The Persuaders! (1971–1972)
[Danny kneels in front of a hotel room door, trying to pick its lock]
Danny Wilde: Spencer Tracy once took a pipe cleaner - an ordinary pipe cleaner - and by inserting it into the lock, and moving it around in intricate positions - you know, I could be a gentleman cracksman with this -
[Brett, who went out a window, onto a ledge and into the room through its window, opens the door from the inside]
Lord Brett Sinclair: There's no need to kneel, I'm a very democratic sort of lord.
[Danny and Brett are driving on a rough country road towards Danny's new cottage]
Lord Brett Sinclair: Daniel, will you please turn around and take me to the station? I wish to go back to London.
Danny Wilde: I'm not takin' you back to the station to go back to London. You're staying with me!
Lord Brett Sinclair: I don't care how good your surprise is, nothing is worth a ride like this.
Danny Wilde: You know what your problem is? You're getting soft! Living in London is doing it to you, making you a softy. You stick with me, 'cause the surprise I'm gonna show you is gonna knock your eyes out.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, that shouldn't be difficult, you've shaken them loose already!
Danny Wilde: And you know what that is?
Lord Brett Sinclair: What is it?
Danny Wilde: It's a fireplace! I'm gonna clean it up, and put a big leather chair right in front here, and in the wintertime, when there's storms out, I'm gonna sit here with my old, faithful dog at my side -
Lord Brett Sinclair: But Daniel, you don't have a dog!
Danny Wilde: Then I'll rent one!
Felix Meadowes: I'm in trouble, Brett.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Money trouble?
Felix Meadowes: Woman trouble.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Oh. Well, if you're going to have trouble, that's the sort to have.
[the CIA recruits Danny to work against Brett in trapping a master spy]
Pfeiffer: Mr. Wilde, let me ask you something. How well do you know Lord Sinclair?
Danny Wilde: I know him pretty good. Is he involved in this?
Pfeiffer: He's been recruited by the British.
Danny Wilde: To do the same thing you're asking me to do?
Pfeiffer: That's right.
Danny Wilde: You mean we'd be pitted up against each other?
Pfeiffer: That's right.
Danny Wilde: He's my best friend! I mean... I'll do it.
[Brett enters the main hall of the Sinclairs' ancestral home and is surprised by Danny, hiding behind a suit of armor and wearing its helmet]
Danny Wilde: Helloooo... Welcome, good knight! Dost thou bring thy sword to aid the king?
Lord Brett Sinclair: Daniel, what on Earth are you doing here?
Danny Wilde: How'd you know it was me? I'm here because you invited me.
Lord Brett Sinclair: I did?
Danny Wilde: Yes, you did.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Uh... when did I invite you?
Danny Wilde: When did you invite me?
Lord Brett Sinclair: Yes.
Danny Wilde: How many times have you said to me, "Why don't you come out and spend the weekend with me?" You must have said it a hundred times?
Lord Brett Sinclair: Yes, of course -
Danny Wilde: So I finally show up, so here I am -
Lord Brett Sinclair: Any special reason, this particular weekend?
Danny Wilde: What special reason do I need? I'm your friend, right?
Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, of course you are -
Danny Wilde: Well, I'm here to see your incestral home.
Lord Brett Sinclair: *Ancestral.*
Chivers: You might want to try for a pheasant, m'lord. I'll get the guns.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Thank you, Chivers. A good idea.
Danny Wilde: You still shoot peasants around here, huh?
[Chivers, Brett's butler, a former cracksman, pulls a toothpick from his black bag]
Danny Wilde: Excuse me, you don't plan to open the door with the toothpick, do you?
Chivers: No, sir. I indulged in a rather stringy beef sandwich on the journey.
Danny Wilde: OK, come on, give me the map, let me be the navigator.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Thank you, Daniel, I remember the last time we went to Berlin.
Danny Wilde: So?
Lord Brett Sinclair: We were supposed to be going to Madrid.
Danny Wilde: Well, nobody's perfect, kid!
Lord Brett Sinclair: Certainly not you.
[Brett's Uncle Angus has just been squashed flat by a falling courtyard door, the latest in a string of murders of Brett's relatives]
Kate: Poor Uncle Angus. Meanest man I ever met. Probably worth millions.
Danny Wilde: Imagine. All that money and he died flat.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, uh, as someone once said, "To lose one relative is misfortune. To lose two is carelessness."
