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The Goodies (TV Series 1970–1981) Poster

(1970–1981)

Quotes

[the Goodies have been told there's half an hour to go before the end of the world]

Tim: At least there's time to do the ironing.

[Brings in the ironing board and a basket of laundry]

Tim: Just think, this is the end of Derby County... and the Muppets!

Graeme: The Muppets?

Tim: Yes, when we go, they'll go too, you know... oh, I do hope they don't suffer.

Graeme: They're not real, you know!

Tim: Well, of course they're real!

Graeme: Don't be silly... the Muppets are just dollies!

Tim: If they're "dollies", how come they can sing and dance and make sophisticated funny remarks?

Graeme: Look, Kermit the frog is a green sock.

Tim: [suddenly disturbed] What?

Graeme: Kermit the frog is a man on his knees with a green sock on his hand!

[to demonstrate, he uses a green sock as a glove puppet and imitates Kermit]

Graeme: "Hello frog lovers, and welcome to the Muppet Show! I'd like to welcome our very special guest, Miss Piggy. Yay-ay-ay-ay!"

Tim: Well she has GOT to be real.

Graeme: Pair of old y-fronts and a mop head.

[He holds up a pair of underpants and a mop head, and speaks like Miss Piggy]

Graeme: "Hello Kermit, spawn of my heart, frog of my dreams!"

[as Kermit]

Graeme: "Hi there Miss Piggy, and what can I do for you?" Fozzie Bear is a brown woolly jumper with a hat on!

[Holds up a brown pullover and a hat and speaks like Fozzie]

Graeme: "Oh boy, funn-y! Oh Kermit, I hope those two old guys don't heckle me!"

[Holds up two sponge balls and imitates Waldorf and Statler]

Graeme: "Boo boo, the bear's a comedian, the comedian's a bear! Boo, boo!"

[Waves a feather duster in Tim's face and bellows]

Graeme: "A-NI-MAL!"

Tim: [Nearly hysterical] No, stop it! Lies! LIES!

Graeme: [holds up the green sock again and sings] "Halfway up the stairs is the stair where I"...

Tim: NO!

[runs into the kitchen, screaming]

Graeme: I'll release his inhibitions through anger and violence! My life's work is at an end. I can die a happy man.

[Tim emerges screaming from the kitchen and throws the gas cooker at Graeme]

Graeme: You shouldn't have hit me with that! You'll ruin the cake!

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Bill: Be fair, I think the GPO have got a very difficult job to do.

Tim: Yes, that's why they do it so badly.

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Tim: But those aren't art lovers - they're Americans!

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Bill: Listen! If he goes, I go.

Graeme: It's a deal.

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Graeme: Don't worry, the windscreen won't shatter.

Bill: How come?

Graeme: No glass.

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Tim: I do not want money. I do not want wealth. All I ask is that people humbly and honestly sink to their knees and worship me.

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Bill: We're all dead! Dead! D-E-D-D, DEAD!

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See also

Trivia | Goofs | Crazy Credits | Alternate Versions | Connections | Soundtracks

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