Mitilda: [Columbo comes to the gallery to question Sam Franklin, who's painting in the next room] Sam? This is the policeman who phoned. Is it all right?
Sam Franklin: [wearily] Eh,bring him in. They interrupted Rembrandt. Why shouldn't they interrupt me?
Lt. Columbo: [Columbo comes to talk with Dale Kingston after he finishes hosting his TV art program] Uh, so this is a television studio, huh?
Dale Kingston: Yes.
Lt. Columbo: Quite a place.
Dale Kingston: Well, it's a barn, really. I'm sure it's not as glamorous as you thought it'd be.
Lt. Columbo: That's right, it isn't, uh, but things aren't really what they seem to be, are they?
Dale Kingston: My, how observant you are.
Lt. Columbo: You know that gallery you went to? Checked out. Hope you don't mind.
Dale Kingston: Oh, that's your job. And?
Lt. Columbo: Oh, the parking lot boy, he remembered when you got there, all right. So that if Mr. Matthews was killed at eleven o'clock, then you sure didn't do it.
Dale Kingston: Now isn't that a shame, Lieutenant? And here I am, your best and most obvious suspect, too. Tch, tch, tch, tch.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, don't say things like that. Really, you got me all wrong.
Dale Kingston: [sarcastically] Oh, yeah.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, listen, one more thing...
[Kingston groans in exasperation]
Lt. Columbo: It'll just - it'll just take a second. I stopped by your apartment a few times.
Dale Kingston: Why, do you want to search my place?
Lt. Columbo: No. Just to ask you something about art. You said you had some books and things there that I could see.
Dale Kingston: You may look at anything you wish. You can snoop in all of my closets. You can peek under the beds. You won't find any stolen paintings.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, really, I've never said anything about...
Dale Kingston: [removes key from key ring] Here, would you like the key to my apartment? You may simply leave it under the mat when you leave.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, really, I...
Dale Kingston: No, no, go ahead, I insist. See what I live like, find out what kind of human being I am, learn everything you can about me.
Lt. Columbo: Well, I - I mean, I admit it would be more convenient, but, uh,
Lt. Columbo: thank you very much, Mr. Kingston. Uh, I'm sorry I took up so much of your time. I might drop by and borrow a few books or something like that.
Lt. Columbo: It's just that... I get bugged by those little things.
Lt. Columbo: I'm gonna tell you something. Do you know that there is a reasonable explanation for everything, if you just put your mind to it? Course, sometimes these things... pop up. Like with alibis. Do you know in most cases, people, they don't remember what time it is. They forget all that. Like the artist fella; he's all mixed up about the time. And Mrs. Matthews... she don't even remember what time she went to bed last night!
Dale Kingston: Being sober might help, I suppose.
Lt. Columbo: Now with you, Mr. Kingston, it's just the opposite. Very unusual. With you, we know exactly where you were, and when. Not only that, we know your whole car was empty.
Dale Kingston: Yes, isn't that nice?
Lt. Columbo: [Columbo shows Dale Kingston a print he bought of a painting by Sam Franklin] What do you think? Any good?
Dale Kingston: For wallpaper in a child's room, absolutely perfect. In fact, looks like it might have been done by an untalented twelve-year-old.
Lt. Columbo: You know, I was kind of afraid you were gonna say something like that. But you know, then I say, why would you bother to go there last night, if this guy's stuff is so bad? I mean, this was painted by the artist whose exhibit you were covering...
Dale Kingston: Lieutenant Columbo, unlike my uncle, I am NOT independently wealthy. I have to work for a living. Magazines pay me to review art. Unfortunately, they pay me best when I write hostile reviews about hacks like Sam Franklin.
Lt. Columbo: Oh, well, I tell ya, I'd sure hate to see his review when you write it.
Dale Kingston: Hmmm.
[Dale Kingston's confederate recoils at the sight of the body of Dale's uncle]
Dale Kingston: Pull yourself together, there's no reason to be frightened. Just my uncle. I assure you he's far more amiable now than he ever was when he was alive.