All My Children (1970–2011)
[Vanessa cries wolf yet again]
Vanessa Bennett Cortlandt: Darling, please, just go over there. Speak up for your poor, defenseless mother.
Leo: Please, Vanessa. You're as defenseless as a cruise missile.
[Leo and Bianca discuss literature]
Bianca: Leo, don't you have any poetry in your soul?
Leo: I've got a few assorted limericks.
[Laura needs Vanessa's help]
Vanessa: You've come to your mother-in-law. How flattering.
Laura: Well, this job requires somebody with no conscience, so naturally I thought of you.
Opal: You could have another heart attack if you're aggravated enough.
Palmer: Then leave, and save my life.
Erica Kane: You Bastard. You leave her alone. You're so afraid of me that you attack a child? You raped my little girl. This man is a rapist. He raped my daughter. He violated her. You think I give a damn about my company? You Bastard.
Kendall Hart Cambias: No way. A kiss on the boo-boo and that makes it all better? How the hell could she be so patronizing?
Ryan Lavery: This is not the time...
Kendall Hart Cambias: No, no, really, how can she do this to Bianca? After this pretty little show. She'll have her prefect baby, her perfect marriage, and her perfect life, and what the hell will Bianca have?
Bianca Montgomery: Kendall, it's all right.
Kendall Hart Cambias: No, Bianca, it really isn't all right. She's not doing this to ease your pain. She's doing this to cover her own pathetic guilt. Isn't that right, Babe? Isn't that what you're doing?
Kendall Hart Cambias: Oh, really, no? ok, well you know what, you don't deserve a happily ever after, Babe, and after everything you've done, you will never, ever get it. Your fairy tale will crash and burn, and you'll deserve everything you get.
Bianca Montgomery: Kendall, don't.
Kendall Hart Cambias: And when the sky falls, you'll remember this day and exactly what I said.
Myrtle Lum Fargate: Time to hide those spinning wheels.
Kendall Hart Cambias: This had to be said, Bianca. You cannot believe a word out of that girl's mouth.
Bianca Montgomery: She's my friend!
Kendall Hart Cambias: She's a user. She doesn't care who she guts on the way. She's only out for herself. Isn't that right Babe?
Erica Kane: Adam, really. I know that you've been bored, but taking in Mary Smythe? I mean, couldn't you have just taken in a dog from the pound?
Adam: I prefer pure-bred bitches.
Erica Kane: Well then, you got what you wanted.
[Later, Palmer defends himself when Opal suspects he was up to no good]
Palmer: Opal, you're one to talk. You really are. First of all, you consorted with drug dealers, and then you got arrested for assaulting one of them. How could I top that?
Opal: Has your memory receded along with your hairline?
[a semi-hysterical Brooke tries to explain the significance of Babe's pregnancy to Tad and informs him that he may be a grandfather]
Tad: A grandpa? Jamie's pregnant? Boy, there's a medical first.
Brooke: This isn't funny. I just had an up-close-and-personal with Pine Valley's newest cowgirl.
Tad: Uh-huh. Babe managed to rope you in?
Tad: See what I did there?
Brooke: Stop it. Babe told me that she's pregnant.
Tad: Well, great. That is big news. Why aren't you shrieking at Adam? She's married to HIS son.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Just - I tried to remember when we weren't stressed to the max. Our honeymoon may have been the best time ever. I was just hoping that maybe tonight we could feel like that for just a few hours, let you remember how much I love you, how happy I am that I'm your wife, just like that night.
Ryan Lavery: Come here.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: What? What are you...
Ryan Lavery: I remember everything. I remember it was going to be the first time that we made love as husband and wife. And I remember thinking to myself that my bullet wound was easy compared to waiting to make love to you. I wanted you so bad. I want you now. I want you right now.
Ryan Lavery: I love you.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: I love you, too.
Ryan Lavery: And I would be lost without you.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Well, then you'll never be lost.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: How long? How long have you known that you love me?
Ryan Lavery: Well, I know - you know, I know I've been falling for a while.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: You didn't say a word?