Kate: Oscar Wilde.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Thank you. But I have lost six. Which is absolute, downright negligence!
[in the midst of a bar fight with some goons]
Danny Wilde: They're good, aren't they?
Lord Brett Sinclair: Excellent! I wish they were on our side!
Danny Wilde: I told you, Angie's my friend. He's all thats left for me. The streets I came from, the way things were for me.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Danny, you can't go back to the way things were, cause they were never that way in the first place.
Angie: Take a look out there. You know what that is? Thats freedom. And all I needed was one last hit. So you know what? I'm gonna take a walk to freedom.
Danny Wilde: No Angie. You was gonna do a bad thing Angie, I'm not gonna let you go.
Angie: Aww, what you gonna do? Shoot me in the back? That was always the difference between you and me. See, in your place, I could pull that trigger.
Lucy: No-one's here!
Lord Brett Sinclair: Quiet as the proverbial - why are we whispering? Daniel! He's got a... shotgun.
Lord Brett Sinclair: I don't understand a wretched thing. Now please, Lucy, just sit down! I am a sweet, gentle, reasonable man, but will you *please* give me some answers to questions.
Danny Wilde: You know what really riles me? The fact that we could be outsmarted by a dumb-dumb like Felix. What does he think? He must think he's in some kind of a spy movie, that's what!
Lord Brett Sinclair: "The Spy Who Came In from the Cold." That was a good film. Robert Burton.
Danny Wilde: Benson.
Lord Brett Sinclair: No - *Richard* Burton!
Danny Wilde: No - Benson!
Lord Brett Sinclair: Who's Benson?
Danny Wilde: That's the name of the guy I spoke on the phone with last night. He thought I was Felix! And he mentioned something about contracts.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Ergo, Benson is the publisher.
Danny Wilde: Right, go ahead.
Lord Brett Sinclair: And there are only about three hundred publishers in London.
Danny Wilde: Yeah, but how many of them have private printing presses in Switzerland? Now they're incorporated over there, they've got a branch office here, and that's how they get around the Official Secrets Act!
Lord Brett Sinclair: I like it.
Danny Wilde: Well, I don't!
Lord Brett Sinclair: Well, I do! It's positive thinking! Well, it is going to take a little time tracking down the publisher.
Danny Wilde: There's, uh, there's a flaw.
Lord Brett Sinclair: Oh, what's that?
Danny Wilde: I mean, he's not just gonna hand us over the manuscript, right? We're gonna have to break in and steal it!
Lord Brett Sinclair: We're not very good at that.
Danny Wilde: Uh, we're *lousy* at that.
[Brett and Danny have been captured by the villains, who are seeking an important diary in Brett's briefcase]
Lord Brett Sinclair: I'll bet you one hundred dollars his first words are, "Where is it?"
Sergei: Where is it?
Danny Wilde: You're right. Can you untie me?
[having infiltrated a group of thieves by being mistaken for Lomax, a master criminal, Danny tries to keep the act up long enough for Brett and the authorities to rescue him]
Anderson: Look, we know the target's nine million in gold.
Danny Wilde: Right.
Anderson: What we don't know is how we get it.
Danny Wilde: That's a good question, Anderson.
Anderson: Would you like to tell us about it?
Danny Wilde: Al Capone. Pretty Boy Floyd. Edward G. Robinson! Legs Diamond! You know what these guys all had in common? Intellect. Brains! Genius! Organization! They ran their outfits like the Army. Just like a general, huh? Flank attacks for a diversion, down the frontal for the main attack, the pincer movements destroy the rear - essential! Remember the big Boston caper? Well, let me tell you about that one. You know what was the most important thing? Timing! Speed! Efficiency! Fast cars! Each man in exactly the position they're supposed to be at exactly the right moment - the exact second! Now if we can accomplish that, we will be successful.
Anderson: Mr. Lomax, could you be, uh, a little more specific?
[Danny is kissing an attractive female reporter's hand]
Danny Wilde: I waited at your apartment, but you never showed up!
Carrie: I made rather a mess of that, didn't I?
Lord Brett Sinclair: You must excuse him, his early life was heavily influenced by Rudolph Valentino.
[Brett and Danny drive up to a darkened country house]
Danny Wilde: Did you ever see a movie called "The Old Dark House?"
Lord Brett Sinclair: No, what happened?
Danny Wilde: Everybody died.