play cello like a giant violin & smiling]
Evil Roy Slade : That's good.
-
Betsy Potter : I'm sad that there's so much evil in your heart.
Evil Roy Slade : It's in my heart and in my hands, in my eyes - and a lot in my feet, I love kicking!
-
Evil Roy Slade : I can't read, you dumb love of my life!
-
Evil Roy Slade : [after making a deposit] Uh, I changed my mind. Give me my money back. In fact...
[pulls out a gun]
Evil Roy Slade : Give me *everybody's* money back!
-
Evil Roy Slade : This straight life ain't for me. It's too boring. My idea of a nine to five job is nine men robbing five men!
-
Toy Cowboy : [Grabbing Evil Roy from behind]
Evil Roy Slade : Get off my back little boy!
Toy Cowboy : I'm 46 years old don't call me your little boy!
-
Evil Roy Slade : I learned a valuable lesson today. Never trust a pretty girl or a lonely midget.
-
Doctor Delp : Try harder, Roy. Try to cry. If you can release one tear, it'll help you
Evil Roy Slade : I don't know how to cry.
Doctor Delp : Think. Think harder. Think about your lonely youth: no friends, no home, no warmth, no affection... cactus in your diaper
[Slade starts sobbing]
Doctor Delp : Yes! Yes, there's a tear! We're curing you!
-
Doctor Delp : This is the ultimate test! I want you to shed your weapons... and walk across the room!
Evil Roy Slade : I cain't! I don't goin' nowhere without my guns! I even take a bath with my guns!
Doctor Delp : You don't NEED them, Roy! Take them off and walk! Oh Roy, try! Take off your weapons!
[Roy removes holster]
Doctor Delp : Good!... Is that everything?
[Roy reaches up his sleeve for a knife]
Doctor Delp : Whew! Anyting else?
[Roy removes gun from his sock]
Doctor Delp : Oh, a little one, huh? Ok. Is that all?
[Roy removes a bomb from behind his back]
Doctor Delp : Oh my goodness!
Evil Roy Slade : [wobbly & sounding retarded] Ahhhhhhhhhhheeeeeee! I got... no... weapons!
Doctor Delp : [moves across the room] Walk. Here, walk to me. WALK TO ME, ROY! WALK TO ME, ROY!
[Roy staggers & falls]
Doctor Delp : ROY!
Evil Roy Slade : I cain't! I cain't! I cain't do it! Cain't!
Doctor Delp : You CAN do it! Try again! Try again, Roy! Come on, Roy! Come on. Come on.
[staggers and falls again]
Doctor Delp : Ohhhhhh!
Evil Roy Slade : [sobbing!] I cain't do it!
Doctor Delp : You CAN do it!
Evil Roy Slade : I cain't!
Doctor Delp : Ack! Walk to me! Ohhh, Roy walk to me you sniveling little coward! Walk!
[Roy gets angry]
Doctor Delp : Oooh!
Evil Roy Slade : Who you callin'... A COWARD? Yeeeeeaahhh!
[gets up, lunges at Delp and strangles him]
Doctor Delp : [strangled voice] Roy! Roy, you did it. You walked without your gun!
Evil Roy Slade : Ahh... I did! A-ha-ha. I walked without my gun!
Doctor Delp : Oh Roy!
[hugs him mumbling 'I knew you could do it' as Roy looks awkward]
Evil Roy Slade : I KNEW he was one of them funny boys!
-
Evil Roy Slade : I ain't gonna kill him, I'm gonna do something a lot meaner. Heh-heh-heh-heh-heh!
Marshal Bing Bell : [smug] What's that?
Evil Roy Slade : I'm gonna shoot this guitar full of lead.
Marshal Bing Bell : [panicking] No! No, Slade, no! No, n-n-n-not my guitar, Slade! No, it's the only thing I ever LOVED, Slade!
[runs in front of guitar and takes bullet]
Marshal Bing Bell : ... 'cept ME!
Evil Roy Slade : Whoops!
-
Evil Roy Slade : [addressing his men] Boys, as we stand here, ready to rob our last stage, I want you to remember the five most important things that I taught you.
[Slade squats and writes the first letter of each word in the dirt with his hand]
Evil Roy Slade : Sneaking, Lying, Arrogance, Dirtiness and Evil. Put them all together and they spell "Slade!"
[Slade raises his hand to stop the cheers of his men]
Evil Roy Slade : Enough warmth.
-
Evil Roy Slade : Darn girl. Makes me do a lotta thinkin'. Lemme see, a brand new name... Evil John Ferguson.
[shakes head]
Evil Roy Slade : Nah. Evil Fred Noland.
[shakes head]
Evil Roy Slade : Nah. Evil Lee Rich.
[grins and then shakes head]
Evil Roy Slade : Nah.
[to his horse]
Evil Roy Slade : What d'you think?
[horse snorts]
Evil Roy Slade : Yer too dumb.
-
Evil Roy Slade : Hideout.
Doctor Delp : Wanted.
Evil Roy Slade : Poster.
Doctor Delp : Bear.
Evil Roy Slade : Teddy.
Doctor Delp : What?
Evil Roy Slade : Nothin'. Next question.
Doctor Delp : What did you SAY?
Evil Roy Slade : I didn't say nothin'!