Ryan Lavery: I wouldn't let myself, not until I was absolutely dead sure.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: That...
Ryan Lavery: That I could love you as much as Leo did. You remember that day in the park when you said that you were waiting for someone to give you that kind of love, the whole heart kind? Well, now I can. My whole heart is yours.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Did you lie to Kendall about loving me?
Ryan Lavery: I've never loved anyone the way that I love you.
Myrtle Fargate: This won't take long.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Why? Because you're leaving now?
Myrtle Fargate: Like hell I am.
[Anna sums up her relationship with David]
Anna: Why ruin a perfectly good situation? We have a lot of laughs, don't we, you and I? I slip a mickey. You booby trap me. It's fun.
Marian: You know what they say about one's bed.
Vanessa: One's bed?
Marian: Mm-hmm. You make it, you lie in it. And, from what I understand, whenever there is a bed, you always seem to be close by, Vanessa.
Mary Smythe: You can't be serious? My daughter is marrying a gigolo who's mother is a criminally insane drug trafficker.
Roger Smythe: Well, now, look on the bright side. At least she'll have a real reason to hate her mother-in-law.
Mary Smythe: Shut up Roger.
Aidan Devane: I'll go with you.
Kendall Hart: You'd do that?
Aidan Devane: You may need someone to peel you off the ceiling or scrape you off the floor.
Simone Torres: Oh, it's only you.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: You're not the cherry on the sundae of my life, either.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: I don't do forgiveness. If you don't believe me just ask my mother.
Adam Chandler: Kings have jesters. Circuses have clowns. I have Mary.
[Greenlee finds herself in Ryan's bed after a drunken night she can't remember]
Ryan: I just wanted to make sure we were on the same page.
Greenlee: (muttering) Forget the page, we're not even in the same library.
Kendall Hart Cambias: The last thing I need is to be in Greenlee's sights.
Ryan Lavery: You're not in Greenlee's sights. I told you, I had a sit-down with her, all right? She promised me - she swore that she would play nice from now on.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Oh. OK, so she batted her big, brown eyes and you believed her?
Ryan Lavery: You've got to understand where she's coming from, all right, Kendall?
Kendall Hart Cambias: Yeah, Yeah, that's easy - Hell.
Michael Cambias: Ms. Kundera can't touch me. None of you can. You know what, the funny thing is each and every one of you have tried. But your pathetic attempts to take me down have failed. And you want to know why? Because I don't stop until I get what I want. And that day has finally arrived. My mission here in Pine Valley has been accomplished. First, I took over Fusion. Which by the way, ladies, was like taking candy from a baby. Then I set my sights on enchantment. Mr. Larraby, I look forward to working with you. And to complete the triecta, as of this morning. It appears as if Adam Chandler can take his retirement to that little trout stream in Canada. I'm Chandler Enterprises new C.E.O. So, I'm sure you're wondering what that all means for you. Well, it means I own this town and everybody in it.
Boyd Larraby: I'd rather fry in hell than work for you, Cambias.
Michael Cambias: Bring your sunscreen.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres: [to Reggie] If I can squeeze past your ego I'll get the door.
Simone Torres: Greenlee regrets what she did to you. If you would only meet her halfway.
Kendall Hart Cambias: No, not even to direct her the rest of the way to hell.
Bianca Montgomery: Shattered dreams are shattered dreams. Doesn't matter how or why. They're still lying in pieces on the ground.
Ryan Lavery: You want to tell me what the hell you were trying to pull out there?
Kendall Hart Cambias: Did you see Babe? Did you just see what she did? She has the nerve to offer a consolation prize, honorary mommy? What the hell is that? I mean, what could Bianca possibly do with that? Sit and watch Babe be the mother that Bianca will never get to be? It's stupid. It reeks.
Ryan Lavery: Babe was just trying to help.
Kendall Hart Cambias: No, Babe was trying to cover her own butt and make herself look good. She was trying to show what a big heart she has so no one will know what a liar she really is.
Ryan Lavery: What? Where do you get this stuff?
