Sesame Street (1969– )
Old King Cole: What ho! Bring me my royal pipe. And step on it.
Kermit the Frog: [to the TV audience] At this point, you might think we'd go for the cheap joke. But we're not going to.
Gordon: Sally, you've never seen a street like Sesame Street before. Everything happens here. You're gonna love it!
Fat Blue: [in Grover's taxi] I do not want to go to the museum, I do not want to go the movies, I do not want to go to the zoo! I want YOU to drive ME to the library!
Grover: Gladly, sir. If you do not mind waiting.
Fat Blue: Waiting? Waiting for what?
Grover: 'Til I get my car fixed. It is broken.
Fat Blue: I can't wait 'til your car is fixed. I'm in a hurry!
Grover: Oh alright, sir, if you are going to be difficult.
Grover: Hey, Herry! Forget the gargage. We need to go to the library!
Fat Blue: But I'm in a hurry. Hey...?
Grover: Well in that case I shall call you a taxi.
Grover: Taxi! Taxi, we got a library job! Taxi! They never stop when you need them. Have you ever noticed that?
Fat Blue: [angrily] Do you think you can bring me a meal *without* dropping it on the floor?
Grover: Where there is life, there is hope.
Cookie Monster: [as Alistair Cookie, host of Monsterpiece Theatre] Today, we bring you greatest play in English language: Hamlet, by William Shakespeare. It no get classier than this.
Oscar the Grouch: Say! Aren't you Johnny Trash?
Johnny Cash: No, Cash.
Oscar the Grouch: Cash, Cash!
Johnny Cash: Yeah. Have a rotten day!
Cookie Monster: [before eating cookies] Cowabunga!
Prairie Dawn: [Introducing Bert's play about taking care of one's teeth] Hello everyone, boys and girls. I want to welcome you and thank you for coming to see today's show. Today's show was written entirely by Bert, and was directed by Bert, and stars none other then our old friend Bert. If the play was just wonderful, you can thank Bert, but if the play was horrible, you have no one but Bert to blame.
Bert: [after appearing from behind the curtain] Prairie, will you stop that? Just go to the piano and start the play!
Prairie Dawn: [quieter] The stage manager is also Bert.
Big Bird: At last! Now you see him and you got to believe me. He's not imaginary after all. I told you all along there was a Snuffleupagus, my best pal. I told you, but you never believed me.
Gordon Robinson: Wait a minute, Big Bird. Maria, Linda and I believed you.
Big Bird: Yeah, but no one else did.
David Robinson: That's right, Big Bird. We didn't, but...
Big Bird: But what?
Snuffleupagus: Yeah, but what?
Susan Robinson: Big Bird, you have a right to be angry.
Big Bird: I do?
Susan Robinson: Sure, I mean after all this time, and we never believed you. That must have been very hard on you.
Big Bird: Well, yeah.
Bob Johnson: I'll tell you what, Big Bird. From now on, we'll believe you whenever you tell us something.
Big Bird: You promise?
Bob Johnson: We promise.
Snuffleupagus: We might want to get that in writing.
Grover: Hello, sir, and welcome to Grover's Taxi.
Fat Blue: Oh no, it's you!
Grover: Yes it is I, your furry blue taxi driver. What can I do for you, sir?
Fat Blue: I want to go to the library.
Grover: Oh a very wise choice. The library is a wonderful place with books to read and you can listen to records like "The Air is Alive with the Sound of Music."
Fat Blue: I know that. Let's go.
Grover: You know you can take home books from the library too, if you bring them back of course.
Fat Blue: I know. That's why I'm going there.
Grover: Of course you could also go to the zoo.
Fat Blue: I don't want to go to the zoo!
Grover: Why? There are lions and tigers there. And the lions go Rrrrroar! And do not forget the monkeys, they are so cute, they go "Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh!" And you can buy a balloon there.
Fat Blue: I don't wanna hear "Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh!" I don't want a balloon, I want to go to the library!
Bert: Oh, I love pigeons more then anything else in this world... besides oatmeal.
[Oscar the Grouch's famous last line]
Oscar the Grouch: Now leave me alone and get lost!
[Another of Oscar the Grouch's famous lines/catchphrases]
Oscar the Grouch: Scram!
Grover: How about the museum? You can look at pictures of the mummies... And the daddies.
Fat Blue: I don't want to look at pictures of the mummies and the daddies!
Slimy: [after reading Trash Gordon] Read more! Read more!
Oscar the Grouch: Uh uh. Sorry, Slimy, time for sleep now. So close your eyes and dream of all the wonderful Trash that's yet to come.