Kendall Hart Cambias: Oh, please don't tell me you can't see it, Ryan, come on. Babe is all about playing the bimbo matriarch of the Chandler clan. When really she a selfish, lying, stupid little bitch.
Maggie Stone: I mean I swore to you I wasn't gay. I told you that I loved you, just not 'like that.' And now here I am telling you that I do love you like that... I think. I don't know. Can you please tell me again how did you know that you were gay?
Bianca Montgomery: Well, it wasn't like somebody flipped a switch. I think I always knew somewhere deep inside. I just didn't want to admit it, deal with it. I mean come on, how could Erica Kane's daughter be a lesbian, right? And then finally I did admit it to myself, who I was and I accepted it.
Maggie Stone: I just wish I knew what that meant. Accepting what? Admitting what? Am I gay? Or is it just you? Am I a straight girl who has a crush on a gay friend? Or am I gay and sleeping with guys to prove that I'm not?
Erica Kane: [indicating Adam] Oh, this isn't my friend; this is my ex-husband.
Adam Chandler: One of many. I'm third from the end - at least, I think so; I haven't seen Erica for a couple of days.
Opal: [to Myrtle about Erica] Somebody give me a stick so I can beat the stupid out of her.
Dr. Maria Santos Grey: You know, usually evil gatekeepers are three-headed dogs, not two-faced bitches.
Palmer Cortlandt: Opal, you need flash cards to understand the alphabet.
Ryan Lavery: I got halfway to the Valley Inn, and I stopped. What the hell was I thinking?
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: I hated that you left.
Ryan Lavery: You're my wife. You're my beautiful wife. I'd be an idiot to be anywhere else.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: I love you so much.
Ryan Lavery: I love you. This is where I should be, now and always. Come here. Come here.
Erica Kane: This Trey Shepherd is as cold and as ruthless as they come.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: It's about time someone's got in his way.
Erica Kane: Made him pay for all the damage he's done.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: A nice long stretch behind bars.
Erica: No time off for good behavior.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: And a bunkmate, named Bubba, who wants to be his special friend.
Greenlee: This isn't right.
Mary: What's not right?
Greenlee: Mother, I told you Leo wanted Anna in the first pew.
Mary: The gun slinger?
Ryan Lavery: I love the smell of power in the morning.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Well, good morning, Mr. Chairman. Your title fits you almost as well as that suit.
Ryan Lavery: And you - you put my billinos to shame.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Well, we are in the glamor business. I try to fake it when I can.
Ryan Lavery: You, Ms. Hart, are the real deal.
Maggie Stone: I wonder if it's the number of nights that really matter. I mean, love, it's more than just the physical part. It's whether or not you connect. You can't plan who you fall in love with.
Jamie Martin: Well, how do you even know if it's real? I mean, so many people fall in love and go through the motions, but it's not even close.
Maggie Stone: Maybe some people don't even get to have it.
Jamie Martin: Or they don't recognize it when it comes along.
Maggie Stone: Or when you do finally get it so deep it's a part of you, only to have it taken away. You know, when I - when we couldn't find Bianca, I experienced an emptiness I've never felt before, I mean, like what it would be like if Bianca had never surfaced again. I had to put that out of my mind. I had to forget it.
Jamie Martin: It's complicated - love. It's so unique every time, with every person. And when the real thing comes along, I guess we just have to hope we see it.
Maggie Stone: Or hold onto it.
Maggie Stone: So? Isn't this where you do a double take and spit up your root beer and ask me if I'm really gay? Even though you know I'm the most sensational lover you ever had.
Adam Chandler: Where's Mary?
Tad Martin: I don't know. It wasn't my turn to watch her. Check the Linen closet. She's probably in there with some waiter.
Zachery Slater: Hey, maybe you want to talk about something, you know?
Erica Kane: Why on earth would I bear my scars to you?
Zachery Slater: Maybe I can help you, be a friend.
Erica Kane: A friend? Oh, no. Please, no more friends, please. I have had it up to here with people who have claimed to be my friend. Who say that they only mean well and they want to help me and they only have my best interest at heart.
Zachery Slater: That sounds like someone who's been burned pretty badly.
Erica Kane: Don't shrink me, Mr. Slater. I can see straight through you. Yeah, be hind this nice, sympathetic smile is someone that wants something.
Zachery Slater: Like what?
Erica Kane: Well, why don't you tell me? You're the one who activated your, ahem, search engine. How would you like it if I did a little sneak peek into your past, did a little search on you? Everyone is hiding something, Mr. Slater. How deep and dark are your secrets? Oh, I am very sure you're hiding quite a lot, but you know what, I don't care, keep your secrets to yourself. The last thing I need in this world is another so-called friend that I should trust my life with, because it only dead-ends in betrayal.
Kendall Hart Cambias: No, the big diva has not song yet. Ryan and I are not over.
Bianca Montgomery: Hello? Ryan is not here. Ryan left with his wife.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Oh, so what? That's just a pesky little detail. It doesn't matter. And, hey, aren't you the cheerleader who told me to go after Ryan and never give up on love?
Bianca Montgomery: That was before Ryan put a ring on Greenlee's finger.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Details - blah, blah, blah. Forget them. Just focus on the big picture and never lose heart, because I know in mine - I know in my heart, Bianca, I'm right. I know I'm right. Ryan doesn't want to give up on me any more than our mother wants to give up popping champagne corks.
Bianca Montgomery: Kendall, we're bordering on obsession here. I mean it. Simone told me that you locked Greenlee in a castle tower. You threw Ryan the most awkward wedding party ever, that totally freak out the guest. You put a curse on Babe at her baby's christening. For God's sakes, Kendall, I'm scared what's next.
Erica: Pine Valley isn't exactly the corner of Hollywood and Vine.
Maggie Stone: Remember when we kissed? Or when I kissed you?
Bianca Montgomery: It's kind of hard to forget.
Maggie Stone: And I, blew it off, like it didn't mean anything.
Bianca Montgomery: Yeah.
Maggie Stone: It was a big fat lie. That kiss, and that whole moment, hasn't left me yet. And I think about it, and I think about you, and I think about doing it again. Bianca, I think I love you.
Bianca Montgomery: I'm not gonna give you the lesbian pop quiz... yet.
Bianca Montgomery: I'm kidding.
Maggie Stone: I feel like I've been thrown into the deep end and I don't know how to swim.
Bianca Montgomery: There's a lifeguard on duty.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: [to Ryan] I just saw Darth Chandler and his son steam out of here dragging their forked tails behind them.
Erica Kane: You slept with Ryan's brother before you stole the company out from under him?
Kendall Hart Cambias: No, no, I didn't steal it, I didn't steal it. Adam and J.R. did. Ok, but here's the kicker - Ryan tried to convince me earlier today that he's completely over me for good, which, of course, that can't be. I mean, it's impossible, and we are going to prove that. And you know what's so great about you and I doing this together is that you hate Greenlee just as much as I do, so it's perfect! Plus, mother, you are the queen of creativity. You're so creative. I mean, the truth is i'm running out of ideas, but the two of us putting our heads together could be so amazing!
Erica Kane: Kendall, you have to stop. You're talking like a crazy person.
Ryan: Kendall can't hurt us anymore.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: As long as she's breathing and jealous, she can sabotage Fusion.
Ryan: Not for long.
Simone Torres: That is why I am offering myself up for the good of the company. Put me in charge of the Enchantment Signature perfume project.
Ryan: You want to work with Jonathan. Yes, I'll consider that.
Simone Torres: Say the word and I am on him... it.
Erica Kane: Getting back at Ryan isn't the answer.
Kendall Hart Cambias: No? Ok. All right, fine. Honestly, tell me this... if your father were still alive, standing here right now, what would you do?
Erica Kane: I'd kill him! But you can't equate Ryan with my father.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Ok, well, yes, I agree the crimes were completely different, but the result was pain. Someone hurts you, you make them suffer.
Erica Kane: Well, you wanted me to suffer once. You remember how that turned out.