[to the camera]
Oscar the Grouch: You too. There'll be more Trash tomorrow.
Slimy: Read! Read! Read!
Oscar the Grouch: Okay, Slimy, although I do enjoy your pestering.
Oscar the Grouch: [Referring to Slimy's book The Adventures of Trash Gordon] He loves reading Trash.
Slimey the Worm: [after reading Trash Gordon] More! More! More!
Oscar the Grouch: No, no more, Slimey. That was alot of excitement for a little worm. You get some rest and we'll read some more tomorrow.
[to the camera]
Oscar the Grouch: You're still here? Hey, why don't you go read a book or something?
[Grover is doing an exercise video]
Grover: Jane Fonda, eat your heart out!
Kermit the Frog: [trying to come up with rhyming song lyrics] Here, try this. Mary had a little canary. It was bluer than the sky. And every where that Mary went, the canary was sure to fly.
Don Music: [shouts] But canaries aren't blue!
Kermit the Frog: Jeesh!
Don Music: I'll never get it! Never! You won't help! Oh!
[bangs his head against the piano]
Kermit the Frog: Uh, you'll hurt yourself in the head, there, Don.
Oscar the Grouch: [Oscar has just broken his arm in an accident during a mud road race in his can. He comes up cradling his arm, and one of the humans there suggested taking him to the hospital] Hospital? You want to take me to the hospital? With all those clean white sheets, and those nice clean nurses and doctors?
[Pounds his hurt arm on the side of the can in frustration, yelling]
Oscar the Grouch: I don't want to go... Ow! Ow! Ow!
[Stops and cradles the arm again. Quietly, beat]
Oscar the Grouch: Take me to the hospital.
[as Super Grover]
Grover: Yes, it is I, *Sup*-er Grover! Protector of small children and bunny rabbits!
Ernie: [Ernie is having Bert's head traced on the screen, unbeknownst to Bert who can't move and doesn't understand why] Okay, here is Bert's eye.
[His left eye is traced]
Ernie: And here is Bert's other eye.
[His other eye is traced]
Ernie: And the eyes are what you see with, right Bert?
[Bert starts to say something, but is cut off immediately by Ernie]
Ernie: Don't say anything, Bert.
Big Bird: [singing] ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. It's the most remarkable word I've ever seen. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. I wish I knew exactly what I mean. It starts out like an A word, as anyone can see. But somewhere in the middle, it gets awful "QR" to me. ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ. If I ever find out just what this word can mean, I'll be the smartest bird the world has ever seen.
Count von Count: Greetings! I am the Count. They call me the Count because I love to count things.
Oscar the Grouch: [as the gang is visiting Puerto Rico, Oscar is walking around asking various different natives one specific question, and appears not to be getting anywhere with it. He comes across Maria with a group of kids and adults, and asks her] Maria, could you tell me how to say 'no' in Spanish?
Oscar the Grouch: [Yelling in desperation] Can't anybody tell me how to say 'no' in Spanish?
Everybody: [Loud enough to scare him into hiding] NO!
Maria Figueroa Rodriguez: [Calmly as he reappears] Oscar, the way you say 'no' in Spanish is 'no'.
Ernie: What's that, Bert?
Ernie: I couldn't hear you, Bert.
Bert: [Yelling] 10Q, 10Q, 10Q!
Ernie: You're welcome, you're welcome, you're welcome, Bert.
Kermit the Frog: Hi-ho, Kermit the Frog here at Sesame Street News...
Bert: [Bert has reluctantly agreed to have Ernie give him a haircut... ] Ernie. I'm bald.
Ernie: Um... well, I wouldn't say that, Bert.
Bert: You wouldn't say that?
Bert: No, but it's true!
Ernie: Well, I know it's true, I just wouldn't say it, Bert.
Bert: [hysterical] You cut all my hair off!
Ernie: Yes, well, I 'm sorry about that...
Ernie: But, but it will grow back again, you know...
Bert: My hair!
- that's one of the great things about hair, you know.
Bert: It'll take a *month* for it to grow back, Ernie!
Ernie: [plaintively] A whole month?
Bert: A whole month! What are you gonna do about it?
Ernie: Uh... Bert! I have just the thing for you. Just a second.
[ducks off screen]
Bert: Oh, my hair.
Ernie: [reappears carrying a large book] Here you go, Bert.
Bert: What is that, a book?
[places it on the ledge in front of them]
Bert: A book won't make my hair grow faster.
Ernie: No, but it'll give you something to do while you're waiting.
[snickers and runs off screen]