Kendall Hart Cambias: Yes, but I was a kid. Now I know what I'm doing. I know what I'm doing and I love it. There is nothing more satisfying than paying back hurt for hurt. It's ok, mother, you don't have to worry about me.
Erica Kane: No, I'm scared for you, Kendall. I'm scared for all of us. I'm scared for you and Bianca and myself.
Jesse Hubbard: [to Tad] Don't make me slap you. 'Cause I will lump you up.
Kendall Hart Cambias: [on Zach being at the fundraiser] What, you think I brought him here just to spite you?
Ryan Lavery: Now, wouldn't that be a shocker?
Kendall Hart Cambias: Ok, and I guess you're the reason that I had a cappuccino today. See, I think you're confusing me with your little pet kitty Greenlee.
Opal: I don't believe it. You purposely cut me off in the driveway.
Palmer Cortlandt: Well it's not my fault if you drive with one foot on the brake and one foot in the grave.
[after Jamie leaves]
Brooke Allison English #2: I should feel better. Shouldn't I?
Tad Martin: I couldn't tell you. I just had an out of body experience. I swear I just watched myself walk out the door 20 years ago headed straight for trouble.
Dr. David Hayward: [to Adam] I'd rather spend time in prison with Bubba and his all-boy band than to watch you mangle another child's life.
Braden Lavery: Let me get this straight. You want me to seduce your niece.
Palmer Cortlandt: Well, that's putting it a little indelicately. I'd much prefer "court" or "romance", but whatever.
Vanessa Bennett Cortlandt: Palmer, come on. It's a perfectly understandable concern. I mean, nobody knows what the future will hold. A meteor could drop on the Valley Inn tonight and kill us all.
Palmer Cortlandt: Well, that's a cheery thought.
Vanessa Bennett Cortlandt: Oh. And what would happen to Leo then?
Palmer Cortlandt: Well, he'd be dead. I mean, a meteor, you know.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Simone, I need you to do something illegal for me.
Simone Torres: Well, if you keep posting my bail, I'm your puppet.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: I need you to steal something for me.
Simone Torres: What is it ?
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: My husband's sperm.
Simone Torres: You know no-one is going to buy it. I would never need to be artificially inseminated. You know this could decimate my love life. Not to mention my threshhold for pain is like non-existent. I practically passed out when you stomped on my foot! I can't survive childbirth!
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: [from the bedroom] Just because you're being inseminated doesn't mean you're having the baby.
Simone Torres: Get in here and explain that. I'm definitely gonna need you to draw pictures.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Brace yourself!
[Greenlee comes out of the bedroom disguised as Simone]
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Hi, I'm Simone Torres. Glad to meet you. Like looking in a mirror isn't it?
Simone Torres: Oh, God I hope not.
Greenlee Smythe du Pres Lavery: Maybe it's the inner you. Be very afraid.
Tad: OK, Dixie, what was in this letter? Please tell me what you know.
Dixie Cooney #3: I told you Tad, there is no letter.
Julia Santos Keefer: If you don't tell him, you will tell me.
[Kendall has given Zach a plane ticket to Haiti, where they can get divorced quickly]
Zachery Slater: You know what? This date's not going to work for me.
Kendall Hart Lang Slater: Make it work.
Zachery Slater: Love to, but I can't.
Kendall Hart Lang Slater: Well, what? Is there something going on at the casino? I mean, I can handle it.
Zachery Slater: No, I took the afternoon off.
Kendall Hart Lang Slater: What's so important that you can't reschedule it?
Zachery Slater: I'm rearranging my sock drawer.
Kendall Hart Lang Slater: Yeah.
Zachery Slater: No, it's serious business. I mean, I've got the gym socks touching the dress socks. It's a real mess. Anyway, we've got to reschedule this divorce thing.
Simone: [to Mia] Jake's a jerk and Allison's a ho. What else do you need to know?
Greenlee Smythe duPres: Why in the hell do you care how I feel?
Carlos: 'Cause when you're happy you're not such a raving bitch.
Greenlee Smythe duPres: Did you just call me a bitch?